by Staci Hart
“Stop that. I’m right, and you know it. You deserve to be heard if nothing else, and he deserves to hear the whole of it before he decides to walk away once and for all. Yes, you hurt him. But there are reasons. And if you don’t defend yourself, so help me God, Lila, I will never, ever in a trillion years let you live it down. You love him. So put on some fucking pants and go tell him.”
I wanted to just as much as I was terrified at the prospect. She wasn’t wrong—I could feel the desire to convince him of my feelings for him niggling at the wall of despair I’d built. At some point, it would chip away and bust through. But now? So soon?
“If I go talk to him now, he’ll never hear me. And even then … Ivy, he doesn’t believe this is what I want. That I’d choose him.”
“Then prove it to him.”
“How? He doesn’t trust my word. My job is forfeit. If he won’t listen, if he doesn’t trust me, then what do we have anyway?” I caught my breath, swiped at my nose. “I don’t even know what I’m going to do with my life. Natasha and Addison will make sure I can’t get a job with any New York firm. And I just bought an apartment.” Tears sprang again. “I’ll just flip it. I already have loans in place for renovations. Maybe I can make enough money to live off until I figure things out. But Kash is going to have to wait. I just wish it felt like he was the least of my problems. He feels like my only problem.”
“Do you think Natasha will go after Longbourne?”
“I don’t think Natasha bullshits when it comes to revenge.” Worry tightened my heart as I imagined the fall of the Bennets’ legacy. “This is all my fault. I never should have dragged him into it, and now, everything we worked for is ashes.”
Ivy reached for my hand. “I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but everything is going to be okay. One day, this will be behind you. It’s hard to see when you’re down in the dirt, I know. But I promise, it’s all going to work out.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“It’s common enough that I think you can count on it.”
With a quiet laugh, the baby cried, the sound moving closer with every one of Dean’s footfalls. I watched them as they made the handoff, the purest adoration on their sleepy faces.
For a moment, I’d naively thought that could be me. But maybe Kash was right. Maybe we were too different, from different worlds, with different dreams.
Even if for that beautiful moment, he’d been my only dream.
27
All You Ever Wanted
LILA
I tugged at the hem of my Armani suit coat as I stepped into the elevator to meet my fate.
Anxiety scratched at me, knowing how unpleasant the confrontation would be. I’d be chastised, made to feel wrong. And in many ways, they wouldn’t be mistaken.
In all the other ways, fuck them.
Of course, if I was to have any hope of getting even a mild referral, I wouldn’t be able to burn this place down like I wanted to. I’d have to sit there and take the reprimand, ignore the scald of the scolding, endure what was sure to be a brutal lashing without defense.
They made the Felix Femmes look like a basket of kittens.
The doors opened to Archer, and I could practically hear the screech of tires as eyes shifted to me. The girls at the desk gave me a quiet hello. The faces beyond turned to me. And I did the only thing I could—I straightened up, lifted my chin, and strode into the galley with all the confidence I had left.
I was so focused on keeping it together that I didn’t see Addison until I was nearly upon her office. The sight brought me to a halt, my stomach climbing up my esophagus in shock and confusion.
Addison Lane stood behind her desk in a suit of black, her hair in that stern ponytail she was partial to. But her dark eyes were ringed with dark circles, her face without a stitch of makeup, swollen from crying.
The shock that the devil not only had working tear ducts, but emotions deep enough to engage them, was total.
The utter disbelief that she was haphazardly shoving the contents of her office into boxes nearly brought me down in a faint.
Slowly, I entered our offices, my eyes locked on her. When she looked up, those eyes were hard and hurt and hot.
“Come to gloat?” She tossed an award into the box without care.
“You … you got fired?”
“What gave it away?” she snarked, dumping a stack of files on top of the award.
“What happened?”
“I did my job. I did everything they asked, and they still fired me. I was supposed to get promoted.” Her chest heaved, fanning the rage in her. “This is all your fault. You and Natasha. I never should have agreed when she came to me, but I thought it would be the thing to break you. That you’d crack, falter, and I’d be rid of you. When I pitched it to Caroline, all I had to do was say publicity, and she was in. She thought you could take it, the indestructible Lila Parker. I hoped differently. But none of us saw last night coming.” She snatched the box off her desk and dropped it on the floor with a clang and a thump. “I ended up the villain, and I’ve lost my job for it. So will Brock. It’s all in a day’s work for Natasha, but you? You ended up the hero. Lucky fucking you.”
I stood there mutely as she picked up an empty box and started throwing things in. The world tilted sideways and stuck there. Nothing made sense, and nothing was recognizable.
I’d pictured this moment a thousand times, imagining how triumphant I’d feel. But despite all she’d done, I didn’t feel vindication or spite. Only sadness and pity and a deep aversion for the woman who had played me like she had.
After a moment of me standing there like an idiot, her eyes snapped to me. “Would you mind getting the fuck out of my office? It’s bad enough that they can all see. But I can’t do this in front of you.” Her gaze moved back to her hands, which shook gently as she picked up a paperweight and pen holder. “Caroline wants to see you.”
I didn’t move, feeling like I should say something. But I couldn’t apologize, not even offer an empty I’m sorry to fill the dead space between us. I couldn’t wish her good luck, couldn’t provide even the most meaningless of well wishing. I forgave her in that moment, but I wouldn’t put either of us in the position to discuss her absolution.
We’d been humiliated enough as it was.
So I turned and walked away. Felt the eyes on me as I crossed the length of the floor to Caroline’s office. Her assistant said nothing, just gave me a nod and delivered me into Caroline’s hands.
She looked up with a smile as if nothing had happened. “I’ve got to call you back, Patrick. No, no. We’ll get it sorted out. Okay. Buh-bye.” When the phone had been returned to its cradle, she turned her full attention on me. “Please, sit.”
I did as I’d been told, folding my damp hands in my lap, back straight as a ruler.
She smiled, and for the first time, I noted how foxish the expression was on her otherwise temperate face. “I wanted to formally apologize for what happened with the show. When Addison came to me with the idea, I thought it would be excellent for the firm and for you. I had planned on moving Addison up and giving you her job once it was all said and done. What with your being a sympathetic character on the show, I knew you’d end up booked out for a year. But …” A sigh. “Well, things rarely ever go as planned, do they?”
That betrayal rose in me, tightening every muscle with the urge to fight, not fly. Quietly, I answered, “No, I don’t suppose they do.”
Caroline leaned back, that mild, carefree smile still on her traitor face. “Sorina Felix called me yesterday to tell me how disappointed she was in Addison and Natasha. We thought she knew—Natasha assured us she did. We probably should have known not to trust her.” She laughed, a flippant sound. “But she demanded Addison’s job, recommended that you not only take her place, but handle their events from now on, if you want the job.”
I opened my mouth to tell her to go to hell, and she saw it, cutting me off before I could speak.
“There’s more. The producer wants to offer you your own show. After the display at the wedding, she’s planning to paint you as the underdog, the unknowing heroine.”
“What had they expected to paint me as? A fool?”
But she laughed, making a mockery of my pain. “Really, it couldn’t have worked out better for you.”
“I’m afraid I’d have to disagree,” I noted.
Dutifully, she ignored me. “They’ll spin off into a show featuring you as the celebrity wedding planner. Think of it, Lila—think of what it could mean for your career. And not just for you … if you keep using that little flower shop you’re so fond of, it could help them too.”
And that was it. That was where she knew she had me. I could see it on her face, that superior confidence, softened by a gentle face and easy words.
I thought I’d ruined Longbourne. But I could save it.
I could save them all.
They’d easily make the money to either buy out their Bower contract or pay for what was sure to be an unconscionable amount of money.
All I had to do was sell out.
I sat in the opulent leather chair across from the most powerful woman in my sphere who offered me everything I’d dreamed of for so long, and then some. It was all right there, waiting in her expectant palm. I only had to reach out and take it.
So I drew a breath that I knew would change everything and did what I had to do.
28
Directions to Hell
KASH
I’d never thought Mondays were the worst until today.
My days usually blurred together, Saturdays the same as Wednesdays in the greenhouse. But today I woke with heavy dread. I was not where I thought I’d be. Not today. Not in life.
Luke’s words had shaken my certainty, my resolve, and as a result, I spent the rest of that day holding on for her to text or call. I shouldn’t have expected to see her walking through the greenhouse door, not after everything. But I did. And she hadn’t.
All night, I’d thought about us. About her.
About the hellfire she’d endure when she walked into work today.
After everything she’d been through, to get fired. Fired and dumped. The knowledge that I’d added to her pain made me heartsick. But the thought of seeing her didn’t make me feel much better. And all of it left me wishing I could roll everything back, put things where they used to be. I wished for the simple comfort of her, that elemental thread that bound us. But it had been stretched to its limit, tight and creaking and ready to snap. I tried to tell myself it was broken, but that was a lie. I still felt that thread and was exhausted from fighting the urge to tug, to pull her back to me.
But this was the right thing, the inevitable thing. This was where I’d known it would end.
It didn’t stop me from worrying about her all morning, wondering what had happened when she walked through the doors of Archer. Wondering if Addison had gotten her licks in before, during, or after she’d gotten fired. Had they humiliated her even more? Had Natasha called for her head? Either way, they’d delivered. Of that, I was certain.
It was my fault. I shouldn’t have hit that son of a bitch. Or at least not there, in the middle of her event. But the location was the only thing I regretted. The punch itself was perhaps the most satisfying thing I’d ever done, besides being with Lila.
I was on my knees in the dirt, a tall bucket at my side brimming with mums in shades of fall. Mustard yellow, deep amber, rich crimson. Mindlessly, my hands moved, snipping where I knew to snip, filling the bucket with my thoughts circling about Lila. Maybe Ivy would know. I could ask her.
That, at least, gave me a sliver of hope.
My eyes shot up, looking for Lila when the door to the greenhouse opened.
This time, they found their mark.
She was beautiful, too beautiful, a thing made perfect by nature and gilded with Armani and Louboutin. Her eyes, cool and gray, were touched with hurt and hope.
I knew that feeling. I knew it too well.
Chest aching with the same pain that lived in the lines of her face, I rose.
She slowed as she approached, and for a moment, we stood there, breathing the same air, cataloging the sight of each other as if it were the first time and the last.
I tried to be mad, tried to remember all the ways she’d hurt me, all the reasons why we couldn’t. Why we shouldn’t. But I couldn’t think of a single one.
“Are you all right?” was all I could think to say, the thing I wanted most to know.
A smile, small and tinged with regret. “I will be.”
“I’m sorry, Lila. I’m so sorry you lost your job over this.”
“That’s the thing. They didn’t fire me.”
Shock and relief dashed through me, one behind the other. “How? What happened?”
“Caroline fired Addison and offered me her job. Sorina demanded it.”
A smile flickered on my lips. “You’re kidding.”
When she smiled back, it set a fire in my heart. “She didn’t know what Natasha had done, was blind to the setup and appalled by it. She wanted Addison’s head on a platter and her job given to me. She also requested that all of their events go through me, if I wanted it.”
“It’s all you’ve ever wanted,” I said with sadness.
“But that wasn’t even what shocked me. They offered me my own reality show.”
An uncertain pause, unsure that I’d heard her right. “Your what?”
“My own reality show. My ‘subplot’ on the show was so engrossing, they’re sure viewers would gobble it up. She even mentioned Longbourne and how much it could help the shop.”
That warmth in my heart flared into an inferno. After everything, she would drag me—drag my family—into that world of deceit.
It was low, lower than I’d thought she’d go.
“Like I said,” I snapped, “that’s what you wanted, isn’t it? Fame and glory and money. You wanted power, and you got it. But leave Longbourne out of this. Take your contracts somewhere else.”
She staggered from surprise that shifted into fury. “Excuse me?”
I shook my head, turning to the flower bed, needing something to do, some way to dismiss her. “Congratulations,” I shot, unable to be kind, unable to be civil. “It’s all you’ve always dreamed of—to be one of them. But you won’t use my family’s legacy to boost ratings for your new show.”
“Kash, if you’ll let me explain—”
My gaze snapped to her. “Why, so you can justify your choices like you did last night? You’re the one who has to live with them, not me.”
Tears sparkled, clinging to her lashes, but her face was bent with hurt and anger. “You know, you never figured me for a liar. But I never figured you for an asshole.”
“Guess we were both wrong.”
With the smallest, sharpest of breaths, she flinched, though our gaze never broke. But she didn’t shrink away—she grew, drawing herself up to her full height, squaring her shoulders, lifting her quivering chin.
“I guess we were.” One step back. Another. “Then I guess that’s that,” she said with resilience and force and bottomless sadness.
But I said nothing back. Only turned to my flowers with my heart clenched in my throat. And I listened to the sound of her heels on the concrete as she walked away.
This time, I feared it would be for good.
And good riddance, I told myself without faith.
She might have sold her soul, but I’d be goddamned if she took my family with her on the road to hell. She’d gotten in bed with lie-eating snakes, and there was nowhere to go but to become one of them. I wouldn’t watch her do it to herself. I couldn’t watch her demean herself any more than she already had.
And I wouldn’t become a part of that lie factory with her. Not when my family was at stake.
Not when I knew there was no way to save her.
Blindly, I worked in the flower bed for a dozen painful heartbeats.
Until my father cleared his throat.
He stood on the other side of the flower bed, looking sheepish.
“How much of that did you hear?” I asked carefully.
“Well, once she started talking, I couldn’t exactly walk out. If my knees were young enough to crawl, I might have.”
“Don’t worry. I won’t let her take us to hell with her.”
“That’s not what I’m worried about, son.”
I drew a noisy breath and shifted my gaze to my hands in the dirt. “Don’t worry about me either. I’m fine.”
“You’re not, but why should you be?”
“It doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t have gotten involved with her in the first place.”
“And why not?”
“Because we’re different,” I said to the mums.
“Since when does that hurt?”
“Since I was stupid enough to think I could be with someone who puts herself above everyone else.”
“But that’s not all.”
“No,” I huffed. “It’s not. Girls like her aren’t interested in simple lives. They want some asshole with a PhD and a penthouse, not a man who plays with flowers in the dirt. We’re different, Dad. There’s no getting past that.”
“I dunno. Seems like you’re the one with the problem, not her.”
I paused, glaring up at him. “You can’t be serious. She cares so much what they think of her, she lied about me. She wants to sell our family out for a fucking television show. How am I the one with the problem?”
“Well, for starters, you didn’t even hear her out. You’re so convinced you’re right, you decided for the both of you.”
“I heard enough the other night to have good reason.”
“Son, listen to me.” He watched me until I met his gaze, silver brows drawn. “I know it feels safer to run—you got that gene from me—but think about what you’ll lose. And for what? Fear? Pride? Lila Parker does not strike me as the kind of woman to be anything short of a straight-shooter. And I suspect you care very deeply for her.”
