by Callie Rose
I checked my phone between classes, and after third period, there was a message from the hospital telling me Philip was improving and that he was awake. It was such a relief I felt giddy.
Leah and Maggie both asked me what was wrong at lunch, and Dan seemed to realize after they said something what a bedraggled mess I was, because he added, “Yeah. You okay?”
I told them briefly what had happened, and Maggie’s eyes widened. “Shit. That’s scary.”
“Yeah. It was. Is. Shit’s still messed up with my family, but he’s all I really have left. And he’s been trying.”
“Well, then he’s gotta get better. He knows he has a reason to keep fighting. That makes a huge difference, really.”
I nodded, hoping she was right. “The doctor said—”
Before I could finish my sentence, Maggie and Dan, who were on the opposite side of the table, glanced over my shoulder. But even without that clue, I would’ve known someone was behind me. I could feel it.
I had a sudden awful flashback of the previous year, of my first day in the dining hall, when Mason and the rest of the Princes had refused to let me sit at any table, telling me there was no place in the school for Idaho trash. My nerve endings pricked as I turned around slowly, squeezing my bruised hand into a fist, already preparing my weapons and defenses.
The Princes stood in a line, shoulder to shoulder. Cole’s face was blank, his ice-blue eyes impassive, and Mason looked like he’d slept even less than I had. The bruises on his face were fading, more brown and yellow than purple now. Elijah’s bruises were fading too, although the streak of black below his right eye was still pretty noticeable. Finn stood closest to me, his broad shoulders filling out the blue Oak Park blazer like they might rip the seams at any moment.
“Yeah? What do you want?” Leah’s voice was challenging, and I loved that whatever stage of repair our friendship was at, it’d reached the point where she would sass the Princes.
“Just wanted to make sure Talia was okay.” Finn raised his eyebrows at me, his honey-brown eyes flashing hopefully. “Did you hear from the hospital yet?”
I could practically feel Leah, Maggie, and Dan exchanging glances behind me, and I realized several kids at the surrounding tables were watching our exchange with interest. The Princes had declared war on me and then called it off, but ever since then—publicly, at least—they’d pretty much ignored me. I was sure their sudden renewed interest in me would be the subject of gossip and speculation, and that not everyone would like it. Adena didn’t have the same lunch period as us, but she would definitely hear about this.
“Yeah. I just missed a call from them. Philip’s doing better.”
“Good.” Elijah narrowed his eyes at me slightly. “Are you okay?”
I hadn’t talked to him since the fight, since after the fight, and I could see the concern in his gaze. I felt a little shitty for sneaking out on him in the middle of the night, and I wondered if he was asking about more than the stuff with my grandpa.
“Yeah. I am.”
“What time do you want to head over to the hospital? We can go after lunch if you want,” Finn offered, and this time, I heard Leah’s squeak.
Fuck. She was going to think I’d fallen for their bullshit all over again.
And maybe I had. Maybe everything they’d done this semester was just one huge setup, and I was walking blindly toward a cliff with a thousand-foot drop-off.
But at least this time I wasn’t helpless. I had an arsenal of my own.
“After school is okay. Are you sure you want to drive me?” I kept my gaze on Finn’s face so I wouldn’t have to absorb the full impact of Leah’s disapproving glare.
“Fuck yeah.” He grinned, flashing his dimples. “The Roseland Medical parking lot is the tits.”
Dan gave a snort that might’ve been a disguised laugh, and I pursed my lips against my smile. “Okay. I’ll meet you outside Craydon at three.”
“You got it.”
His grin widened, and Elijah brushed a hand over my shoulder. Heat bloomed at his touch, radiating over my skin in ripples that reminded me of everywhere else he had touched me.
“Let us know if you need anything else, okay?” he said softly. “If there’s anything else we can do.”
I glanced up at him, trying not to let the mess of feelings bouncing around inside me show on my face.
His use of the term “we” had thrown me a bit. I knew he and Finn wanted to try to make amends—or at least, they’d claimed they did—but I wouldn’t have thought Mason or Cole would be on board with that.
They all stood together though, a united, single force once again, like they had been when I’d first met them.
My head dipped in a jerky nod. “I—I will.”
As the four boys returned to their table, the volume of conversation around us seemed to swell, and I couldn’t tell if it was because I’d been so distracted I hadn’t heard it before, or if the whole room had quieted while the Princes and I spoke.
Like a dam breaking, everyone at my table started to speak at once, their voices low and intense.
“What the hell is going on?”
“Are you really gonna let Finn drive you?”
“Are they serious?”
I scrunched up my face. “I don’t know. Yes. And… I don’t know.”
Leah shook her head at me, her auburn bob swaying. “Girl, I’m just saying—”
“I know.”
“After last year—”
“I know.”
She didn’t know about the little black notebook that sat in my backpack though. I hadn’t told her the long game I was playing. You have to get close to stick the knife in.
“I dunno.” Maggie looked thoughtful as she glanced furtively over at the Princes’ table. They sat in their usual spot, talking quietly amongst themselves, their faces serious. “This seems different somehow.”
“What?” Leah turned to her with wide eyes, and I couldn’t help my own surprised look at Maggie’s words.
The blonde girl shrugged. “It doesn’t seem the same. That was public, all for show. And they sort of like, adopted you. They made you come to them. This time, they’re coming to you. Which gives you the power, right? And then there was that whole thing with Cole and…” Her gaze flicked to Dan, and she trailed off. I was glad she didn’t mention Oliver, but I knew exactly what she was talking about. “Anyway, it just seems like they’re not doing it for show now.”
“Yeah, or maybe they’re just the best actors in the history of the world,” Leah said pointedly, and I huffed a humorless laugh, inclining my head toward her.
Hearing her and Maggie debate was like hearing the two sides of my head and heart go back and forth.
Round and round.
As it turned out, I saw Finn before three o’clock. Several times, actually. He was already waiting in the dance studio when I arrived—he always beat me there, since it took me longer to get changed—and he watched me practice my audition piece with a curious look on his face.
“How do you come up with the moves?” he asked when I took a break to reset and make a few notes on the choreography.
I glanced at him. His head rested against the wall, tipped back slightly so he could meet my gaze.
“I don’t know. I just sort of feel my way through it. I do one movement and see where that puts me, and then do another. When I’m first choreographing, I just let myself try whatever I want. Go wherever my emotions take me.”
He chewed on his lip, considering that. “It’s cool. It’s like language, almost. Like, I could swear you’re speaking, but you’re not. You’re just dancing.”
A small smile tugged at my lips. “That’s how it should be.”
He fell into silence again after that—he seemed like he was still trying to keep his promise that I’d barely even know he was here—but I felt him watching me as I resumed dancing, and for a little while, even though only music filled the room, it felt like I talked and he listened.<
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The last few classes of the day seemed to drag as I got more and more antsy to get to the hospital. It didn’t feel as urgent as it had the day before, but I wouldn’t be able to relax until I saw Philip for myself. “Better” could mean so many things, and part of me worried that Doctor Garrett was just trying to make sure I didn’t panic.
But when I got out of my last class, I didn’t have to wait. Finn was standing just outside the doors to Craydon Hall, and he started moving almost as soon as he saw me. We crossed the quad toward the parking lot quickly, and he held my door for me before sliding in behind the wheel.
When we pulled up outside Roseland Medical, I gripped the door handle, then hesitated. “Do you want to… come in?”
“Only if you want me to.” Finn shook his head, his light brown eyes serious.
Fuck. I don’t know. Why did I ask?
He must’ve seen the flare of panic and indecision on my face, because his dimple appeared on one side as he grinned. “Tell you what. How about I come up and wait in the hall? I’ve got some stupid studying to catch up on, so I can kill time out there. Then if you want me, you’ll know where to find me.”
I blinked, a little overwhelmed by the lengths he was willing to go to to make sure this all happened on my terms. “Yeah. That sounds good.”
“You got it, Legs.”
His grin spread into a full smile, and he pulled ahead into the long-term parking lot, then escorted me into the building. I checked in at the front desk, and he rode the elevator up to the fifth floor with me. As we neared room 508, he pointed down the hall to a small lounge area.
“I’ll chill out there. Good luck.”
I watched him stride away. He’d ditched his jacket in the car, but he was still wearing the rest of his Oak Park uniform, and he rolled the sleeves up his forearms as he walked. He hadn’t even changed before driving me here.
Philip’s door was closed, so I knocked softly before poking my head inside. My grandfather was lying in bed with his eyes closed just like he had been the previous night, and for a moment, panic flared. Maybe he really wasn’t any better.
“He’s sleeping. Be quiet.”
Jacqueline’s soft, low voice from the corner was almost a relief. At least it meant Philip really had been awake earlier. And he probably needed lots of rest to recover.
“Yeah, okay.” I shot her an annoyed look, then stepped into the room and closed the door quietly behind me. The chair I had used before had been moved back a little, so I dragged it closer to the bed again and sat down.
“How is he?” I asked.
“Better.” Jacqueline gazed at Philip while she spoke, just like I had. It was easier to converse when we didn’t have to look at each other.
We sat in silence for a while, and I was starting to seriously wish my grandpa would wake up just to break the tension in the room when Jacqueline asked softly, “Why did you come back?”
The question surprised me so much that I almost turned to stare at her, but with effort, I kept my focus on Philip. It was so similar to the question Mason had asked me after he carried me back to my dorm room that day, both in word and tone. As if I’d done something monumentally stupid by stepping foot in Roseland again.
But I gave her the same answer I’d given him, and if anything, I meant it more the second time I said it. “Because you don’t get to run my life. You don’t get to ruin it.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her head jerk slightly. Her voice was almost ashamed when she said, “I was just trying to keep you from ruining ours.”
I rolled my eyes. “I think we must have a very different definition of the word ‘ruin’ then.” Straightening in my chair, I turned to face her. “Things were shitty with my mom before she left. I get that. And I wasn’t there, so I’m trying really hard not to judge either of you on things I don’t understand. But I don’t deserve to be judged for the sins of my parents, whatever they might be. I should be judged as my own person. And as my own person, yeah, I fucked up. But I don’t think anything I did was bad enough to deserve what you did.”
Her expression had hardened as I spoke, and for a second, I worried she’d cross the room and try to slap me again. I really didn’t want Philip to wake up and find his wife and granddaughter in a fist fight, but my body tensed anyway, ready to defend myself if need be.
But Jacqueline didn’t move. She just stared at me. “I never blamed you for what your mother did.”
I snorted. “Yes, you did. Or at least, you assumed I’d be just like her. You were waiting for me to fuck up from the day I got to your house.”
“That’s not tr—”
“Yeah. It is. You assumed I’d be a rebel or a crazy nutjob just like my mom, and that’s how you treated me from the second I walked through your door.”
I was still speaking quietly, but my voice had hardened. I wasn’t sure why I was even bothering saying any of this to Jacqueline. As far as I was concerned, I was better off with her out of my life. But the words had been scratching at my heart for months, and letting them out felt good, even if they fell on deaf ears.
“I don’t know what happened with my mom, or why she acted the way she did. But I do know that if you treated her even close to the way you treated me, I’m not surprised she left and never came back. Maybe you could’ve helped her—maybe she needed help. But I guess we’ll never know now, will we?”
My grandmother’s features, already smoothed out by subtle plastic surgery, had seemed to pull even tighter as I spoke. Her eyelids flickered, but she didn’t even blink as she stared at me. “Your mother made her choice.”
“Yeah. The same choice I’m making. A life without you in it.”
A low mumble came from the head of the bed, and we both turned to stare at Philip again. He blinked slowly, his gaze slowly focusing on me. Then it shifted to Jacqueline, and I wasn’t sure if he could feel the bitter tension that hung in the air or just assumed it would be there, but worry crossed his features.
“Ah. Darling. You’re awake.”
Real warmth returned to my grandmother’s voice, and she rose to come stand beside his bed. I rose too, and for the next few minutes, Philip was the focus of both of our attention, though we stoically ignored each other.
I’d meant what I’d said. I was done with her. I could keep the peace around my grandfather for his sake, but I was done trying to prove something to Jacqueline that I’d never be able to convince her of anyway.
And I hadn’t told her the other reason I’d come back. The reason I’d been able to come back. That someone, some anonymous benefactor, had hired a top lawyer to come to Sand Valley and help me become both independent and self-sufficient.
As Jacqueline and I fussed over Philip, fluffing his pillow and asking how he felt, I had a strong feeling I was gazing down at the person who had arranged for my return.
Chapter 20
Over the next week, I visited Philip several more times. Usually Finn drove me, but once, Elijah insisted on doing it. I started actively trying to avoid coming when Jacqueline was there, which was difficult because she was there a lot. Whatever problems she had with the female members of her family, she was obviously very devoted to her husband. It was way too late for that to make me like her more though.
I kept trying to find a way to thank Philip for what I was more and more convinced he had done. But I wasn’t sure how to say the words. It was, in some ways, the literal least he could do, and just like his contact with me once I was back in Roseland, he’d done it all behind Jacqueline’s back.
That was the one part that still bugged me. He may have reached out to me, may have sent Erin to help me, but he’d never stood up to my grandma and told her she was wrong. It made every other positive gesture he’d made ring a little hollow.
But I didn’t mention any of that to him, because he was recovering from a fucking stroke and the last thing I wanted to do was stress his heart out anymore. So we played cards when I visited, or watched TV, or took wal
ks around the hospital. I saw his gaze land on Finn once when we were returning from a lap around the fifth floor, and I was sure he knew the boy had come with me. But he didn’t comment on it.
My grandfather was released from Roseland Medical at the end of the week, and I promised to come visit him at the house sometime—because fuck it, Jacqueline knew we were in contact now, and I wasn’t going to let her stop me.
I didn’t go to their house for Thanksgiving break though. It fell a week and a half after he got home from the hospital, and although Philip dropped subtle hints that maybe I could come by, it felt too… normal. Too much like a real family, which the three of us still definitely weren’t.
So instead, I hung out on the quiet Oak Park campus on Thursday, and Leah, Maggie, Dan, and I went to the beach on Friday. It was late November, so the weather wasn’t exactly warm, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to sit on the sand, listen to the waves, and watch the gulls careen overhead.
Leah and I had still been using Maggie—and sometimes Dan—as our buffers, but as we sat in the massive folding lounge chairs she’d brought, the two of them wandered off down the beach hand in hand. I realized with a start that I was actually alone with Leah for the first time in forever. Then I realized with another jolt of surprise that it actually didn’t feel weird.
It felt nice.
Comfortable.
Like old times.
She turned to me, her blue eyes shining bright in the sunlight. “Okay, real talk. What the hell is going on with you and the Princes?”
I dug my toes into the sand, working my way from the warm, dry grains near the top to the cooler lower layers. “I honestly don’t know. It feels like they’re trying to make amends for last year, but I don’t know if I trust it.”
“Good for you, girl. Be fucking skeptical.” She flipped her sunglasses down, raising her eyebrows at me.
“Yeah. I don’t know if I’ll ever be anything else when it comes to them. I mean, they spent a whole semester trying to convince me I was one of them, and it was all a lie. So I feel like, no matter how hard they try, I’ll always be waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
