by Piper Rayne
The students nodded even though none of them said anything.
“Okay, so now that you understand how a spiral can happen, you need to know how to stop it. For the person inside, it’s like a tornado. They don’t know which way is out or up. They can feel the pull, and it can feel easy to give up and let it take you away. But that’s not the answer. The hard thing is someone outside the spiral needs to reach for them, show them where to go, and it will all go away.”
“Have you ever been in a spiral?” one student asked.
I nodded. “I have. And I’ve seen what happens when someone doesn’t reach in and help the person trapped inside.”
A few more hands went up. “Did someone die?”
The breath rushed out of me like I’d been punched. Slowly, I nodded. I wasn’t ready to share that story with a room of kids, but I knew they could feel it. They could feel the tension and the seriousness.
“How do we avoid that?” another student asked.
I forced a smile and took a sip of my water and said, “That’s what we’re going to talk about next.”
The rest of the talk went well. Really well. The other three were almost as good, but as the students got older, they were less interested in what I had to say. It was obvious to me the seniors already thought they knew everything. I hoped they knew enough.
Mrs. Thomas joined me on stage after my last talk. “Thank you. This was the best talk we’ve ever had. The students have never been so engaged. I really appreciate it. And I’ll have to tell Captain Reynolds he was right to force you into this.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Thomas.”
She walked me to the exit after I handed my mic to Mr. Eckart and thanked him for his help. When we made it to the door, she stopped me.
“I’m sorry for your loss, Officer.”
I looked at her and nodded.
“I hope you find some peace in knowing you helped these kids today.”
I nodded again. “I hope I did.”
She smiled. “You did. The guidance counselors have been inundated today. A lot of kids are asking for help. You did a great thing for these students. Thank you.”
I nodded and thanked her again, then walked out into the bright afternoon. The air was still and the sun was bright, and if it weren’t hovering around ten degrees, it would have been a nice day. The kind of day Sanders used to say was a gift from God.
It had been far too long since I’d reached out to his ex-wife. Beverly welcomed me into her home and her world when I started working with Sanders. I watched as their marriage changed and fell apart, and as he fell apart shortly after.
“Rowan?” she asked when she answered the phone.
“Hi, Beverly. How are you?”
“Holy shit, Rowan. How are you? Where are you?”
“I’m in a tiny town called MacKellar Cove. It’s in upstate New York.”
“Are you okay?”
I shrugged and drew a deep breath. “As okay as I can be. I was thinking about you. Wanted to check in. How are you?”
“Pretty much the same as always,” she said with a mirthless laugh.
“How’s Tony?” I asked.
“Pretty much the same as always. He misses you.”
“I miss him, too.”
“When are you coming back?”
I sighed. “I haven’t heard yet. Six months to a year was the original agreement. I should get an update soon.”
“I still don’t think they should have asked you to take time off. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“We both know I did, Bev. If I hadn’t, he would still be here.”
She tsked and said, “We both know that isn’t true. He wanted to be gone, so he’s gone. I hate it for Tony, but my ex-husband made the choices that put him in the position he was in at the end. If he couldn’t see a way out and couldn’t accept that he needed help, there was nothing anyone could have done to change that.”
“I wish I could see it that way.”
“You should. And hopefully one day you will. I loved him once, but he changed. When you find someone, make sure she knows who you are inside and out. Don’t hide things from her. And for God’s sake, don’t lie to her about your job. We all need someone in our lives who has our backs. For some of us, it’s a spouse or significant other, for some, it’s a friend or relative, but we all need someone we can go to no matter what. When you find that person, let them in.”
My breath hitched. I nodded. I thought I had that person in Sanders. He was a mentor in ways I never realized. John taught me how to be a better cop and how to be a better man. I never thought he would also teach me how to deal with loss.
“So, have you met someone up there?” Beverly asked. She was constantly trying to fix me up with women she knew. I dated a few of them, but none of them clicked.
“No,” I said firmly. Too quickly.
“Tell me about her,” Beverly insisted.
“There’s no one and nothing to tell.”
“Then it shouldn’t be a problem to share it, Rowan. If you’ve found even an ounce of joy through all this, then good for you. You deserve it. And if there’s one thing I knew about John, he wouldn’t want the rest of us to blame ourselves and limit our joy because he lost his.”
“It doesn’t feel right to be happy. Like I don’t deserve it because he’s not here.”
“Millions of people aren’t here, Rowan. Everyone has lost someone. If we stopped living because someone else did, none of us would exist. We’d have died out centuries ago.”
I chuckled at her twisted logic and admitted she was right.
“So, tell me about her.”
“There really isn’t anything to tell,” I said, even as Willow’s face popped into my head. The way she responded to me the other night and the feistiness in her eyes…I was having a hard time pushing her out of my mind. “She’s…I’ve been told to stay away from her.”
Beverly laughed loudly. “Say no more. Now I understand why you like her. No one can tell Rowan Masterson what to do.”
I grumbled but she was right. The idea that Willow was off limits made her that much more appealing to me. A mystery I wanted to solve. One night with her wasn’t nearly enough. I wanted more.
“It sounds like you enjoy her company.”
“She can’t stand me.”
Beverly laughed again. “I like her already.”
“I gave her a ticket. She ripped me a new one for it.”
“Did you tear it up?”
“Hell, no. She was parked illegally. In a loading zone.”
Beverly snorted. “You always followed the letter of the law.”
“I am a cop. If I’m not going to, how can I expect anyone else to.”
“Well, this woman will come around. She’ll learn to love you. One day.”
“I like seeing her smile. I like making her smile,” I admitted.
“Aw. That’s quite possibly the best goal you can have.”
Beverly and I spoke a few more minutes before she said she needed to get Tony ready for basketball practice. I promised to call again and to update her as soon as I heard something.
I hoped that was soon. But maybe not too soon.
6
I was feeling good about the presentations and wanted to get out and celebrate a little. I’d taken to walking all over town since my only transportation was a motorcycle. It was great through the summer, but with winter in full swing, I was wishing I had something with a roof.
O’Kelley’s was wall to wall people when I made it through the door. A Friday night always brought a crowd, and Hudson told me in November that he was busier in the winter than the summer. Something about locals who stick around and like to drink since there was nothing else to do in MacKellar Cove when it was so cold. I thought he was joking.
I pushed my way to the bar and managed to catch Hudson’s attention. He nodded and kept working until he could bring a beer over to me.
“It’s nuts in here,” I said.
“It’s insane. How the hell do you keep up?”
“Lots of help,” he said as Piper walked by with a tray loaded with drinks and food. “Good help.”
“That’s for sure.”
“Were you hiding last night?”
“Hiding?” I asked, trying to pretend I had no idea what he was talking about. How could he possibly have known?
“Yeah. After you met up with Willow twice this week, I imagine Ramsey is looking to have a chat.”
I snorted and shook my head. “I’m not afraid of Ramsey. Between you and Rucker, I’ve been warned.”
“But you’re not listening,” Hudson said, eyeing me closely.
I sipped my beer and ignored the statement that was really a question. “I’ll be here next week.”
“Uh huh. We’ll see.”
I rolled my eyes. I was not afraid of any of them. I’d faced far worse than the worst MacKellar Cove could throw at me, and I lived to tell about it. Ramsey didn’t scare me.
“I think Gavin is here somewhere,” Hudson said. “If you’re looking for someone to talk to besides Willow.”
I nodded and refused to take the bait and ask if Willow was there. Hudson waited until I shook my head then walked away laughing.
I looked around the bar for Gavin, not Willow, but didn’t spot either of them. Deciding to hang on to the stool where I was, I dug out my phone and checked for anything I missed.
Before I pulled anything up, someone jostled me from behind. “Sorry,” she said, resting her hand on my back. She let it linger and waited for me to turn to look at her.
“Not a problem,” I said.
She smiled and leaned closer. “It’s impossible to get a drink right now. I see you have one.”
I nodded and lifted it. “I do.”
“Do you mind if I squeeze right in here with you and see if I can get someone’s attention?”
“Sure,” I said, shifting over enough to let her stand next to me.
“I’m Marnie, by the way.”
I shook her hand. “Rowan.”
“Nice. Are you a local?”
I nodded. “Of sorts.”
“Me, too. I moved here over the summer. I’m not so sure about the winter. It’s really cold.” She shivered, pushing her breasts forward.
“I hear drinking is the only thing to do around here all winter,” I told her.
She laughed one of those fake, loud laughs that was designed to catch the attention of everyone around. I forced a smile for her and sipped my drink.
Hudson walked over and narrowed his eyes at me in question. I shrugged. I didn’t know her either.
“What can I get you?” he asked Marnie.
“Oh, yay. Thank you. Finally. Um, I need a Screaming Orgasm. And since this guy hasn’t given me one yet, I’ll take one from you.”
I choked on my beer. Hudson barely even blinked. He nodded and walked away, leaving me to deal with her.
“Excuse me?” I asked her.
She shrugged and leaned closer, putting her too perky boobs on my arm. “Want to get out of here?”
“Hey, man!” Gavin said, appearing out of nowhere. “I was looking for you. Your girlfriend is at our table.”
“Girlfriend?” Marnie asked. “You didn’t tell me you had a girlfriend.”
I shrugged. “I didn’t realize I needed to until now.”
“Grab your beer. Let’s go,” Gavin said, nodding toward the other side of the bar.
I squeezed my way past Marnie, trying not to touch her again. She was a pretty enough woman, but she was trying way too hard. If a woman needed to ask a man for a screaming orgasm as her pick up line, she was definitely trying too hard.
As soon as we were out of earshot I thanked Gavin for the rescue.
“Hudson told me you were being accosted. That woman is determined.”
I nodded. “Yeah. I was not prepared for her.”
Gavin threw his arm around my shoulders and led me to the back where he did indeed have a table. Piper was standing next to it, talking to Willow.
“Willow?” I hissed.
Gavin shrugged. “I don’t have loyalties either. And Piper said she’s nice. I’d rather get laid and piss off Ramsey than miss out on sex with my woman.”
I sighed and let Gavin lead me the rest of the way to the table. When Willow saw me walking toward her with Gavin, she tensed.
“What are you doing here?” she asked.
“I had to rescue him from a vulture at the bar,” Gavin said. “She was trying to swallow him whole right there on a bar stool.”
“You should have let her. He probably deserves it for something,” Willow said. She crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair.
“Um, I need to get back to work. Play nice,” Piper said.
Gavin wrapped his arms around her and drew her in for a slow kiss while I took a seat next to Willow.
“I didn’t expect to see you here tonight,” I told her.
She shrugged. “I didn’t realize I wasn’t allowed to be here when I felt like it.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Did you mean I should call you before I do anything? That I should clear my schedule with you?” She dug her phone out of her purse and typed something into it. I watched her, resisting the urge to laugh. Not many people stood toe-to-toe with me. But she didn’t back down. Ever.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I pulled it out without thinking. When I saw a notification from the Book Boyfriends Wanted app, I opened it.
Then I did laugh.
UpForAnything sent me a message that read Spending time at O’Kelley’s tonight. Is that okay with you?
Instead of looking up, I replied to her in the app.
JustVisiting: Sounds good. Maybe I can buy you a drink. Vodka, right?
I set my phone on the table facedown and met her gaze. Her phone buzzed and she glared at me before she broke eye contact and looked at it.
She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, just the edge, and typed a response.
UFA: Will you buy two? So I can throw one in your face.
I barked a laugh and shook my head.
JV: That might sting a little. How about a shot you can lick off me?
Her eyes widened when she read my message. She glanced up at me from beneath her lashes without moving her head, trying not to get caught. Then she replied.
UFA: That’s probably not a good idea.
JV: If you change your mind, you know how to get in touch with me.
She nodded and slid her phone back into her purse, then picked up her drink. She drained it then stood. “I need another.”
“I can grab it for you,” Piper said. She was still trying to tear herself away from Gavin, and failing.
Willow shook her head. “I need to head to the bathroom, too. And I don’t need babysitters all night.”
“We’re not babysitters. Friends,” Gavin said.
Willow forced a smile and eased her way around the table, giving me plenty of space like I’d done with Marnie. I watched her go, letting my gaze linger on her ass until the crowd swallowed her up.
“So, the guys weren’t kidding when they said you’re playing with fire,” Gavin said, taking the seat Willow vacated.
I shook my head. “And I thought you said you don’t have loyalties.”
Gavin leaned back and held up his hands. “I’m innocent, Officer.” He chuckled.
“There’s nothing going on with us. She’s less than interested.”
“That’s not what it looked like to me.”
I shook my head. “Trust me.”
Gavin shrugged and avoided my gaze for a minute. He looked out at the crowd, then he leaned forward again. “Things aren’t always what they seem.”
I chuckled. “And sometimes, they’re exactly how they seem. Willow isn’t interested, and the guys are wrong. I’m not playing w
ith fire.”
“What were you sexting her?”
I coughed. “What?”
Gavin snickered. “I thought so. I know sexting when I see it.”
“You could see?”
Gavin snorted. “Nope, but you just admitted it. And it was written all over your faces. I don’t think she knows how to handle you. From what Piper told me, she doesn’t have a lot of people in her corner. If you want to be, show her you’re here for her.”
“You make it sound like I’m trying to get her to go steady. I’m not looking to get attached to anyone.”
“You’re not staying, are you?”
“What?” I breathed.
Gavin leaned in closer. “You’re not sticking around. You’re leaving. You only plan to be here for a while, then you’re going back to your life, wherever it is. That’s why you don’t want to get involved.”
“No, I…how the hell did you figure that out?”
Gavin breathed a laugh. “Because I did the same thing. I told myself Piper was a fling, a holiday or vacation fling. She was my version of a summer girl, but in the winter. I came here every summer as a kid, and I had a girl most summers that I spent time with, but I was always leaving. I’d go home, and I always told them we’d stay in touch, but we didn’t. When I met Piper, I thought she would be the same, because I was scared of getting attached to this place. I loved it here growing up, but I convinced myself I wanted a busier life, a faster pace. But none of that was true.”
“You had a life, though, right?”
Gavin nodded. “I did, but it was an empty one. I worked and I played soccer with friends once in a while, but I didn’t have anyone in my corner, someone to be there for me. I didn’t have someone that made me want to rush home from work. Now, I do.”
“I’ve never known that. I don’t even know if I want it.”
Gavin chuckled. “Trust me. You do.”
He stood and nodded once, then headed toward the bar. If I had to guess, he was going to look for Piper and steal another kiss from her.
I nursed my beer and debated leaving the table. It was hard to find one, but if I was the only one sitting there, why did we need it?
