by Piper Rayne
When the pizza arrived, she took the box to the couch and sat down in front of the TV. She started a movie she had been meaning to watch and stared at the images flickering on the screen. But instead of seeing the pictures moving back and forth, hearing the words that the actors spoke, her mind drifted back to Smithville, to Nate, and to a time when that had been all she knew.
They had just been kids when they met. Still in school, with the world at their feet. That was before Jenna understood that Smithville was too small, that she needed to dream bigger. It was before she decided that she didn’t want to be a small town girl. Maybe, if she had met Nate afterword, everything would have been different. If she’d known that she wanted to leave, she would never have gotten involved with him in the first place. Hindsight is always perfectly right, isn’t it?
And she was looking back, yet again. No matter how much she scolded herself, now that she knew she was going back to Smithville, she couldn’t stop thinking about it. She couldn’t stop herself from taking these irritating trips down Memory Lane.
Dammit, how was she going to do this? How was she going to go back there and not focus on the past? Because that was all there was in Smithville for her. There was only a past, not a future.
2
Nate
* * *
Nate waited until things started to die down at the Twisted Cow, the most popular restaurant in town. He wiped down the bar, the most recent addition to the place. He nodded to himself, satisfied. Adding the bar area had been one of the best ideas he’d ever had for the place.
Back when his dad had owned the restaurant, it had been more of a family place, and it had started to die down. The young kids in town wanted somewhere to be. They wanted somewhere to hang out, somewhere they could party that wasn’t at home.
By giving them a space that had good music and a place to dance—only over twenty-one could order alcohol—it attracted a lot more customers to the place, and the Twisted Cow was busier than ever.
Of course, Nate knew how to handle his customers. He didn’t let the kids and the adults mix. There were days that under twenty-ones weren’t allowed in the bar area, just to make sure that he could keep a handle on things.
Like tonight. Most of Nate’s patrons had been older. But they were the ones who dropped the big money, too. With jobs, they knew how to spend more.
The door opened, but instead of diners leaving, Amy walked in. She came straight to the bar with a grin.
“Kitchen is closed, ma’am,” Nate said with a grin. “But I can offer you a drink if you’re thirsty.”
“Oh, I’m very thirsty,” she said with a sparkle in her eye. She flashed him a broad grin and leaned her elbows on the bar so that he could see down her blouse. “Are you finishing up, soon?” she asked.
“Yeah, just a bit longer. I’m just waiting for them to leave.” He nodded toward a couple in the corner who had been staring deeply into each other’s eyes for the past hour. “After that, I’m all yours.”
Amy fluttered her eyelashes at Nate. “That sounds fantastic.”
He smiled at her and walked over to the couple.
“Can I get you anything?” he asked.
The guy looked up at Nate and grinned. “Yeah, the check,” he said.
Nate had known the man from school. He didn’t know the woman he was escorting around. Maybe she had come from another town.
Nate took them their change and as soon as they were gone, he locked the doors. He leaned against them and let out a sigh. “What a night,” he said.
Amy shimmied up against him, coming from the bar. “Are you kidding?” she purred, “the night is just beginning.”
“Let me pour us that drink,” Nate said and grinned at her. He knew what she wanted, but he was going to draw it out. He liked the game.
Amy wasn’t the only girl he had been messing around with since…well, since he had stopped thinking about a relationship as love. At least they all knew where they stood with Nate. And he had the courtesy to not have more than one at a time. Although they never lasted long. He didn’t see the point in committing to someone—it only led to heartbreak.
Amy was his flavor of the week.
Nate walked around the bar and poured them each a glass. Whiskey for him, vodka for her. One thing he could say, he loved it when a girl could hold her own, when she could keep up with him when he drank. Nate never used to drink so much, but he threw one back now and then these days. A broken heart and losing his dad had created new habits.
“Do you want me to head back into the kitchen and whip up something to eat?” Nate asked.
Amy shook her head. “That’s only going to waste valuable time.”
“Why are you in such a hurry?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.
Amy giggled. “You would be, too, if you were me. But you must know the effect you have on girls.”
Nate didn’t respond, he just put her drink in front of her and threw back his own, feeling the amber liquid burn down his throat.
She perched on a barstool and sipped her vodka—on the rocks, just how she liked it.
“So, it looks like you were busy tonight.”
Nate nodded. “Busy is good. Busy means we can carry on for another week, another month.”
Nate remembered the time when his dad had nearly gone under, when the restaurant had been on the brink of closing. He couldn’t remember how his dad had managed to pull it back, though. But he wasn’t going to let it get that far. This business was everything he had now.
“What about you? How was work?”
Amy pulled up her shoulders. “Nothing special to report. Working at the post office isn’t exactly exciting.”
Nate didn’t respond. What was there to say to that? He didn’t like the idea of working in a dead-end job. He preferred expansion, growing, and improving. He found that a lot of small town people didn’t have that mentality. But he still loved Smithville. He would never leave here.
The thought of leaving brought back uncomfortable emotions, and Nate pushed them away. He wasn’t going to let anything dampen his night. He had already worked his fingers to the bone, and he deserved a bit of fun.
He walked around the bar and stood next to Amy, getting close. He dipped his head into her neck and gently nibbled the skin. She made small murmuring sounds, her hands sliding over Nate’s biceps and onto his shoulders.
“I thought you wanted to take the time to make food first,” she said in a breathy voice.
“Who said I intended on actually cooking when we got back there?” he asked. “I just know there are a lot of flat surfaces we can use.” He ran his hand up her side, slowly, teasing.
“We should take this back to my place,” she said.
“Why?” Nate asked, his mouth still against her neck, the words a little muffled. “We can do it right here, on the bar. I promise no one will bother us.”
“But then I don’t get to wake up next to you tomorrow morning,” she said.
Nate stifled a groan. Girls all wanted to do the cuddling thing the morning after. But that was just looking for trouble. You got attached when you did shit like that.
“I don’t think I’m coming home with you tonight,” he said.
Amy pulled away a little and frowned at him. “Why not? I guess you could leave straight after if that’s what you really want.”
Nate shook his head. She had already brought up something he didn’t like.
“I don’t think so,” he said.
Amy pulled away a little more. “What exactly are we doing here, Nate?” she asked.
Nate sighed. “I thought we already discussed this. I was transparent in the beginning. You knew exactly what you were going to get from me.”
“Yeah, I know what you said. But doesn’t it ever change for you? I thought we had something special. I thought we had something…”
“Something that would change my mind?” he asked, finishing her sentence for her.
Amy let her eyes slide to
the side. “Every girl wants to feel like she is the one who changed a boy’s mind, you know? I thought this was different for you.”
Nate shook his head and walked back around the bar, putting it between them. “I told you exactly where we stand. Nothing has changed. I don’t think we should do this anymore.”
Amy’s eyes widened. “Are you being serious? Now you’re just breaking it off completely? That’s not fair.”
“Why not? I told you how it was going to work. This isn’t supposed to be something serious. It’s not what I’m here for and you knew it. But you’re making it about more than it is, and I’m not playing this game.”
She was getting angry. They all got angry when they felt like they were losing.
“Is that what this is to you? A game?”
Nate just looked at her. He wasn’t going to explain himself again. When they had started fooling around, he’d told her in no uncertain terms that he wasn’t in this for anything other than sex. She had told him she was fine with it. She hadn’t wanted anything serious anyway. That was how she had put it. He’d thought it was perfect, at the time.
But they all caught emotions, didn’t they? Dammit. Nate had hoped that they could have a bit more fun before he had to push her away again.
But inevitably, it always happened. It was why it never lasted very long, and Nate preferred it that way. He got what he needed, without all the drama that he didn’t need.
“Can’t we just go back to the way we were?” Amy asked in a voice that was a lot smaller and a lot more fragile than a moment ago.
“We both know that’s not going to happen,” Nate said.
Amy shook her head. “I promise I will never bring this up again. You were right, I was just being emotional. Sometimes we get like that, you know?”
Nate sighed and walked around the bar again, giving her the friendly hug.
“I know you get emotional. It’s a female thing. I don’t blame you for this. It was fun while it lasted.”
Her eyes flashed. She was angry with him again. If she couldn’t manipulate him with vulnerability, then anger was the next best thing.
“You know what? Fuck you, Nate. You’re never going to be happy.” She grabbed her bag and stormed to the restaurant door, letting herself out and pulling the door shut again with a bang. Nate waited until he couldn’t hear her low heels on the concrete outside anymore before he turned around and continued wiping down the bar.
Pity this was a part of the whole thing, too. The drama, the abrupt ending, the unhappy faces. If he didn’t want a girl to get involved, he had to keep it at one-night stands. Those were fun, but it wasn’t what he wanted. He still liked to have something—friendship, connection. Companionship. He just didn’t want love.
Once upon a time, that had been different. Nate had thought differently about love, about being with someone. He’d even thought about eventually getting to marriage and kids, the long haul. He had done it all right, too. He had taken the right steps.
But that hadn’t worked out very well for him. And he wasn’t going to fall prey to something like that again. He had learned that love was the same as business. You did what you had to do to make it work. And if it didn’t work, you changed your strategy.
It wasn’t personal. It was never supposed to be. The moment it became personal, the whole thing collapsed.
When he was finished cleaning up at the restaurant, Nate locked up and climbed into his truck. He drove the short distance to his apartment, parked the truck, and got out. In the darkness, he checked his phone. There were no messages. He didn’t think Amy would reach out to him again. And there was no one else that wanted his attention tonight, either. Guess he would be going to bed alone.
It didn’t matter. He would find someone else soon. There were more than enough girls willing to start this little journey with him. They always ended up unhappy, but it was a risk he was willing to take.
After all, if they ended unhappy and walked away, Nate was safe. Because he wasn’t the one that embraced anything and he wasn’t the one that lost anything. They may be unhappy when they walked away from him, but they never left him in a state any worse than they had found him.
And that suited him just fine.
3
Jenna
God, this place hadn’t changed at all. In the six years Jenna had been gone, it was as if time had stopped for Smithville. Even the people walking around on the sidewalk seemed to not have aged, but of course, that was ridiculous.
Jenna had her sunglasses on her nose and she drove a rental, so no one looked up, no one recognized her. For now, she was just a tourist passing through.
That wasn’t going to last forever, of course. At some point, they were going to notice this car parked in front of her mother’s house. She was going to take her glasses off and someone was going to recognize her.
Best enjoy the anonymity while she could.
Jenna drove to her mother’s house, the same road she had taken her whole life. When she pulled into the driveway, the front door was already open.
“You’re here!” Carol cried out, opening the screen door. “Oh, I wish you would have let me pick you up at the airport!” She threw her arms around Jenna and held onto her tightly.
“Hello, Mama,” Jenna said, hugging her back. She hated this town, but she loved her mom. It was the reason why she was here, after all. She just had to keep reminding herself of that. “How are you feeling?”
“We’re not talking about me right now,” Carol said. “How was your flight? Is the rental expensive? I would have driven to pick you up.”
Jenna nodded. “I know, Mama. I just didn’t want to put you out.”
The truth was that Jenna didn’t want her behind the wheel. She wasn’t as healthy as she wanted everyone to believe. The doctor had warned Jenna that she needed a lot more care and attention than she was willing to admit to.
Jenna followed her into the house, and they walked to Jenna’s old bedroom. When she walked in, it looked just as she had left it. With posters of boy bands on the walls, photos of high school above the bed, and a lipstick heart on the mirror. It looked like the room of a teenager.
“I thought you would change this room into an office or something after I left,” Jenna said, putting down her bag.
“Don’t be ridiculous. Where would I put you if you ever came to visit? The spare room?” Carol clicked her tongue. “That’s for guests.”
Jenna wanted to point out that she was a guest, but she understood what her mother was saying. Her room was her room. And in a way it was nice to be back here. Bittersweet. Because there were too many memories that hurt, too.
“Let’s put on water for tea,” Carol said.
“Do you have decaf?” Jenna asked.
“Of course,” Carol answered and rolled her eyes. “It’s all Doctor Harris will let me have.” She snorted. “As if he understands what it’s like to live on that crap. He has probably never had a cup of decaf in his life. But it’s easy to write the prescriptions, isn’t it?”
“I’m sure he has your best interest at heart,” Jenna said, following her mom to the kitchen. She noticed that when Carol walked, her feet dragged a little. She noticed that Carol’s hair wasn’t completely tangle free, that she had applied her lipstick just a little askew. Carol was trying to act like she was fine, but Jenna knew she was sick.
“Here, let me,” Jenna said, taking the kettle from Carol and filling it before putting it on the burner. “You just sit down and tell me what’s new in this old town.”
Her mom did as Jenna ordered without arguing. It was another sign that not everything was okay. Before, Carol would never have let anyone take over in her kitchen.
“You remember Mrs. Phillips, don’t you?” Carol started. “She passed away a couple of months ago. And her sons, rotten things, have taken everything for themselves without any regard for Mr. Phillips. The poor man has to live by himself with nothing to his name. And no one to visit him! I swear
, if Gladys and I don’t go to pop in every other day, the poor man won’t see another soul in weeks. You know how he doesn’t want to go to the store without his wife anymore.”
“I can’t imagine it’s easy to lose someone you’ve been with for so long,” Jenna said. She grabbed the tea bags from the cupboard, put some sugar into one cup and a bit of milk to the other.
“Well, Lisa at the grocery store doesn’t have a single good word to say about him, that foul woman. But at least Margie and Paul are reaching out and helping him when he needs it. You know, we have to stick together, the younger generation just doesn’t seem to notice us anymore.”
Jenna looked at her mom. “You know that’s not true,” she said.
“How isn’t it true? Look at you, running off to the big city like that. What do you think happens to me when you’re gone? Six years! And not a foot back in town until today.”
Jenna shook her head. She wasn’t going to start a fight. She didn’t have to justify herself. She’d made a choice as an adult and she’d followed through with it. She didn’t rely on anyone and supported herself financially. There was no reason for her to get angry about this.
But Carol’s comments still irritated her. It hadn’t been wrong of her to leave. And it hadn’t been running away, either.
Although, that might not have been entirely true.
“You should see what the restaurant looks like now,” Carol continued, and the tension in the air dissipated. “Nate is really making something of it, much better than Bernie was able to.”
“I’m sure Bernie is proud,” Jenna said tightly. She didn’t know if her mom was bringing up Nate on purpose or if it was just a part of her gossip and she wasn’t thinking straight. Maybe she had forgotten how things had been between Nate and Jenna, maybe she was just talking the way she always did. After all, it had been six years.
