by Piper Rayne
We watched as Barb made a dramatic show of making sure everyone and anything could see her ring before finally looking our way. “Girls!” She held up her right hand and wiggled her fingers, using her other hand to point to her ring finger as if all of us were completely braindead and couldn’t figure that shit out for ourselves. “Can you believe it? I have been waiting for this day for so long.”
“Didn’t you have at least two other days with your other two marriages?” I didn’t miss the side-eye from Barb. It’s not that I hated her—hate is such a strong word. It’s more like if she was missing, I surely wouldn’t link arms with a bunch of random people and join the search party. The mosquitos are crazy this time of year.
“Well, they weren’t the ones, clearly.” We all stood to board. Twenty minutes later, my eyes were shut to enjoy this four-hour flight. My eyes popped open as my brain just now decided to catch up with our previous conversation. Oh my God, what if Felix falls in love with me? I somehow tormented myself with the idea, irritated that Claire had the audacity to put that in my head. I was still thinking about it, but tried to relax when I put my earphones in. It didn’t last long before Claire jabbed me in the ribs. “Hey, back there in row twenty-three.”
“Will you cut it out,” I whispered-yelled.
“Perrie.” My eyes shot back open as I glanced at Claire. She was scrolling through her phone. “There are a few on this flight. Join the mile-high club.” I ignored her and closed my eyes again.
“Is it cliché to have the bachelorette party in Vegas?”
Does having one’s eyes closed not mean shit to people anymore? I looked up at Barb who was not only slurring her words but was practically leaning over the seat to talk to us. We’ve been in the air for less than an hour and she’s already on her third mimosa. We weren’t even in Vegas yet, and it was just after ten in the morning. But, even more so, why the hell did I agree to this?
“Not cliché, per se,” I started to answer her but it didn’t matter, she was too busy flipping through her germ-filled magazine. Instead, I put my earphones back in and tried to get some rest before this ridiculous weekend started.
2
Perrie
I couldn’t be more thrilled at the fact that we all were walking around Vegas looking like a bunch of penises threw up on us.
* * *
“He’s the one. He’s just the one. You know when you know. He’s the one.” I rolled my eyes at Barb who has said that same sentence to anyone who bothered to even try to care to listen.
“Yeah, Barb. Totally the one. If not him, then definitely the one after him.” I didn’t even bother mumbling that last part, but since she was drunk, it didn’t matter what I said, she wouldn’t remember any of this anyway. I have never been happier that she had the attention span of a flea.
After dinner, I convinced everyone to dress in normal attire for once as we walked around the casino floor. After a while, I took my phone out and pulled up the Sextee app Claire had been talking about nonstop. It wouldn’t hurt to look, would it? Besides, don’t they say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas? I turned on the tracker and the screen immediately lit up, showing who was nearby. I couldn’t believe it. It was like the movie WarGames when the screens lit up showing all the airstrikes.
I swiped through each one…
No…
No…
No…
Are you kidding me? He literally has a picture of him with his wife and kids. I think the fuck not.
No…
Maybe…
No…
No…
“That one looks good.” I jumped at the voice behind me before turning my phone over.
“Do you mind?”
Claire scowled as if my wanting privacy was purely unreasonable. “It’s sex, it’s not like you’re marrying the guy. Just pick one and get it over with.”
I looked around the room once more. There were at least five guys for my picking right now if I wanted to. I surveyed the room and stopped when my eyes locked with the man across the room. It wasn’t the fact that he was drop-dead gorgeous. It was the fact that I knew him—as in his type. He’s that guy that’s here on a business trip, making sure to look for his one-night stand, when his homelife consisted of a wife, two-point-two kids, and a Labrador. No thank you, keep looking elsewhere, you cheating dickslut.
He slowly smirked and I slowly turned my gaze away. I knew that smirk. He was known for that smirk. That was also the smirk that had any sane woman wanting to throw their panties.
It’s a good thing I wasn’t sane.
For the next two hours, I smiled when I was supposed to, and laughed when I was supposed to. Hell, I even flirted since the free drinks kept coming. After a while, I wandered on my own and observed the gamblers and basically tried not to be bored out of my damn mind.
“You’re welcome.”
I jumped at the deep voice behind me, and there he was, standing way too close. I shook my head as I tried to snap out of it. “For what?”
He nodded to the drink in my hand. I looked at it. “Oh, well, I hate it.” That was purely a lie. He and I both knew a Ramos Gin Fuzz is my all-time favorite drink. I placed it on the serving tray of the waitress passing by.
“Just like you still hate me?” I ignored him as I tried to feign some kind of interest in the eighty-year-old woman with an oxygen machine tank by her side, and a cigarette in her mouth as she pulled the lever for the slot machine. “You’re still mad?” I didn’t answer him as I continued watching the old lady, as I now became impressed at the beer she just downed in under ten seconds. “It’s been what? Almost five years? Don’t you think you should be over that by now? Or at least believe me?”
My head whipped to look at him as I wished I still had that drink to throw at him, even though that would be alcohol abuse. Before I could tell him to go fuck himself, he held a finger up as he fished his phone out of his pocket. After glancing at it, he smiled before turning it to face me.
“I see we both had the same idea in mind. Looks like we matched.”
I stared at the screen almost in horror. He too was on Sextee, and Sextee just so happened to match us. I pulled out my phone and hit reject. “Not anymore.” I started to walk away but he grabbed my arm, pulling me close to him.
“It was a long time ago, Perrie, you know that.” He continued talking, but I wasn’t listening. My mind had already wrapped itself around his familiar scent. With his body so close to mine, it was hard not to melt into him. I tried clearing my mind of the voodoo fog he held me under as I reminded myself, I hated him. I still hated him. Jerking my arm away, I looked at him. He was still beautiful, and yet his eyes were still haunted. We both said nothing as we stared at each other, most likely waiting on the next move. I said nothing as I walked away, being careful not to look back.
I lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling. It was after one in the morning and I couldn’t sleep, which was fitting, since apparently, this was the city that never slept. I had faked a headache and excused myself from the bachelorette festivities. There was only so much whining about how much Barb missed her fiancé I could take. My phone dinged, indicating I had yet another match. This one nearby—really nearby, just a few floors up. Yet seeing Ash looking delicious did nothing to ease up my dry spell.
Just. Sex.
I looked at the new match. He was cute, and he even sent a video. I clicked play, hoping I wouldn’t dread that grand idea. He was in only his boxers, dancing horribly to a remixed version of Pour Some Sugar on Me.
With him being across the room from his phone, it was almost hard to tell what he looked like completely. “Come dance with me!” He waved toward himself. “Come on up, 405.” I laughed at his demeanor. Throwing caution to the wind, I threw the blanket off of me. I grabbed my phone and clicked Accept on my latest match. It was just sex. Taking the elevator up, I was nervous. It was just sex. It’s been almost five years since I last saw him, and here I was about to show up at his door and
demand a one-night stand.
It was just sex.
I took several deep breaths before I finally knocked on the door. After a few seconds, the door opened and there he stood.
3
Ash
“How long do you plan on putting up with it, since any advice I give you, you will do the exact opposite? In fact, why are you even calling me other than to waste my fucking time? We’ve been over this Margaret, and frankly, I’m tired of hearing my own voice repeat the same shit to you. If—” I was cut off by a knock at the door. Who the hell is that? It’s after one in the morning. I turned back to my laptop. “I’ll call you later,” I said and closed my laptop before she could say more. I opened the door and paused. She was surely the last person I expected to see standing in front of me. And the night gets interesting, it seems.
“Hi,” she whispered almost shyly.
“Hi,” I said back. No one said anything as we stared at each other. I looked down the hall both ways before turning back to her.
“Well, I’m here,” she said, as if it should be obvious as to why she’s here standing in front of me.
“So you are,” I replied back, leaning against the door. She rocked back and forth on her heels as she nervously bit her bottom lip. “Would you like to come in?”
She hesitated for half a second before nodding. “Sure. It’s not like it can happen out here. I guess I missed the dance party, huh?” I stepped back as she stepped in. It’s not like what could happen out there, and more importantly, what dance party? Roses, she smelled of roses. I watched as she looked around her.
“Have a seat.” I motioned to the chairs as I went to the kitchen to grab two bottles of water. When I rounded the corner, she wasn’t in the chair—she was in the bed looking a little nervous. As soon as she saw me, she smiled and flicked her hair in a weird way I’m sure was meant to be sexy but ended up in her face. I untwisted the cap to her water before giving it to her and watched as she downed over half of it. She looked up at me as she took a few deep breaths and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.
“So, do you do this often? Of course, you do, I mean look at you. It should be illegal to be that handsome.” She giggled before snorting and then covered her mouth. I actually had no idea what she was talking about, but I’ve come this far, might as well see how this plays out.
I chuckled. “You don’t?”
The look she gave me straight up said ‘the audacity’. She smirked as she held up her phone. “No, I never would’ve been on a site like Sextee, but my nosy as hell friend, Claire, signed me up for it. She said I need to get back out there, and well the next thing I know, here I am in Room 405.”
405? She wasn’t in 405, she was in PH 405. The Penthouses have a different elevator. I started to tell her that, but she kept talking. “And honestly, I’m glad it was you.”
Her words caught me off guard. “You were?”
“Familiarity, you know? You were nice, and I figured it’s fine since we’ll never see each other again.” She mumbled the last part.
Am I an asshole if I just play along? Absolutely. Do I care? Absolutely not. “Take off your dress,” I demanded, her eyes widening.
“What?”
“You heard me.”
She stared at me, not blinking. I knew she wasn’t going to and like the gentleman I was, I would walk her back to her room, tuck her in, and go back to minding my own business. Yet she surprised us both by standing up and turning her back to me. She took a deep breath before moving all of her hair to one shoulder as she looked back at me and bit her lip. “I need help with the zipper,” she whispered before facing the front again.
Fuck.
Me.
I walked up to her, pressing myself against to her back as I inhaled her scent. “Are you sure?”
Still not facing me, she answered, “I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t.”
I suppose that’s fair, but was she thinking clearly? I narrowed my eyes at her. “What are the two branches of physics?”
She rolled her eyes, putting a hand on her hip. “Stupid question, everyone knows it’s classical and mod—” Before she could even finish that answer my lips crashed into hers. It had been a long time, but I didn’t mind getting reacquainted.
4
Perrie
I snuck out while Ash was still asleep. I was hoping to be back in the hotel room before Barb or Claire woke up, but I was caught red-handed by Claire.
“I knew it.”
I jumped, knowing damn well I was caught by nosy-ass Claire. I turned around to see Claire sitting casually at the dining room table with a cup of coffee in her hand. “Knew what?”
She raised a brow at me before chuckling. “Pretty sure you know the answer to that. So, how was it? And more importantly, who was it?” I ignored her as I took her cup of coffee out of her hands and took a sip. “Fine, don’t tell me, however, I will say,” she leaned in to whisper, “you’re welcome.”
I made sure to hide my smile. It was nice. Ash was nice and just what I needed. Now I get to leave Vegas and leave him and it behind. I pulled up my phone and uninstalled the ridiculous app, then hit publish on my roommate ad. New beginnings.
Room Available for Co-Living
Must pay rent on the 1st of the month.
NO EXCEPTIONS
Don’t even think of applying if you have no source of income
Must be clean (as in more than one shower a week. I can’t believe I have to even add this.)
Non-smoker (outside in the gates of hell ok.)
No Drugs
No touching my shit
Female Preferred
Must agree that Grease 2 is better than Grease
Must not be an asshole
5
Perrie
I stared at the ad for at least an hour as I contemplated if I needed to tweak it again. Here I was, looking for my third roommate in a year.
It’s not that I’m difficult to live with. I seem to attract people who are crackheads and slobs. Keep your room any way you like it, fine. Turn the common area into your own personal beach that included over a hundred pounds of real sand so you can convince your thirty-seven social media followers how you’re living it up on a beach while everyone else in Chicago is suffering through a blizzard... well, that’s where I draw the line. And that was the second instance it happened.
It’s been two days and so far, all I’ve responded with to the applicants thus far is
‘No.’
‘Are you fucking kidding me?’
I didn’t even bother replying to the one that said instead of rent she asked if she could pay me in skittles. Newsflash asshole, they all taste the same, they’re just different colors. I sighed; this was hopeless. I was getting ready to find an earlier flight home when my email pinged with another reply to my ad. So far, I didn’t think there was any hope. I had already said no to eight applicants, but at this rate, I couldn’t really be choosy anymore.
Luckily, it would only be a short-term lease. Two years ago, I bought a 1980 Mercedes 307 D for twenty-five hundred dollars, and I’ve spent that entire time remodeling the van to live in. I was getting it ready to travel as many States as I could, and do the kind of podcasts that I want to do. Unfortunately, it meant working longer hours, since I needed every penny I could get to not only save, but to go toward the van.
I clicked on another response to my ad, already getting ready to hit delete before reading it.
* * *
Hi, interested in the apartment. Attached is my employment verification and all other details requested.
Ashley
* * *
I clicked on her files—bartender. Steady income, that’s great. I went through a bunch of items she listed she would be bringing, and she even enclosed a picture of her and her brother, although he was hard to see with his hair covering half his face. I can’t help but wonder if he’ll make a visit or two.
I emailed her back.
* * *
Ashley,
Thank you for your inquiry. I would love to take you up on your offer. I plan on being out of town visiting family over the weekend you plan to move in; however, the front office will have your key ready. Once I send them over your application, they’ll confer with you about the lease.
Thank you.
* * *
I sighed, knowing I could finally relax. Or so I thought.
6
Perrie
Two Weeks Later
* * *
Finally home, I said to myself before shutting the door to my car. It was two in the morning, and I was tired and drained. All I wanted to do was crawl into my bed. Trying to be quiet as to not wake my new roommate, I crept to my room, not even bothering turning on the light, and immediately stripped out of my clothes as I stumbled into bed, already falling asleep before I got fully situated.
The sound of music blasting woke me a few hours later. It took me a moment to realize I was finally back home. I quickly got out of bed and threw some clothes on. I had a roommate I still needed to properly meet. I headed to the kitchen and noted the few things added from the new roommate. Deciding to be a nice and welcoming roommate, I put on a pot of coffee and set to make some toast. I heard their bedroom door open, followed by the scent of soap.
