Bad Intentions

by Carmen Falcone

  She fished it out and instantly recognized Violet’s number. “Why don’t you guys help yourselves. I-I’ll be right back,” she said, grabbing the phone to make sure none of the kids saw Violet’s pretty face on the caller ID screen. The last thing she needed was for her children to feel rejected—they were already confused by mommy’s supposed unplanned vacation.

  She clicked on the phone by the third ring and dashed to the front of her house, closing the door behind her. “Violet?” she asked when she held the device against her ear. Apprehension trickled down her spine. “Please tell me you’re getting massages and mani-pedis in a fancy spa and will be back soon.”

  “Nikki, I’m sorry—”

  Her voice sounded concerned, haunted, edgy.

  “No, honey, it’s okay. We’re all worried about you.”

  “I know. I am too, which is why I left. I miss my kids like crazy but I can’t be around them right now. I’m seeking help and will come back as soon as I can.”

  “Violet. I’m sorry you’re going through a rough patch. Are you seeing a doctor?” She wanted to make sure her friend didn’t join some weird cult like the stories she saw on late night TV.

  “Yes, I’m doing therapy and stuff.”

  Stuff? Could she be more specific? “Have you contacted Damian?”

  “Yes, I called him before I called you. He’s mad at me for leaving. He doesn’t understand I was in a very dark place and couldn’t take care of the kids anymore. I’d hurt myself before hurting them.”

  Hurting them? She rubbed the back of her neck to alleviate the kinks forming. Her pulse beat madly, a cold sensation swirling inside her. She hadn’t experienced firsthand, but read about how powerful postpartum depression could be—assuming that’s what Violet experienced. “I know,” she said. “You’re a great mom, Violet, and I’m glad you’re getting help. We are all rooting for you. You’ll pull through this, my friend.”

  “Thanks. I haven’t called Lara or Brit, and am not really in the mindset for talking a lot right now.”

  “May I ask… why did you confide in me and call me now?”

  “I know how you don’t like being kept in the dark, so I had to call you.”

  Her heart squeezed. Her friend wanted to make sure she knew she wasn’t abandoning her or their friendship. Hell, she wasn’t leaving anyone, not permanently. But Violet’s sensitive nature knew how Nikki felt about people coming in and out of her life. She drew in a breath, wishing she could hug Violet more than ever. “I love you, Vi.”

  “Me too,” she said, her voice wavering. Then, she heard the clearing of a throat. “Listen, I gotta go. I’ll keep in touch. Thanks for everything.”

  She sat on the step, her legs still wobbly from the conversation. She’d tell Lara and Brit about the phone call later—but definitely not her kids. Damian would handle the kids for sure. A sense of belonging spread through her. She’d always appreciated Violet as a friend, but when did she think she’d remember her needs even in such a horrific time? Violet loved her, just like her other friends. Tulip was her home.

  She stood and was about to turn around when she saw Cole’s car parking in her driveway. She squinted at the lights, tilting her head to the side. Weird. He hadn’t told her anything about coming for a visit today. What was he doing here?

  She bit back a smile. Surprising me. She usually hated surprises, but how could she resist that handsome man sliding out of his ridiculously expensive car and flashing her a smile that softened her bones? She finger-combed her hair, wishing she’d removed the silly flamingo apron before receiving that call.

  “Wasn’t expecting you here tonight. Any problems with the project?” she asked. When she’d told her grandma about the news, she’d been overjoyed. She’d get to keep her friends and see her granddaughter and great-grandsons often. The other residents too showed excitement and appreciated her soldiering for them—a rumor she was sure her grandma had confirmed behind the scenes.

  “No. But this apron is the proof I needed to know for sure I made the right the decision.”

  She chuckled. “I’m sorry I don’t buy off Madison Avenue like your past girlfriends,” she said, keeping a light tone.

  “You could, you know. Buy on Madison Avenue,” he said, the contours of his face softening.

  “What do you mean?” She shifted her weight from foot to foot. Did he intend on taking her on a trip to the East Coast she didn’t know about?

  He caressed her forearm, his fingers making invisible circles on her skin. Goose bumps rose on her flesh, and she straightened her shoulders. She doubted he meant the comforting caress to arouse her, but it totally did. She glanced around them and waved at Mrs. Farrow who walked her dog down the street.

  “Another trip?” she asked.

  “One without a return ticket,” he said. “My father offered to sell me the stocks to the company, but I need to move to New York to manage everything.”

  “New York?” Her stomach sank to the ground. “But you have a home in L.A.”

  “That I will keep.”

  “Oh.”

  “Nikki, I’d love you and the boys to move with me to New York. There’s a lot of great schools they can go to, and culturally, they’ll be exposed to so much. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity.”

  Once in a lifetime? Frustration knotted her throat. She tried to swallow, but her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth. Finally, she cleared her throat, his proposal still fogging her brain. “But not their father. I can’t uproot and move the boys away from Luke.” One, Luke would certainly never agree. And two, she wouldn’t be selfish enough to do it. Heck, she always complained her parents didn’t care for her. How could she prevent her kids from having both parents in the same city, close enough to attend weekend soccer games?

  “Maybe there’s a way around it. I can talk to Luke, make him an offer.”

  Did he just talk like her ex was a stubborn business person? She crossed her arms over her chest. Maybe she’d been wrong about Cole being a good guy—if he didn’t see how her moving to New York with him would hurt the kids, he didn’t get her at all. Disappointment flushed through her, heating her skin. “Are you talking about buying his agreement?”

  “No. I meant I could sign a contract stating that I’d buy the boys tickets every other weekend to come see him or the other way around. I’d never want to keep your kids from their dad.”

  Holy shit. Couldn’t Cole see what his father was doing? Trying to control him one more time. Or maybe…. Fear tightened her heart, making each beat slower and long. Her pulse floated to her ears, the drumming sound menacing her every passing second. What if this was him too? What if Cole was exactly like his father whether he acknowledged it or not? “Is that why you drove all the way here?”

  “Yes.”

  “To come and change my life overnight simply because you want your daddy to like you,” she said, not caring for the venom in her words.

  A bob made its way down his throat. He stepped closer, but she lifted her hand for him to stay put. “Don’t be unfair, Nikki,” he said. A twinge of sadness darkened his eyes. “I love you.”

  Oh, how she’d have died to hear those words under different circumstances. She bit the inside of her cheek, uncrossing her arms. Be strong. What did words mean if he couldn’t back them up? Her parents had told her they loved her many times, but the way they neglected her and her feelings showed otherwise. “Cole, I can’t leave. Tulip is my home. My work, my friends, my grandma are here—you know, the one I fought for?”

  He curled his fingers into a ball.

  “I can’t pack up and leave. That’s not me,” she said.

  His face paled, like he’d received horrible news. “Even if that means a life with me?”

  “A life with you will never be a life with you if your father’s demands are in our way. I thought after this whole thing you’d see through him, but—”

  “Nikki, this is an amazing opportunity. If it were for my father, I’d date so
me investor’s daughter. I don’t care about his preferences, but I care about the company.”

  “You do. And you know what? There’s nothing wrong with that. We have different priorities, you and me.”

  He threw his hands in the air, visibly frustrated. “You can’t be serious, Nikki.”

  She looked deep into his eyes. Her stomach sank to the floor, and every fiber of her being warned her against denying him. What her heart wanted and needed were two different things—and it was high time she faced the truth. “I think we end here.”

  “You’re selfish and scared. You want to blame my father, fine. But don’t blame me. I gave you an option,” he said, throwing words at her like darts on a board.

  “To move to the other side of the country to go with you? To pay for my kids’ school and plane tickets. In that case, I’d do all the work and all you’d do was foot the bill, Cole.” Who’s scared now? “You’re not changing what needs to be changed, and that tells me about the kind of man you are. Not the kind I want around me or my kids.”

  13

  “Are you okay?” Brit asked when she opened the door for her.

  Nikki hugged her before entering Brit’s quaint home. A path of toy cars and train tracks outlined the way to the living area. That night, Lara had offered to babysit Nikki’s kids along with Brit’s at Nikki’s house so they could chat without interruption.

  “No. I’m not,” Nikki said. It had been three days since Cole had showed up with his idea to move to New York. Sadness expanded in her chest. She plopped down on the sofa, her shoulders drooping against the smooth fabric and one of the several pillows Brit insisted on using to adorn her gray couches. “Took me so long to find someone I really wanted, then the bastard has daddy issues.”

  Brit flashed her an apologetic look. “Sorry. Men can suck sometimes—that’s why I’ve been keeping my distance. They’re great for sex now and then, but so complicated on the daily.”

  “No kidding.”

  Brit squeezed her shoulder. “Hey. You’ll be okay. Maybe he’ll change his mind about moving.”

  “Even if he does… I can’t be with a guy who wants to impress his father.” Not at the cost of her mental health, anyway.

  “Do you really think that’s the only reason he took the job? I mean, this will be great for his career, and it’s hard to manage a company that big from the other side of the country.” Brit shrugged.

  “I know. But if he’s this workaholic—”

  Brit’s cat, Lulu, showed up in the living area, her tail wagging slowly from side to side, and her green eyes skimming the space. If only I had a third of this cat’s confidence.

  “If this, if that,” Brit said. “Are you sure you’re not overcomplicating?”

  “I wish. Before Luke realized he was gay, he worked a lot too. I like men who are ambitious, but Cole’s world is a different one altogether. I don’t want either of us to give up what we want for each other. That’s not what love is supposed to be like,” she said, her voice losing energy at the end. Perhaps she’d never experience real love with a man.

  “I heard that’s exactly what it’s supposed to be like. What’s that word?” Brit drummed her fingers on her chin. “Compromise.”

  “Yeah, to a fault.”

  Brit tapped her shoulder. “I know. Sorry. I was so excited you were doing well with him.”

  “Me too. He said he loved me.”

  “Did you believe him?”

  She thinned her lips, then tapped her fingers on them. She’d wanted to believe him, but what if he said those words to manipulate her into moving in with him? What if he simply enjoyed her company and what she represented, the idea of an instant family?

  Brit got to her feet, and walked into the kitchen. “I say we talk to wine about it.”

  “Wine never lies.”

  Brit chuckled. “Nope, and neither do we when we drink it.”

  “Cole, right?” asked a classically pretty woman.

  Cole glanced at the blonde at the dinner party. “Yes. Marion?”

  She flashed him a smile. “Yes. I’m Audrey’s daughter. She told me you were moving to the East Coast. How do you find it living here permanently?”

  A pain in the ass. “Busy. It’s been busy,” he said. Too busy sometimes, yet not busy enough. For the past two weeks, he’d found himself going to board meetings, shaking hands and scheduling events for weeks and months ahead. He’d hired another assistant to help Bryan with his duties.

  A prestigious newspaper wanted to feature him on the cover, and the editor had called him for an interview. All these things should keep his mind occupied, yet the image of Nikki unraveled into his mind whenever he wasn’t fast enough to stop it. He’d considered creating a fake social media account to friend her and have access to her pictures. He spent way too long reminiscing over the good times he’d shared with her and the twins.

  Whenever he came back to his penthouse in Central Park, he inhaled whatever the housekeeper prepared if he hadn’t eaten out. He’d work out until the city that never slept seemed dormant. He’d shower, dreading the minute he lay exhausted and unhappy on his large bed. Large and empty. Exactly how he felt. Emotionally vacant.

  “I can imagine.” Her gaze traveling down from his eyes to his mouth. “Sometimes it can get lonely,” she said in a husky voice.

  You’re telling me. He cleared his throat. Though he agreed with her, if he said so she’d interpret the wrong way.

  She nudged his elbow. “If you ever want to go out for dinner, call me.”

  “Thanks, but I’m in a relationship.” Was.

  She blinked a couple of times, withdrawing, as if she believed the opposite. “Sure. Good for you. Excuse me.”

  She sashayed in the direction of a group of women and didn’t look back. His jaw clenched. Smooth. Very smooth, he cursed himself inwardly. The simple idea of taking a woman out cut an invisible wound inside him. The idea of not being with Nikki any longer, of her dating another man, cut a much deeper hole into his soul. He scratched his chin. What the hell was he doing? The previous day his father had invited him for lunch. While that had been the first social meeting they shared that had zero to do with work, was it enough? A milestone, sure. But at what price?

  “Son?”

  “Yeah,” he said to his father.

  “Have you met Audrey’s daughter? I saw you two talk.”

  Cole sighed. “Yeah, she seems nice.”

  “Good.” He patted his back. “Invite her over sometime.”

  “I’m not dating her.”

  His father shrugged. “I’m not saying you will, just keep your eyes open. You’ll meet a lot of lovely women with excellent careers and from great lineage.”

  Lineage? Did his father think he was buying a purebred dog? “I don’t need to meet any lovely women. I’ve met a great woman already.”

  “That one from Tulip?” He shook his head, letting out a mocking laughter. “Son, she’s not for you. You don’t want a woman who already has two kids.”

  Anger brewed in his gut and floated up his throat. Who the hell did his father think he was to be so judgmental? “Why not? You don’t know her boys. David and Henry are smart, caring and funny. And she’s a wonderful mother,” he said, his voice edgy.

  Unfazed, his father removed a small piece of lint from his suit and tossed it in the air. “I’m sure she is, but you can do better.”

  “What’s better to you? To end up a grumpy old man whose only friends are longtime business connections?”

  His father’s eyes hardened, and the creases around them bunched. “You say that, but you’ve been trying to build a relationship with this grumpy old man.”

  “I did. I thought we could rebuild our relationship, but you know what? I don’t anymore. I was so blind with guilt after what happened to Keith I didn’t see you for what you really were. A tiny person incapable of love.” A man who would end his days most likely alone surrounded by his wealth and employees. Was that how he envisioned
his future? His chest squeezed like he’d been hit. Hell no.

  “You ungrateful prick. If your brother had been alive—”

  “What? He would be your wingman? How can you tell? It’s easy to fantasize about what he would have been like, but none of us know. Maybe he would hate your selfish ways. I doubt Keith would approve the way you favored him over me,” he spat the words like they were rotten food. Regret and pain blended around his heart, knotted it for a moment, released it, and a measure of relief laced his words.

  Nikki had been right.

  He’d prioritized mending fences for so long and lived in the fucking past. His guilt had weakened him, but this revelation would make him stronger.

  “Watch what you’re saying, Cole. Some words can’t be taken back.”

  “I know all about those words. I lived through them, I heard them. Sometimes they came from your voice, sometimes from your eyes. And I’m tired of idealizing a father-son relationship that will never exist,” he voiced the sentiment that lurked within him but he’d always been too afraid to let it take shape. Too afraid, like the little boy who had seen his twin brother die in front of him. Not anymore—just because Keith had left this world didn’t mean Cole had to live by his father’s rules. He felt his chest loosen, like the chains he’d locked around it had finally been broken.

  His father stepped forward. Fear touched his eyes. The old man probably knew this time Cole fucking meant it. “What do you mean?”

  “I’m done with you. You can have your stocks back, or hell, give them away. I’ve had to live with the ghost of Keith for too long—and I’m done being one.”

  14