by L. W. Clark
I don’t remember falling asleep. I woke suddenly with a pounding heart. It was 5:30 a.m. and I had to get up. I remembered my plan. I was still scared and sad, and now I was also exhausted. But I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t put on some foolish performance because I was afraid. I couldn’t do it to my friends and family, and more importantly, I couldn’t do it to myself. I’ve never been a good liar, but that’s probably a good thing, right? Besides, I suck at pretending to be sick.
Most of my relatives and many of my friends showed up at the airport. I felt like a celebrity probably does, with all these people staring at me for some special event. Who knew I was so important to so many people? They all wanted my attention. To chat and make some jokes, to make me feel better and cheerful. It gave me a headache.
It felt awkward, and harder and harder to say goodbye to every single person. I didn’t want it to get emotional or cause my mother to worry. I didn’t want to see anybody anymore, so I said I needed to go to the gate. I turned around quickly, climbed the stairs and didn’t look back. As I reached the second floor, I sneaked a look down just for a second, and I saw Niki standing there, staring up at me. She was late, but she was there. I just turned and walked to the gate.
I got on the bus to the plane. There was no turning back now. I was leaving everything behind. I was completely numb and emotionally spent. I was going with the tide. The bus was full of people excited to travel. It felt nice.
“Hi,” said a voice behind me. “I guess we’re going to the same plane.”
I turned to see a stranger.
“Yes, I guess we are,” I said.
“This flight is quick,” he said. “It won’t be that bad.”
He had no idea this was the first leg of my long journey.
“Yes indeed,” I responded.
I don’t want to have a conversation.
“This one is easy, but then I connect for the flight to New York, which is much longer.”
“I’m sorry, where are you going?” I asked.
“New York,” he said.
Now I was happy and couldn’t help myself. I screamed and jumped in his arms with a big hug.
“Me too, me too! I’m going to New York too! Can we travel together?”
“Wow, I’m so glad I met you!” he said. “Of course, we can. We’ll be stuck with each other for a while! My name is Zachary,” as he came closer and put his hand out.
I smiled.
“I’m Alyssa,” I said as we shook hands. “So nice to meet you. Now I feel much better.”
“Don’t worry, we’ll find our way,” he said with a big grin.
How great is this? I’ve found a father, brother and good friend all in one. I feel protected, with a stranger I just met. My heart feels peaceful and my mind has stopped thrashing. My trip is suddenly awesome.
I can honestly say we instantly became good friends. He was kind and a gentleman. He wasn’t that attractive, but he was manly and polite. He was also a great storyteller, which I like. The flight was over quickly.
“We have six hours to kill before the next flight,” he said. “How about I buy you a drink or two at the bar?”
“Thanks, that sounds good,” I said.
I was glad he was buying. I only had a hundred dollars. I needed some spending money while I tried to find a job. I was lucky to have the hundred dollars since I had to borrow it. We had asked a few people, but they didn’t have any money to spare. Finally, our neighbor lent it to me, but I had to pay it back quickly because she gave it to me without asking her husband. She took it from the safe, hoping he wouldn’t notice that it was gone. She told me she needed it back within a month. I promised I’d pay her back as soon as I got paid. So, this one hundred dollars was really “non-spendable”. It was only for emergencies.
We went to the airport bar and ordered Heineken. It felt really good. I needed that beer. It relaxed my body and mind completely, and I was friendlier to him. I’m not friendly with people when I first meet them. I need time to get to know them. I’ve heard many times from others that they thought I was mean and unfriendly. Once they get to know me better, they’re surprised I’m actually friendly.
With Zachary I felt comfortable. We treated each other respectfully. The layover went by quickly, as it usually does with alcohol and good conversation. When we got on the plane, we had separate seats. I took my window seat and looked for Zachary. I saw him on the other side, in the front row. We looked at each other with sad faces, then I crashed.
I woke up as the food was being served. I almost forgot where I was. I looked around and saw Zachary sitting right next to me.
“Hey, how did that happen?” I smiled.
“I switched seats with the guy. I gave him a better seat so he couldn’t refuse. And I got the best seat on the plane, sitting next to you,” he said.
We didn’t sleep for the rest of the flight. He was telling me so many anecdotes. We laughed and had a great time. He was moving to New York to be close to his mother who had lived there for years. He told me he had had some trouble back in our city. He was protecting his friend in some kind of fight and ended up punching a policeman. Not good. But it seemed he somehow got out of it all right.
Guys in my home city were always getting into trouble. They thought fighting proved how fearless and brave they could be. Sure, they were fearless, but they weren’t thinking rationally. They were thinking emotionally. I’ve always thought there was nothing wrong with using your brain and walking away from a fight, but that rarely happened. So many young guys even died during these stupid fights because of their egos.
We finally landed. The airplane party was over. Time to enter my new life with new experiences. I went through immigration and went to get the yellow suitcase. I looked and saw Zachary still standing near the counter as the immigration officer checked his papers. It made me nervous since he was there for a while. Then I heard his voice.
“There you are,” he said.
‘What happened? Is everything ok?” I asked.
“Of course. All is well, always,” he said. “Ah, there’s my suitcase coming now. I’ll wait with you until your luggage comes, so I can help you.”
Oh no, I don’t want him to see my big yellow suitcase without wheels. I’ll be so embarrassed.
“Thanks, but that’s ok,” I said. “You shouldn’t leave your mother waiting in the terminal.”
“No, no, I insist,” he said.
It took a while for the luggage to show up but he stayed and helped me. It was hard to say goodbye to Zachary. He was the only person I knew here. He asked to exchange phone numbers. He gave me his mother’s number, but I couldn’t give him mine because I had no idea where I would end up. We said goodbye and I promised to call him the next day, but I never did.
SIX
March 1996, New York City
Viktor and Lora picked me up at the airport. They were the couple who sent me the invitation letter and bought the airline ticket. I was going to stay at their house until I found a job, so I could pay them back as promised. Viktor had a sign with my name on it, so I went over and introduced myself. Lora was waiting in the car.
“Hello Viktor,” I said in English as we shook hands.
‘Hello, Alyssa, nice to meet you. What took you so long?” he asked.
“I’m sorry, what?”
I didn’t understand his question. I barely knew any English and I was tired from the flight. He tried a few more times in English, and then he resorted to body language, pointing to his watch.
“Oh,” I said as I shrugged and pointed to the luggage.
I didn’t mention my long goodbye with Zachary. It would take too long, and Viktor seemed cranky. We got in a car and I said hello to Lora. I knew some English, words like “thank you”, “you are welcome”, “I’m hungry” (an important one), “I am sleepy”. The basics. I could also put together some sentences, but nothing complex.
I had just met them, but Viktor and Lora seemed strange. They we
ren’t that friendly. I didn’t really care since I was the same to them. Seemed like we all behaved like it was just a business transaction and nothing more.
It was dark when they picked me up from the airport. I had hoped to see something while we were driving, to get an idea of what this country looked like. What I saw in the movies looked wonderful. I wanted to see skyscrapers and a lot of bright lights. So far, I didn’t see anything like that. All I saw were big wide roads, which were called highways, as Viktor explained while he was driving.
“You probably want to see something special right?” he said. “Well, there’s nothing here. You see? It’s nothing. In America, it’s all about the roads.”
That certainly seems true so far. This place isn’t what I imagined. Is this really what America looks like? I thought America looked like Manhattan.
“Where is the city? Manhattan?” I asked. “The one I’ve seen in movies?”
He laughed.
“I don’t know why everybody wants to see Manhattan. I don’t like it. It’s a crazy place.”
What does he mean by crazy?
I went silent. I had no clue where we were, but we started going over a huge bridge.
“Look,” he pointed out the window. “See all the buildings and lights? That’s Manhattan.”
In the distance I could make out some tall buildings shining brightly.
It looks magical. I want to go there right now. I want to see that sparkling place and what it looked like being “in” the city. But I’m not about to ask Viktor to take me. It’s not like he’s my uncle, who would do me a favor. He doesn’t care what I want.
I continued looking out the back window until the city disappeared.
“Is Manhattan far from here?” I asked in my broken English.
“It’s not too far,” he said. “I take a bus there every day to go to work.”
I almost asked him if it would be ok for me to go with him by bus the next morning but decided not to. Viktor and Lora lived in the middle of nowhere. A place called New Jersey. It was a silent, dark suburban town where there was hardly anything around. The house seemed brand new and clean, which was nice. It was a small, two-story house with a few pieces of furniture.
“So, Alyssa, I’ll be off from work in a couple of days,” Lora said. “I’ll make some phone calls then, to help you find a job.
I’m sure she wants to make that happen quickly. To get me a job and the hell out of here so I could pay them back, with interest.
“Come with me,” Viktor said. “I’ll show you around the place. You’ll be sleeping on the sofa bed downstairs. It has a TV and an open kitchen. Feel free to have something to eat whenever you want.”
That’s nice. I’m not comfortable opening up other people’s refrigerators, but I’m sure I will when I get hungry.
“Thank you,” I said. “Can I make a phone call to my family? I’d like to let them know I’m here.”
“Sure,” he said. “Let me help you dial long distance.”
“I can pay for the call,” I said, knowing that long distance calls were pricey.
“No, it’s ok. I don’t know exactly how much it’ll be.”
It felt so nice to hear my mother’s voice, even though she sounded sad. I didn’t want to have a long conversation because Viktor was paying. We spoke for a couple of minutes, which was enough. Any longer and it would get emotional. After the call Viktor went upstairs, and I was alone.
It was so quiet and dark outside. It was kind of spooky. I wasn’t used to quiet places. I grew up in a bright, noisy city with loud people. It was around ten o’clock when they came downstairs to say goodnight. That was also different. I never saw anyone go to bed at ten, unless they were sick or something. Back home most people went to bed after midnight. And my family always had to eat something before going to bed. These people didn’t even have a cup of tea or anything.
Well, I’m definitely in a different world and culture now. It makes me excited, to learn something new, and to see things I’ve never seen.
The next morning, I woke up before everyone else. I knew they would come downstairs so I fixed the sofa bed and made the room nice and neat. I didn’t want to be in bed in case they came downstairs.
“Good morning,” Lora said to me.
“Good morning,” I said.
I’m not one for conversations first thing in the morning. But I didn’t need to say a word because once Lora started talking, she was non-stop.
“We’re going to leave soon for work. You just stay here, have some food, whatever you find,” as she pointed to the refrigerator and smiled.
“Thank you, Lora.”
I’m not so sure about staying in the house by myself. I wish one of them would take me with them.
“You can also watch TV if you want,” she said.
She showed me how to turn on and use the TV remote. It seemed strange to me to have to push so many bottoms to get the channel on. First push the TV button, then the cable button, then select from a hundred channels. I was pretending I understood it all, but I didn’t. I missed my home TV. It was much easier with a big old TV with three channels.
It was hard to understand them. They spoke so fast that I was only catching a few words here and there. But the face and body language helped a lot. She made some coffee, which was excellent. I was starving for coffee.
Lora was in her forties. She was around medium height and in great shape, but with a rather cold looking face. But she wasn’t as mean as she looked. She had pale skin with dirty blond hair, small eyes, thin lips, and a long thin nose. I guess those features are what gave her that cold look. She seemed to take care of her face. She had smooth, young girl skin.
Lora dressed very well. She wore a silk blouse with mashed up pastel colors, and straight light brown pants with medium size high heels. I had had a good sense of fashion since I was a little girl. I read and watched a lot of fashion shows. I always recognized high quality clothes and shoes, even if I never had them after my father died.
And Viktor? He wasn’t much taller than her. He was a big-shouldered kind of guy. He had dark skin with dark hair. But he was a mess when it came to his fashion. He was sloppy. When he came downstairs, he looked like he had slept in his clothes and was still half asleep.
“Hi,” he grunted.
“Good morning, Viktor,” I said.
He wore some kind of old 1960s style shirt with a long collar and light blue, rough made jeans, which were wrinkled, and not as a fashion look. They looked like a cow had been chewing on them and he just snatched them right out of its mouth and put them on.
See, I don’t get that. When a man doesn’t know how to groom or dress, then he needs a woman’s touch. I mean a good woman’s touch. Viktor has one. He has a wife who knows how to take care of herself. But does she take care of Victor? Nope. Why is that? Doesn’t she see? Or maybe she just doesn’t care. Yeah, that’s probably it … she doesn’t care. A woman who treats herself well but doesn’t care about her husband’s look sends a clear message. Sorry dear, but we’re out of love, so I’ve stopped caring. It’s selfish. I’m more embarrassed for her than him. I feel sad for him.
They both left at the same time but in different cars. I said goodbye and went back into the living room.
Now what?
The bathroom was upstairs. I went up to take a shower. I stayed there for quite a while. It felt good and I wasn’t in a hurry. I had nowhere to go and nothing to do.
After the shower I felt fresh and energized. It was like the water had rinsed away the tiredness from my body and mind. All my past, stressful life, and all my worries faded away. I felt like a newborn baby with a new start in life. I was going to learn everything, step by step, like a baby.
I had another cup of coffee and sat on the couch. I wished I could’ve called my family and friends. I had plenty of time to chat. I started playing with the remote to turn on the TV, but I couldn’t remember what Lora told me, so I stopped before screwing something
up.
So much for watching TV.
I had brought an English language book, so I decided to study to prepare for my job interview. I wanted to make sure it went well. I started studying but quickly fell asleep.
I slept deeply for a few hours and had several vivid dreams. They were so chaotic that my heart’s pounding woke me up. It was still morning and there was a lot of time before Viktor and Lora returned. I wanted them at home, but I didn’t know why. It wasn’t like they were going to hang out with me, or we’d go out for drinks and dinner. I guess I just wanted someone around.
I ate, read, looked at magazines. Ate again, read again, looked out the windows. Time was going so slow. I was so bored I was going insane. I was processing being somewhere far away from my country and family. I heard the garage door open and got excited, like a little kid waiting for her parents. It was Lora.
“Hi, how was your day?” she asked.
“Good,” I said.
“Good,” she said as she grabbed an apple juice and disappeared upstairs.
I was alone again. About an hour later Viktor came home.
“Hi,” he said.
“Hi,” I said. “How was your day?”
His eyes got big as he looked surprised. I guess no one ever asked him that.
“Not too bad,” he said. “There was some traffic because of an accident …”
Then he went on and on. I didn’t understand much but pretended I did. With his facial expressions, I could figure it out when there was some drama thing and I would scowl. When he smiled, I’d smile too. Then he went upstairs. They both came downstairs for dinner, but I wasn’t hungry. Between the jetlag and excitement, I had zero appetite. I’m sure it had nothing to do with all the stuff I ate during the day.
“Do you want to watch some TV?” Lora asked. “Turn it on.”
“No thank you.”
“You’ve probably been watching all day and are tired of it right?” she smiled.
I can’t lie and say yes. She might throw me some questions about TV shows.
“I don’t watch much TV,” I said. “I spent some time studying English.”
