by Laura Acton
Tears welled in Dan’s eyes and slipped down his cheeks. “Our brothers died quickly … they didn’t suffer. All three of them helped me so much and I … I … allowed them to die.”
Moving to the couch, Wilson pulled Danny to him, hugging his wounded boy tightly as his own eyes glistened with unshed tears. “Oh, Danny. I’m so sorry you witnessed their deaths … but you are not at fault. I understand things beyond our ability to control happen on missions. Neither Buzz, Dutch, nor Ripsaw would’ve wanted you to pointlessly sacrifice yourself as well.”
Allowing Wilson to comfort him, Dan cried, and when he spent his last tear and recomposed himself, he pulled back and wiped his face. Blowing out a ragged breath, Dan peered at Wilson, noting the tears in his eyes. “I never visited them to pay my respects. I don’t even know where they’re buried.”
Wilson blinked, and the liquid pooled in the corners of his eyes slipped out. “We can go together. Dutch and Buzz are at Beechwood National Military Cemetery in Ottawa. They are interred next to one another. We can also locate where Ripsaw is buried, and I’ll go with you if you want.”
Dan nodded. “I can ask Blaze.”
“Or your dad. He is aware of the final resting place of every soldier who died while under his command.” Wilson leaned back and dried his face.
“He is?”
“Yes. If possible, he attends their funerals, but he always ensures they are given the proper respects. Your mother is also quite active in the volunteer group which aids the families of fallen soldiers, ensuring they receive the support they require.”
The door opening caused both to turn to the entrance, neither expecting the general or Blaze until much later.
Unable to concentrate, his mind still thinking on Tom’s advice, William gave up trying to work this evening and decided to spend a few hours with Daniel. He spied the milk and cookies, causing a grin to grow. “Save any for me?”
Dan chuckled. “I love them, but I can’t eat ten dozen in one day.”
Striding into the room, William snagged one and sat in the chair across from them. “So, how you doing tonight?”
“Tired, but okay.” Dan shifted and picked up his beverage. “Sir … Dad, do you know where Ripsaw is buried?”
William swallowed with difficulty, his throat drying up, sensing a shift in the discussion’s levity. “Yes.” Needing to wet his whistle, William pointed to the half-consumed glass. “May I?”
“Of course, sir,” Wilson replied.
Dan waited.
After taking a sip, William said, “He was laid to rest in his hometown, beside his parents. Why do you ask?”
“I never visited anyone besides Brody. If you can provide me the locations of Gambit, Unicorn, Robbie, Yankee, Shy, and Baboon, I would like to pay my respects … never got a chance before.” Dan finished his milk as exhaustion consumed him … riding an emotional rollercoaster wore him out.
“I’ll provide you a list of their grave sites … and a means of transport.”
“You don’t need to do the last. I can afford the travel.”
“Allow me, please.” William met his son’s eyes, willing him to say yes. This would be a small atonement for not being aware of all Plouffe did to Daniel.
Dan gave in and nodded. “Okay. Thanks.”
“Do you want me to call Gambrill and extend your leave to allow you time to visit them?”
“No. I must return as soon as I’m able. I’ll make arrangements when my schedule permits.” Dan stood, needing to be alone as thoughts of what he faced upon going back intruded. “I’m tired. Night.”
“Goodnight,” William and Wilson said in unison.
Once Dan left, Wilson turned to the general. “Thank you for allowing Danny to tell me about Buzz and Dutch. Gives me peace knowing they were together when they died and they didn’t suffer.”
William mulled over his boy’s weariness. “I wish Daniel could be at peace … he still holds on to guilt for something out of his control.”
“Like father, like son.” Wilson eyed William.
“Touché.” William sighed, his attention returning to his plans for Daniel, realizing now was not the best time to bring it up. He needed to find the perfect words before broaching the difficult conversation.
Toronto – Jon’s Home – 12:30 p.m.
Fourteen-year-old Kent finished his lunch, glad to have time alone with his dad. Joey was with Uncle Jack, and Mom was meeting with clients across town. He wanted to ask something way before now, but someone was always in the room, and it was never the proper time. He bit the bullet and said, “Dad, I got a couple of questions.”
Pulled from his thoughts, Jon set his sandwich down. “Yeah, what?”
Fidgeting, Kent asked, “Why did those cops take Uncle Dan and hurt him?”
“Ex-cops.”
“Yeah. Ex.” Kent waited.
“Dan did the right thing and exposed their criminal activity. They were still angry with him and wanted revenge,” Jon explained as straightforwardly as he could while seeking to protect Kent’s innocence for as long as possible.
Kent shook his head. “No, yeah, I get that part. What I mean is, how were they able to take him? You were at work … why not Uncle Dan?”
Remorse for his actions flared, and Jon clenched his fist in his lap. Not wanting to admit his failure to his son, he again gave a simplistic response. “Dan took a two-week leave.”
“Why?” Kent challenged. He was not a child nor unaware of the tension for the past few weeks.
“Why not?” Jon defended, disliking the direction of this conversation.
Kent bit his lower lip. This was not going as he imagined. “Cause Uncle Dan wouldn’t go on vacation while Aunt Lexa is still out. He wouldn’t leave the team shorthanded. I know … we sorta talked about it the last time we shot hoops together. He is very protective of everyone on your team.”
Jon studied Kent. His boy was growing up faster than he wanted. “You’re right, Dan didn’t want to, but he needed the time off. A huge part of my job is to keep everyone safe, and so we decided Dan needed a holiday.”
“Did he still blame himself for Lexa being shot?”
Christ, how does Kent know that? He possesses insights beyond his years. Jon only stared, unsure of how to reply.
“I’m not deaf, Dad. Nor am I blind. I overheard you talking to Mom about how Uncle Dan spent all his days off helping Lexa and how you believe he did it out of guilt.”
Nodding, Jon answered truthfully, “Yes, he carried unwarranted guilt.”
“Does he still?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Why did he go stay with family to recover? He and Lexa could rehab together. Mom, Aunt Kellie, and Mrs. Baldovino would do their hero support thing for both of them.”
“When did you stop being a little kid?” Jon deflected.
Kent chuckled. “A long time ago. So why?”
This discourse was turning out to be the toughest one he ever had with Kent, more challenging than the birds and bees talk. Taking the easy way out, hoping it would suffice, Jon gave Kent a reasonable explanation. “His mother wanted to care for him, and Dan is in the best hands possible. He has tons of family, and they helped him before.”
“We’re his family too. We could’ve taken care of him,” Kent declared.
His son’s sincere words pierced Jon deeply, lancing his heart. He couldn’t tell Kent the real reasons, so he grinned. “Yes, but there is nothing like a mother’s tender loving touch. Dan deserves the finest care after what he endured.” Jon averted further questioning with a little distraction. “How about this old man beats you at a game of hoops?”
Kent smiled as he stood. “Oh, you can try, but I’m gonna win.”
Shoving the last of his sandwich in his mouth before rising, Jon swallowed, glad Kent possessed the same competitiveness as him. “Game on. Loser does the dishes for the next week.”
“Hope you like dishpan hands,” Kent quipped as he headed out the d
oor, appreciating his dad explained things to him like an adult, although sensing he had not been told the whole story. He observed more than his parents realized, and he glimpsed the fleeting pain in his father’s eyes.
But for now, Kent decided to let sleeping dogs lie, because being around Uncle Nick so much over the years taught him a thing or two about negotiation. Dad used a simple technique to divert his attention by challenging him to a basketball game, which meant Dad didn’t want to discuss this anymore.
Jon followed Kent outside, thankful he learned the art of deflection from Dan. He might be using this tactic more often to avoid difficult conversations with his overly perceptive son.
Yin and Yang
57
June 25
Lexa’s Home – 7:30 p.m.
Standing in the kitchen, fridge open, intending to grab drinks for Loki and herself, Lexa’s mind went elsewhere. She invited Loki over for pizza and a movie like they used to do so often before she started dating Dan. Just the two of them kicking back together, enjoying each other’s company and a few beers. They usually ended up talking all through the motion picture, letting it be a backdrop to their laughter and joking as they ate and drank.
But tonight was turning out a bit different. First, no beer allowed for her yet as the doctor had not given her clearance for alcohol. Second, she wanted to demonstrate to Loki she cared for him … to apologize for not being there for him in the hospital even though no one told her until after the fact. Third, she hoped to restore pre-Dan normalcy to her life, and spending time near Loki’s contagious spark of light might rid her of the dark moodiness.
After selecting the beverages, Lexa closed her fridge and joined Loki in the family room. “So which DVD did you bring with you?” She inwardly cringed, wondering what odd show he picked.
Loki’s eyes widened, eagerness in his voice, “The Three Stooges flick Dan sent me. You’re gonna love the madcap hijinks.”
She sat down and handed him a beer as she placed her water on the table and picked up her plate of home-made pizza, smiling to cover her real thoughts. Yeah, right, Crud, God help me. Why do the guys like their slapstick?
Needing a dose of Loki, Lexa tried to absorb the happiness her best friend exuded. The last five weeks had been hard as she contemplated her choice. She became morose as she waffled in her resolve to pick the team over Dan. Boss required an answer before she could return, so this afternoon she made her final decision and refused to change her mind for the thousandth time.
Or have I? Oh crud, not again. To stem her internal yin and yang debate, she said, “Start the film.”
Loki pressed play, and by all outward appearances, both became engrossed in the black and white flick. They ate, drank, and laughed at the right times, but neither talked. Unbeknownst to each, both allowed the movie to flow into the background as they focused on their internal worlds.
As he watched, Loki wondered how Dan fared. No one received a single word from him since his family zipped him away. Well, that was not quite right. The general contacted Commander Gambrill three weeks ago to inform him that Dan suffered a setback due to an infection and required additional time off to heal properly. The news worried them all.
Although Gambrill had appeared ticked-off, he assured everyone Dan was on the mend. He also said he was unsure when Dan would return. For the life of him, Loki couldn’t understand the weird the look the commander shot at Jon and Nick. In the end, Loki chalked up the oddness to Gambrill being concerned for his godson.
Loki’s mind shifted to the positive, how could it not with this hilarious movie. In his mind’s eye, he pictured Dan somewhere hanging out in the sand. Dantastic must be having a hot time, especially if he isn’t contacting us. He is undoubtedly on some beach spending his days and nights eyeing all the beauties clad in bikinis. Maybe more than eyeing them, after all, he is Dantastic. The ladies all go gaga over his smile and good looks.
Not sure why, but Dan never notices them, never gives them the time of day while at work. But ever since Christmas, Dan arrived at headquarters every morning with a satisfied expression, like he scored the night before. But no matter how much Ray and I pester him for details, Dan remains mute on the subject.
Shifting on the sofa and kicking his feet up on Lexa’s coffee table he relaxed imagining his friend doing the same. Dan deserves time to relax after the rough couple of years he’s had … make that a grueling eight years if I include his military service.
Loki almost laughed out loud. Wonder whether Dan hooked up with a blonde, brunette, or redhead. Without a doubt a smoking-hot, tall redhead with long hair with a thing for blond, muscular men with blue eyes.
He glanced over at Lexa, becoming concerned. She seems sad. He typically couldn’t read her expression, but her eyes appeared dull … no spark in them, and the corners of her mouth turned down. Perhaps she is missing Dan or is worried about making it back to the team.
Before he was abducted, Dan had been there for her in a way none of the rest of the team could. Sadly, those two shared similar life experiences. Dan understood how to cajole, encourage, and motivate Lexa during her recovery. With him gone, her progress appeared to stall or at least slow.
She was so gung-ho before, but lately, Loki noticed she missed several physio appointments when he called to check on her. Not one to leave a friend hanging when he might be able to help, as the credits rolled on the screen, Loki asked, “What’s got you so sad, Lexa?”
Lexa didn’t realize her emotions showed. She put on an exaggerated pout, “The movie is over. Who wouldn’t be sad?”
Loki rolled his eyes, his tone infused with sarcasm, “Yeah, right. I could tell it was your faaaaavorite mooooovie.”
She smirked, grabbing their plates as she rose and headed for her kitchen. She must put distance between them to avoid revealing the deliberations running through her mind during the film. Though missing Dan terribly, Lexa worried what would happen when they both returned.
Will it be awkward? Almost certainly. How could it not? I ripped both our hearts out. Jon and Boss will be keeping us under scrutiny. Will the same easiness exist between us? Most likely not. Will we be partnered and can we work together like before? Will this throw off team dynamics? If so, for how long?
My decision to break protocol hurt both of us and perhaps the entire team. I hope the team’s alchemy isn’t destroyed. I want the Alpha Team I know and love, not some fractured facsimile.
Loki followed Lexa into the kitchen. He knew she was running from talking to him. Her body language plainly said back off. But she was his friend, his sister, so he could not leave it be. Standing near the island, he said, “Want to talk about it? I’m here if you need someone as a sounding board. Is this about Dan? You two are close … best friends close, like us.”
He noted her back stiffen with his last statement. Her reaction told him he hit the nail head. But Lexa didn’t like showing her vulnerable side to anyone. So he tried with temperate uneasiness, “I miss Goldilocks too.”
Pivoting from the sink to face Loki, Lexa latched on his statement. Loki had been getting closer to Dan also in the past year. Though a bit devious, she would use her negotiation skills to encourage him to open up about his feelings instead of sharing hers. “You’re missing Dan too?”
Loki nodded. “Yeah, I am. This job is hard. We all need a break to recharge occasionally. I’m glad he is taking well-deserved time away from the madness. The last two years, eight years actually, were brutal for him. He’s been through so much crapola and almost died several times.”
To lighten her mood, Loki changed to a brighter tone, “He’s probably slacking off and milking any excuse for extra paid sick leave. I would do it in a heartbeat. Who wouldn’t want to sit on a beach all day and drink margaritas?” Becoming animated, a huge grin lit his face. “Heck, Ray and I are talking about taking a week-long trip to Jamaica sometime in the future. Not planning on contacting a single one of the team while we are gone having fun.”
Lexa smiled. Loki inadvertently gave her the best way to change the course of the conversation. She moved to the island and lightly punched his arm. “You and Ray got a bromance going on or something? I mean working and vacationing together. Just sayin.”
Loki fumbled for words at first before he burst out laughing. “Ray’s got Maurita. For me, it is babes and beaches and more babes. Definitely babes.”
Tilting her head to the side and chuckling, Lexa teased, “The only babe in your life is Lucille. Are you cheating on Lucille now? She’s gonna be so hurt when she finds out you went to the beach without her.”
He laughed, liking that Lexa no longer appeared gloomy. “Nah, she’s afraid of the water, can’t swim. She would drown. And can you imagine trying to get all the sand out of her gears and treads?”
They spent the next hour joking back and forth as they always did. Loki was her fun, kid brother. His zest for life seeped into her and brought hope everything would be alright. Eventually. By the time Loki headed home, Lexa was more centered, happy some things would remain the same.
June 26
Kandahar – VIP Quarters – 0830 Hours
Never in his wildest dreams could Dan conjure sipping morning coffee in companionable silence with his father in Kandahar. But here he was doing precisely that as he had done for most of his four and a half week stay. This would be the last time though since his flight to Toronto would be leaving within the hour. He smiled as he stared out the little window.
William glanced up from the report he was reading, noting Daniel’s grin. He didn’t go into the office this morning, wanting to spend as much time with Daniel as possible. He also needed to present his idea to his son. He gave the proposal time to settle, running his words over in his mind thousands of times, searching for the right ones.
The more William mulled over the solution, the rightness of it grew on him. He hoped Daniel would jump at the chance … his work with Blaze the past weeks more than demonstrated he possessed the perfect skills for the position. He closed the folder. “What’s on your mind?”
