He retreated into his thoughts again and Lisa decided not to pull him out of them until he was ready. When he did speak, it was with a different kind of sadness. “One set of parents had their daughter cornered—she was no more than nine or ten—and they had given her a list of family members. I saw the list. There had to be almost a dozen people on it. Relatives, including themselves, that they want her to talk to the authorities about as soon as she reaches England. To see if she can get them on the list to emigrate. They were talking about grandmothers and uncles and cousins. The poor girl already looked like she was on the verge of emotional collapse, and they were talking at her all at once and telling her how important it was. That she was their only chance. She’s nine, Lisa. Niko’s age, and now she has to save her whole family too. I wanted to weep for her.”
“That’s terrible,” Lisa said.
“Yes, it is, but on the other hand, can you blame them? They’re Jews, Lisa. They have just survived Kristallnacht. Now, miraculously, their daughter is being carried off to safety and freedom. Can we really blame them for seeing her as their only lifeline?” He shook his head. “I don’t know. My first inclination was to condemn them.” His voice caught. “Then I thought, ‘Who am I to judge them?’ My life isn’t in danger. Heck, you and I are flying off to England in a few hours.”
“Oh, Benji. I hadn’t thought of it in that way.”
Now tears came to his eyes. “I saw families with two- and three- and four-year-olds, with no Jo or Leyna, no older siblings to be with them. Sending them off alone, maybe to never see them again. That’s how desperate they are. Some were sobbing. One mother was just gone. She was right there, but she was staring at nothing. Her little girl was tugging on her dress, crying piteously, and she didn’t even know it.”
Lisa stepped closer and leaned her head against his chest. “How awful.”
He sniffed several times and then went on, like he had something down deep inside him that was fighting to get out. “I heard parents promising their children that they would join them in a week or two. I heard others saying that this would only be for a week, like a summer holiday, and then the children would come back home. And I. . . .” He wiped quickly at his eyes. “And I thought, ‘No, don’t lie to them. It’s going to be hard enough when they realize this isn’t some grand outing they’re on. You can’t shield them from what’s coming, so don’t try to lull them into being happy. Fortify them for what’s coming.’”
He took a deep breath and exhaled in great weariness. “And then I thought of Tina’s little girl. She’s almost three now. And a little pixie that melts my heart. If that were her here today, would I tell her that she will never see her mother and father again? Tell her to buck up and be strong? Could I really do that to her?” He had to look away as he brushed quickly at the tears. “And I had no answer to that.”
He buried his face against her shoulder as his body began to shake.
Suddenly Jo and Leyna and Rikki and Hans Otto and Niko were there. Niko tugged on Benji’s coat. “Are you all right, Benji?” he asked, close to tears himself. Jo shushed him gently, then moved in and put her arms around Lisa and Benji and started to cry. “You will come for us, won’t you, Benji? Won’t you, Lisa?”
And that started them all bawling. A moment later when Emilee and Inga came over and joined them, Benji wiped at his eyes. “I’m sorry, Mama Emilee. You asked us not to cry, at least not on the outside. But I couldn’t hold it in anymore.”
Emilee managed a smile. “And now you’re going to make Oma Inga and me break our promise too, aren’t you?”
“I hope so,” he said with a crooked smile. “Then I won’t feel quite so bad.”
12:00 p.m.
With typical German precision, exactly at twelve noon, the loudspeaker blared, startling many of those in the large hall. “Attention, attention. Will all children participating in the Kindertransport program gather your things and move to platform eight? Boarding will begin shortly. All Kindertransport children to track eight immediately. All family members must stay behind the barricades. Do not go beyond the barricades or you will be arrested.”
And then it began again.
In a way, Benji’s cry-fest, as he afterward dubbed it, had been good. Eyes were wet and lips were trembling now, but they were past the emotional meltdowns. They had already done that. They moved out to the barricades and gathered in for one last embrace. Just then one of the conductors came up. “All right, folks, keep it moving. All children need to be boarding now. All others please stay behind the barricades.”
Now Jo took Leyna by the hand. “Come on,” she said. Together, they moved over to Rikki, who was giving one last desperate hug to her mother as she battled back the tears. The moment she was finished, Jo moved up beside her and put an arm around her shoulder. “Come, little sis. It’s time for us to go.”
Leyna came up on the other side of her and did the same. Then with their outside hands they clasped the hands of Niko and Hans Otto, and the five of them joined the flow of children moving onto the platform.
Chapter Notes
The Kindertransport is a little-known but remarkable event that occurred a few months before the outbreak of World War II. Triggered by the horrors of Kristallnacht, Great Britain moved with remarkable swiftness to make it possible for up to 20,000 Jewish children to be evacuated from Germany, Austria, and Czechoslovakia. The first groups began leaving on December 1, 1938. The last Kindertransport trains reached Amsterdam and other English Channel ports just days before Hitler invaded Poland on September 1, 1939, which started World War II. In that time, an estimated 10,000 children were taken to England (see Into the Arms of Strangers: Stories of the Kindertransport, Warner Bros. Pictures, 2000).
Many of the scenes in these chapters, though adapted to the fictional characters of this novel, are based on the remembrances of adults who, as children, were part of the Kindertransport program.
What happened to the Kindertransport children after the war? Some, especially those who went at a young age, had only the dimmest of memories of their birth parents. After all, they were in England longer than they had lived in Germany. They also had the good fortune to be placed with host parents who loved them as their own, and so they chose to stay with their new parents. Many of the older ones went back to a Germany ravaged by war and tried to renew their connections with their parents. Some were successful. Many were never able to find their parents, some because of the war’s widespread destruction, but many, many of them because their parents had died in the Nazi death camps.
December 2, 1938, 3:45 p.m.—
About Two Miles above Paris, France
Benji turned his head as he felt Lisa stir beside him, then closed the book and slipped it into the briefcase at his feet. A moment later, her eyes fluttered open. She straightened, looking around, clearly confused. Finally, her eyes met his, and recognition returned. She smiled up at him, then fully straightened in her seat.
“Good morning, sleepyhead.” He leaned over and kissed her cheek.
“Is it . . . uh . . . morning?”
“No. It’s actually closer to four o’clock in the afternoon.”
She turned her head and looked out the window. The skies were clear, and far below, stretching out just about as far as the eye could see, was the sprawl of a large city. Lisa leaned closer, putting her forehead against the window. “What city is that?”
“Guess.”
“I have no idea. Where are we?”
He smiled and leaned closer. “Look straight out the window. Straight out is twelve o’clock. Okay?”
She slowly nodded, not sure where this was going.
“Now look out at what would be about two o’clock. Look closely. What do you see?”
“A very big city, with lots of streets—” She suddenly gasped. “Is that the Eiffel Tower?”
“It is.”
“Ohhhhhhh.” Lisa pressed her forehead against the glass again. “I can’t believe it. I’ve always dreamed of someday seeing the Eiffel Tower.”
“Well, there it is. It’s not as impressive from 13,000 feet as it is from ground level, but it’s still pretty impressive.”
She was still staring out at the Eiffel Tower, which was probably five miles away. “How long before we get to London?”
“Just under two hours.”
She took his hand and squeezed it as her smile faded. “It feels so good to have it all over with, Benj. To be starting anew. I still worry about my siblings, and Mama and Oma, but now, it’s you and me, and we are off to start our new life.”
“Yes. We’ve only been waiting for this for sixteen years. I think it’s time.”
A frown creased her forehead. “We have to go to Harwich tomorrow, Benj. We have to be there when the ferry arrives.”
“I know, and we will. But, remember, they may not let us see them. We’re not their new foster parents.”
“They’re my brothers and sisters,” she snapped back. “They better let us at least see them. We promised them.”
“We will be there, but I don’t want you thinking that they will be coming home with us.”
She sat up straight as another thought came. “How are we going to get there? Are there trains that go to Harwich?”
“I would assume so, but Nigel has arranged a car for us. He’ll have someone bring it to our hotel in the morning, along with maps for the route.”
“Wunderbar! So we finally get our honeymoon. Driving through England. Wow!”
“I thought that too.”
Another frown came as something else hit her. “Do you know how to drive on the wrong side of the road?”
Benji laughed openly now. “Well, two answers to that. When I used that same term with Nigel the other day, he pointedly reminded me that Brits drive on the left side of the road, and Europeans and Americans are the ones who drive on the wrong side of the road. Second, he gave me a useful tip. He said to just remember that in either place, the center of the road is always on the driver’s side.”
“Hmm. I hadn’t thought of it in that way.” Lisa resumed her position with her head on his shoulder. “Speaking of the children, while you were checking our luggage at the airport, Mutti said something that really surprised me.”
“What?”
“I mentioned that we would try to get legal custody of them if it turns out that we are going to live in London, even if it took a while to do it. She grew very thoughtful and then said something that really shocked me. She said that when Nigel and Cassie were with us, Nigel promised her that he would do everything in his power to resolve the issue with Alemann and my father. To find out if the Gestapo is making any kind of connection between them.”
“That’s the key question, all right.”
“Yes. Because if they find that connection, that’s what puts my mother and Oma and the children in danger.”
Benji was nodding. “So if they cannot discover a connection between Hans and Alemann then there is no more danger for your family.”
“Exactly. And Mama said that the moment they can confirm that, she’s bringing the children back home.”
He turned in his seat. “Really? Even if war breaks out, as Nigel is certain it will?”
“Yes! That’s exactly what I said too. And her answer really surprised me. She said something like, “My children will be safer in their own family, even if war comes, than they will be with someone else far away. Family comes first, Lisa. Never forget that.’”
“Wow,” Benji said softly. “That is a surprise.”
“Do you think she’s right?”
“I. . . .” His eyes half closed as he considered her question. Then he slowly nodded. “My parents have a saying. ‘God first. Family second. Everything else in its proper order after that.’ That’s one of the things I’ve been thinking about, actually. Take Hans Otto, for example. He’s such a fun kid, so much like your father in so many ways, except for one. His faith in God. It comes so easily for him. So what happens if the family who takes him in are atheists? Or of a completely different faith? So, he comes through the war safely, but without a testimony. Or what if Rikki, who is so tenderhearted, gets parents who don’t love her? Cassie told me that this is one of the worries about the Kindertransport program. Some of the sponsors who are taking the children in might be seeing them as household servants they get for free.”
Lisa shuddered. “Don’t say that. Even if it is true.” Then she sat up straight. “If it were our children, Benj, would you bring them back into a war zone?”
“It is a terrible choice,” he replied after thinking about it. “But yes, I think I would. How did Jesus put it? ‘What does it profit a man if he should gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?’ I know He was talking about money. But doesn’t it apply to other things too? God first. Family second.”
“I agree. So if Nigel offers you the job we think he’s going to offer you, tell him yes, on the condition that he will let you work on finding out if Mama can bring the children back home.”
“I will bring it up with him.” Then, to Benji’s surprise, tears were suddenly filling Lisa’s eyes again. He reached out and took both of her hands. “What is it, Schatzi?”
“What if Nigel wants to send you back to Germany as a spy? I don’t know if I can face that.”
“We can’t see the future, Lise. We’ll have to face that if and when it comes. But remember, the two things he talked about again and again were ‘analyst’ and ‘courier.’”
“Then I’m going to pray for those. All right?”
“And I will as well.” And then a strange thought came to him. He squeezed her hand. “Do you ever picture us in America? In Utah, for example. On the ranch?”
“Funny you should ask,” she replied. “I was thinking about that last night after you fell asleep. I was picturing us with our little brood there on the ranch, them learning how to brand a calf and ride a horse.”
“And?”
“I don’t know. Not unless we can bring Mama and Oma and all the family with us.”
“I agree with that.”
“Maybe sometime,” she finally said. “But not very soon. Are you all right with that?”
“You’re my first family now, Lise. That’s the one clear thing. The rest we’ll just have to wait and see.”
“Yes.” She moved in even closer, leaning against him but turning to look out the window again. “What were you doing while I was asleep?”
“Reading. Thinking.”
“Reading what and thinking about what?”
“I was reading in the Book of Mormon. And I was thinking about the very things we were just talking about. What does life hold for us? Will we have children? What will I do if Nigel doesn’t come through? And it surprised me a little that I didn’t get discouraged. For some it might seem like a grim time to marry and start a family, but. . . .” He shrugged. “I’m just glad you didn’t feel that way.”
“Me too. It’s so strange. These past few weeks have been the most awful in my life, and yet I am happier right now than I ever thought possible. Does that sound weird to you?”
“Not at all.”
Lisa closed her eyes again. “We have over an hour before we land, so talk to me, Benj. Tell me more about what you’ve been thinking. I promise I won’t fall asleep on you again.”
He turned and kissed her on the top of her head. “Actually, let me tell you about what I was reading.”
“Yes! I want to know that too.”
“In my reading in the Book of Mormon in the last few weeks, I have been in what many call the war chapters.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard that phrase before.”
“Yeah, starting in the book of Alma, you have this huge block
of chapters, spanning about seventy years of time before Christ came to visit the Nephites. Actually, some members find it odd that a prophet would include so much on war in a book of scripture. My Sunday School teacher once told us it was because Mormon was a general himself. He took command of the Nephite armies at age sixteen. So war was something that interested him. But that never felt quite right to me. I think he was a prophet first and wouldn’t write something God didn’t want him to write.”
“I agree.”
“Now I have a different theory. I think the Lord inspired Mormon to include those chapters in the Book of Mormon because it was a book written for our day, not just his time.”
“Oh, my,” Lisa said, her eyes wide. “We do live in a day of war.”
“Exactly. It was a pattern of war and wickedness mixed with times of faith and righteousness that continued right up until Christ’s coming to the Nephites. And so this time as I am reading it, I keep comparing it to our day. And it is amazing how much it relates.”
“In what way? Give me an example.”
“Okay, for example, Captain Moroni, who is one of my favorite characters in the book—”
“Mine too.”
“—is a man of great faith and courage. And the Nephites are mostly a nation built on faith in God and Christ. But—and think about what’s happening in Germany right now—Moroni keeps having to deal with very wicked and cruel men who rise up as leaders and convince the Lamanites that they will lead them to avenge all of the many wrongs the Nephites have done to them. Think Armistice of 1918 and the Versailles Treaty. Men like Zerahemnah and Amalickiah. These are brilliant and cunning men, charismatic leaders who rally their people to prepare for war with speeches of hatred and revenge.”
Lisa was slowly nodding, seeing what he was saying. “Men like Hitler and Goering, and Heydrich and Himmler and Goebbels.”
“Yes!” Benji exclaimed excitedly. “And Karl Marx and Vladimir Lenin and Josef Stalin. Which is depressing in one way. But knowing they had difficult times in the Book of Mormon too kind of made me feel better. Well, not better in the sense that it makes it go away, but. . . .” He shrugged.
Fire and Steel, Volume 6 Page 58
