“She’s pretty.”
“She’s tolerable. But it doesn’t matter now. From what I heard through the door, he got what he wanted from her and dumped her.”
“Ouch.”
“Let’s catch him before he leaves. I’ll offer to show him what a real woman can do for him.”
I leaned against the sink for support. Tears streamed down my face. I had no idea how awful my coworkers were. I doubted Kenadie did, either. But I was done with them and Zander.
Something in me snapped. I threw the sponge in the sink and grabbed a hand towel to dry my hands. I marched myself out to the living room where Cara and Eva were engaging Zander in conversation. Eva was pulling on his Santa hat and laughing. The Nanettes and Lana were helping Kenadie organize her gifts to make sure they knew who each one came from so thank you cards could be sent. There were a few other women lingering that I didn’t know, but I didn’t care.
“I’m leaving,” I announced with tear-stained cheeks.
All eyes focused on me, but the only ones I paid attention to were Zander’s. He at least had the decency to step away from Eva. For a second, he acted like he was going to approach me, but like always, he stayed where he was.
Mrs. Marshall was by my side in no time. She placed her arm around me. “Dear, what’s wrong?”
“I’m tired of pretending, so I’m done. Eva, good luck with Zander. And just so you know, you might want to check to see if anyone can hear you when you’re talking about them. Your voice carries. And you might also want to get your hearing checked for the next time you eavesdrop on Kenadie in her office.”
“I never,” she swore.
“Right. You stick with that story, but just so you know, I was never anyone’s plaything nor will I ever be.” Tears continued to pour down my face. It was so not me, but I couldn’t help it. I turned toward Kenadie. “I’m really sorry, but I quit.”
Several voices erupted, though I couldn’t make out what was being said.
I tore away from Mrs. Marshall, and headed for the kitchen to get my bag and get out of Dodge, like my mom used to say. I wasn’t sure what had just happened. I didn’t really plan on quitting, but seeing them there like that killed me. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do now. All I could think was that I wanted to go home.
“Meg.” All the Nanettes and Kenadie called after me and followed me into the kitchen.
I found myself in a Nanette sandwich and bawling like a baby. “I’m sorry I ruined the shower.”
“Nonsense, dear,” Mrs. Marshall tried to comfort me.
“Meg,” Kenadie spoke and the Nanettes parted, “please don’t quit. You’re the best, most reliable employee I have.”
“I can’t work with him or them anymore.”
“Why didn’t you tell me there were issues?”
“It’s not my style. I thought I could handle it, and before today it was only small slights here and there.”
“I should pay better attention.”
“It’s not your fault.”
She bit her lip. “Meg, what can I do to keep you?”
“I just want to go home.”
“I’ll drive you.”
“No. I want to go home.”
Her eyes widened. “Oh.”
“You can’t leave.” Mrs. Marshall took my hand.
“I can’t stay. I’ve made a fool out of myself.”
“Honey, if I left town every time I made a fool of myself, I’d be gone more than at home.” Adelaide smiled.
“How’s this?” Kenadie’s eyes looked hopeful. “Go home to Wyoming and take a few days to relax, spend Christmas with your family. It will be a paid vacation. Then see how you feel. You at least need to come back and be in my wedding.”
“Yes, yes,” the Nanettes sang in tune.
“That’s not fair to you.”
“You always take the extra client dates and assignments without complaint; this is well deserved. Please don’t quit yet,” Kenadie begged.
I took a deep breath and shuddered. “Okay.” Though I wasn’t sure that was going to change my mind.
Relief washed over Kenadie’s pretty face.
Before I knew it, Cissy was wiping my face with a warm towel. “We got to put your face back on, darlin’, before you go out in public.”
Kenadie pulled Cissy away. “Don’t scare her.”
All the women laughed.
The laughter died when Zander snuck in. He looked unsure and maybe afraid of what awaited him. He took off that stupid Santa hat and ran his fingers through his messed-up hair.
“I hope you sent those tramps packing,” Mrs. Marshall snarled at him. “And if they think they are going to be in my wedding now, they have another thing coming. Girls,” she turned to her best friends, “we are on the hunt for some new bridesmaids. Let’s go.” She kissed my cheek before turning to leave. “You come back here, ya hear?”
I watched the Nanettes leave and each one smacked Zander’s arm before they walked out. He winced each time. Kenadie was last. “Watch yourself, butthead.”
He half-smirked and nodded.
All that was left was the two of us.
“I’ve got some packing to do, so I better go.”
“Where are you going?”
“Does it really matter to you?”
“Meg . . .”
“I don’t expect you to answer. I hope you have a Merry Christmas and you get everything you’ve ever wanted.”
He tilted his head. “How long are you going to be gone?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know if I’m coming back.”
“Don’t let Eva and Cara get to you. You’re better than that.” He so easily dismissed his own part, though how could I blame him? He made no promises, he didn’t even lie to me.
“Goodbye, Zander.”
He stepped forward and reached for my hand. “Meg, what if I don’t know what I want?”
The connection was real and it hurt. “I guess if I were you I would figure that out.” I pulled away from him.
He wasn’t letting go. “Don’t leave.”
I laughed. “I’ve heard that before. The last time you asked me to stay, it didn’t work out so well.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I want to believe you.” But I couldn’t. I let go and walked away.
Chapter Twenty-One
I leaned my head against the cold window in my dad’s truck. The snow reflecting the sun was almost blinding as we headed out of Salt Lake City. It was the most snow I had seen in a long time on the mountains. Once out of the city, it was slow going through Parley’s Canyon. I took the time to close my eyes. I was exhausted. I had caught a flight early this morning out of Atlanta after a night with no sleep. I used a good chunk of my Christmas bonus to buy the one-way flight home. I wasn’t sure exactly when I was going back.
Sleep still wouldn’t come. I kept running through my head all that had happened yesterday, and even the past couple of months. Maybe even this last year. I thought about how blind I was about Lucas and how I fooled myself into thinking I was in love with him, all while harboring a small crush for Zander that turned into a full-blown . . . I didn’t know what to call it. It was real, whatever it was. At least I hoped so. I was so confused. All I knew was it was different than anything I had ever felt before.
He was different.
I kept thinking about him asking me to stay yesterday. When I said I wanted to believe him, I meant that more than anything I had ever said. I not only wanted to believe he wanted me to stay, I wanted to believe in him, in us. But how could I, when he didn’t know what he believed in?
“Megan.”
I sat up and turned toward my dad, who was concentrating on the road. It wasn’t snowing now, but it had recently and the roads were treacherous, especially where the sun couldn’t reach.
“Yeah?”
“You don’t belong here.”
I sighed and leaned my head against the window. “Thanks, dad. I know.” I set my sig
hts out the window again, wondering where I did belong.
“Megan, I love you.” He rarely said those words. “You’re meant for better.”
“What about the boys?”
“They’re stubborn fools, like their old man.”
“They love the land like you.”
“I suppose. Are you going to tell me why you’ve come running home?”
I sighed. “Because I’m a stubborn fool, too.”
Exhaustion took over and I was finally able to fall sleep. I slept for most of the drive. I didn’t feel too bad for leaving my dad without the company. He wasn’t much of a talker and I was spent, emotionally and physically. Dad gave me a gentle shake as we drove through Addison. Not much, if anything, had changed except the lampposts down Main Street were decorated for Christmas. The snow made it look like a scene from a snow globe.
“I miss this place.”
My dad frowned.
“I’m not staying, I just need to be with you and the boys. Is that so bad?”
“I don’t want you getting any ideas or romantic notions about living back here. There’s nothing here for you but back-breaking work and a lot of heartache.”
“Heartache is everywhere.”
He glanced my way. “I thought you weren’t in a relationship right now.”
I wrapped my arms around myself. “I’m not.” Though this felt worse than a breakup. How could that be?
“Megan, what’s wrong? It’s not like you to come running home.”
I stared out the window at the sleepy town I called home. Life seemed simpler here, but maybe now that I was older it would be just as complicated as living in Atlanta. I didn’t even know how to begin to tell my dad about Zander. I thought for a moment. “There was a man and I wanted him, but he didn’t want me.” That summed it up. No need to tell my dad all the gory details.
He scrubbed his hand over his face. No words of wisdom or comfort. I didn’t expect any. He was the kind of man who talked with nature, not people.
I forgot about my troubles for a moment as we neared the ranch. I first saw the steel gray outlying building, then the barn and stable. Everything was covered in a blanket of snow. My favorite was the wood-carved sign that read, Dawson’s Ranch. My dad had to throw the truck in four-wheel drive to make it up the long gravel drive to the house.
“Lincoln was supposed to clear the drive,” Dad grumbled to himself.
I wasn’t surprised he hadn’t. Lincoln probably got a call from a buddy and they were off hunting or some girl caught his eye. Maybe both.
I smiled as we neared the modest log cabin home. I noticed my dad’s patience was thinning as we trudged on in the snow. Driving on the snow was going to make it harder to clear. Dad pulled into the large metal outbuilding near the house that served as a garage as well as housing large equipment like tractors, not to mention the four-wheelers.
Dad was first out of the truck and still grumbling. “Do you want me to clear a path to the house?”
I looked down at my UGG boots. “I haven’t gone all the way soft. I think I can handle it.”
I think he was hoping I couldn’t. He grabbed my bags and we walked in the knee-deep snow to the house. The cold against the skin on my face was biting and it crept through my lightweight coat. Breathing in the cold air burned my lungs. So maybe I had gone soft.
Dad was a trooper and carried my two large suitcases and still made it before me. He held the mudroom door open for me. Warmth hit me and I sighed in relief. And before I knew it, Dakota had come running and was by my side. I leaned down and loved on his head. “How are you, boy?” He nudged me and kissed my cheek. “I’m glad someone missed me.”
“Never said I didn’t.” Dad sat down to take off his boots.
“I can get my bags to my room. I know you want to head out and clear the drive.”
He stood and stretched his back. He had aged well, but he lived a hard life. And the cold didn’t help the aches and pains he sometimes experienced. Though you would never hear him complain. I used to remember my mom rubbing his neck and back. I enjoyed seeing those tender moments. Once, I even caught them dancing in the kitchen. I knew it embarrassed my dad, but I remember the look of love and contentment on my mom’s face as he held her tight in his arms.
“Are you sure?” Dad brought me out of my thoughts.
“Yeah, Dad. I’ve lived on my own for a long time now.”
“All right. The house is a mess, but don’t worry about it.”
“You know I will.”
“Megan, you don’t need to take care of me.”
I tilted my head. “You sound a lot like someone I know.” In that moment, it struck me how much Zander reminded me of my dad.
He kissed my head. “Get out of those wet boots and pants.” That was how he said he loved me.
He didn’t need to tell me twice. I sat on the bench and pulled off my shoes. Dakota was beside himself, happy I was home. “Come on boy, let’s go see the damage these men have done since I was here in the summer.” I had spent three days cleaning up then. I couldn’t believe the dishes that were left in the weirdest places, like the bathroom. And I didn’t think anything had been dusted in over a year.
Dakota followed me to the main living area of the house. There was nothing fancy about it, but it was home. I smiled at the plaid couch and dad’s recliner. I think he slept more in that than he did in his bed. There were dishes and newspapers scattered about on the coffee table. The wood floors needed a good sweeping, and to be mopped. The kitchen was the worst. Dishes piled in the sink and crusted dirty pots and pans sat on the stove. The trash can overflowed. I didn’t dare look in the fridge. I couldn’t help but think of Zander’s apartment. I couldn’t help but think of him. I wondered if he took Eva up on her offer. He wouldn’t, would he? If not her, I was sure it would be someone else. My insides rolled at the thought.
Before I unpacked, I started a fire in the fireplace. The inside was a lot warmer than outside, but the house felt chilled. The stone fireplace stood proud, its mantle graced with family photos that needed a good dusting. In front of it sat a bearskin rug. The black bear had been preying on our herd years ago and Colton took him down after the bear killed a momma and her calf. My dad never wasted anything. Bear meat wasn’t all that bad and the rug wasn’t a bad place to sit on in front of the fire.
When I grabbed the logs from the neatly stacked wood pile near the fireplace, it dawned on me that there wasn’t a Christmas tree up. I didn’t even see the gifts I had mailed. That was going to change.
After I got the fire roaring, I headed to my old room with my suitcases. Dakota followed, happy as could be. It was nice to be loved, even if he did drool and shed. My room had been untouched since my last visit, or since high school really. The baby-blue ruffled comforter still lay neatly across the twin size bed. My dresser was topped with awards and ribbons from academic and sports achievements through the years. My favorite thing, though, was the framed picture of my mom and me that sat in the middle. I picked it up and blew off the dust. She was holding her brand new daughter in her arms. Even for being in a hospital bed and giving birth, she looked like perfection to me. We shared the same dark hair, but hers was long and braided. I inherited her olive skin. She was looking at my dad, who took the picture, like look what we just created. She told me never to tell my brothers, but she confessed that having a daughter was something extraordinarily special to her. She said it was like giving birth to her best friend. And she had been my best friend. I wished she was here now.
I unpacked while Dakota lay on the bed. I told him all about Zander and how foolish I had been. He was a good listener, but gave no advice.
I walked back into a warmer living room and started cleaning up. I didn’t care that my dad didn’t want me taking care of him, I couldn’t live like this during my visit. I wasn’t sure how long I would be here. My bank account was a consideration, so I needed to decide fairly quickly on what I would do. Find a job here for a while, g
o back and keep my current job, or go back to Atlanta and find a new job. I knew my dad would be against option one. Option two made me queasy. I liked my job, but how could I work there again under the circumstances? Eva and Cara probably wanted to pull my hair out, and then there was Zander. I fell for him, hard.
Work. I needed to work. The house gave me plenty to do. I started with the kitchen so I could make dinner. It was getting dark and I knew my dad would be tired when he rolled in. I was surprised I hadn’t seen the boys. Colton and Savannah rented their own little place in town, and Lincoln lived in the quarters above the barn. From time to time we had ranch hands and that’s where they had stayed.
I got a pot of beef stew going while I continued to clean. My mom would have died to see the state of the house now. She ran a tight ship and kept a tidy house. Not Zander clean, but that was abnormal. Quit thinking about him, Meg. I couldn’t get the feel of his lips off my skin or out of my mind. But I had to.
What choice did I have?
Chapter Twenty-Two
I fell asleep fast. After a night with no sleep, a day of travel and cleaning, I was spent. I curled up with Dakota. I was missing Jasper, who I’d left with my aunt, but Dakota snuggled in and kept me warm during the below zero night.
I was awakened by two morons at the crack of dawn, jumping on my bed like they were six-year-olds.
My eyes peeked open to see the grinning idiots. “I don’t remember ordering a wakeup call.”
“City life has made you soft, sleeping in until five.”
I put my pillow over my head. “Ugh.”
They laughed and tickled me.
That got me going. Between laughing and begging for mercy, I yelled at them to stop. But Lincoln got his. Dakota nipped at him, thinking he was hurting me.
“Dumb dog is still more loyal to you.” Lincoln rubbed his hand.
“Boys,” Dad yelled from what sounded like the kitchen.
“You’re in trouble now.” I gave them a sleepy smile.
They both ruffled my hair before leaving.
I dragged myself out of bed and threw my robe over my flannel pajamas and followed them to the kitchen. My dad stood by the stove drinking coffee, the boys were each pouring themselves a cup.
Dating by Design Series - Box Set Page 45
