by B. B. Reid
Ever, Four, and Vaughn slipped past me into the kitchen and took their seats. The large ceramic island had stools all around, and the only place left was in Jamie’s direct line of sight. I held his gaze as I sat down, and he threw his elbow over the back of his chair, slouching low as he bit his bottom lip. Eyelashes lowered, he looked like he was enjoying dirty porn rather than sharing a meal with seven other people. When I continued to hold his gaze, he blew me a kiss.
Feeling as if he’d brushed his lips against mine, I pressed trembling fingers to my lips. Meeting his gaze again, I saw the playfulness leave his eyes, and in its place, a promise I shouldn’t want him to keep. But so what if I did? It was my little secret.
Finally breaking the connection, he turned to Tyra, who was sitting next to him, spooning eggs onto her plate.
“Tyra, you’re black, right?”
I blinked. Where the hell was he going with this? It was completely random and not to mention unnecessary.
Already used to his antics, she didn’t miss a beat as she continued to fill her plate. “Ask me if the carpet matches the drapes, and I’ll disembowel you right here, Buchanan.”
Jamie snorted and scooped a huge helping of eggs into his mouth. “Give me a fucking break,” he said with a mouthful. “I answered that question thoroughly years ago. Besides…” He swallowed this time before saying, “I already know you’re as bald as a baby’s ass.”
Everyone looked shocked and a little disturbed while my eyes narrowed on him. He wouldn’t meet my gaze, which only confirmed my suspicions. Rather than getting to me, I’d gotten to him, and just like a child who didn’t get their way, he was acting out.
“How the fuck do you know that?” Vaughn roared, breaking the stunned silence.
Jamie’s smile was small as he methodically slathered cream cheese on a bagel, perfectly content to leave us in suspense. Eventually, he winked, but I still wasn’t sure if it was because he was teasing or confirming what we were all thinking. “Saw the reminder for her wax appointment on her phone.”
Everyone seemed to release a collective breath—everyone except Tyra.
“You guys actually think I fucked him?” she screamed.
“Jamie can be persuasive,” Four muttered guiltily. Tyra rolled her eyes, but it was Ever’s scowl that stole the show.
“How persuasive?” he demanded.
I was taken aback at the possession in Ever’s tone. I still remembered him as the kid who was a little too carefree, never caring about the consequences of his actions or the long term. He’d lived for the now. I’d need my fingers and toes to count how many times he’d come close to death—and jail.
We all watched Four woo Ever with a kiss that melted him instantly. Jamie was the only one who wasn’t moved at their display of affection. I watched from the corner of my eye as he watched me instead. I knew he was waiting for my reaction, for me to scream, and to play the role of a scorned lover. Instead, I made a show of examining my fresh manicure.
“Only ever you,” Four promised Ever.
If I hadn’t been sitting so close, I wouldn’t have heard her whisper. I couldn’t help but wonder if she’d meant it. I hoped she did. Ever had been a shell before Four came to town. Guilt would do that to a person.
I’d know.
“Fucking better be,” he whispered back. He smirked, probably thinking it would hide his blush. I almost snorted. Boys.
“So, guys,” Tyra shouted cheerily to Lou and Wren. She seemed eager to change the subject, and I agreed. “How are you liking living together? It isn’t weird?”
“Not at all!” Lou answered with an affectionate smile. “I’m learning so much about my baby. Like how fast the toilet paper goes when he’s around.”
Wren’s lip curled into a mocking sneer. “I’m sorry that I need more than two squares to wipe my ass.”
“More like two rolls,” Lou corrected before laying a sympathetic hand on his arm. “It gets a bit explosive down there, huh?”
I snickered and then panicked, thinking someone might have heard. My mother would not have been amused. In fact, she would have run from the table. Fortunately, Jamie’s loud guffaw drowned out the small sound I’d made while the rest of the table pushed their food away. I quickly became entranced by Wren and Lou’s bickering until the grimness in Vaughn’s tone when he spoke pulled my attention away.
“Jamie,” Vaughn drawled, “it’s your lucky day. That stunt you pulled got you chauffeur duty. The girls want you to drive them around when they go dress shopping.”
Jamie’s nonchalance at the announcement surprised me as he reached for a strip of bacon. I used to think he was like every other boy, unwilling to take orders from a girl until I realized he didn’t like orders no matter who was giving them. To say I was relieved would be an understatement. They say most girls fall in love with a man most like their father. I was glad that hadn’t been the case for me. Jamie and my father loathed each other beyond redemption.
“Only if I get to help them try some on,” he retorted lasciviously.
“You don’t,” Ever, Vaughn, and even Wren echoed.
“Dresses?” Four questioned, making my heart stop. “For what?”
The trippy organ inside my chest began to beat again but much too fast.
Ever hadn’t asked Four to prom.
Even though I knew it was in vain, I closed my eyes, praying that it hadn’t been because of me. When I opened them again, I glanced around the island, seeing everyone’s bewildered expression.
Lou was the one who finally answered when everyone else just stared. “For prom, silly.”
“Okay, how does she know that but not you?” Jamie quipped.
“For one,” Lou sassed, “I’m going. And two, maybe she just forgot.”
Jamie’s gaze narrowed before traveling back and forth and then settling on Ever. “You haven’t asked her yet, have you?” At Ever’s silence, Jamie’s lips spread into a wide smile. “This should be interesting.”
“Why would he need to ask her?” Lou argued in a tone suggesting Jamie was dense. “She’s obviously his girlfriend.” Her sneaky smile and mocking tone made me shift uncomfortably in my chair. I knew where this conversation was headed, and suddenly, I wondered at the real reason I was invited. I was the black sheep here, not Jamie, who was clearly out to stir the pot.
“No, she’s his dirty little secret.” Jamie stood up from the table with a dry chuckle that I knew all too well.
I wanted to run through the open French doors leading to the back lawn, but I couldn’t bring my feet to move. Besides, there was nowhere to go. Even with as uncomfortable as my present circumstances made me, it was still better than being trapped in that gilded cage my father could no longer afford.
“Everyone will be expecting him to show up with her on his arm,” Jamie said while pointing accusingly at me.
I felt vomit rushing up, and I wanted to grab for my water—or slap the smirk off Jamie’s full lips—but my hands shook too badly to dare either. I pressed them into my lap, hoping no one would see.
“But don’t let that distract you from the fact that I can’t get my dick wet in peace without being asked if I have a date to the prom,” Jamie grumbled.
“How is that relevant?” Tyra questioned.
“Most of these chicks care more about prom than they do graduation, but somehow, the most coveted day of the year escaped our dear Four’s notice.”
“And? She’s got a lot on her mind.”
“So wouldn’t a night dancing in her lover’s arms be the perfect chance to escape her woes?”
No one had a response to that, not even Ever. Silently, I was pleading with him to stand up and claim her for his date, but I knew he wouldn’t. Because of me. The amount of relief I felt when Four had given me back Ever’s engagement ring made it hard for me to look myself in the mirror afterward. I should have been able to face my demons on my own. I took a deep breath, eager more than ever for the day that I could skip town and neve
r return. There was too much pain here. Pain that I helped to cause.
Four’s voice, filled with venom, distracted me from feeling sorry for myself. I would have enough time for that when I was once again alone. “While your concern is touching, Jamie, you don’t need to speak for me. I never had any intention of going to prom.”
“Oh, you’ll go,” Ever decreed.
Four’s head whipped in his direction, and the glare she pinned him with made me smile. It was nice to know that I’d be leaving my best friend in capable hands. Everson needed someone who could stand up to him.
“On whose command?”
Bracing his hands against the table, Ever leaned forward, looking ready to stand and continue the conversation in private, but then Lou spoke, causing him to sit back and sulk.
“I know this is super taboo and a little insane, and I may be starting something that I can’t undo, but… I have to side with Jamie. And you should know,” she added before anyone could argue, “that it is not because he’s my new best friend.” A growl from Wren caused Lou to look his way. “Oh, sweetie,” she cooed. “You didn’t think you’d have your cake and eat it too, did you?” She kissed his cheek when he continued to glower, and he relaxed—if only a little. “Relax, chief. You get to see me naked.”
“Get back to the part where you were agreeing with me,” Jamie insisted.
“Don’t push it,” Lou snapped before zeroing in on Ever. “Unless there’s an audience, I’ve never seen you act like more than a friend to her.” She threw her thumb over her shoulder to me, and momentarily forgetting who I was expected to be, I rolled my eyes. Still, I did nothing because a part of me wanted this to happen. Even though it wasn’t in my best interest, it was in Ever’s, which was enough for me. “And when no one else except us is looking, you dote and fawn and screw Four, rather loudly I might add.” My eyebrows rose at that, but thankfully, no one noticed. “And in front of your supposed girlfriend.”
“Lou, it’s not our business,” Wren bit out.
Ignoring her boyfriend, who was seriously intimidating, Lou turned to Four. “I know Tyra said she wouldn’t judge, but I made no such promise. I respect the hell out of you, Four. I might even look up to you.” Lou looked on the verge of shedding a tear when she said, “You’re the big sister I’ll never have.”
“Wait one fucking minute,” Ever said with a growl. “This so-called breakfast is a goddamn intervention, isn’t it?”
“Yes!” shouted everyone, except Four, Ever, and me.
“Un-fucking-believable,” he spat.
Four finally glanced my way as if remembering I was there, and I wasn’t sure what she saw, but I had a pretty good guess when her gaze became worried. I gritted my teeth as the girl I used to be raged internally at me for being so weak.
“Something is up,” Vaughn said. “And if you don’t tell us right now what’s going on, that vein in Jamie’s forehead is going to burst.”
“Let me guess,” Ever responded with a lick of his lips. “This was all his idea.”
“Of course,” Jamie answered proudly.
“We only agreed because it’s driving us crazy, too,” Tyra rushed to explain.
“Tell us what the hell is going on with you three,” Vaughn demanded.
“If it was any of your business”—Ever stood up—“we would have told you.” Taking Four’s arm, he pulled her from the chair before nodding toward me. All the grace and poise that had been drilled into me since I was thirteen years old was forgotten as I stood on shaking legs and followed. I could feel Jamie’s angry glare and knew he’d seek retribution for things not going his way.
And, as always, he’d look to me to pay the price.
The hours after Four and Ever returned me home blurred together. Jamie seemed to be taking his sweet time, knowing that I was anticipating his arrival. I wouldn’t be surprised if he were biding his time until I lost my nerve. It was a shame how easily he could get under my skin. Then again… maybe he’d never left, not even after all these years.
Rather than give him what he wanted, I locked my door—even though I was home alone—shoved aside my nightstand, and lifted the floorboard underneath. Once I found what I needed, I grabbed my bag and headed out. Since neither my oxfords nor my five-inch heels were appropriate for the terrain, I dug out the cheap flip-flops my mother had no idea I’d purchased. There was no telling where my parents were or when they’d be back, but it was a risk I was willing to take. The walk through the small forested area surrounding my house was short. A pity, really. Sometimes, I wished these woods were large enough to get lost in.
Reaching a familiar glade, I sat down against my favorite tree and pulled out the one true treasure I had left. Using both hands to hold it to my lips, I blew into and through a few of the ten holes. The tune I played was simple, the only one I’d learned on this old harmonica, but it always managed to make my heart flutter with nostalgia.
I felt a tear slip by the time I reached the end. I dropped the harmonica to my lap, but I didn’t bother to wipe it away before pulling out my journal and pen and settling back against the tree once more. Instantly, I was transported back to a different tree six years ago, where my first kiss was so brazenly stolen. Putting pen to paper, I poured what little feelings I still allowed myself onto a clean page.
I should have seen it coming
It was right there in your eyes
The window to your soul
My lips your window to mine
I had no secrets when you kissed me
And, clever boy, you knew it well
But those days are gone now
I’ve wished your love farewell
An hour and three poems later, I shoved the journal and harmonica inside my bag. I felt like a fool, but I couldn’t help thinking that it was better than feeling nothing at all. I’ve had that journal since I was twelve, and eight months ago was the first time I’d touched it in four years. I didn’t allow myself to believe that the timing was anything other than a coincidence. This spark of life I was suddenly feeling could very well be because of my impending freedom.
Inside, I held my breath as I ascended the stairs to the third floor where my bedroom was, mercifully alone. I didn’t need to question if Jamie was up there. Luckily, I had the foresight to check the hiding space where we kept the spare key. Needless to say, it was empty.
A part of me delighted in the chance to take him by surprise. Usually, it was Jamie who was always two steps ahead of me.
Reaching my bedroom, I pushed open the door just as Jamie emerged from my closet. I was sure it’d been ransacked thoroughly. For a few seconds, we stood there, staring at one another before he broke the silence.
“What are you doing here?”
His question had me cocking my head. “Shouldn’t that be my line? This is my bedroom.”
“What’s yours is always mine, Barbette. I thought you knew that by now.”
“Get out.”
“When I’m done here.” Arrogantly, he turned toward my dresser and yanked open the top drawer where I kept my panties. “Where were you?” he demanded as he took his time rifling through them.
“If that were your business, I’d have already told you.” Walking over to my bed, I deftly slid my bag under my bed before sitting on it. “Looking for something?”
I already knew the answer, and knowing what he was looking for had me kicking my purse further underneath the bed. Turning to me, our gazes connected once more, his burning while mine remained carefully shuttered.
If I let him see…
Even after I’d made him doubt my feelings for him, Jamie was relentless. I could never risk giving him even a glimpse of hope.
“Where is it?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I lied, averting my gaze.
Slowly, he crossed the room until he towered over me. With strong fingers, he lifted my chin, making my heart beat a little faster. “Yes, you do.”
I considered playing
coy again, and he must have seen it in my eyes because his hand drifted down to my neck in warning. “I lost it,” I blurted before I could talk myself out of lying again.
“You lost it?”
“Why do you even care so much? You’ve got a million guitars.”
His dark eyebrows pulled together in confusion before he spoke again. “You know what I’m talking about,” he pushed through gritted teeth. “Where is it?”
Oh… that.
I thought for sure he was after something else, although the truth didn’t make me feel much better. In fact, my stomach twisted just a little more at the thought of him reading what was inside my journal.
“I don’t do that anymore.”
“Because you’re such a cold, unfeeling bitch?”
“You tell me, Jameson. You’re the one touching me.”
After a brief pause, his hand trailed from my neck, and for a moment, I thought he’d slip the buttons on my blouse free, and—Don’t you dare think about that.
“So I am.” Pulling away, he dug into his pocket and pulled the spare key out before dropping it into my lap. “I always get what I want, Bette. You should know that by now.”
Lifting my chin, I met his gaze. “Then why do you look so worried?”
Jamie stared down at me for such a long time that I began to squirm, and I wasn’t sure if it was because of my nerves or the warmth pooling between my thighs.
“Where is she?” he demanded.
“Who?”
Jamie’s gaze was unflinching as he held my eyes hostage. “You know who.”
I looked away because I did know. “She’s gone,” I whispered. The desolation in my tone echoed through my heart.
“Bullshit,” Jamie spat. “I know her better than you do.” When I didn’t respond, he took a step back and then another. “Have it your way. I know how to get her back.”
I watched, perplexed, as he walked over to the gold, ornate, floor-length mirror that sparkled diamond dust when the light hit it just right. My father had paid seven grand for it.
