by B. B. Reid
“He’d been a smoker all his life, Bee. You know that. He died from lung cancer.” My hand tightened around her throat, making her eyes bulge. “You want to tell me you didn’t know?”
“I didn’t,” she whimpered.
I scoffed, unsure if I believed her, but knowing it didn’t matter. “And you think that excuses you?” A tear slipped from her beautiful, blue eyes, and I swiped it away with my thumb. “Is the fact that you didn’t care enough to know how my father died supposed to make me feel better?”
“I cared!”
“Not. Enough.”
“I was afraid, Jamie.”
I paused. What the hell could Bee have possibly been afraid of? That I’d reject her? Never. Not only was I not strong enough, but I could never do what she’d done to me. “So was I. It was my father who died, and you didn’t even fucking call.” I shoved her away and was caught completely off guard when she didn’t flee for safety. Her hands were reaching for me, and afraid I’d finally crumble if she touched me, I grabbed her bun in a vicious hold and backed her against the nearest wall. “Stay away from me. Forget I ever existed, and I’ll do the same.”
Lies. All lies.
Instead of heeding my warning, her trembling hand cupped my cheek. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Jamie.”
“You’ve had five years to think of what to say, and the best you can give me is a fucking cliché?”
“It’s true!”
“I don’t give a fuck.”
Her temples were becoming red due to my harsh grip on her hair, so I let my hand fall. After everything she’d done to me, I still couldn’t bring myself to harm her. My frustration boiled until I eventually exploded, driving my fist into the wall next to her head. She didn’t even fucking flinch.
Even Bee knew when it came to her, I’d always be weak.
I’d shoved away from her and started for the door when her voice stopped me. “You have to stop smoking, Jameson. Before it kills you.”
I came to a screeching halt, and then slowly, I turned, my gaze narrowing on Barbette, still holding up the wall. She didn’t shy away and even lifted her chin. My nostrils flared in response as my chest rose higher and faster. What right did she have to make demands on me? If that was how she wanted to play it—as if we still cared for each other—then so be it. I had a few requests of my own.
“You want me to stop?” I taunted, closing the distance between us once more. “Give me something I’ll want more.”
I already knew what her answer would be but that didn’t stop me from dreaming. Although I hated the very air she breathed, it didn’t change the facts. I wanted Barbette, which meant I wouldn’t be turning down a night with her if by some miracle she offered. I’d even be generous and fuck her good in the morning before sending her worthless ass back to my cousin.
Barbette’s brows furrowed until understanding dawned. “You expect me to sleep with you in exchange for saving your own life?”
“And not just once,” I clarified, abandoning everything I’d said earlier. Moving on wasn’t an option. Barbette was it for me—my slice of heaven and my one-way ticket to hell. I could never trust her with my heart again, but maybe I was kidding myself thinking I could stay away completely. “Whenever, wherever, and however I want it. You game?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Didn’t think so.” I started to turn away when I caught her by surprise, trapping her against the wall with my hand around her lovely neck. Before she could react, I had my other hand down those tiny shorts, cupping her bare pussy. She wasn’t wearing panties today, not that they would have stopped me.
“Jamie!” she yelped when most of her shock finally cleared.
“Shut the fuck up.” She did just that, eyelashes fluttering when my middle finger teased her opening. Her pussy was practically salivating. I could have slid right in. “Not game? That’s the third lie you’ve told me today.” Strumming her clit and making her gasp, I yanked my hand free of her shorts the second she reached the edge. Cutting it off instead would have been less painful. “Make it your last. Ever.”
Standing back, I waited for her to beg me to finish it—to give us both what we shouldn’t want. Her blue eyes slowly drifted open and the desperation in them nearly stole my breath. She’d never looked more beautiful, and I was crumbling all over again.
Panicking, I didn’t look back when I walked away this time. If I had, the lust clouding her eyes and judgment right now would have me fucking her up the wall and into the middle of next week.
Not for the first time, I wondered if I was losing the war I started. I’d always been able to separate sex from emotions but with Barbette I wasn’t so sure. Most of the time, I couldn’t decide if I wanted to fuck her, kill her, or fall to my knees and beg her to take me back.
Summer… Six Years Ago
YOU’RE DEAD MEAT.
You’re dead meat.
You’re dead meat.
The three words Jamie had uttered seemed to echo inside my mind in time with my pounding heart as I ran, not for the safety of the house but the woods surrounding it.
Stupid! Stupid!
The last thing I’d heard before I disappeared among the trees was Ever, Vaughn, and Jason trying to restrain Jamie after he’d climbed from the pool. I had no idea if they had succeeded. I definitely wasn’t sticking around to find out.
I wasn’t sure how long or far I’d run before I was out of breath. Slowing up, I chanced a glance behind me to see if I was being followed. Seeing no one, I planted my hands on my knees and breathed a sigh of relief.
So much for fighting your own battles.
I’d never seen so much anger in one person before. Jamie had been explosive, a bomb with a very short fuse. I’d have to tread carefully.
I gritted my teeth at the thought and discarded it as quickly as it had come. This was my town, my crew. Jamie, like it or not, was just going to have to get in line.
Finally catching my breath, I stood up straight, prepared to face the music, and at the same time, I heard what sounded like a twig snapping. The moment my head swung in that direction, I was tackled to the ground.
The force of the impact knocked the breath I’d just caught from my lungs. I felt dazed, but I could still make out the fist hovering in the air, and Jamie’s handsome face, wet with pool water, twisted in anger. His hair, which was longer in the front, was now plastered to his forehead and dripping water into brown eyes that seemed darker now. I started to feel bad for pushing him into the pool until I realized his fist was heading straight for my face. I dodged the blow just in time, leaving his fist to crash into the ground. The pain I could imagine radiating up his arm right about now distracted him long enough for me to wiggle from under him. Once free, I saw my red cap lying a few feet away and scrambled to grab it.
Big mistake.
I felt Jamie’s hand clamp around my ankle, and then he was dragging me back. I suddenly felt like the stupid heroine in a horror movie who’d just tripped over an invisible rock. The sticks and stones scraping my skin had me gritting my teeth. Despite my struggling, Jamie managed to flip me over and grip my wrists. I was pinned, and fighting to free myself only made this cruel boy tighten his grip until I whimpered from the pain.
Losing my cool, I screamed in his face. “It was just cookies, asshole!”
Jamie didn’t respond.
In fact, his anger was gone, replaced by shock as he stared at my chest. My T-shirt had lifted during the struggle, exposing my bright pink training bra underneath. His shock seemed to clear a few seconds later, and then he was stumbling back in horror.
I fixed my shirt with a huff and stood, too. I watched him warily while he tried to process what he’d seen. Despite my bra no longer being visible, he was still staring and blinking stupidly at my chest. My boobs that I resented so much were once more safely hidden by my baggy t-shirt.
“You’re a-a-a—you’re a girl.”
“That’s right,” I admitted shamelessly.
“I am.” And then I drew my fist back before sending it flying into his nose. It was the first time I’d punched someone, and boy, did it feel good. I understood now why the guys were always eager for a fight. I fought a smile, suddenly hoping that Jamie didn’t hold back.
Instead, he stumbled back while clutching his nose.
I became alarmed by the amount of blood spilling past his hands. I turned toward the sound of running feet. Ever, Vaughn, and Jason had found us, and they looked as bad off as Jamie. Clearly, there had been a fight between them, and clearly, Jamie had won. It made me think twice about hitting him. Three against one were tough odds, and my guys had never been bested.
“Dude, you okay?” Vaughn asked as he tipped toward Jamie.
“I think she broke my nose!”
I rolled my eyes at his dramatics while fighting a smile. It was hard to feel sorry for him since he’d started it. It didn’t have to go this far, but obviously, he’d wanted to prove a point. I hugged myself as I admitted a part of me had wanted to prove myself, too. The guys constantly got shit for taking orders from a girl. I was afraid that one day they’d give in to the pressure, and I’d be without friends.
“We should get back,” Jason said. “My sister probably already told your mom what happened,” he said to Ever, who nodded.
With a final glare, Jamie stormed away with Vaughn on his heels.
“Dude,” I heard Jason whisper to Ever. “Your cousin totally got his ass kicked by a girl.” I could hear the awe in Jason’s voice and Ever’s snickering.
With my back turned to them, I smiled while trailing Jamie and Vaughn. I was sure to keep my distance, though. Every once in a while, Jamie would glare at me over his shoulder, and I’d simply lift a brow.
Ready whenever you are, douchebag.
When we finally reached the house, he turned on me. Blood coated his upper lip, and I had an urge I didn’t understand to lick him clean. My mouth even filled with a coppery tang as if I’d already done so. “You’re lucky I don’t hit girls,” he spat.
Slowly, I clapped my hands. “Congratulations. Want a cookie?” I taunted, knowing that choice of words would piss him off the most.
He stormed inside the house without responding, but those dark-brown eyes of his still promised retribution. Jamie may not hit girls but that didn’t mean he was willing to let today go unpunished.
I lifted my chin as I watched him go. Maybe I was lucky he didn’t hit girls, but either way, I refused to be afraid. Jamie had made a grave mistake underestimating me, and if he forced me to, I’d show him exactly why.
“I don’t want you coming home with more scrapes and bruises,” my mother had warned. “You know how your father gets.” I watched as she removed roller after roller from my hair. They had been hell to sleep with last night, but my mother hadn’t heard my pleas. She’d been determined to make me look like a girl despite my shorn hair. “And stay away from those boys. It’s not seemly for you to run around with them alone. You really should play with other girls. You’ll have more in common with them.”
Tomorrow was the Fourth of July, so a carnival had come to Blackwood Keep. The entire town would be out today, which meant I had to look my very best. I wanted to be excited about the rides, food, and fireworks, but I knew it just meant I’d be seeing Jamie again. Thanks to my fight with him in the woods, I’d gone home with bruises that I couldn’t explain without being grounded. The scrapes on my hands had been the hardest to hide after my bike fell apart from under me. I’d been on my way home when it happened and discovered the front wheel had been loosened. I didn’t need to question who’d done it. The pranks hadn’t stopped there. I got a jar of spiders dumped down my shirt the next day and found a poisonous snake in my sneaker on the third. I hadn’t realized the snake was fake until after I’d come dangerously close to a heart attack. Yesterday had been unexpectedly peaceful. I’d been on pins and needles waiting for Jamie to try something, and he’d spent the entire day pretending I didn’t exist.
As hard as I’d tried to blend in, to be just another one of the guys, I was beginning to feel like an outsider. I could already feel Ever, Vaughn, and Jason gravitating more and more toward Jamie. I’d become accustomed to calling the shots. Anything I’d wanted to do, they used to want to do it, too. Unfortunately, Jamie had made a habit of challenging me at every turn, and now the guys were beginning to look to him for leadership.
And then there was still the question that needed answering.
Why hadn’t Ever told Jamie I was a girl?
Before Jamie came to town, I believed I was one of them. That they had accepted me for who I was and who I could never be.
Not wanting to face the betrayal, I still hadn’t confronted my best friend. Instead, I let the hurt eat away at my heart while trying to figure out how to deal with one Jameson John Buchanan.
The warmth that spread through me the moment I thought of him was nothing new, although I still hadn’t become accustomed to it.
“Barbette, are you listening?”
I met my mother’s gaze in the mirror and prayed that her beauty was all I’d inherited from her. Melissa Montgomery had shrewd brown eyes, and, thanks to her frequent salon visits, lustrous hair that was a true red, unlike mine.
My eyes, however, were unmistakably blue—a trait I inherited from my father. I wondered if mine were as cold. He certainly had the icy demeanor to match.
“Yeah, Ma.”
She paused. The only movement was her hand tightening painfully around my hair. “Excuse me?”
I stilled, too, forgetting myself. Or rather… who I was supposed to be. “Mother. Yes, Mother.”
She promptly removed the last roller from my hair, although her scathing glare remained. “Young ladies with a future as promising as yours do not talk as if they’ve crawled from the gutter.”
“Yes, Mother,” I answered gracefully.
Because that was my future, saying yes and being gracious all the time to any demand. My parents believed that a proper upbringing for a daughter meant being a well-worn doormat.
My mother finished fluffing the bouncy curls adorning my hair and stood back to admire her handiwork. I gritted my teeth as I stared at my reflection. I looked like Annie after she’d gone to live with Daddy Warbucks.
“May I be excused?” I asked when she was done inspecting me for imperfections. For the most part, my parents accepted that I was a kid just like any other. The only exception was when there was someone to impress. I wasn’t allowed even a hair out of place then. To be fair, it was normal to want your kid to look nice for special occasions, but I couldn’t help but wonder if my parents cared a little too much.
A few months ago, we’d dined with a business associate of my father who also had a son my age. Parker had been bragging the entire night about his brand-new treehouse until I couldn’t resist seeing it for myself. I remembered my father’s rage after I’d torn my tights climbing the large tree in the Jeffersons’ backyard, and I could still feel the bite of his belt striking across my back after we’d returned home. I shuddered.
“Be home in time to wash for dinner.”
It was all I could do not to sprint from the house as fast as I could with the wind whipping through the hair she’d just spent an hour styling. Not to mention the risk of scuffing the black patent leather Mary Janes. I inwardly groaned and tried not to pick at the itchy white tights covering my legs. The frilly pink dress my mother picked out for me was bad enough.
I knew I’d be getting shit from the guys the moment they laid eyes on me. I’d be the butt of their jokes for the rest of the day.
Hopping on my bike, I pedaled to a field a couple of miles from Brynwood, the prestigious academy we’d all be attending in a couple of years. The fair was being held there, and we’d all agreed to meet up by the ticket booths. There must have been hundreds of cars covering the neighboring field designated for parking. After locking up my bike on one of the racks, I crossed the gridlocked road. After waiting five
minutes of waiting in line, I paid the ten bucks, accepted the stamp on my hand, and let one of the stone-faced guards scan me with a wand for weapons. I hadn’t bothered bringing a bag, so I got through security quickly.
I immediately began scanning the crowd for my crew and saw them standing near the lost and found. Ever was clutching an orange Gatorade, listening to whatever Vaughn and Jason were discussing so animatedly while Jamie sat atop the hood of a white pickup that didn’t belong to him. He looked far too alluring in his black muscle shirt. It was so big on his lanky frame that I could see his dusky nipples peeking at me through the sides of his shirt. I tried to tear my gaze away but found it impossible. I wasn’t even sure where the urge was coming from. I had never despised anything or anyone more than Jameson John Buchanan. Not even my father.
As if sensing my thoughts, his gaze drifted to me. Neither of the others had noticed me yet. Only him. I waited for his signature smirk or for him to instantly dismiss me as usual, but he didn’t. He watched me watch him, and I wasn’t sure how much time passed with us just staring at each other before we were forced to break the connection.
“Holy shit, Bee!” Vaughn’s eyes nearly doubled in size as he looked me up and down. “You look like a girl!”
For a second, I thought I saw a spark of interest in his eyes before I dismissed the thought. No way. This wasn’t the first time he’d seen me like this, so why now?
“She looks so pink,” Jason chimed in with a snicker. “I mean pretty,” he said when he caught my look.
My gaze traveled to Ever, who only shrugged with a crooked smile. Feeling like the worst hadn’t been so bad after all, I started to relax when Jamie began whistling. It only took me a few seconds to recognize Tomorrow.
Even though I’d had the same thoughts about my resemblance to Annie, the obvious taunt still made my cheeks flush.
“Holy shit.” Vaughn gasped. It seemed to be his new catchphrase. “Are you blushing?”
“What? No!”
