by Kevin Fox
“They might need help,” I admitted, falling right into her trap.
“Exactly. You want to be their hero, just like you want to be hers. Well, maybe she doesn’t need a hero. Maybe you should save the ones who want to be saved,” she said, touching my hand. I looked up to find Kat still watching my eyes. She cared. I could see that. I had to tell her.
“You’re right. She’s not coming back. It’s pointless to go after her… but I thought women who tell you not to chase them say it just to test and see if you will.”
“You’re an idiot. That’s bullshit made up by men who are stalkers, trust me. Take me, for example. I’d never ask any man to chase me, and I’d never tell them not to. I don’t have time for games. You know that—just like you know that when I say I’m here for you, it means I’m fucking here for you. Always.”
“I know.”
“Good. Then you know that I’m not going anywhere… And that this is enough for me,” she said, losing me.
“What, exactly, is enough?” I asked, turning to face her, wanting to be able to read her expression. When I caught her eye, I saw that they were clear, solemn, and drilling right through me. She knew me too well for me to hide from that look.
“Being second. Being part of whatever this is… It’s good enough.”
“Being second shouldn’t be good enough for anybody.”
“Maybe it won’t be later,” she said, taking her hand off my back. “I plan on working my way up.”
“To what?”
“First. You’ll forget her sooner or later. I’m banking on sooner.”
“I’m not sure it works like that, Kat.”
“Maybe, but forgetting can be a way of healing too.” Hope lifted her voice, a sort of life-affirming tone that I hadn’t noticed before. She was hoping I’d forget, when I’d spent my whole life trying to remember.
“Kat, I don’t think—”
I stopped, cut off by Kat’s lips on mine. They were warm and soft and dusted with the dew that had settled there as we spoke. I couldn’t pull away until she did. She didn’t go far—our noses were practically touching as she put her forehead to mine, staring me down.
“Kill, I’m going to tell you something you need to remember no matter what else happens.”
“Sure.”
“When a girl lays it on the line for you, a word of advice—shut up and let her hope.”
We both sat there in silence, and I stared out at the marshy ground, remembering and dreaming of things that would never be. It was the most peaceful time I can remember in spite of the warm rain falling through the leaves. The sound of it, syncopated and rhythmic on the ground, rustling the leaves to a murmuring whisper, reminded me of a thousand conversations locked away somewhere in my mind. They’re in there, barely audible, just below the threshold of comprehension… the whispers of people I can’t remember. Their words are the story of my life, the stories I can never tell, the loves, like Rigan, who I’ve lost and may never remember.
I miss them.
Without thinking, I put an arm around Kat, and the sun broke through the clouds. I still had Kat. When she was around, the world was always full, and alive, and somehow even warm and dry—even when it wasn’t.
For now, that was enough. Maybe the rain wasn’t so bad.
The End
About the Author
Kevin Fox has been a producer and writer of television and film for over twenty years, writing films such as The Negotiator, starring Sam Jackson, as well as writing and producing television such as FOX’s Lie to me* and Law & Order: SVU, for which he was nominated for the prestigious Edgar Award. His first novel, Until the Next Time, was published by Algonquin Books to strong critical support. Born and raised in Staten Island, the setting of The Killian Collins Series, he is from a multi-generational Irish American family of police officers, and is a dual citizen of The United States and The Irish Republic.
You can keep up to date with Kevin via his website:
kevinfox.com
Copyright © 2019 Kevin Fox.
The right of Kevin Fox to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted.
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No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise) without the prior written permission of the author, except in cases of brief quotations embodied in reviews or articles. It may not be edited, amended, lent, resold, hired out, distributed or otherwise circulated, without the publisher’s written permission.
Permission can be obtained from kevinfox.com
This book is a work of fiction. Except in the case of historical fact, names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
ISBN: 978-1-7331187-1-2
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