by Cate Corvin
If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was getting attached.
My first instinct was to ask where’s Shane? but I already knew how well Roman took it when he thought I was trying to get rid of him. “He spent all night shredding my curtains. I was about to go feed him, if-” My tongue froze in my mouth for a second, and then the words fell out, like they were defying my will. “If you want to come.”
To his credit, he didn’t make any crass jokes. “Yeah. I’d like to see how the little jerk’s doing.”
I waved to Holly, who was laughing as Theo juggled baseball-sized globes of fire, and walked with Roman to C Wing. After Warden Vega’s assault and the fight with Carmen, I wasn’t feeling hungry at all. I was just impatient for night to fall so I could finally do something.
“Is Shane coming back tonight?” I couldn’t help asking. I needed someone who was one-hundred-percent, without-a-doubt trustworthy to be our anchor to the liveside.
“No. He’s having a really hard time with his baser nature right now, Blondie.” The further we got from the crowd, the more Roman relaxed, brushing against me as we walked. “I mean, I get it, it physically hurts when the beast is urging you to mark someone. He’s trying to distract himself.”
“You’ve felt the urge to mark someone before?” I tried to push away a roil of jealousy without much success.
He shrugged one-shouldered. “Yeah. It’s like having the wolf right under your skin, and it’s hard to tell where you begin, and the beast ends. Your teeth get itchy. It’s like… the quasi-mystical equivalent of blue balls.”
I burst out laughing and covered my mouth. “Quasi-mystical blue balls. Thanks, Roman.”
Except now that he had me thinking about his balls, my cheeks flushed and my mind went to another place.
I slammed a mental door on that as quickly as possible.
So, Shane was out. I had no doubt he’d come with us and hold the candle flame that would anchor us to life, but the entire time he’d be in pain, and there was a good chance I’d come back to my body with a massive bite in me.
I wanted to be fully conscious and present when the bond was made. “Roman, if I asked you to do something that was exceedingly dangerous, broke all the rules, and might end up in total failure anyways, would you consider it?”
“Would I consider it?” Roman purred, tilting my chin up. My heart sputtered and roared back to life. “Breaking rules and exceptional danger are two of my favorite things, Blondie.”
I gazed up at him, contemplating for one moment that maybe Blondie wasn’t such an annoying nickname after all.
Well, it hadn’t been, until he’d thrown in back in my face once I’d served his purpose.
“Did you forget the part about probable failure?” I jerked my head away, digging my room key out of my pocket. Roman was still a little too close for comfort as I unlocked my door.
“Just my presence will bring this venture up to a ninety-five percent chance of success-”
A screaming gray comet flung itself from the top of the chest of drawers and collided with Roman’s head. He swore, grappling with Demonseed until he had the kitten in a headlock under his brawny arms.
Demonseed purred, fixing his pumpkin-orange eyes on me. He looked smug and completely content with life. “I think he’s suffocating.”
“No, he’s not,” Roman said, scratching behind his ears. “Who doesn’t want to be in his position right now?”
Me, I wanted to say, but I couldn’t even say it playfully. My mouth had gone dry and my stomach felt like a butterfly caught in a windstorm.
Roman Frost was in my bedroom, snuggling a kitten, the door was closed, and we weren’t fighting.
I wondered if I’d stepped into an alternate dimension.
Swallowing my nerves, I opened a can of tuna for Demonseed, who expectantly waited for Roman to carry him to the bowl. “If you coddle him like that, he’s going to end up spoiled.”
Roman arranged the animal in front of his meal. “He almost died out in the woods, maybe he needs a bit of spoiling. But I’m not carrying him to his litter box.”
The strangest sensation filled my chest as the kitten devoured its food. The part of me that still felt angry and betrayed didn’t want to see the kind side of Roman, didn’t want anything to do with him at all.
But the rest of me was drawn to him like a moth to a flame, and I couldn’t fight it.
“He’ll make a good familiar.” I stroked Demonseed, studiously ignoring how close Roman was to me.
“So, Lu, what’s this extremely dangerous rule-breaking I’m supposed to be doing for you?”
Just his flirtatious tone was enough to make me blush, and that wasn’t even taking the twilight eyes grazing me up and down into consideration.
“We’re mirrorwalking with Dominic tonight in the library. By we, I mean you’ll be our anchor. I’m going to the deadside.”
Roman’s smile faltered. “In the hallway we found?”
I nodded. What if he said no?
“Lu…” He straightened up, all six and a half feet of him towering over me, and I suddenly felt hyper aware of every inch of my skin. “You’re not a natural mirrorwalker, are you?”
I shook my head and shrugged at the same time. “Worst case, I can’t even make it past the mirror. Dominic will be with me the entire time if I do.”
“That doesn’t make it less dangerous.” Roman took a step closer. “Look. It’s one thing if I’m the one putting myself in danger, but the deadside is a seriously fucked up place-”
“I have to go,” I interrupted, almost reaching out to touch him the way I’d touch Shane or Dominic. I withdrew my hand just in time. “I don’t have a choice in this anymore. The spirit of that woman is asking me to come find her. She’s left breadcrumbs everywhere for me to find. Without you, we can’t cross the mirror, and all of this is for nothing.”
His jaw was set. “You trust me with your life, Lu? With your soul?”
Roman stared back into my eyes, searching me as deeply as I searched him. If I did this, he would be the sole presence tying my wandering spirit back to my body. Being a mirrorwalker’s anchor was the highest form of trust.
“I do,” I said, realizing that I really, truly meant it. I trusted Roman to hold the connection. Aradia knew he hadn’t really given me a reason to trust him, but somehow, I knew that Roman would die before he let either of us get lost on the deadside.
He took a deep breath and let it out in a rush, his brow furrowing. For the first time this week he looked almost like what I’d come to think of as Old Roman, his features tight and eyes sparkling with what could be either flirtation or malice.
“I owe you an apology, Lu,” he said. “A real one.”
“You already apologized.”
“For the shit I said to you about Steele. For provoking you into fighting me. You didn’t deserve that, and it was fucked up for me to take out my own insecurities on you.”
My heart squeezed when he reminded me of the nasty things he’d said about Steele and Bloom, and the vivid images my fears had conjured came boiling to the forefront of my mind.
But if those things were true- if Dominic would ever even consider leaving me for Ivy Bloom- he wouldn’t be risking his livelihood to help me mirrorwalk. He wouldn’t have been willing to risk his position here just to take out a Warden on my behalf.
I swallowed back the irritation that instinctively rose when I considered the possibility of Roman’s taunts, and held on to the cool, crystal serenity I’d felt when Roman’s witchwater had put out my wildfire after our cataclysmic fight.
“Well, I’m not sorry you said those things. If you hadn’t, I might’ve sat around wallowing in self-pity until Bloom won.”
“If I know anything about you, I know you wouldn’t have wallowed,” Roman said, his eyes downcast.
I let out a short laugh. “Yeah, I might have. I’m not from a large coven, or even a minor one. I was out of my depth and sinking. You might’ve gone
about it in the rudest way possible, but sometimes we need to hear hard truths to get ourselves straight and swim back to the top. I’m not sorry I fought you, Roman. You got me to pull my head on straight, and… truthfully, you’re the only person I’ve ever felt equally matched with. I spend so much time trying to keep myself contained, it felt good to just let loose with all I had for once.”
“Fire and ice,” he said, eyes glittering when they flicked back up to my face. “I’m still sorry, even if my dickishness helped you.”
“Yes.” With my heart in my throat, I reached out and touched his hand. “I accept your apology, but I still trust you to be straight with me, Roman. Even if it’s something that hurts to hear.”
He turned his hand and laced his fingers through mine, sending pleasant tingles through every nerve ending in my body. “We’re the same in a lot of ways, Lu. Saddled with something we didn’t want that makes us dangerous by nature. I… I was the one who ravaged my brother, but I’m sure he’s told you that by now.”
“I know,” I said softly, almost afraid that if I moved, he’d startle away. “We’re more alike than you know. I also hurt someone.”
With my heart in my throat, I told him about Jonathan Arrow and the Tribunal, the grim Wardens and my sentence. “I never wanted to hurt anyone with it. It’s just hard to control when it wants to bite.”
Roman stroked my cheek, tracing a slow line from temple to jaw, the pad of his thumb grazing my skin. “I know exactly how that feels,” he said, and leaned his forehead against mine. I was falling into twilight ice, his eyes a swirling storm framed in dark lashes.
He let out a sigh, his fingers tightening over mine. “I never thought I’d meet someone who understood,” he said. “Sometimes it’s hard to wake up and face myself, knowing what I’ve done. When I look at Shane sometimes all I see is my own failure. To make it even worse, I taught him to be like me, but I was born this way. There was never any choice but to be this.”
“And I never had a chance but to be this,” I said, feeling like a windstorm of butterflies was swirling in my abdomen. “Maybe that’s why fate tried to send me water for my fire.”
The ghost of a smile touched his full lips. “Fate doesn't get to call the shots. I choose you of my own free will, Lucrezia Darke.”
I felt like two separate people trapped in his gaze, the Lu who was still hurt by his rejection, and the Lu who craved someone just like her.
Right now, the Lu who craved was winning. Roman could be cruel, vicious, and cutting, but he was the dark half of me who knew what it was like to be dangerous.
Time seemed to halt around us, trapping us alone in a bubble. I somehow knew that this was the moment that would decide our path. If I wanted him, if I wanted to risk the possibility of being bitten once more… I could take him.
Or I could turn him away, reject our similarities, and never fear a betrayal again.
The fire in his eyes became uncertainty, edging towards ice. “Lu?”
I took a shaky breath. I wanted his glacial witchwater to my raging wildfire, and his rude way of making me see when I needed to pull it together, and to see him with his guard down, cuddling kittens.
“I choose you too, Roman.” He closed his eyes in relief for a moment, the tense lines of his face relaxing.
“I thought I’d fucked up forever,” Roman breathed. He slid his hand around my head and pulled me against him. “I don’t even know if I deserve to be forgiven after what I’ve said and done.”
I tentatively ran my hands over his chest, heat pulsing in my stomach when he let out a low hiss, and grew bolder in my exploration. His broad shoulders tensed and relaxed under my touch. “We wouldn’t get anywhere if we didn’t learn and forgive.”
“I didn’t really believe I had a chance until I met Locke.” Roman combed through my hair, catching curls in his fingers. “He’s been chained down there for god knows how long, broke free to just get to you, and you still wanted him. You still found something worth saving in him.”
“What do you mean?” I raised my head, looking up into Roman’s eyes, which were bright with triumph. “He broke free to get to me?”
“The first time I found you and Daphne fighting? The day the alarms went off. I didn’t see him or I would’ve put everything together sooner, but I have a good spot to listen in on Gilt- Locke broke out of his chains and it took half the staff to get him back underground. Apparently, they only caught him because the sunlight weakened him so badly.”
My lungs felt frozen in my chest. I remembered that day all too well- Holly and I had been cornered by Daphne, Lissa, and Clarimond in the C Wing hallway.
The next time I visited Locke, his chains were shiny and new.
“He wasn’t coming for my blood,” I said firmly, trying to convince myself. “He knew I’d met a Night Mare. He was worried.”
Roman brushed a careful kiss over my forehead. “No matter how much he loves you, he’s still like us, Lu- a slave to his nature. I guess that’s why I like him.” He laughed “The three of us never asked to be what we are, but now we can all struggle together.”
I knew why Locke hadn’t told me- he was ashamed that he’d given in to his base, primal nature, and had broken free just to hunt me down.
That’s why he’d been so standoffish when I tried to kiss him. He’d been pleased when Shane and Roman had broken in on our clearing in Moira’s Forest, because he’d no longer had to struggle alone with the temptation to feed on me, whether I wanted it or not.
“Yes,” I said, pressing my hand flat against Roman’s chest. As happy and light as I had felt only a moment ago, I felt like an anchor of solid lead had plunged into the pit of my stomach. “We’re together, and that’s what matters. We have each other.”
Roman smiled, but it was one I’d never seen before, almost shy in a way. “You know what I’ve always wanted? My own pack. My own coven where everyone is free to be what they are, and no one judges them for it. For those of us who have the wild in them.”
The anchor lightened a little. Not entirely, but enough for me to smile back up at Roman, basking in his warmth and openness. Something clicked into place for me.
“That’s what we are. Shane sees us together because we are a coven, a family. A coven for all of us who needed a true place to call home.”
“Shane’s visions have always led to terrible things,” Roman murmured. “It’s hard to accept that for once, he saw something for us that could end in something good. But I’m going to fight for it, Lu. For us.”
I gazed into twilight, past the armor he held around himself, and into the depths of his soul. He was protective, fierce, a fighter to the core, even if he had to nip at his own people to make them fight harder too. “A coven for those who are wild at heart.”
Chapter 15
Lu
“There are three rules to mirrorwalking.”
Dominic touched the black silk covering Josephine’s dresser mirror. The perfume bottles and the old silver-backed brush had been swept into the drawers, cushioned by rotting fabric. Several candles cast her old bedroom with an eerie glow.
“Never open the outside doors. Never walk deeper through another mirror, as it only leads further into Death. Always leave through the mirror you entered.” His hooded eyes ran over me, full lips set with tension. “You will stay within arm’s reach of me at all times, Lucrezia. I can’t impress upon you enough the danger of becoming separated on the deadside.”
“I understand.” My hands trembled at my side and I balled them into fists. My nails dug into my palms.
“The deadside is anathema to Life. Death steals from all the living who pass through, whether that be in vitality or in memories. If you go off alone, you will forget who you are. You’ll forget your own name, your life, everyone you ever loved… and if a spirit doesn’t latch onto you and feed on what’s left, your spirit will wander Death until it crumbles to dust, and your living body will die as well.”
“I’ve never been happie
r to be an elementalist,” Roman muttered. He tossed a fresh white candle from hand to hand, eyeing the desiccated room. “You don’t have to do this, Lu.”
“Mister Frost is correct,” Dominic said. I squeezed my fists even tighter. Of course they chose right now, the hour of truth, to gang up on me. “You don’t have to go through. Let me cross alone.”
“Josephine won’t trust you. You stabbed her, remember? Besides, she brought her bones and locket to me. I’m obligated to see this through.”
Roman sighed and the two men exchanged an exasperated glance. “You’re sure you want to do this?” Dominic asked, even though he already knew the answer.
I shook my head. “One way or another, I’m going to try.”
My professor pulled the silk from the mirror, revealing its cracked, clouded surface.
“Blondie…” Roman had gone tense as soon as the mirror was revealed. “Cimmerian is a big place. Is there any way to tie the two of you together?”
That was a tempting thought, a cord holding me to Dominic’s spirit, so there was no chance of us getting separated. He immediately dashed my hopes.
“No,” Dominic said. “She has to follow of her own accord. Lucrezia, if you can’t hold your mind together on the deadside, we’re coming right back. I’m not risking your sanity, no matter what Josephine wants to tell you.”
I took a deep breath and stepped up to his side before the mirror. “Deal. But I know I can keep it together.”
“Mister Frost, the candle.”
Roman stood behind us, brushing against me. Dominic pulled a silver lighter from his pocket and lit the candle, then handed it back to Roman. “You know what to do. Hold this between us and the mirror, don’t move an inch, and don’t let it go out.”
“Aye, aye.” Roman took the candle and positioned it so it was between us, keeping both Dominic and me anchored to the land of the living. “Watch yourself, Blondie.”
He leaned forward just enough to brush a kiss against my hair, and a shiver ran down my spine.
“We try to cross together,” Dominic murmured. He gripped my hand hard, and let it go. “Look into the mirror but look past yourself. You’re climbing out of your body and falling in.”
