Nothing could have prepared me for seeing Adam, his eyes were sunken, his hair lank. The oversized prison sweatshirt made him look thin, almost gaunt. He sat down opposite me, I had to bite my lip to stop myself from crying.
“Hello, Sis…”
“Adam…” I sniffed. Come on girl, hold it together. I told myself. “How are you doing?”
“Crap…” He snorted. “I didn’t do it…”
“I know… Oh Adam, of course, I know you couldn’t do something like that.”
“How’s Kate doing?”
“She’s coping, just. This is tough on her, but she is tough. Adam… Why didn’t you allow Kate to …?”
“Why didn’t I ask her to see me festering in prison? Is that what you were about to ask? Amanda, this is horrible. I can’t put her through this.”
“But she needs you, she’s beside herself with worry… Adam, let her see you.”
“Sis, I need you to give her a message.”
“Yes?”
“I want a divorce.”
* * *
I stared at the clock. The yard was quiet but I knew this was well past the time that Amanda would have seen Adam. She had said she would call as soon as she left, but that had been hours ago. Had there been an issue, Oh God, had she been involved in an accident? There was a sound, someone calling out from the back door. I stood up, walking through I saw Amanda standing on the doorstep.
“Come in… Oh, Amanda…” I ran towards her, grabbing her in a hug. “How was he? … Tell me is Adam coping?”
“Kate, let’s sit down.”
Amanda pulled out one of the dining room chairs, gesturing for me to sit before she busied herself in the kitchen, boiling the kettle and finding mugs.
“Amanda, I don’t want tea, please just tell me, how was Adam?”
She ignored me, still facing the kitchen units, filling the mugs and bringing them to the table before she finally sat down opposite me, staring into my eyes. Her eyes were red, I could tell she had been crying, so had I.
“Tell me…”
She sighed. “He’s not good Kate, look, he’s not thinking straight…”
“Why won’t he let me see him?”
“Kate…”
* * *
“Adam what the fuck!” I cried out, one of the guards looked up, starting to walk towards me. I looked around at the other visitors staring my way. I waved my hands in apology. Leaning into the table. “What do you mean? You want a divorce…?” I hissed.
“I didn’t kill that girl. I liked her, she was driven, but she was starting to realise, I think she could have got better… But I’ve read what the papers are saying about me, I’ve seen the news reports. No one believes I didn’t kill her. The police have their case sewn up. I’m going to go to court and I’ll be sent down for at least twenty years or more. Twenty years Sis, that’s my whole life. I can’t let Kate wait twenty years for me. I told you before, I love her enough to let her go. It’s the only thing I can do…”
“But Adam… You’re innocent, you’ll get off. The justice system is on your side…”
“Ha! … Yeah right. Maybe you don’t understand. The police aren’t looking for anyone else. I’ve been stitched up; they have a video of me getting a pitchfork. No, not ‘a pitchfork’, the pitchfork which killed her. They found my chain in Olivia’s hand. There was nobody else there… Shit! Maybe I did do it? … Perhaps I’ve just blanked it out in my mind… Sis, I’m fucked! I’m even doubting myself now. There is nothing you can do. Kate has to forget me. Hell, she’s only known me for a year, she can move on. Tell her, I’ll sign everything over to her. The stables, the farmhouse, she can have everything and she needn’t see me again. I’m not going to ruin her life as well as my own.
Please, let her forget me. I’m going to die here… No… That’s not a cry for help, I’m going to fester away. Whoever steps out of prison in twenty years’ time will be a different man. It won’t be the man Kate married; a whole lifetime will have passed. What the hell will happen to me? A lifetime in prison and, when I get out, I’ll always be that man who killed a girl in cold blood. Kate deserves so much better than that…
Dry your eyes, Sis. This is the last time I’ll see you also… No… Please. Don’t make this worse for me, I want you to all move on and forget me. Live your lives. Don’t be tied down by me. You have your own life, you and Dan. He doesn’t need to be associated with a murderer. I am sorry. I don’t know what happened, why I’m here or what will happen to me… But I am sorry for ruining everything.”
“Adam, you can’t do this to Kate… It’ll kill her…”
“And making her wait won’t? Making her come to court to see me convicted, making her live with the whispers on social media and in the press, the lies and accusations. What the hell will this do to the business? Nobody will send their kids for riding lessons with the murderers’ wife. And then make her come to prison every month, to see me, trapped here… No… This is for the best.”
“Adam…”
“Amanda, I brought you here to tell you this, not to change my mind. Do you realise how many hours I have spent thinking of my life and what will happen to me? Sis, you’ve only known me yourself for a year or so. I’m no loss to either of you… Please… Leave me…”
* * *
I’d tried to be as gentle as I could be, tried to state what Adam had said. I handed her the note he’d written. I tried… Kate had started to cry, great gasps of air, gulping and wailing, she had stood up slapping me hard across the face, clawing at my shirt in pure frustration and anger. I’d stood there, trying to calm her. It was when she left the room. I’d followed as she ran up the stairs, into her bedroom. She flung it at me, I picked it up from the floor, unsure what I was looking at and then, the penny dropped. I gasped before shuddering…
“Oh fuck!”
17
Moving on?
Sally gasped when she saw me. It was not a good sign when one’s groom is so shocked by your appearance. However, she had every right to be concerned. I’d drunk at least three bottles of wine, mostly directly from the bottle before collapsing in a heap on the floor. Sally had come in as she had not seen me on the yard that morning.
She had kindly woken me from the puddle of vomit I’d been lying in, and without saying a word had taken me to the bathroom, undressed me and held me upright while I had a hot shower. I was now sitting on the toilet while she towelled and dressed me in clean clothes.
“You mustn’t give up…”
“Why not?” My head was pounding and my mouth dry and foul-tasting. “I’m about to lose everything. I don’t even know if I will be able to pay you. Grace has made it clear she wants me penniless and homeless.”
“Come on… You’ll find a way to continue, you must…”
“Must I? You keep commanding me to do things. Sally, I don’t have to do anything. In fact, you don’t have to do anything. I appreciate you looking after me… It’s just…”
“Just what? I’m sorry, we can’t bring Olivia back, what has happened, well, it happened. It’s horrible and maybe, just maybe, you getting away from here will be for the best. But, you can start again. There must be other sponsors…”
“Not a chance, my name is mud…”
“Okay, so you get a job. Is that such a bad thought? You could become a work rider for another yard or even, God forbid, become a groom. Go somewhere else, show jumping’s big in Germany or even America.”
“Thank you, Sally…” I shakily stood up. “You’re right. A new start. I need to try to look for something positive out of this whole situation. And how about you?”
“I’ll be fine… I’m a groom, my work is pretty universal. I’ll find somewhere to go. Until then, I’ll be here to support you however I can.”
“Thanks, Sal… Where would I be without you?”
* * *
“Kate… Oh God, how long have you known?”
“I missed my last period and checked… A few weeks�
��”
I turned the pregnancy test in my hand before handing it back to Kate. “Oh shit, Kate… You need to tell him…”
“I wanted to… I was going to do it when I saw him, but he wouldn’t let me visit…”
“Oh shit… What the hell do we do?”
I took Kate into my arms and we hugged. This changed everything, I needed to get in contact with my pig-headed brother.
* * *
“Adam, you’ve got a face like a wet weekend…”
“Brian, I’m not sure what I have to be happy about…”
“Ah, young man. You have to understand, in prison, you need to go with the flow. It’ll make the time go faster.”
“Well, I’m likely to have a lot of time to pass…”
“The sooner you settle the better then. I’ve been in prison for eighteen years now, various places, some better than others, but the sooner you understand your fate and find something to do the better.”
18
Letters From Home
Adam
I appreciate you thinking you are doing the right thing. However, I have to tell you that you are being stupid. Please reconsider letting Kate visit you, she needs to see you. If after she has visited you still want to be pig-headed and selfish, and let this amazing woman go then so be it. But, please, at least listen to her.
A lot could happen, your case hasn’t come up and Kate is spending all her time and most of her money trying to get you a fair trial. I realise it may look grim but if you didn’t do it someone must have done so and she intends to find out who.
Please, I beg you, send her a visiting order. If nothing else, say goodbye like a man, don’t leave her as a coward.
I miss being able to talk to you, knowing you are doing well, so please, keep strong for her if not for me…
Your loving sister
Amanda
* * *
I stepped out and greeted the postman as he handed me a handful of brown envelopes, I sighed, no doubt more bills. However, there was a letter labelled from the Prison Service, I tore it open and saw that Adam had sent me a visiting order. I was overjoyed, finally, I could see my husband.
I was torn, I loved Adam, I knew he couldn’t have done this terrible thing and I would stand by him always, but the terrible stories in the newspapers and the abuse on Facebook. Amanda had told me to stop looking at the hatred posted about him and me on social media. But I knew it was still there. This wasn’t going to go away anytime soon.
What would I do if Adam stayed in prison for the next twenty years? Could I raise a family and run the business? The girls were around me, but it would be too much to ask for them to support me as well as do their jobs. But I had to take it one step at a time, and the first step was here, the visiting order meant I could see Adam again. I could finally see the man I love for the first time since this all started.
I missed him.
I was so deeply lonely, the remote location of the farmhouse did nothing to help. The lights in the distance, across the bay, reflecting the distance from me and anyone around me. I was rudderless without my soulmate.
I needed him back with me, and unsure I could continue alone.
* * *
It was more than a week later when I travelled to Durham, Amanda driving up to be with me. She told me she couldn’t come in but was there as vital moral support. She had explained the process of visiting, however it made it no better and I sobbed as I saw Adam shuffling towards me. He looked so pale, so unwell. I leapt up hugging him, I could feel his ribs through his jumper. We sat down, I reached out and took his hand.
“Kate… I’m so sorry for everything…”
“Oh, Adam… I love you so much, how are you coping?”
We spoke, my heart sunk as I heard how depressed he was, with only half an hour per day outside and the four walls surrounding him he was wasting away. He told me, as Amanda had, how he didn’t want to make me wait for him.
“You may have to…” I spoke softly. “Adam, I’m pregnant…” The look of shock on his face, the disbelief, a moment of joy which was almost as quickly crushed by the realisation his child would only know him from brief visits. He was about to speak when we were told that visiting time had ended. He leaned over the table, kissing me warmly, telling me he loved me. I watched as he was led away again.
On the outside, Amanda was waiting by the car. She hugged me, asking how he was. I told her honestly, he was broken and wouldn’t survive in prison.
“So, there’s only one thing we have to do.” Amanda started the engine.
“What’s that? Bake a cake with a file in it?” Kate sighed. “I can’t even bake.”
“No… We have to find a way to prove Adam’s innocence.”
* * *
“Sally… Can you be here tomorrow?”
“Hilary, I’m here every day, you know that.”
“They’re taking Bob.”
I gasped. I supposed I’d realised this would happen. Some of the youngsters which Hilary had been developing had been shipped away to other yards last week. That was no issue, Hilary wasn’t working just at the moment and it was best to maintain the development of these young horses, but Bob… He was Hilary’s lead stallion, owned by a very rich but generally lovely couple who came to visit him a few times a year, always weighed down with gifts for me and Hilary, they had always seen him at shows and been staunch supporters of Hilary, even during this difficult time.
The last I’d heard they had called supporting her and promising to keep their horses with her. However, it was clear it had all changed. No doubt being leaned on by Grace Wright-Turner who had massive sway within the equestrian industry and who had been massively outspoken in the press about Hilary and what had happened to her daughter. Grace was trying to destroy Hilary’s reputation. A reputation already tarnished by ‘random’ rumours on social media and equestrian forums which spoke of abuse of horses and staff. It was almost as if there was a targeted campaign to ruin her.
I promised I would be there and would be sure to ensure he was ready to travel. Hilary muttered she wouldn’t be around. I couldn’t blame her, I would find it hard enough seeing our wonderful horse go, however, she didn’t own him and I was nothing more than a lowly groom.
“Thank you, Sally.”
I watched as Hilary went back into the farmhouse, it was clear she wasn’t eating and she hadn’t ridden or even come onto the yard in weeks. I didn’t know how to help her. What was becoming most obvious was that Hilary’s perfect image was dissolving. No longer was she the aloof picture of control and perfection. It was almost as if she was a real human with real emotions.
* * *
“How the hell do we prove he’s innocent?” Kate stared at me as we drove. “The police made it clear that they have evidence that he did it?”
“Shit Kate, I don’t know. But, I think, on the way back we need to pay a visit to Hilary, it seems like a good place to start.”
And so, the long drive from Durham was broken up with a stop in Yorkshire. I was always impressed by Hilary’s yard and its location. We parked up and stepped from the car. There was a movement on the yard and I waved as Sally recognised us and approached.
Death Rider (The Rider Series Book 2) Page 12
