How could Hilary have ignored what was happening to her and to me? I sighed. Replaying our conversations in my mind. I’d tried to tell her. I’d made it clear what was happening, but no. I was stupid, I was jealous. Worse, I was just her groom.
‘Just her groom!’… Bitch! I remember the pain when she had said that, the phrase cutting through me like a knife. I was staff, her servant and I should remember my place. Silent and compliant, like a good girl ready to tug at my forelock for her ladyship.
No. She wasn’t stupid, not that stupid at least. She was giving up. She must have known what was happening and decided it wasn’t worth fighting anymore, not for her. Of course, she didn’t even stop to think about me.
Why would she? Why would she care about ‘just’ her groom who’d worked tirelessly, seven days a week in all hours and all weathers? Nothing was too much for her, I’d worked without question and, in the end, what did I get? A paltry thank you, empty fucking words.
She would look right through me. Standing there, expecting her horses to be fed, groomed and warmed up for her and then just walk away. Leave me exhausted and filthy with her boots to polish and piles of tack to clean before I could rest, alone.
It had worn me away, the little things grinding at me like grit in an oyster shell, creating a pearl of pure hatred in my heart. ‘Yes, Hilary’, ‘no Hilary’, ‘three bags full you fucking bitch!’
Did she ever ask what I wanted or needed? I was just there, a part of the furniture. She would have been lost without me.
Maybe I should have framed her for the murder?
No, she should be there, to see it all being taken from her. Her horses, her stables, her home and finally her reputation. Then it was easy for me to take her freedom. I’d realised that night she’d worked it out, despite her stupidity and the bottles of wine she’d drunk she had seen me for who I was in those grainy pictures. I had almost wanted to congratulate her. ‘Well done! Clever girl, you worked it out all by yourself!’
I would like to say I took no pleasure in hitting her with the wine bottle, but I can’t. Making contact with her skull, the impact, the crack of glass against her thick head. Oh, it felt so pure. She had slumped there, mouth open, eyes flickering until she had finally fallen still. I stood for some time with my former employer lying at my feet a wash of almost orgasmic power flowing through my body.
For a moment I thought I had killed her outright, but she was still alive. More’s the pity. What was another one? She was so heavy to drag to my car, the fat cow! Tying and gagging her, forcing her into the boot along with my few belongings.
Knowing she was trapped there had made me smile as I cruised down the motorway. I’d almost prayed for a crash. A nice big truck running into the back of my car, I would have walked away bruised but alive, she would have been nothing but pulp dripping onto the tarmac.
Instead, as I heard the thumps and muffled shouts as we neared my destination. She’d tried to fight as I dragged her out, but she was as weak as the other girl had been. Another one too lazy to work, more likely she thought she was above the menial tasks reserved just for her groom.
I knew there would be outbuildings. I’d found an empty cellar which was going to be perfect, it was part of the abandoned farmyard. I’d been told the new lady of the house didn’t want to put up with cows close to the big house so they had been moved. This silent farmyard would be a perfect place to dump the bitch.
She’d fought and struggled, but that was soon knocked out of her, a few days without food and water and she was soon begging me, pleading and crying, saying she would be a good girl.
I had looked down on her on that day, seeing her for who she really was. This wasn’t an Olympic hopeful or a rider who would fight for the win. Instead, she was a frightened little girl. She disgusted me. To think I’d put my heart and soul into looking after her, supporting her and there she was, snotty and weeping, I’d thought she’d been a fighter, nothing could have been further from the truth.
I sipped the cool liquid again, considering my next steps. Now, I had two of them and they needed to be dealt with. I’d had admired Kate before, but she was no better than the other one and she had Adam. I had wanted him but it was clear, while she was around, he would never be mine.
In the end, the only one I felt sorry for was Adam. I’d liked him, but it was clear he only had eyes for his wife, we could have had some good times together. However, he’d turned me down, so in the end, I had no regrets. He had been an unfortunate casualty of war. Things could have been so different, there were winners and losers and he had picked the losing side in the war.
And this was a war. I couldn’t have sat back and allowed this to happen. So, I’d stepped up and done what needed to be done, as with any war there were losses. Casualties. It was regrettable, but these things happen.
And now I have found it in my heart to move on. I’d found this new job, it was a rather charmed life. A Hollywood ‘A-lister’ who had married into the British aristocracy and wanted to live the country life a few days a month for hunting, shooting and dinner parties. Apart from that, I was just about the only person on the estate and only because the horses needed regular care and exercise, I was left pretty much alone, yes, I saw gardeners in the distance every so often and, on hunt days I saw herself. She would waft in, take the horse from me, canter around the field for a short time and then make her excuses. It was perfect for a new start and I was damned if I was going to let interlopers from my past ruin my new opportunity.
No, I was virtually alone, in hundreds of acres of land, with the farm abandoned and the house empty. I was sure I could find a way to make two inconvenient people disappear. Neither of them had anyone looking for them. Hilary had been an only child, her parents had died some years before so they wouldn’t see her disgrace or question her demise and as for Kate, well, I think I had done my work pretty well and it would be at least twenty-five years before he would be able to come looking for her. Her sister-in-law had been easy to put off the scent. I would have liked to have drugged her. She was a real fighter, I would have so savoured breaking her, but no. It wasn’t to be.
Yes, I would deal with the situation, then I could truly relax. Spend my days looking after just four horses. A couple of hours grooming and mucking out, a couple of relaxed hours hacking in the private parkland as if I was the lady of the Manor. This was the way to live, forget the early starts and stress of competition days. Plaiting two horses for a lunchtime meeting, driving the box for a few minutes before sitting in the warmth waiting to collect the horses and go home again an hour or so later. Bliss.
All I had to do was deal with the two problems currently locked under the main barn in what had once been the slurry pit. Fitting really. I supposed I could just ignore them and the problem would pretty much go away, but that would have its own complications. I had to be a bit more creative.
Oh, this would be a challenge. I wanted to see Hilary beg. I wanted her to understand how important I had been to her life. I wanted to hold her life in my hands, oh that would be amazing, the mere thought sent a shiver down my spine. That final moment of realisation for her when she realises how she would have been nothing without me. I want her to recognise that before I let her go.
As for the other one, I hardly knew her, she’d got in the way and, more importantly, she had got the man I wanted before me. Maybe I could let Hilary watch, build up her tension. let her see her die. Oh, Kate, you’ve finally found your purpose in life!
I was sure there would be people who would think I was mad. Hilary had said that to me. She’d called me insane. Well, if I was insane, it had all been her fault. It had been her who had pushed me over the edge, so she would get all she deserved. It was all very sad, but they wouldn’t be missed.
I sat back, relaxing on a very comfortable sofa that came with the grooms’ apartment. There was no rush, of course, it’s not like they had somewhere to go. I had to spend a bit of time, enjoying their discomfort. I’d try t
o remember to feed them, I had some loaves of bread I was leaving out to go stale and they had plenty of water from the trough that was down there. Yes, the water was a bit murky, but that was seriously the least of their concerns.
Oh, if only I could be bothered to move, but this was so comfortable. I rather fancied another glass of whisky and maybe even some toast and butter.
29
Maintaining Momentum
“Amanda?”
I snapped to attention.
“Were you even listening? I told you we need to have another…” Inspector Simmonds stopped speaking. “I’m sorry. How thoughtless of me, has there still been no news?”
“I’m sorry, Adele. No, there’s been no news. I apologise, you were saying?”
“I wish I could do something more to help. It can’t be easy for you, what with it being in the papers now.”
That had been a shock. Jacqueline had rung me from Cumbria in tears, asking ‘Was it true?’ I’d asked her what she meant and the story had come out, one of the livery customers had come in with a tabloid newspaper and there was the story ‘Murderer’s wife missing, presumed dead.’ What could I tell her? The staff were beside themselves; it had been almost two weeks now since Kate had left. First Adam in prison and now Kate missing. They were doing their best, keeping things going, but they were young and scared, and honestly, so was I.
I’d tried to reassure her that Kate would be okay, that she wasn’t dead. But I’d struggled to sound convincing. Jacqueline had asked what they should do? They were rudderless and upset. Here I was miles away, unable to help. I’d never felt so desperate.
I told Adele about the phone call and the girls running the riding school by themselves. I sighed. Without warning Adele opened her arms, stepping towards me and grasping me in a warm hug.
“Look. Amanda, you need more time. I’ll sign off some more special leave. Go and help those poor girls at least keep the yard running until she comes back.”
“But I’d be letting you down…” I sniffed, without thinking I placed my head on her shoulder. She reached up, touching my hair softly.
“Don’t be a silly girl! Amanda, I admire your loyalty but the Wiltshire Constabulary can survive without you for a while. I don’t think you realise what an amazing job you’ve done here. What you have achieved has set us on our way to having an exceptional mounted branch again. But right now, young lady, your skills are needed elsewhere. You’ll be back soon enough and, yes, we will miss you, but for now, those poor girls need you more than we do. Do you understand?”
I sniffed, nodding, my head still nestled into her shoulder.
* * *
“Dan, will you be okay?”
“Mandy, I can look after myself. It’s you I’m worried about. Don’t try and do too much, you need to think of yourself as much as everyone else. That has always been your problem, you would try to solve the issues of the world given half a chance.” He hugged me tightly.
“I just want to help people.”
“I know you do Mandy and Inspector Simmons was right about what she said about you. I don’t think you realise quite how much respect she has for you.”
“What? When did she speak to you? What did she say?”
“Well, your Inspector called me at work earlier today. She wanted to make sure I was looking after you properly and reiterate how important, no, how special you are to the Force, her words not mine. Although I do tend to agree. Let’s just say she made it abundantly clear you were really important to everyone in the mounted branch and they would support you with whatever you needed to do and she very much expected me to do the same. It was clear this was more of an order from a senior officer than a polite request from a friend. I have to say, Mandy, she is a pretty formidable woman!”
I couldn’t help but giggle. Adele was much older than me, she had been close to retirement age before being brought in from the Metropolitan Police mounted branch to help Wiltshire set up their own equine section. She was a naturally strong woman both physically and mentally having spent many years in a male-oriented force and was not someone to be argued with. She would still muck out and groom to support the stable staff and was totally fair and without bias. She just had a way of getting things done.
She had always been friendly to me, yet had been somewhat distant in a professional way. Her hugging me earlier had seemed totally unusual, it was unexpected. The first time she had crossed the line into a public display of such emotion. However, it had been strangely comforting. I’d closed my eyes as she embraced me with her muscular arms and wondered if this would have been how my mother’s hugs felt.
“So, if you are sure, you will be okay all by yourself? I promise I will be back as soon as I possibly can.”
“Mandy, you know I have this big case on. I’m going to be away a lot of the time. But, I’m here for you always. Anytime you need me, just call.”
I hugged him before grabbing my holdall and, reluctantly, opening the front door stepping out onto the yard and getting into my car, ready for another long journey.
* * *
After an uneventful run up the motorway and through the beauty of the Lake District, I finally arrived at the yard. Jacqueline rushed towards my car.
“Oh, Amanda! Thank you for coming back. We’re all so worried about Kate.”
“Of course, we all are. Right, let me get settled in and then I’ll come and speak with you all. Let’s see how we can keep the yard going for Kate.”
I took the keys from Jacqueline and opened the farmhouse. I’d decided I’d settle in the spare bedroom, hoping Kate would come home soon. I dropped off my bag and went back onto the yard, gathering the staff in the tack room where I sat them down and told them I would be taking charge until Kate returned.
“And when will that be?” Caroline nervously chewed her fingernails.
I had to admit I didn’t know, so got back onto the solid territory of the horses and what needed to be done. On the way down I had decided that it would be best to keep the girls busy, thinking that, if they were busy and, at the end of the day exhausted, they would fret less about where their employer was or what was happening to Adam in prison.
I set out things to be done, I wanted Kate to come back to a yard that looked immaculate so we would clean and whitewash the stables, weed and trim the borders and make sure all the tack was clean and polished. I wasn’t going to let them do this alone and had put on a pair of old breeches and wellies so that I could muck in with them, together we would have a shared purpose that would keep us going while things were quiet and until Kate came back.
A quick look at the yard diary showed that the bad publicity had clearly affected some of the trade with a scattering of cancelled lessons and a couple of liveries having given notice, however, Jacqueline soon assured me that they had been some of the more difficult customers and they already had replacements on the waiting list. If nothing else, I was keen to ensure Kate had a business to return to.
* * *
Hours later, paint-splattered and worn out I stumbled into the kitchen of the farmhouse. We had all worked feverishly. Honest hard work keeping our minds off ‘what if’s’ and dwelling on worst-case scenarios about Kate or Adam. I slid my boots off, slumping into one of the dining room chairs. I was just about dozing off when the ringing of my phone brought me round.
“Mandy! How are you?”
“Dan… Oh, I am so glad to hear from you…” We talked, sharing the sort of small talk couples have as a natural shorthand while avoiding the obvious subject, the questions we couldn’t answer. It was clear I couldn’t stay here forever, but we had no clue as to where Kate was or if she was safe, so, I had to take each day as it came.
It was typical our conversation was somewhat stilted, Dan was working on a big case so couldn’t tell me anything about his work, and I knew better than to ask. I could tell he was stressed and regretted not being there to give him a hug and reassure him. I settled instead with making sure he had made him
self something to eat and was looking after himself.
Death Rider (The Rider Series Book 2) Page 21
