ADAM AND LILITH
And so, the creator sat comfortably between two galaxies and gazed upon the universe and saw that it was good. He saw the stars and the planets, their harmonious moves into the space void. He enjoyed staring at the multicoloured nebulae that brightened the monotonous universe. He saw the multitude of his angels, their perfect proportions, their elegant features and he felt happy, knowing that He had created them.
In the end, his gaze stopped upon the two blue planets which held the whole of creation inside their protective oxygen sphere.
He froze.
“Wait a minute…” he thought.
“Everything on two those planets…” he continued his thought pulling his lips with his fingers.
“…has been created by the angels…” he realized.
“Therefore… I’m not the creator of everything… actually, not even of the majority of everything, ” the train of his thoughts started speeding up.
“Am I at least the creator of half of it?” the train of thoughts now rolls downhill with its engineers shoving in its furnace charcoal soaked in a mixture of kerosene and gunpowder.
“…I guess, I could be named the creator of the universe…” he decided, slowly looking around.
“…and that’s all…” the train derailed after having reached warp-speed on a u-turn, and plunged deep down into the abyss of despair, desperately searching for its bottom in order to stop, regroup and begin the dangerous ascend towards the bright world of ideas.
He took his cigarette, long forgotten behind his ear, and brought it to his mouth. He approached a supernova and lighted it up. He inhaled deeply. He removed the cigarette from his lips and looked at its burning tip. He blew smoke on it, making it smolder. He quietly sat down smoking, propping his jaw on a clenched fist. He had to do something about it before anyone realized the philosophical issue that had arisen.
He looked at his angels. Beautiful creatures.
A spectral light bulb shone momentarily over the ultimate mind’s head.
He smiled with his eyes wide open.
He softly exhaled the smoke and licked two of his fingers. He put out the cigarette and placed it again behind his ear.
He got up full of determination.
“Michael!” he called out.
“Get over here for a moment!”
“What is it, o Lord?” Michael appeared, asking anxiously.
“Is there something wrong? Something that you don’t like? Should we do it all over again?” he suggested.
“No, no child. Everything’s great” replied the creator staring at the angel from tip to toe.
“Tell me please… how many fingers have you got on your hands?” he asked.
“Ten” he answered, raising them with palms open and facing towards the Lord.
“Five on one…” he said moving his palm towards the creator and as he was moving his other palm he added “…and five on the other one”.
“Niiiice…” god replied turning the angel’s palms to a different direction. From the folds of his robes he took out a small notebook and a pencil and wrote down; “Ten…”
“And how many have you got on your feet?” he asked Michael again.
“Ten, too” said he, raising his robe and looking at his sandaled feet.
“Ten…” god said again, writing in his notebook.
“OK, thank you. You may go now” he said and Michael winged away.
“I also have ten of those, o Lord!” shouted Lucifer who had silently approached the creator.
“AAAAH!” a scared god jumped up and dropped his notebook.
“Don’t you ever do that again! Ever!” he yelled at him.
“I’m sorry” said the angel.
“What same of those?” he asked picking his notebook up.
“Of fingers” he said and displayed a pair of open palmed hands to the Lord.
“I see a certain trend here…” he whispered, lowering the angel’s hands down.
“I’ve got as many as Michael does” Lucifer emphasized with a smile that was continents away from being spontaneous.
The Lord looked at his face. He had to admit that it was objectively gorgeous. He looked like a successful, bachelor actor just entering his fourth decade of life. He inspired a sense of safety and mystery, if that was in any way possible.
“Lucifer, close your eyes for a moment” asked god.
“Why?”
The creator gazed upon him very, very strictly.
“Because, I… say so” god said, pronouncing “I” as imposingly as a thousand-volt thunder imposes his will on a child’s lollypop.
Lucifer closed his eyes.
“Is this ok like this?” he asked.
“It’s fine…and don’t peek. I’ll tell you when to open them.”
Immediately, out of thin air, the Lord summoned a pair of compasses and in a harmonious move opened them and placed them above the angel’s skull. He put them down for a while and wrote something down. Then he placed them near Lucifer’s eyes. He wrote down again. He measured the distance between mouth and jaw and noted the position of the nose. He also noted the existence of two ears.
“Ok, you may open your eyes now.”
“What are you writing there?” asked Lucifer with a complete lack of discretion.
“Something that I’m working on” replied the Lord and immediately cursed, mentally, for not being able to keep his mouth shut.
“Can I help you?” suggested the First angel, leaning over the notebook.
“No” god answered sharply placing his notepad firmly over his chest.
“Why?” Lucifer insisted, wearing a naive face.
“Because if you haven’t noticed, several lines before I pronounced “I” in capital, italic, bold letters. Do you understand?” the creator explained.
“I understand” the angel admitted with disappointment.
“Now, now. Let me finish” god suggested, gently pushing Lucifer away.
He left in silence.
As he was walking away, he stopped, glimpsed back and continued forward.
God opened up his notebook; Read the notes. He closed it shut and raised his head. He looked around searchingly. Placing the pencil behind his free ear and the notepad under his armpit, he set out to complete his research.
He approached an angel and after drawing his attention to a distant star, took out a ruler and placed him on his back. He took a note.
To another angel, he told an incredibly funny joke about an ammonite, a pterodactyl and a lichen entering a bar and while he was laughing, god examined his mouth cavity. He noted down, again.
And so, god passed through a lot of angels, taking scores of measurements and asking seemingly irrelevant questions, and he was writing down again and again until suddenly, he closed his notebook and with a fast and decisive step he set off towards a secluded star. When he got there, he looked around to confirm that he was alone and then leaned over the celestial body and dipped his hands inside it. He got up, rolled up his sleeves and took out the notepad. He quickly run through a couple of pages. He shut it and bent over the star again.
A few hours later, he placed his hands on his aching waist and got up. He was covered up to his elbows with a golden light that was dripping on the space floor (it will definitely make a stain). He removed some hair from his eyes but smeared his forehead with light too. With a smile of success he raised his palm in eye level.
A body made completely out of pure astral light hovered inside it softly. It had the same proportions as those of the angels but without the wings on its back. The creature was not moving at all and had its eyes closed.
God lovingly placed his other palm above the being. With the speed of thought of the supreme mind (waaaaay too fast!) he disappeared from the spot where he stood and materialized on the surface of one of the blue planets.
He looked around him again. Felt unsure for a moment. He shook away the feeling that he was being watched and walked toward
s a riverbank (guess what would happen if he had the feeling that everyone wanted to hurt him. Again, the evolution of life would be quite different – if there was, indeed, any life to evolve).
He knelt down and slowly opened his hand’s protective shell, allowing the luminous body to touch the ground.
In that moment and by a sheer amount of bad luck, a mouse emerged from its comfortable hole which it painstakingly had dug in the earth. The body’s light hit it straight in the eyes. It screamed (in its own language); “No, damn it! A pox on evolution and on universal throws of dice” and fell back into its hole, blind.
The creator sat down in thought. With his gaze he examined his creation. A creature of pure energy was, beyond doubt, an ingenious invention but apparently it missed something, well, more concrete. God, thought again.
“That’s it!” he suddenly said.
“A body for a body! Amazing! I should have thought of it earlier.”
Chaos who, many pages earlier had set out to leave from this universe, obviously irritated with the audacity of the great powers, stopped for a moment before turning the doorknob of a dimensional gate. It turned towards the reader and with a face full of disappointment said; “Now, that stupid thing that I told you about, is about to happen.”
It turned the doorknob. It hadn’t taken a single step when the dimensional gate opened fast on its side hitting it on the face.
“WATCH IT, YOU BLIND FOOL OF A TWIT!” it yelled through its pain.
“I’m thorry. I didn’t notithe you” a voice was heard.
Chaos opened its eyes and looked upon a hideous creature with sickly, dark green coloured skin, a pair of feet and hands whose fingers were joined together by thin membranes and ended up in hooked nails, huge bat wings on its back and a gigantic head from which countless tentacles sprouted.
“It ith not nithe to thtare. No polite at all” said the creature.
“Oh, I’m sorry” Chaos replied.
“Bathically, it ith ok, I’m uthed to it. It ith the primary reactthion of all life formth, before all the thcreaming.”
“Truth to be told, I’ve seen weirder stuff in my time.”
“You are too kind.”
“Have you got any problem with your articulation?” asked Chaos, without a hint of politeness.
“It ith ekthtremely difficult for me to thpeak with all thethe tentacleth on my fathe” the creature replied with thadnethth, eer…excuse me, sadness.
“I am sorry.”
“Thank you. You can’t find nowadayth underthtanding perthonificathionth of indefinite contheptionth.”
“Bless you. You make me blush.”
“I could make you thcream if you would like. Anyway. It wath nithe to meet you. I have to leave to get a good thpot before the otherth arrive.”
“Goodbye then.”
“Tho long” greeted the creature and left.
Back on the blue planet, the creator was mixing dirt and water with slow moves making a little pile of mud. With the tip of his tongue hanging full of curiosity out of his lips, he started lovingly spreading mud on the astral body, which started to bake and solidify upon contact with the concentrated energy.
On the other far side of the universe and in front of the open dimensional gate, Chaos shook its head in disappointment. It turned its back on creation, picked up its small suitcase and took a step forward.
“Excu-u-u-use me-e-e-e” a voice bleated.
“By all means” said Chaos and stood aside for a being to pass through, a being that was a wretched, ugly and sick mix of a woman and a goat.
“Co-o-o-me chi-i-i-ldre-e-e-en” it said, turning round to face the gate.
“What in someone’s name is that?” Chaos wondered.
“Meh-eh-eh-eh” a little goat jumped through.
“Meh-eh-eh-eh” a second one hopped too.
Chaos began walking.
“Meh-eh-eh-eh” stated a third one while chewing on a tin can.
“The-e-e-ere a-a-are mo-o-o-re” the being told Chaos.
“How many exactly?” asked Chaos who was getting irritated.
“A thousa-a-a-and.”
“It’s going to take a while.”
“Ye-e-e-es…”
“Cute little angles” Chaos lied.
“Tha-a-a-ank you.”
“Do you mind if I ask something indiscreet?”
“All fro-o-o-om the sa-a-a-ame fa-a-a-ather” the being replied angrily.
“No, no! You misunderstood me!” Chaos rushed in to explain.
“Why are you here?”
“Much be-e-e-eter we-e-e-eather.”
“Ah…”
“Ni-i-i-ine hu-u-undred ni-i-i-inety ni-i-i-ine... a thousa-a-a-and. Le-e-e-et’s go chi-i-ildr-e-en. Good da-a-a-ay” said the being and set out towards the universe’s interior, whistling shepherd-like.
“So, good riddance to bad universe” thought Chaos and carefully stepped through another dimension’s threshold.
He forgot to close the door.
The screenshot changes again… the Lord was molding the mud with strong moves, giving it form; a head with dark curls, a mouth, nose, two ears and two closed eyes, two five-fingered hands, a muscular body supported by two five-fingered feet. God suppressed a giggle and put a little bit of extra mud below the pelvis, just between the legs.
“That’ll be a good one!” he thought, smiling.
“Ready…” he told nature in general and no one in particular.
He cunningly looked around.
A mouse with apparent eyesight issues stumbled on a huge T-rex nail that was still attached on its living owner.
“Watch where you’re going, imp!” said the mouse, without having visual contact with… basically anything.
The nail snapped forward shooting the rat a dozen feet away, towards the river.
“BLOOM!” said the water.
“The living room flooded” thought randomly the mouse.
“Womaaan! A bucket!” it shouted as the current dragged it away. God took a mental note regarding the way in which the elements of fauna interact with each other and then turned towards a cluster of small trees.
“Come now! Get out!” he smirked to the plants which, beyond any expectations, failed to move.
“Stop hiding!” ordered the Lord.
Some branches moved and shyly, beneath them appeared Lucifer with a face scarlet out of guilt.
“Come here!” god said in a fake strict voice.
“I’m sorry Lord…”
“What were you doing back there?”
“Nothing” he lied.
The creator lowered his head and looked the angel in the eyes.
“Really?” he asked.
“No” whispered Lucifer, avoiding god’s gaze.
The Lord looked at the trees and they moved aside, revealing a small clearing upon which another human body laid.
“What have we here?” asked the Omniscient, already knowing the answer (what’s the point in asking?).
“Eeeer, I… I would like to please you… because… I know that you really didn’t like the guitar…and I thought that…”
“Did you make this on your own?” he was interrupted by the creator.
“Yes, Lord” the angel confirmed.
The Lord approached the second body. Same bodily proportions, some minor differences. The hair was longer and blond. Many, many curves, by the truth! More fragile, apparently. Some parts were missing.
“If you don’t like it, I’ll destroy it” Lucifer said quickly, as he was standing behind god’s back.
“No, it’s beautiful” replied the creator, who was kind and benevolent and didn’t have any inspirations of the ‘fire-and-brimstone-from-the-sky’, pillars-of-nitric-potassium or ‘motherdrowning floods’ kind. Not just yet, anyway.
“Bring it over here.”
“Yes Lord” the First angel happily obeyed and carefully carried his creation and placed it beside god’s own.
“Before w
e proceed…” said god unto him “…we have to clear something out.”
“Certainly” Lucifer agreed.
“Do you remember what we had discussed about taking initiative?”
The angel nodded positively and took a step backwards.
God left the threat hanging over them for a while (like the yet unconstructed sharp object of an unborn human hero) to give emphasis to his word and then continued.
“This is the last time that I allow something like this to happen. Are we clear?”
“Yes” Lucifer confirmed with controlled relief.
“Good. Now, stand beside me.”
The angel obeyed.
“What do you see?” asked the creator pointing at the still bodies.
“That they’re covered with ants?” Lucifer naively observed.
“What? No!” god yelled and turned towards where the First was pointing at.
“Shooo! Shoooo! Go play somewhere else!” the Lord ordered the insects that could identify a divine intervention when they saw one and decided to discreetly walk away.
“That was close” said the creator “thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
“So, now. What do you see?” god asked again, looking out for suspicious moves of the subjects of the flora and fauna kingdoms.
“Beats me” said the angel raising his shoulders in question.
“Are they asleep?” he added and looked at the Lord.
“Bravo!” said he and friendly slapped him on his back.
“We should wake them up, then” Lucifer willingly suggested and before god was even given a slight chance to stop him, he had already approached the bodies, knelt above them and shouted;
“WAKEY, WAKEY!!!”
The bodies remained still.
The creator, motionless too and with a dreamy look on his face, formed a little theory in his mind; one that included infinity as a numerical value, universe and stupidity.
“GO ON! GET UP! DON’T JUST LIE THERE!”
He reached the safe conclusion that the aforementioned attribute overflows from all universes and soaks every dimension.
“I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME! WAKE UP!”
Complete lack of motion.
God wondered if it was possible for events such as this to occur right before his divine eyes. With a dose of self-doubt he asked himself if he really existed at all. “You think” he answered “therefore…”
“WA-KE-UUUUUP!!!”
He snapped out of his philosophical lethargy and quickly approached Lucifer who was leaning on his knees, scarlet red and out of breath from the effort.
“They do not wake up, do they?” he asked him.
“No Lord…*cough*” he replied through a sore throat.
“Maybe because when we say “they are asleep” we don’t literally mean it. Do you understand?” god explained to the angel.
“No” he answered with clinical precision.
“I mean that there is no life in them” the Lord patiently re-explained.
“You see, when I say that they are asleep I mean that they are in a state marked out by the complete lack of motion. Do you understand now?”
Lucifer raised his head a bit, joined his eyebrows, analyzed the problem for a bit and then said;
“So, you have to give them life.”
“Exactly!” god smiled at him, happy that the angel perceived the substantial difference between speaking literally and using metaphors.
“How are you going to do it?”
“I don’t know yet” the creator honestly answered with the smile disappearing from his face.
He sat down, in front of the two bodies. He grasped his jaw. With his peripheral vision he noticed Lucifer sitting beside him, staring ahead, holding his jaw too. He sighed. Fractions of a second later a faint “aaaah…” was heard.
He took the cigarette from behind his ear and put it in his mouth. Lucifer passed a hand behind one ear first, then the other and then, without looking, he stretched out the other hand in a bush and pulled.
“Mmmm…” he suppressed his pain and spit the thorn out of his mouth.
God shook his head in disappointment.
He raised an eyebrow and the cigarette lit up.
He inhaled deep and manly.
He held the smoke in his lungs and closed his eyes.
He blew out a puff of smoke, containing his agonizing thoughts of how was he supposed to animate the bodies.
“*COUGH!*”
“I’m sorry Lucifer” god apologized.
“Hmm?”
“I said, I’m sorry for the smoke.”
“Oh…no problem, it doesn’t bother me.”
“*COUGH!*"
The Lord slowly turned towards the cough’s source. The two creations were propped up on their elbows and with closed eyes unable to hold their tears, coughed out loudly.
“*COUGH!* What’s it going to be, friend? *COUGH!*” said the one with the deeper voice.
“Are you talking to me?” god asked.
“Yes, you… *COUGH!*”.
“What is it going to be?” naively asked the creator. Even though omniscient he couldn’t find an appropriate answer to such vague a question.
“Do you know that this planet… *COUGH!*...is for non-smokers only?” observed the other being, the one with the softer voice.
“Oh! I’m terribly sorry, I didn’t know it” answered the Lord who really, did not know it. He looked at Lucifer and he raised his shoulders in a sign of ignorance.
“You’re not going to get away with a simple sor…” started saying the first being, when it opened its eyes and looked at the creator. Immediately, it shut its mouth and turned his face towards the ground.
“Why did you stop? Tell him…” said the second being, when the first one violently grabbed it by its shoulders and forced it to kneel beside it.
“What are you doing?” it shouted and shoved its way up.
“Sit down woman!” said the kneeling being.
“And who told you, sir, that I am your woman?” it asked intensely with its arms planted on its hips.
“What’s going to happen now? Are we going to have a fight in front of strangers?” wondered the role-imposing being, having a stretched out hand, pointing towards god and Lucifer.
God gazed upon the argument, waiting for the most proper and polite moment to interrupt.
Lucifer was probably enjoying it.
“Why should they care? They’re strangers, anyway!”
“Stop shouting!” shouted the first body.
“Don’t you raise your voice to me!” the second body made a point by raising its voice.
“Children…” the Lord said sheepishly.
“I will raise my voice as much as I like because, I am the man!”
“You don’t say! Are all men like you?”
“Children…” god tried again.
“I would show you what’s it like to be a man is but you are lucky enough because I have just been created and I don’t know many things about the subject.”
“When you learn, come and show me, you oaf!”
“CHILDREN!!!” screamed an angry god, making the tectonic plates clash violently, creating thus new landmasses and drowning others beneath the oceans.
They froze, scared.
Lucifer dragged himself out of the bush where he had fallen, pulling out with caution little, annoying thorns that were embedded in his skin, crying a faint “ouch” every once in a while.
“Is this possible?” the Lord asked less intensely. The headache gave a hug to the ultimate mind’s brain and playfully said; “Hi there. Did you miss me?”
“You barely have written a page in life and you have managed to get on my nerves!”
“Even I haven’t managed to do that” Lucifer leaned towards them, without knowing the utilitarian value of whisper.
“It’s her fault!” said the male.
“How dare you put the blame on me you chauvinist piece of
ham?” answered the female.
“You were created in order to love each other and enjoy creation, do you understand?” god explained to them.
“How can we enjoy it when she does not listen to anyone?” the man interrupted.
“What did I tell you about putting the blame on me, cute-breath?” said the woman.
“I said “to love one other” didn’t I?” the Lord asked Lucifer.
“Indeed, you did” he confirmed.
“Pig!” was heard in the background.
“Hag!” the civilized argument continued.
“Why does nothing happens as it should?” god despaired.
“What can I say?” Lucifer attempted to help “distasteful universal sense of humor?”
“Ass!”
“Cow!”
“If I summon a little flood, will they take notice of me?”
The creator massaged his forehead. Somewhere deep inside his skull, the pain was playing a game of backgammon with himself using a wooden tabletop, bone dice that screamed out the indicated number and pawns made out of TNT.
On his mind’s screen a scene was played; the whole planet was being bombarded by flaming meteors, the seas were boiling because of the infernal temperatures and the first human couple was running in panic to save their pitiful lives. They had stopped to catch their breath by a small pond when suddenly He emerged out of its waters. His long, wet hair was partially covered by a red strip of cloth and his astonishingly muscular arms held a huge, tubular object that spat out thunder and death.
“Lord?”
“DAKKA-DAKKA-DAKKA-DAKKA-DAKKA-DAKKA!!!” echoed inside god’s mind.
“Lord?” Lucifer repeated obviously worried.
“Mmmm?” said the creator between a pair of lips that lined a smile of honest pleasure.
“Are you all right?”
“I got a little distracted” god answered.
“What about them?” asked the angel and pointed towards the firstborn “they don’t stop fighting.”
God looked at them in a feeling mixed with indifference and resignation.
“Do you have the faintest idea of how a man is like?” said the woman.
“No, you tell us!” said the man.
“There, that’s a real man” she said pointing at an angel who, at that moment, was coming out of the river, holding an unconscious mouse in his hands. His wet robes were stack on his slab-like chest, accentuating his muscles.
“I beg your pardon?” he said.
“Look at that body! Look at the style! Not like you who resemble a monkey, with all these bodyhair!” the female continued undaunted.
The Lord and Lucifer sat a little further away, sharing the cigarette and watching creation having found its path.
“What’s your name, babe?” the woman aggressively asked.
“Eeer, Samael” the angel answered weakly, who, poor he, had not realized what was happening and was still cradling the immobile rodent.
“Take me away from here, Samael! Take me away now!” she said with a heavy breath and theatrically fell in his arms.
The mouse fell on the ground and woke up.
“I have to place stairs inside the house, now that it’s dried up, so I won’t be falling from floor to floor” it thought and bumped into a python’s open mouth.
“Honey! I’m home!” he said blindly.
“…ome…ome…ome” echoed a reply from the snake’s stomach.
“Where can I take you to, madam?” the perplexed angel asked.
“Back to her mother’s den would be nice” murmured the man.
“Let’s go now!” she angrily insisted.
“Fine…” Samael surrendered and holding her in his arms, winged away towards the horizon.
“Good riddance…” said the male to himself, turned his back to the vanishing figures and by instinct tried to put his hands in his pockets. He only managed to rub his thighs.
“And what was that?” a curious Lucifer asked a disappointed god.
“Incompatibility of characters” he answered “it will be a trend” he added and approached the man who was pretending to look at the horizon indifferently without though any success.
“Don’t worry” the creator said to him “he has no sex.”
“What?”
“I said, he has no sex so, you don’t have to be worried”.
“What does it mean “he has no sex”?” asked the man.
“It means that Samael can’t fu…” Lucifer began and his was interrupted by a loud cough from god’s side.
“…eeer…Samael can’t…eeer…funk …eeer…no one. Yes, that’s it” the angel corrected, receiving a divine thumbs up and a discreet wink.
“Poor fellow…” said the male.
God stood in front of the being and looked at it severely.
“What’s your name, my good man?” he asked.
“Adam” said he.
“And your woman, that left you?”
“Lilith.”
“Nice” said the creator and immediately summoned a piece of paper and a pen.
“Sign here and here” he said to Adam, placing the pen in his hand.
Adam, caught by surprise, signed.
“Excellent!” exclaimed the Lord “one copy for me and the other one, there you go, it’s yours.”
“What is this o, Lord?” asked Adam.
“Divorce papers” he said.
“Good day, child…”
Jenesis Page 2
