“Little Foot, don’t give them too much credit. There is a reason they left you alone,” he said, his voice low.
“I know. Tore warriors have been helping me over the last few years, keeping them away.”
“It’s more than that,” he said and scanned our surroundings, returning his focus on me. “Birch made a pact with them.”
“What?” I asked. “What kind of pact?”
“They wanted to take you with them, but Birch had us intervene, talk to them, make a pact that we wouldn’t hunt them and kill them if they left you alone. That’s why we came. To be sure they stayed away.”
I threw my hand to my mouth. Everything felt in disarray. My beliefs about Birch, about the Forest People, about my forest home… How could this be true? How could Birch know these things? What would happen now that Birch was gone? I glanced up into his eyes, my own view of life now shuffled.
“I don’t understand?” I said and turned away.
He walked past me, leading the way. “Birch was one of us,” he said and continued his long strides. He didn’t say anything further, and we neared the trail that lead us back to camp. Birch was a Tore warrior. Birch may have been able to shift. Birch knew they wanted to take me.
“Why did they want me? There’s other people out there.”
He looked at me, sort of like I should know. I stared back, completely unaware of what could cause the Forest People to think I was somebody they wanted. It made no sense.
“You’re like her,” he said, matter-of-fact.
My mind searched for who he spoke of. Who am I like? What did he – the rebellious woman who left the Tore people to join them?
“Why would they think I was like her? I’m not rebellious,” I corrected, putting my hands on my hips, daring him to prove me wrong. My cheeks felt hot, anger bubbling up, my teeth clenched together. He smirked, and appraised my small stature.
“Look at you. You are stubborn and fearless. You walk right into danger and seem to be unaware of it. Yes, you are like her. Even now you challenge a Tore warrior with no fear.” He laughed, and seemed pleased, like somehow I proved him right.
“But I’d never go with them,” I said, resting my case.
“But you are living here with us. And we are half-them,” he countered, his eyes boring down at me.
“That’s different,” I stammered, spun on my heel, and started walking away.
“Tomorrow, Little Foot. We will find rabbit.” His voice was light easy, a ring of complete pleasure at his apparent victory.
“Fine,” I said not looking back.
Chapter 22
I lay on the bear skins and watched the fire flick and dance in the dark. My eyes grew heavy, the weight of everything pulling me to sleep, to escape, to release it for a little while and rest. The air outside turned crisp, cold, and tried pushing its way into the tipi, another sign it would snow through the night. I pulled the blanket over my shoulder and closed my eyes, wondering if he would return tomorrow.
I turned over, slightly waking, my face stinging from the cold. I opened my eyes, instantly knowing the fire had died out, and wondered if I’d have to kindle it from scratch. I sat up and looked at the fire ring. A few coals still simmered, so I reached for another log and placed it on top, hoping it would catch fire, laying a second log over it. I lay back down, listening to the thud of fat snowflakes peppering the canvas outside. The soft sound of footsteps in the snow interrupted the light thuds and I strained to hear which direction they went. They came near the tipi and I jumped to my feet, rushing to the flap. Not caring that the cold would rush in, I pulled it open and stepped outside. My feet sank in a few inches of snow, and I held my breath waiting to see him approach.
“Little Foot?” a voice said, and I turned to see Runs With Wind walking by. “Everything okay?” he asked, his eyes alarmed. I pulled the tipi flap shut and looked down.
“I thought I heard him,” I said.
“He’s not here yet,” he said.
“What are you doing out here?” I asked.
“Running patrol. That guy is still out there, but we’re watching. Don’t worry. Get back inside,” he said, and glanced to the top of the tipi where no smoke rose through the opening, “and get the fire going. It’s cold.”
“Okay, stay warm,” I said. I dipped back inside and pulled the flap shut tight. Turning to check the fire, I saw it caught and flames flicked up, igniting the other log. It would burn for a while, but not long. I lay awake, watching the flames, waiting for the tipi to warm up, and the fire to die down so I could add another log. Then I could sleep. I hoped.
Footsteps pressed in the snow again, only this time I knew they belonged to the warriors out in the freezing cold, patrolling the area for my safety. A twinge of guilt poked me, and I couldn’t understand why they did all of this for me. Why Birch cared enough to go to such lengths, so I’d be safe? Why Tore warriors would do so much at his request? Footsteps outside sounded louder, closer, and I wondered why Runs With Wind circled back around.
The tipi flap opened suddenly, the wind pushed in, the fire swirled, and someone stepped inside. I drew in a quick breath and my eyes focused on his familiar form. “It’s you,” I breathed out and jumped up. Wrapped in a jacket covered in snow, his hair white with flakes, his eyes as warm as the fire. I rushed to him and touched his face. “You’re freezing,” I said, “but you’re here.” Something lifted from me, a burden I carried floated away. “I’m here,” he said, and peeled off his coat, draping it to one side. He turned slightly, his eyes holding questions.
“I’m fine,” I said, “nothing happened.”
He narrowed his eyes, questioning, and shook the snow from his hair.
“Really,” I reiterated, and smiled, happy to see the smirk on his chiseled face. “Well, except…” I hesitated. He stepped forward, his eyes intent. “I’m really glad you’re home,” I whispered, the look in his eyes mesmerizing me. He wrapped his arm around me, pulled me to his chest, and exhaled, like he was relieved, too. He brushed his cheek to my hair, lingering there. I reached my hand to his neck, resting my head on him, listening to his heartbeat, steady and strong.
“Where did you go?” I asked and looked up to him.
“We’ll talk about that tomorrow,” he said. “Did you stay in camp?”
“Mostly,” I said, and saw his jaw flinch. “I hunted with Runs With Wind, but I didn’t catch anything. He says I’m rebellious, and I think he’s presumptuous.”
A faint smile touched his lips.
“He told me about Birch,” I said, my voice lower.
“What did he tell you?” he asked, guarded, his hand still pressed to the small of my back.
“That he was one of you.”
“Hmmm…”
“He said Birch was afraid I’d go with the Forest People.”
He was silent.
“I wish he had more faith in me than that. Kinda hurts Birch thought that of me,” I confessed. He turned his head toward me and looked in my eyes. Reaching his hand to my face, a gentle touch, as if to say something kind but he found no words. “Just because I showed them kindness doesn’t mean I’d leave with them.”
I settled back on the bear skins, and he lay down on his bed. He looked worn, tired. His breathing slowing, relaxing, his eyes still wide open. He reached for my hand and held it firmly in his, and I inched closer until my head rested in the crook of his arm.
He turned slightly, facing me, wrapped his arm around me, and pulled me closer. “Rest, Little Foot,” he whispered in my ear. As tired as I was though, I couldn’t close my eyes. I didn’t want to wake up to find him gone again. I lay there and witnessed the exhaustion take him. Wondered where he’d been and why he left for so long. His body relaxed, his eyes closed, but his face still tensed, worried.
My gaze traced his eyes, his lips, his smooth skin. His strength still evident even in sleep. The thought of me leaving floated through my mind and a twig of pain touched me. Even though my leavi
ng made sense for so many reasons, I wondered how I could leave. How I could tear myself from someone so selfless… Was it possible? Or was it the right choice for him? I had to decide. And make that decision soon.
His face winced slightly, and I closed my eyes. Not able to see another ounce of pain caused by me, even when he slept. His arm over me relaxed slightly, and loosened. But every part of me warred with indecision, wondering where I belonged, what I should do, when I should decide, and at the same time all I wanted was his arm tighter around me.
Chapter 23
The elders requested to meet with me and the warriors who returned last night. Three Scars seemed apprehensive. Before we entered, he took me aside, glanced at the others entering the tipi, and looked at me, his eyes troubled. “I am concerned for what is about to be revealed,” he said.
“I don’t understand.” I touched his arm.
“You will, soon enough. I…” he let out a shallow breath, “I’m sorry.” He shook his head, wrapped his hand around mine and lead me inside.
We sat in a semicircle and faced the elders, their lined faces creased deeper with worry. Silence filled the air, and I held my breath, wondering if anyone had been hurt, or had their secrets been found out?
“Our warriors have returned from a successful trip. They have risked their identities and their safety, and I am pleased they are home safe, and all went as planned,” the third elder said, his eyes heavy, his voice sullen.
“Birch was our brother, our friend and a fellow warrior of our tribe. He positioned himself in the forest beyond to keep watch over the migration patterns of the Forest People. He stayed there many years and made his second home there, but his allegiance has always been to his people. Though he never had children of his own, we know he looked to you, Little Foot, as his daughter. He told us many times of you. He was proud of your bravery and your skill,” the second elder said.
“The reason he never had children was so he didn’t pass on the gene which makes our young men shift into them. It is our hope that as the generations come and go that this gene will pass from our bloodline and be present no more, and that this curse will leave us,” the first elder said.
Three Scars squeezed my hand and I glanced his way.
“But something happened to change Birch’s course. He found out they wanted you, Little Foot, and when our brother saw your fearless ways and your compassion toward them, he became very concerned. We sent our warriors to protect you. We were concerned if they took you, or if you went willingly, that the gene would again be passed to humans and continue the cycle of half-humans shifting into Forest People.”
I drew in a quick breath and covered my mouth.
I looked at Three Scars, and then to the elders.
“Now the government is looking for them, and they are looking for you as well. You have more knowledge of their ways than even we do. Our homes, our lives, and our secrets are at risk,” the second elder said.
“It appears they may not leave until they find something, so our warriors went north this past week to create a convincing diversion,” the third elder said. “They went to the great forest in the north. They traveled in as humans and shifted through the nights, leaving tracks, footprints, shelters, and clues,” the first elder said. He paused, his eyes watching me. “We have created this diversion so the biologists can be given this evidence and leave your forest and search in that forest.” He retrieved a map and handed it to me. “If you go to your forest and deliver this evidence to them, they may leave and search up north.”
He leaned back and sipped a cup of water.
“We do not want you to leave us, Little Foot, but we did this so you would not be trapped into staying with us, but you would have a choice – either to return to your forest and your way of life, or to make a new life with us. You are Birch’s daughter, and you are one of us, but the decision is yours,” the first elder said.
I sucked in a cold breath unaware I hadn’t breathed deep since they started speaking.
“When do you want me to take the map and the other evidence? And how will I explain how I got it?” I said, before I fully thought this through.
Three Scars’ hand loosened, the elders faces fell, and the other warriors turned to look at me.
“I’m not saying I want to leave you, but I do want the biologists and the government trackers to leave me alone, and leave our land,” I said.
“But if you go, they may keep you,” Three Scars said.
“I won’t go with the Forest People,” I said, more hurt than angry.
“Not them, Little Foot, the government,” Red Hawk said.
“Oh,” I said, shocked. “Do you think…?” My sentence trailed off, and I shook my head slightly trying to wrap my thoughts around the possibility of being detained.
“I…I.. don’t know,” I said. “What would Birch want me to do?” I whispered to myself. They looked from one to the other, their faces mixed from sad to hopeful at the mention of his name.
“Take your time, Little Foot. This is not a decision you can make right now. Think on these things. And pray on these things. The Creator will hear you and answer you,” the first elder said.
I nodded my head and leaned toward Three Scars, the uncertainty inside seeping out, and for the first time in forever I was afraid – very afraid. “Why didn’t he come with me? Why did he stay behind?” I asked.
“He went deep into the high country looking for the Forest People – to warn them,” the first elder said. I held back the stinging in my eyes. Birch died trying to protect us. “It is what he wrote in the letter you brought to us. He sent you here to save you. He knew you would go deeper into the forest to get away and his fear was that the Forest People would find you.”
I looked down. “I would have gone deeper in,” I said. “It’s all I know.”
I looked to Three Scars, my heart hurting because I knew what I had to do, and it would hurt him, leave a third scar on his heart caused by me. I tried to mask my decision, but I think he knew. He didn’t meet my eyes, but he squeezed my hand. I didn’t reveal it to the elders, but my decision was made.
“Tonight we honor Birch Charging Eagle,” the first elder said. “He was my brother.” He waved his hand dismissing us. No one moved, our individual and collective thoughts about the government, about Birch, about me, about our future hung heavy in the air. We sat for several minutes in silence, the weight of everything holding us in this place. I looked at the elders, wise and kind. At Red Hawk, honorable and true. Running Bear, brave and wild. At Three Scars, wounded but brave and honorable and kind and fierce.
I blinked back tears. They had become my family long before I ever knew them. I had to protect them.
Chapter 24
The air outside pressed against me, cold and harsh. The kind of cold that seeps inside and settles in your core. No amount of fire or heat can chase it away, you have to accept it as part of living in the wild, but it’s never something you like, or want. I wrapped my arms to my chest, my fur cape draping over me, helping ward it off, but the frigid air found its way inside me. Perhaps, it was more than the weather, but my decision that left icicles forming around my conscience, draped from my heart down to my toes.
“I’d like to show you something. Are you up for a walk?” Three Scars asked, as we left the meeting. He tried to look into my eyes, but I couldn’t face him yet, so I looked ahead, and nodded. “This way,” he said, and wrapped his hand around mine, leading me forward. We walked through camp and trailed into the woods close to where Runs With Wind and I hunted. Every few steps he glanced at me and moved us further into the trees. The sounds from camp faded away until all we heard were our light footsteps, a songbird, or a squirrel scratching his way up a tree and spiraling himself down at a quick pace, his little claws clutching the bark with ease, an occasional repeated squeak piercing the quiet.
After a while the thick trees opened up into a sloped meadow, a sheer drop-off directly ahead of us, the view of the val
ley below. The edge of the meadow was lined with granite boulders, some disappearing beneath the earth, others protruding at jagged angles above it. A mix of lower elevation chaparral and higher altitude vegetation and trees. Over the edge, down below us by a few thousand feet, I saw the faint outline of cabins, some buildings, and large fenced paddocks for cattle or horses.
“That’s our village,” he said.
I studied it from this view, memorizing the layout. “Do you live down there?” I asked and glanced his way.
“I prefer to live up higher,” he said.
He stared over the valley of homes, to the mountain right beyond them, white at the top, capped with snow. I followed his gaze, and then looked to him, a pained expression in his eyes. “That’s Rattlesnake Mountain,” he said. I looked back across the vast space separating us from there. “Our ancestors fought a great battle there against the settlers, and now when we face difficulties of great importance, we look to the mountain and draw strength from the past.”
We walked to a cluster of granite boulders, and he climbed up, the wind pushing against him. He turned back, held out his hand, and waited. I lay my hand in his and he pulled me up next to him. I held on tight and we faced Rattlesnake Mountain together. He looked at me. “We can fight this together. We look to the past to help us with the future,” he said. He lowered to a sitting position, and I sat next to him, the wind swirling up and over us, circling back and pushing against us.
“I’m going back,” I said, my voice mixing with the wind.
“I know,” he said.
“But it’s only to bait them with the map and the other evidence.”
He was silent, drinking in the possibilities.
“But I think I have a plan that can prevent me from being detained,” I said, and looked over at him.
Still, he said nothing. His pensive gaze to the place of his ancestors held steady.
“I’d like to talk to you and the elders together,” I said.
My Name Is Cree Page 15
