Chapter Two
The creek bubbled along with a purpose Merrie envied. Coming to Alaska had pulled her back from the darkness that had threatened to swallow her whole, sending her rogue as her tigress fought to take control. Now with only hours left in Alaska uncertainty surrounded her every move. Uncertain of her future and her ability to keep the past where it belonged. It had only been a couple weeks since she left Ohio and her clan, but it seemed like a lifetime. She had come so far, and it terrified her to think of what might happen when she returned.
Would being surrounded by her clan, around those who went through the same tortures she did, bring back everything she worked so hard to let go? She didn’t want to be the woman she was before, terrified of her own shadow. She worked too hard to find herself again, to grow stronger so she could carry the weight of her past.
“Harmony left Ohio and put the place holding those horrible memories behind her. Why can’t I do the same? Why am I forcing myself to go back?” She mumbled to herself still unsure why she felt the need to return home. It was like a call she couldn’t refuse. The more she tried to ignore it, the stronger it became.
With the thought of staying in Alaska her inner tigress sprang forward growling as she pushed against the bounds on her human flesh. There was no doubt Merrie’s tigress wanted to return to their home, but was it the best decision for them?
Leaning back against the tree she closed her eyelids allowing the sound of the creek to fill her, as she let her worries drift away. She forced herself to picture the future she wanted. To fill every thought with the knowledge everything was going to be okay. If things didn’t work out in Ohio she could come back, or she could go anywhere she wanted. She needed to remember she wouldn’t be the prisoner she once was when she returned.
Focusing on the sounds of nature, she concentrated on centering herself and bringing back the peace she momentarily lost. “I can do this. I have to do this.”
In less than an hour, she had a video conference with her Alpha Korbin and his mate Layla to discuss her upcoming return. After working out travel arrangements with Taber hours earlier, she found herself more uncertain than ever. The excitement of returning home had chilled in her veins allowing only dread to run through them now.
Focus on the positives. Harmony’s words from one of their first sessions flashed in her thoughts.
“Positives.” Her lips curled into a smile as Sparks face came to mind. He was the one person calling her back to Ohio. The one friend she could always count on, he stood by her side when she needed someone the most. Before leaving Ohio, he pulled her aside, giving them a moment alone, to give her words of encouragement she carried with her along this journey. You can do this Merrie, you’re stronger than you think. I’m only a phone call away, all of us are. If you decide you don’t want to be there call, and I’ll come for you. No matter what, I’ll come for you, I promise.
He was the reason she wanted to return home. If he could face the demons of their past, she could too. He wasn’t only facing the horrors, he was making the clan stronger. Every day they spoke sometimes through a phone call or text messages but mostly through video calls. Seeing him had stirred something within her she didn’t understand.
Her tigress called to him, but they weren’t mates. They touched too many times for her not to realize that. Yet, they had a bond she couldn’t deny. Part of her was missing with them separated. She counted down the hours until the next call, and when it ended the longing to see him face-to-face grew that much stronger.
“This is crazy. Falling for a man I can’t have.” Letting out a deep sigh, she adjusted to allow her head to tilt back further allowing her to look up at the branches overhead.
This was the reason shifters chose not to date. None of them wanted to risk falling for someone they weren’t destined to be with. Giving their heart to someone who wasn’t their mate was sure to have undeniable consequences. Still I can’t be the only one whose fallen in love with someone who isn’t my mate. Can I? She figured it might have happened, but she didn’t even know who she could ask. Talking to Korbin or Layla was out of the question. While Ty and Tabitha checked on her often, she didn’t feel like she could ask them either. Would Harmony keep her secret? She couldn’t imagine going back to Ohio if anyone else knew she was in love with Sparks. Especially if the news reached him. Embarrassment didn’t kill, but she would want it to if he knew about her feelings.
“Damn you, Sparks.” She bitched but it wasn’t him, it was her. She was the one struggling with her emotions. They were hers to deal with and accept, not his, and she had to do it soon. In less than twenty-four hours, she’d be back in Ohio and face-to-face with Sparks as well as her Elders.
“What did I do?” A deep voice broke through her thoughts causing her to bolt off the ground, her hand reached out, grabbing hold of the tree behind her for support as she stumbled over one of the above ground roots.
“I didn’t mean to startle you.” Sparks stepped out from the tree line. “Hello, Merrie.”
“Sparks!” Her heart raced as she stared at the man who had filled her every thought. “What are you doing here?”
“Sneaking up on you apparently.” His lips curved up into a smile as he continued toward her. “I can’t remember ever seeing you this relaxed. You didn’t even sense me as I neared.”
She hadn’t sensed him because her thoughts were too occupied with facing him again. She stared at him, debating for a moment if he was truly there or if she’d fallen asleep and was only dreaming. His dark brown hair had grown a little longer since she left, making her want to run her fingers through it. Even with his coat on she could see the shirt he wore stretched across his chest with enough tightness it gave anyone looking an idea of how toned those muscles underneath were. Damn, he looks better than I remember.
As her tigress purred within her, she forced herself back to the issue at hand. “How can you be here? What about Layla? Who’s guarding her?”
“Layla’s fine. She’s the one who sent me. Korbin already had guards in place, before they handed me the ticket. You know Layla she worked on him until he agreed she’d be fine for a few days without me.” He came to stand in front of her. “We knew you were coming home and she thought you’d like some company on the trip. Otherwise it would have been you and Taber.”
“You’re the Captain of her Guards, leaving her places her in jeopardy. You shouldn’t have done this for me.” She shook her head before meeting his gaze again. “Sorry, that sounds ungrateful. I’m just surprised to see you. How did you get here?”
“I took a commercial flight out early this morning. We couldn’t get a nonstop flight. With the delays, I was starting to believe I wouldn’t make it before you called Layla. That would have ruined the surprise.” He reached into the inside pocket of his coat and pulled out a white envelope. “Layla wanted me to give you this.”
“What is it?” She stared down at the envelope he held out to her, her heart frantically beating against her ribcage.
“She wants your help with the clan. She’s seen the changes in you and how far you’ve come in such a short time. You can do wonders for those in Ohio.” He wiggled the envelope in front of her, as if reminding her to take it. “I’m assuming it’s all in here.”
“Oh, Sparks!” Not caring about the envelope, she closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around his neck. “I’ve missed you so mu—” Electricity sizzled through her, warming her from the inside out and cutting off her words.
“What the hell?” She pulled back from him. “No, it can’t be. Before…we…we’ve touched before. I don’t understand.”
“Let’s go somewhere to talk.” Instead of shock or surprise, he shot her a bright smile as his gaze stayed focused on her.
“What? Why can’t we talk here? Sparks, what’s going on?” Taking a couple steps back to allow herself some distance she tried to process what happened.
Only one thought circle through her mind: Mates? How
? This isn’t possible.
“I thought you’d might like to go back to your room or somewhere else where we can sit and talk in private. Somewhere warmer.” He glanced at the envelope he still held. “You can read this.”
“You’re so calm, it’s as if you expected this. I don’t understand.”
“There’s always been a connection between us, this is—”
“Don’t give me that.” She cut him off before allowing him to finish whatever he was going to say. “This isn’t like what we had. The electricity that shot through my body never happened before. That’s what happens when you find your mate, but you can’t be…”
“Why not? Don’t want a Bengal tiger? Were you hoping for another white one like yourself? They’re rarer, you know?” He let out a lighthearted chuckle before sliding the envelope back into the pocket of his coat.
“What? No! I’m not like that, and you know it.” She met his gaze. A smile tugging at the corner of his lips as she stared at his cocked eyebrows, trying his best to appear offended but failing miserably. “Damn you, Sparks.” She reached out to slap his shoulder for his cocky comments when he wrapped his hand around her wrist and pulled her back against him.
“I’m sure I could find some white hair color. Would that meet your requirements?”
Tipping her head back she met his gaze. “Hair color only hides who you really are. Trust me, I should know.”
His gaze drifted toward her hair before nodding. “I noticed.”
“Take it you don’t like it either.” She dragged her hand through the strands and tried not to think about the state of her hair. “Having white hair makes me stand out. I wanted to be one of the crowd instead of having people stare anytime I leave the compound. I’ve tried to dye it several times, but each morning I’d wake up and find it white again. This time is worse.”
“Sugar, I’m not sure you’ve accomplished your goal.”
“Really? I’d have never guessed.” She rolled her eyes and let out a light chuckle. “It was supposed to be a light brown, but my tigress is too headstrong. Maybe this was her way of stopping me from coloring my hair. This funky silver gray sure wasn’t what I had in mind when I colored it this morning, but I guess the bright side is, by morning, it should be back to the white it always was. I might hate it, but it’s better than this. I guess this latest blunder made me accept it, because I’m done trying to cover it.”
“Sugar you’re beautiful no matter the color of your hair. Though I must admit I’m partial to the white, it’s unique, just like you.” Sliding his hand along her back his eyes heated with something more. If she had to put a word to it, she’d say desire.
“Sparks…” She didn’t know what she was going to say, but before she could decide, he spoke.
“Let’s go somewhere and talk. It doesn’t have to be your room, it can be anywhere you want, all I ask is it’s somewhere warm, I’m not used to this cold.”
“It’s a change from Ohio.” As her lips curled up into a smile, she realized how much she missed him and the clan. He was the one person she could always count on. Even after she arrived here, he’d been there. The time difference didn’t stop him from checking on her throughout the day. The time she called him in the early morning hours a few days after she arrived, he hadn’t been upset. Rather he came instantly awake and knew just what to say to calm her. He’d always been there for her.
My rock, my mate.
Chapter Three
As Sparks stepped into the single room, the scent of Merrie wrapped around him like a blanket, making him want to draw his tigress against him. He missed her, but he hadn’t realized how much his tiger was longing for their reunion until he was face-to-face with her again. He was still having a hard time wrapping his mind around their mating, but his beast had accepted it as if he’d always knew. Maybe part of him did.
Mine. His tiger snarled within him.
“It’s not much.” Uneasy Merrie glanced over her shoulder at him. “There’s a small sofa we could—”
“Mer.” In one quick move, he stripped his coat off and tossed it aside before he closed the distance between them. As much as his beast demanded he touch her, he kept his hands at his sides. “Damn it…”
“What?” She sucked her bottom lip between her teeth, biting it as her gaze drifted up to meet his.
“I don’t know why you’re uneasy around me now, but damn if I don’t want to pull you into my arms and chase away this apprehension.” Without thinking he brought his hand up toward her face. The tips of his fingers teased along the contour of her cheek. He almost expected her to pull back, instead she tipped her head toward him, bringing herself closer. “Sugar, I have to know are you afraid of me now?”
“No.” The single word came out soft, making him unsure he’d even heard her answer until she snuggled her face against his hand. “Never, Sparks, never. You spark a lot of emotions within me but never fear.”
Taking it as permission he looped his arm around her waist, drawing her closer. “Talk to me, sugar. I need to know what you’re thinking.”
“How?” With her gaze locked on his, she brought her hand up to the back of his, as if wanting the connection between them to grow stronger. “How is this possible? We’ve touched before and never…”
“I know.” He let out a breath. “Part of me always suspected, but without the proof, I questioned it. You can’t deny we’re drawn to each other. Your tigress calls to my beast, as mine does to yours.”
“But…”
“Go on.” He encouraged when her words died off.
“I feel it, but I always thought…” Dropping her gaze she shook her head. “Forget it.”
“No.” Using his thumb under her chin, he tipped her head until she was meeting his gaze again. “I understand you’re uncertain. Hell, I’m not sure I’ve accepted all of it yet. Trust in your tigress, she knows we belong together. Don’t shut me out. Not now Mer, not after everything we’ve overcome.”
“That’s just it. You’ve seen me at my worst and now this. It seems cruel for you to be saddled with me when you’re stronger than I could ever hope to be.” Unshed tears filled her vision, but she didn’t pull away from him. “You deserve someone special, someone who can be by your side and handle everything that comes with a clan and your position.”
“I want you there by my side. No one else. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. Look at you, Mer…” Needing more contact, he slipped his hand under her sweater, letting his fingers tease over the bare skin, just above the waist of her skirt.
“What about me?” She questioned.
“Fuck, Mer, I thought I was going to lose you and now look at you.” Without taking his hands off her he leaned back enough to get a better look at her. “Do you realize, down by the creek when you saw me it was the first time I saw you smile in…hell I don’t even know how long, but it’s been forever.”
“I smiled at you before I left. It might have been through the tears, but I know I gave you a smile as I boarded the plane.”
“That wasn’t a smile.” He shook his head. “You put on a brave face and bit your tongue when I know you wanted to fight against Korbin’s orders. I know because I could feel it. He did it for you and even knowing that I wanted to contest his orders. Insane thoughts passed through my mind.”
“Like what?” She cocked and eyebrow at him. “The Sparks I know is always levelheaded. He wouldn’t go against his Alpha’s orders.”
“For you I would.” Taking in a deep breath before letting it out again he considered telling her everything. He kept his voice low so only she could hear him. “I considered challenging him.”
“You what?” Stilling in his arms, she stared up at him with wide eyes.
“The thought of you being so far away made my tiger enraged. He was ready to tear through my control but part of me realized this is what you needed. Coming here, seeing Harmony and Robin, it’s what brought you back to me. Or well, brought you to me in another
way.” He drew her tighter against his body. “Now even the thought of not having you in my arms infuriates my beast.”
“Sparks—”
“Let me finish.” He paused for a second to see if she’d allow him to continue. “You said before I need someone who can handle my position. Here’s the thing, I’ve already decided if I need to, I would give up my position without a second thought. If you don’t want to go back to Ohio, then we won’t. We’ll figure it out.”
“You’ve worked too hard to give it up for me.”
“It’s not for you, it’s for us. I want you in my life, Mer. Before I was satisfied with having you as a friend, because I thought it was all we could have, but when you left, I knew there was something more between us. My beast knew even without the normal reactions, it just took my human side longer to figure it out. You…” His thumb teased along her jawline. “You sugar, you’re all I need.”
“Sparks…” She looped her arms around his waist, pressing herself firmer against his chest. “I’m broken—”
“You’re not.” He cut her off.
“Let me finish, please.” She eyed him, as if waiting for him to argue more. “After everything we went through, I wanted to escape, to give into the horrors haunting me so I could forget them all. I allowed my tigress to come too close to the surface, and I nearly lost the one thing I hold dear—you.”
“You’ll never lose me.” He leaned down, bringing his face closer to hers. “I brought you back from the brink before, and I’d do it again. I’m not going to let your tigress take control and throw away everything we can have.”
As if thinking about the moment he mentioned she leaned against him, her hand teasing along the small of his back making him wish he hadn’t tucked his shirt into his jeans. He needed to feel her touch on his skin as much as he needed to touch her. His beast snarled within him, demanding skin-to-skin contact, but he remained still. Not knowing if she’d pull back from him and this mating, he didn’t want the moment to end. He’d deny his beast and stand as still as a statue rather than risk her pulling out of his embrace.
Roaring Change Page 2
