by Jane Green
Had he simply been dating me for a month so he wouldn’t be alone on Christmas?
He stood up. ‘Have you seen Maddie?’
‘Not since we got back.’ Something in his tone … my stomach clinched. Isaac’s last phone call came back to me. I glanced up at him almost hesitantly, afraid of what I would see. That distracted gleam in the eye I had witnessed so often in men who wanted to talk to me about Maddie. ‘Why?’
He wore a concerned frown. ‘I’m a little worried about her.’
Don’t act jealous. ‘Her room is the next one down the hall, after the bathroom.’
He tilted his head. ‘You think she’d resent it if I went to talk to her? I mean … I think I could help her.’
I held my hand to the throbbing little knot on my head and nodded. ‘Sure, go talk to her,’ I said, dismissing him with a fatalistic wave. I had discovered years ago that keeping men away from Maddie was like trying to keep lions away from wildebeests.
He turned to go, then stopped at the door. ‘You might want to talk to Maddie yourself,’ he said, ‘and tell her about that cut. I bet she’s a fantastic doctor.’
I gulped. ‘Yup. She’s fantastic at everything.’
Thank God I hadn’t gotten him a watch.
When I heard his footsteps retreat down the hall, I reached over and closed my door, then leaned back on the bed with a long, teenagerly sigh. This was so mixed up. I stared at my Daniel Day-Lewis poster and suddenly remembered again why I had fallen in love with him in that movie, as he crashed through the woods in his buckskins to find his lady love. When I was fifteen, the possibility that anyone would ever love me enough to endure knife fights and dives through waterfalls and five-minute montages of running through the forest seemed like a faraway dream.
Now, thirteen years later, the dream was still just an ever-dwindling speck on the horizon.
I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew there was a hand on my shoulder shaking me. ‘Hey! Wake up. It’s dinnertime!’ My eyes popped open to see Isaac looming over me. ‘How long have you been asleep?’
I jolted up to sitting, feigning alertness as best as I could. ‘I was just resting my eyes.’
‘Really? You were snoring really loudly.’
‘Where is everybody?’ I asked, slipping on my shoes.
Isaac sat down and dandled Mr Fabulous on his knee. ‘Down in the dining room. We’ve been waiting on you.’
‘Oh – wait.’ Damn! It was Christmas Eve. Picture time. Except, of course, that Maddie had forgotten her camera. But someone in the family had to have a camera. ‘I need to put on makeup.’
I frantically ran a brush through my hair and hid behind my closet door so that I could put on my special sweater that matched Jason’s, which we had agreed to wear on Christmas Eve.
‘How long have you been here?’ I asked.
‘’Bout an hour.’
I nearly shrieked. ‘And you didn’t come get me?’
‘Jason said you looked like you needed a rest. Besides, we were all watching a movie.’
‘What movie?’
‘Holiday Inn.’
‘I love that movie.’
‘It adds a whole new dimension to it to watch it with Ted. He wept.’
‘Well, it is awfully sentimental at the end …’
‘He was crying through the tap dances,’ Isaac said.
Poor Ted. He was even more of a mess than I was. I slapped on some lipstick and stepped out from behind the door, modeling my sweater. It was green cotton with a big Santa head on it, with googly eyes and a fluffy beard. When I stepped back into his sight line, Isaac’s face fell and he actually recoiled a few inches.
‘Oh, no!’ he breathed.
‘It matches Jason’s. We’re wearing them together. As a joke.’
‘You are?’
I nodded. ‘We planned it.’
Isaac looked doubtful. ‘Holly, can I just say one thing?’
I blinked at him. ‘Did you ever find mistletoe?’
He rolled his eyes. ‘No.’
I shook my head. ‘It probably doesn’t matter.’ I was so confused about Jason. I didn’t know what to do, honestly. I couldn’t tell anymore if he was a perfect gent or a perv with a Christmas fetish.
‘We should go,’ I said. ‘Mom is probably upset that I’ve been slacking off all afternoon.’ And after she gave me a tongue-lashing for being a nonparticipator, too. I looked at my face in the mirror. It still lacked something to be desired, but there was no time now.
I raced ahead of Isaac and was halfway down the stairs before I realized that something really seemed off. When I swung into the dining room, everyone looked up from various poses of reaching out for slices of pizza from the boxes that were strewn across the dining room table.
I froze. Pizza?
The others seemed frozen, too. They were staring at my chest.
‘What’s going on?’ I asked.
‘I decided we should go more casual this year,’ Mom said, in almost a singsong. ‘Come have a slice.’
I was still having a hard time taking it all in. I don’t think I had ever seen my parents order pizza. Ever. But there they all were, my assorted loved ones, balancing giant wedges in their hands, looking ridiculously pleased with themselves. Jason had a pepperoni slice that was about to spill a waterfall of cheese onto the tablecloth. Ted was leaning back glassy-eyed, chewing a crust. Vlad had a pile, one of each kind, on his plate. It was hard to tell if he intended to eat them one by one or cut into the pile as if it were a triangular layer cake.
Jason laughed. ‘Oh – I forgot about the sweaters!’
No kidding. He was wearing a plain navy blue sweater – no googly-eyed Santa in sight – over a red plaid shirt.
Isaac, behind me, put his hand on my elbow and steered me to a chair. I have to say, I needed the help. I felt like an idiot.
The dining room was set up buffet style, and Mom passed us plates. At least we were using the gold-rimmed Havilland china we always brought out for nice holiday meals. I flopped a piece of pepperoni on it and bit back a sigh. ‘Pizza on Havilland. I guess I should be glad tradition hasn’t been completely thrown out the window in this family.’
‘Here,’ Isaac said, reaching for a bottle of red wine, ‘let’s have some traditional holiday booze.’
As I was pouring a few glugs into my wineglass, Ted shot up from the table so quickly he nearly tore the tablecloth off with him. He ran down the hall, then slammed his door shut, leaving us all staring bug-eyed at each other. A few moments later, his voice carried through the shut door and down the hall.
‘Damn it, Melinda!’ he hollered. ‘Are you just going to let tradition be thrown out the window?’
I drew back guiltily, since I seemed to have set him off.
‘What do you mean, calm down?’ he yelled, as we all pretended not to listen. ‘You’re the one who ran off half-cocked!’
The man definitely needed a phone coach.
‘Don’t you hang up on me. Don’t you –’
There was a short silence.
‘Damn it!’
I guess Melinda hung up.
The atmosphere in the dining room was tense as we all waited for Ted to come out again. He didn’t. He just started muttering to himself and throwing small objects around his room.
‘Well!’ Mom said after a few moments. She took a long sip of wine. ‘I was going to wait for Ted to make my little speech, but I think maybe I should just go ahead, don’t you, Laird?’
Dad sighed. ‘If you must.’
I looked over at Jason and smiled. This was always priceless. Every year my mom made a little speech at dinner at how happy she was to have all her family around her. It was the one time of year my family came close to vocalizing love for each other.
‘I just wanted to let you all know that having you here means more than ever before.’
Maddie tapped on her wineglass with her fork, like an attendee at a Lion’s Club meeting. ‘Hear, hea
r!’
I frowned. Why would it mean more than ever? ‘Is everything okay?’ I asked Mom.
‘Everything’s just terrific,’ Mom said, in a tone of voice that made my hair stand on end. It was a tone that had an implied but built into it.
My heart began to pound double-time. For some reason, through all of this I had been looking at her failing to get the house ready as just forgetfulness, or laziness. As if she could have forgotten Christmas! Now all sorts of terrible scenarios started parading through my head, supplying possible answers for that implied but. But she has cancer. But she’s checking herself into alcohol rehab. But she’s been diagnosed with bipolar disorder …
I cut a worried glance at Isaac. He looked startled, too.
‘The thing is,’ Mom went on, ‘next year I probably won’t be here.’
Maddie gasped.
‘Oh, God,’ I moaned aloud. It was cancer. And here I had been running around for two days whining about the fake Christmas tree, and the lack of food in the fridge. And walnut people, for heaven’s sake.
No wonder she had given me a tongue-lashing for taking her for granted, and for selfishly worrying about trivialities! Anguish shuddered through me. ‘Mom, why didn’t you tell us?’
Mom frowned at me. ‘Well … for one thing, I thought it was personal and we shouldn’t drag you into it.’
Personal, I could understand. But not drag us into it? ‘But –’
‘Also, I just signed the lease two weeks ago.’
‘But –’ My mouth snapped closed. Lease?
‘I’m moving into my own apartment after the new year,’ she announced.
I had to hand it to Mom – she had managed to come up with a pin-drop moment this family hadn’t seen since my brother had announced he’d wrecked my dad’s car back in 1989.
Maddie’s face, I’m pretty sure, mirrored my own at that moment. She was wide-eyed, blinking repeatedly, and openmouthed. Flabbergasted pretty much sums it up.
‘An apartment!’ she exclaimed. ‘What are you going to do with one of those?’
My mouth twisted. ‘I imagine she’s going to live it in it.’
‘But why? She lives here!’
‘Um, Maddie …’
Her eyes flashed at me. ‘Don’t sit there pretending you’re not upset, Holly. I know you’re upset, so don’t act like you can detach yourself from this one.’
‘What do you mean, detach?’ I shot back.
‘Like it’s just beneath worrying about. That’s what you always do during a family crisis, isn’t it?’
My head was spinning. ‘Why are you turning this into a referendum on me? ’
‘Oh, never mind,’ Maddie said, flopping against the back of her chair. ‘You so don’t get it. You never do.’
I swung my gaze back to my mom. ‘What are you moving out for? Are you and Dad … splitting up?’
I glanced over at him, but he was still leaning back impassively, staring at his pizza as if he would simply rather not be having this conversation. Mom chuckled nervously. ‘Well, I suppose you could say that it’s something like that. It’s completely amicable, isn’t it, Laird?’
‘Don’t drag me into this,’ he said, picking at his pizza crust.
‘Dad, she’s leaving. How much more dragged into something can you be?’
He lifted his hands. ‘Her decision. Me, I’m staying here. All my books are here. My files. Everything.’
Naturally, when my parents split up, they couldn’t even do it the normal way, with a lot of screaming and broken crockery. Or maybe that was just the part we had missed. Maybe we were all actors who had bumbled onto the set of the wrong play during the third act.
And now only Maddie seemed to be behaving as was expected of her in the movie-of-the-week sense. Tears stood in her eyes, her cheeks were mottled red, and she was trembling. ‘How come you didn’t tell me any of this?’ she railed at Mom. ‘I always know everything!’
‘Are you two divorcing? ’ I asked, speaking the dread word. ‘I mean, have you seen a lawyer?’
‘It’s like professors taking a sabbatical,’ my dad explained to us. ‘Your mom needs a sabbatical.’
I couldn’t tell if he was in denial, or if he really believed this. Of course, maybe it was true.
But how many couples took ‘sabbaticals’ and then wound up together again?
Maddie snatched her napkin out of her lap and blew her nose loudly.
Mom shook her head. ‘Right now I just want some privacy. I’m going back to school in January …’
‘But you said this was your last Christmas here,’ I pointed out.
A high-pitched squeak came from across the table – my sister, dramatically holding back a wail of despair. I tried not to look over at her. She just wants attention, I thought peevishly.
But of course I couldn’t help myself. I had to look. And when I looked, I was appalled. There was Maddie, the twenty-six-year-old victim of a newly broken home, mewling pitifully. And there was my boyfriend’s hand rubbing her shoulder. Comforting her.
Vlad, who I had forgotten about, cleared his throat and mumbled something in Russian.
‘Pass him a slice of Italian sausage, Holly,’ Maddie translated, with a pathetic sniffle. ‘You’re the closest.’
I did as told.
‘Thank you very much,’ Vlad said.
For the next few moments the only sound in the room was that of Vlad chewing his slice. (He had a slight jaw pop, I noticed.) Except, of course, I could imagine the sound of Jason’s hand, which still hadn’t moved from Maddie’s shoulder. If the pressing of flesh against two layers of cashmere twinset could make a sound, it was ringing in my ears right now.
Maddie jumped up. ‘Excuse me!’ Her voice was a tremolo of pain. ‘I need to be by myself for a moment.’
She cupped her hands around her face, almost as if she had a nosebleed, and swept out of the room.
When Jason all but leapt out of his chair to go chasing after her, I picked a greasy piece of pepperoni off the congealing cheese on my plate and popped it into my mouth. It tasted like salty leather.
‘Well!’ With her big revelation out of the way, Mom was her old Florence Henderson self again. ‘Maybe I should go see what we’ve got for dessert. I forgot to fix anything.’
‘I brought a cake,’ I said dully.
‘Oh, terrific!’ she said, getting up. ‘That’ll hit the spot.’
I hated to tell her that no one seemed much interested. No one except my dad, who suddenly perked up. ‘Do we have any of that peppermint ice cream to go with it?’ he yelled after her retreated back. He looked over at me. ‘There’s this really good peppermint stick ice cream – the old-fashioned kind that’s vanilla with little chunks of red and green peppermint candy in it – but you can only get it during the holidays.’
‘I thought you couldn’t eat too much fat.’ He already chowed down two slices.
He shrugged. ‘A little bowl of ice cream, what harm can that do? They only have it during the holidays.’
When Mom left him, his cholesterol was going to shoot through the ceiling.
‘There was a day when peppermint stick ice cream was de rigueur,’ Dad said, leaning forward, his brow furrowed as if he were going to lecture us on the Peloponnesian War. ‘When I was a boy, it was one of those ubiquitous flavors, like vanilla, and strawberry. But now everything has chocolate,’ he said, his nose wrinkling in distaste, as if chocolate were some kind of newfangled thing that had come along with hip hop and the internet.
Isaac and I nodded numbly. Even Vlad was nodding – confirming my hunch that wheezy geezer-speak knew no borders.
Dad tossed his head back. ‘Is there any of that peppermint stick ice cream?’ he bellowed at my mother.
His reply was the sound of a clattering pan.
‘I’d better go myself,’ Dad grumbled. ‘She can never find anything.’
Isaac and I swiveled toward each other. For a moment, neither of us said a word, but it was comfor
ting just to look into the dark, understanding pools of his eyes. I was so glad he was here.
He poured some wine into my glass. I drank it down in one gulp.
‘How are things at your house?’ I asked.
‘Fine. My little brother’s going on a ski trip with his girlfriend’s family tomorrow. I promised to fill in for him at work at the Valu-Rite drugstore.’
That sounded weird, but I really didn’t give it much thought. My mind was still trying to wrap around my parents’ dilemma, and the fact that my boyfriend was now providing TLC for my sister. While her boyfriend, or whatever he was, was sitting here without a clue.
‘I’m surprised you didn’t try beating Jason to the punch in comforting Maddie,’ I told Isaac.
He cleared his throat. ‘Jason was quick on the draw.’
‘He was Annie Oakley.’ I picked at the tablecloth. After witnessing my parents’ implosion, I supposed I shouldn’t whine about my faltering relationship. And I was also better off than Ted … which, at that moment, seemed like setting the bar awfully low.
I shook my head. ‘This is just so out of the blue. My parents have argued occasionally, but it never meant anything.’
‘Maybe it just never meant anything to you.’
I folded my arms over my chest. ‘But I can’t believe that they can just split up this way. There has to be a catalyst. And what is this apartment she’s talking about?’
Isaac looked at me. ‘Maybe you should ask your mom, not me.’
‘You’re right.’ I got up. Then I looked back at him. ‘Have some more pizza. I’ll be right back.’
In the kitchen, Mom had stacked dessert plates and was cutting pound cake.
‘Where’s Dad?’ I asked.
She waved a hand. ‘Oh, he trudged off in the direction of his office, grumbling about peppermint ice cream.’
I guessed we were out.
‘You want some cake?’ She bit her lip. ‘Maybe I should just let people cut their own … except this cake is like a rock! I don’t know what bakery you used, but I wouldn’t go back there again.’
I tried to take comfort in the fact that my cake at least looked like a professional failure. ‘I don’t know if you realize this, but the party has, er, dispersed.’
