by Lara Swann
“Kelsey.” She says again, and I force the emotion back down.
I think I’ve already decided I’m not going to ask her anything. I don’t think I can. I feel bad enough being here for more than the reason I’ve given as it is.
“Have you decided which one you want to try?” I ask, trying to distract myself as I come over and set the tray down on the table.
“Shall we split two?” She asks, with a spark in her eyes that I don’t think I’ve seen since before the accident.
It fills me with sudden hope and I grin in response.
“That’s my favorite way of doing it.”
She points to two of them as I pour the coffee, and I place them on the plates, cutting them in half and swapping the pieces over. I hesitate as I offer her the plate, but she gestures to her lap and I carefully set it down.
Her hand shakes a little as she raises the first piece to her mouth, but she doesn’t hide her enjoyment when she does bite into it.
“Ohhhh…” She moans slightly, and I have to smile.
“That’s pretty much the reaction I had the first time I tried one of these.” I say, taking a bite of my own.
It’s very good, but I’ve got to admit - Maya was right. It would just be so much better with marshmallows.
“You’re right.” She says, after swallowing and looking back at me. “These are very good.”
I nod, giving her a smile as she continues eating, occasionally taking a sip of coffee in between. Her movements are slow, but that’s okay - I have plenty to fill the silence as I start to explain about the store.
“The store is called Fairytale Cupcakes.” I say, as she continues eating. “And the man that runs it has the most creative ideas—well, he runs it with his daughter, an adorable eight-year-old girl called Maya, and she probably has the best ideas, but he’s very good at carrying them out.”
I borrow his running joke, and the sparkle in her eyes grows as she listens, warming me all over again. Margaret always loved children more than anything.
Why haven’t I been to visit her before? Why did everyone stop trying so hard? She’s here…right here. Maybe the accident didn’t take away as much as we all thought.
“All the cupcakes have fairytale names - things like Rainbow Unicorn Surprise and Big Bad Wolf and Fairy Dust Cake - and the whole store is decorated with that theme. It’s amazing in there, beautiful layered cakes and displays with castles and princesses and dragons, bright colors everywhere and the most gorgeous decorations. Honestly, it adds so much to Ashton’s little high street.”
“I’d like to see that.” She says, sounding wistful.
“I’m sure you could.” I say, encouragingly.
I wasn’t expecting her to suggest that, but…wow…if she starts coming out again then maybe this visit really will have done some good, the investigation be damned.
“No…” Her voice turns anxious again and she shakes her head quickly. “No…I…I can’t.”
“You could.” I say again, keeping my voice gentle. “I’m sure everyone would be more than willing to help - I could come back and—”
“No.” She repeats, her tone hardening. “No, it wouldn’t…I’m not well enough…”
“Why not?” I ask, unable to help myself. “We’d be able to wheel you down there easily enough, and…you’ve healed up now, right? Why don’t you think you’re well enough?”
She shakes her head, her hand lowering the last piece of cupcake back to the plate.
“The…accident…” She says, and her face takes on a haunted look as she stares off into the distance.
“That was a long time ago, Margaret.” I say softly. “It’s over now. You don’t have to stay in here.”
“No…I…I’m not…I’m not okay…” She says, shaking her head again, and the knot in my stomach comes back in force.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, and then I continue before I can stop myself. I wasn’t going to, but if we can talk about this - if I can understand why she won’t leave the house - then maybe I can help, somehow. “Why aren’t you okay, Margaret? What happened back then - what is it about that accident?”
The questions are too much. I can tell immediately and I curse myself for it. Her face goes slack, staring off into some space behind me as she continues shaking her head, more violently now.
“I can’t…I can’t…”
“Okay.” I say quickly. “It’s okay, you don’t have to say anything—I just—I wanted to help—”
She doesn’t seem to hear me, her whole body starting to shake, and alarm runs through me.
“No…” She mumbles, her hands coming in front of her as if to shield her. “No…no…noo…”
I have no idea what’s going on, my heart racing wildly in my chest as I move out of the chair and come to kneel next to her, reaching for a hand. “Margaret—”
“NOO!” She screams, jerking back from me. “Get away—get away!”
“It’s me - it’s Kelsey. It’s okay, I’m here.” I try to say. “Who do you think I am? What are you seeing?”
Her eyes are still fixed on the distance, but there’s no mistaking the terror on her face. It’s enough to send fear spreading through me, too.
“Too much…can’t…no…stop…stop!”
“Nothing’s happening. You’re alright. You’re safe. I’m sorry—I’m so sorry—”
I reach for her again, wanting to bring her back from whatever is going on in her mind, and her arms shoot out wildly - one slamming against my cheek and the other knocking the coffee cup from the table. It crashes into the floor, the pieces smashing everywhere and liquid spilling out as I recoil back, raising one hand to my face.
The sound of china splintering seems to jolt her - her eyes refocusing for a brief moment, anger shining in them as she sees me.
“You—go!” She shouts, though her voice sounds hoarse and weak. “How dare—I can’t—leave!”
“I’m sorry—” I stutter. “I’m sorry, I didn’t—I—”
“Go!”
“I can—let me help—”
I look helplessly at the mess on the floor that I know she won’t be able to clear up herself, feeling terrible about all of this.
“GO!” She yells again, her eyes and face wild as her hands clench into fists, waving them around.
The last thing I want to do right now is leave her like this - that feels wrong on so many levels - but I have no idea how to help, either. I take a step forward, wanting to reassure her, wanting to be here and help—and she screams.
Screams and screams and screams.
It pierces inside me, feeling like it’s tearing me to pieces and pure fear runs all the way through me.
Oh god. What if I’ve done something irreparable—hurt her—broken her for good?
I’m standing there shaking and it’s not until the screaming stops, giving way to sobs - unbearable, otherworldly sobs - that I realize how frozen I am, tensed up with adrenaline and helplessness and terrible, mind-gnawing guilt.
“Leave…just leave…please…just go…”
She doesn’t look at me as she sobs, her arms covering her face, and it breaks my heart. I feel tears pricking at my eyes too - and despite how absolutely awful I feel about it, I finally start backing out of the room. The idea of leaving her tears at me, but I know I don’t have a clue what I’m doing, and everything I’ve tried just seems to make it worse. At least, right now, she seems coherent - not mindless and hopefully not a danger to herself.
Hopefully.
The idea terrifies me and I’m not sure I’ve ever been quite so scared as those moments with Margaret. Not even when I was hiding in the town archives.
I make it out of the house in a daze - and as soon as I do, I have my cell phone out. I can’t just leave her like this. Not knowing she’s this upset. She needs help - she needs someone - and I find myself turning to the one person who was the reason I came here in the first place.
I call the Mayor’s office, trying ha
rd to control my breathing and not totally break down myself. I can feel I’m right on the edge of it.
It goes through to his secretary - thank god, I’m not sure I could face him right now - and I haltingly tell her that Margaret is in a bad way and he should come home. I say enough to explain that I’d come by with cupcakes and that Margaret got very upset and demanded I leave, but don’t mention any of the details in between. From the way she doesn’t ask, I wonder whether this isn’t the first phone call like this she’s received.
She promises me she’ll pass on the message and I have to content myself with that.
After I hang up, I glance back at the house - at the window Margaret was sitting at - and a full-body shudder takes me. Shell-shocked, I turn and I start running. I don’t care where, but I can’t be here any longer. I can’t get the images out of my mind - her expression, her fear, any of it.
The sobs take me within a few strides, but I push through it, sobbing and running, and running and sobbing until I get far away from Ashton and can finally collapse in a heap, my own body shaking as nausea overtakes me.
I don’t know what the hell I’ve stumbled onto, but I’m also suddenly not sure I’m really up for it, either.
Never mind the damn investigation, I’m terrified I might have just really hurt someone.
Someone who doesn’t deserve any of what she’s been through. Of what I dragged her through again. At all.
Chapter Seventeen
Liam
“Do you know what’s up with Kelsey?”
I glance over at Mark, pausing in the middle of reaching for another beer from the ice bucket in front of us, as a jolt runs through me. We’re in his backyard, ‘watching’ our three girls - but mostly just enjoying a casual beer in the sun and chatting idly. At least, it was idle chat.
“Ah…” I hesitate, not sure quite what he means but slightly concerned he might be talking about me - and totally unprepared to deal with whatever he thinks about the sex I’m having with his sister.
“I don’t mean whatever the two of you have going on.” He waves a hand dismissively, preempting my sudden alarm. “Just whatever is going on with her.”
“What the two of us have going on?” I repeat, ignoring his actual question.
Does he know?
He gives me a long look, then shrugs. “Yeah, I have no interest in hearing about that.”
“Wait…what have you heard?”
I thought we’d been pretty good at keeping it to ourselves.
“I’ve tried to avoid hearing.” He points out. “But c’mon, everyone knows.”
“They…do?” I repeat, then pause as I think about where this might have come from. “Those rumors dried up ages ago, you know.”
He barks a short laugh. “Sure, once there was actually something to talk about. That’s how it works - this town throws people together and then backs off once it becomes a real thing.”
“But…” I frown, ignoring the fact that I’m probably confirming whatever he thinks he knows as confusion hits me. “Kelsey said they’d disappear after a while, once we’d denied it enough times.”
“Yeah, well there might have been some truth to that…but that’s a lot of time. Not this quickly. If they didn’t think something was already going on, people would have started pushing you together before now - just to confirm it for themselves. I should know. How do you think I ended up with Jenny?”
“I thought you were childhood sweethearts.”
“We were. And now we’re married. You didn’t hear about the wild phase we both went through in between those two things?”
I raise an eyebrow, much more interested in that than talking about what I’m doing with Kelsey - and quite glad he seems easily subverted. “No - but now you owe me the story.”
He grins back at me, nudging the ice bucket with his toe. “Another time - when the kids are far away and we can escape to old Thomas’s. Right now, we’re talking about Kelsey.”
Okay, not so easily subverted.
I sigh.
“How do people even know? It’s not like…” I cut myself off before saying it’s only casual in front of Mark. Whatever he thinks he knows, there are definitely things he doesn’t need to know about. “I mean, how did you hear?”
He chuckles. “Ah, people here pick up on pretty much everything - and even if they hadn’t, well, Maya told me just the other day that she saw you kissing. You can’t keep anything from anyone with an eight-year-old, believe me.”
I stare at him. Mark knowing suddenly doesn’t seem so bad.
“Maya knows?!”
I think there’s actually a moment of sympathy on his expression - before the laughter rolls out of him again.
“Yeah, good luck with that one, bro.”
I groan, sinking back in the chair and tipping my head back.
“She hasn’t said anything about it to me.” I mutter.
“That probably means she approves, if I had to guess.” Mark raises a beer in my direction, and I frown as it re-occurs to me that he’s her brother.
Does he approve?
“Well, it doesn’t sound like you’re about to kick my ass.” I say, slowly.
“As I said, I’m avoiding the whole thing.”
“And here I thought I’d be dealing with the over-protective big brother thing.”
Kelsey has certainly talked about him in that way enough times.
“Yeah, last time I tried that Kelsey didn’t let it go for months. Apparently she’s an adult and can take care of herself now, or something. Figured I’d leave her to that.” He grimaces. “Though I’d still punch that asshole ex of hers again, anytime.”
“Yeah, no argument from me there.” I mutter. I really don’t like what I’ve heard about that guy.
Mark grins at me, and I actually do see approval flashing across his face for a moment.
“If anything, whatever is going on between the two of you…it’s probably a good thing for her.” He says, turning serious for a moment. “She got burned pretty bad last time around - started saying all sorts of things. We were getting a bit worried. If this rekindles her interest in…well, certain things…that’s not a bad thing by me.”
Okay, I am definitely not having this conversation. With her brother. I take back my thought that he might not be over-protective. He just has a damned weird way of showing it. I know exactly what he’s talking about - Kelsey has told me herself enough times how she’s far more interested in living her own life than finding someone to settle down with - and it’s totally not his business. Or even mine.
Though the way he talks about what we’re doing as if it doesn’t matter so much what happens, or where it goes…like this thing with me might just be a warm-up act that will throw her back on the relationship band-wagon and set her up for something else…that makes me feel just as strange.
Mark obviously picks up on something from my silence, as that serious expression slips and he gives me a deliberately amused look.
“Besides.” He adds. “Let’s not forget that you take Katy and Lily off our hands almost as much as Kelsey does these days. Who am I to cause trouble when it might get in the way of that?”
I laugh at that, letting myself relax again and raising my beer in his direction. “Your time with Maya is appreciated just as much.”
Especially considering what I do with the free time these days.
I definitely don’t mention that, though.
“So, do you know what’s up with her?” Mark repeats, for probably the third time. Seems like persistence runs in the family.
I almost play dumb and ask what he means again, but he deserves more respect than that - and I do know exactly what he’s getting at.
Something is going on with Kelsey. I don’t know what it is exactly, but she’s distracted. Even more so than usual for her. We can be in the middle of a conversation and her gaze will slip off into the distance. It’s not like she’s ever been entirely open with me, but the more she starts
opening up - about all sorts of things - the more I notice the wall I keep running up against. She wakes up in the middle of the night gasping and tries to shrug it off when I start to comfort her.
“No.” I say finally, letting out a long breath. “I don’t.”
Not really, anyway. Part of me wonders whether it might have something to do with the big thing she’s mentioned working on - but for some reason, I don’t tell Mark that. It feels like her thing - for her to share, not for me to gossip about.
“You sure?” He shoots me a penetrating glance, one that I feel I withstand easily.
“Yeah. It’s not like we’re—”
“Woah. I don’t want to hear what you’re doing or not, remember?”
That makes me laugh. “Then you should be asking Kelsey what’s up with her, not me.”
“I have.” He mutters, before shaking his head with a wry smile. “Fair point, though.”
He takes another sip of his beer and sits back as he finally drops it. I do the same, but in the silence that lapses between us, the conversation seems to play on repeat in my mind. All of it. Ugh.
And I really thought we were being discreet.
I wish I could avoid the other awkward conversation this leads to, but when I’m finally walking home alone with Maya again, I can’t bring myself to ignore it.
“Sweetie…”
“Yes, Daddy?” She answers as sweetly as she always does, her voice pure innocence.
If only she had any idea the devastation she can wreck with that sweet, innocent voice. Then again, it’s probably better that she doesn’t.
“Mark said you saw me and Kelsey kissing.”
I come straight out with it, unable to wait any longer, but I keep my voice tentative enough that it sounds more like a question.
“Uhuh. I did.” She says simply, swinging her arms about as she walks as if it’s that simple. I’m momentarily confounded, totally unsure where to go next, but she solves that for me as she glances back at me with a deliberate look. “It wasn’t even pretend, either.”
