by Liz Alden
I licked my lips. “Eivind?”
“Yeah?” came a muffled response.
“I had a conversation with Jonas today.”
Eivind moved his arm to look at me.
“He told me I could stay as long as I wanted on the boat.”
“Yes, I remember that.”
“No, like, as long as I wanted. Like, across the Pacific with you all.”
He grinned at me. “Are you thinking about it?”
I huffed at him. “That’s not exactly an invitation from you, is it? Do you even want me to come?”
Eivind propped himself up on his arm and leaned down, pressing his nose to mine. “Lila, come sail across an ocean with me.”
I shoved him away and he grunted as he hit the bed. “Seriously, that’s it? You both are so casual about this like it’s not a huge deal that you are inviting me to join you all to sail across an ocean. Do you know how ridiculous that is?”
Eivind sat up. “I know it is a big deal. But what is the worst that could happen?”
“I could be a murderer! I could break your boat!”
“That you worry about those things makes me trust you. We trust you. It is the people who are careless who I worry about. You are not careless. I trust you because I see you understand the value of these things: our lives, our boat, our stuff. You are interested in it all and curious and thirsty to know more. Most people would be scared to do this thing, but it does not paralyze you. Someone who has made a commitment like you have, to do these things that you want to do, you do not let yourself be stilled by it.” He touched my cheek. “Lila, this is what I like about you. You are brave and happy, and you have come onto this boat and I like how independent you are. That is why I would want you to stay.”
I swallowed, a hunk of emotions in my throat.
“I know, though, that you have things you wanted to do. You may not want to push off your plans to go to South America and travel. I do not want to make it seem like they are the same adventures—they are not. This is harder. But yes, of course I want you to come.”
“You don’t think it’s crazy that we’ve only known each other two weeks and I’d go sail across an ocean with you?”
“It is crazy.” He grinned and pulled me onto his lap. “I am a little crazy. You are a little crazy. What do you think is the crazy part? Is it us, and that we are sleeping together? Or is it the sailing part?”
I leaned into Eivind’s arms. “Both?”
“Okay. Sailing a boat offshore is safer than riding in a car. You are more likely to die in a car accident than out in the ocean.”
“Really?”
He nodded.
“Statistically proven?”
He nodded again. “Now, say we broke up. There are—”
“Wait,” I interrupted. “If we broke up? I wasn’t aware we were dating.”
“Well, no. But if you say yes to sailing across the ocean with me, you will say yes to being my girlfriend.”
“Oh, is that how it works? Okay, Mr. I Have It All Planned Out, what happens if we break up?”
“I will let you have the whole boat. Unless I am on watch, I will stay in my cabin—I usually do anyway—and you will barely see me. I know the rest of the crew would still like having you around.”
I sighed. “Well, it’s not a perfect plan, but I appreciate it.”
Eivind kissed my head and leaned us back onto the mattress. “Is that a yes?”
“Let me think about it. I’d have to delay my flight again.”
“We would need to go buy some supplies for you.”
“Like what?”
“You need a harness, maybe some gloves, and more food. Stuff like that.”
“Hmm.” Combined with the canceled flight, this might be too expensive for me. I studied Eivind’s face carefully. “What about when we get there? What happens then?”
“If we are still together?” he teased.
I turned my head and playfully bit Eivind’s pec. “Yes, if we are still together.”
He was quiet for a moment, lightly stroking my arm. “I have to stay on Eik, you know this?”
A nasty little feeling rose in my gut, even though he was just confirming what I already expected. “Right,” I said quickly. “And I would fly over here again and still have some time to backpack.”
He hummed. “We can talk more about it tomorrow. For now, go to sleep.”
“Wait, wait. One more thing.”
“Ja?”
“What’s the deal with Jonas and Elayna? I mean, it was pretty bad today, right? Do they fight a lot?”
My head rose and fell with Eivind’s sigh. “No, they do not normally fight like this. My brother can be a bit dense about women sometimes.”
I grinned into the darkness. “How so?”
“Elayna was interested in him early on. I think he was too focused on his responsibilities to pay attention to her, but she was waiting. And I know that my brother gets lonely—we all do. So, one night, a couple months ago, she made a move at a little bar in Antigua.”
“It’s surprising to me that Jonas wouldn’t have been paying attention to her. She’s very pretty.”
“He was different after the divorce. More unsure of himself. And he already felt like he had to work hard, I think. After our dad left, he was the man of the house, and taking care of our mother and me was his job.”
“Sounds like he grew up fast.”
“Ja. I want him to enjoy this trip. Maybe it will help him loosen up.”
“And Elayna?”
“I like Elayna, but not for my brother. I hope she’s able to move on.”
We snuggled into bed together, and I listened to Eivind’s breathing even out and deepen while I pressed against his chest. My mind raced, though, too energized to sleep. This was a huge commitment to make, not just to my travel plans, but to Eivind. What had started as a fling was ballooning out of control. I tried to consider my options, but I didn’t have enough information. I carefully pulled away from Eivind and rolled to the other side to pick up my phone.
I quickly found that there were airports in the Marquesas Islands, and they connected to Tahiti, which connected everywhere.
Opening my spreadsheet, I used the tiny screen to scroll around and readjust my schedule. Could I still visit all five countries? I had already cut a week out of Colombia, but to sail across the Pacific, I would have to cut a month.
Gone was the side trip to the Galápagos, which helped my budget significantly. I cut out Colombia completely. I could use a fraction of that money to book a group tour on the Inca trail. I thought about Marcella’s stories of Argentina and wondered if it would be cheaper to fly from Bolivia to Buenos Aires instead of to Santiago.
On a notepad on my phone, I started to write out some questions and make some lists. What would I need to survive life at sea for a month?
Twenty-Three
It turned out, just like going through the canal, I would mostly be along for the ride. Bleary-eyed from staying up too late, I ran over my questions and concerns with Jonas in the morning during breakfast.
“Would I take a shift?”
“Yes, we will give you one shift, two hours every afternoon.”
“So everyone else divides up twenty-two hours? That doesn’t seem fair.”
He shrugged. “Four or five hours a day is nothing. We could sail the boat just me and Eivind if we wanted to.”
“What about chores?”
“Marcella cooks. Clean your room, keep a good watch, and I will be happy.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
He grinned at me. “It is.”
Marcella told me if I was going to join them, I should run to the supermarket and stock up on any personal effects I would need for a month or two and whatever kind of munchies I wanted. She said they had a lot of food—the fridge and freezer were full of vegetables and meat, but Marcella would have to stock up on more canned goods to feed an extra person.
“What w
ill I need to pay for?” I asked.
Jonas and Eivind looked at each other. Eivind answered. “Thirty dollars a week for groceries. If you want to buy anything special for yourself, then keep it in the cabin with you.”
That was less than I had planned to spend.
“I could book a flight out of Tahiti on April first. This might work.”
Jonas shook his head. “We think we will get in by April first, but we might not. Plus, you have to fly to Tahiti from Hiva Oa. You would have to just cancel your flight if you came with us. I am sorry, Lila, but I cannot let you keep us on a schedule.”
“Oh.” I deflated a little bit. I would have to cancel my flight, and all of these plans I had in South America, and would have no idea when I could resume my schedule.
I reran my budget over again and trimmed my schedule down even more. Now, instead of three months exploring South America, I was looking at a measly three-week vacation, enough time to visit two or three countries.
Like the day before, we split up to accomplish various tasks. I headed to shore with Elayna and Marcella to tackle our laundry situation. With the bare minimum clothes I had, I needed to do laundry often, but I usually washed my things by hand. Combined with the laundry for all five of us, though, it made much more sense to head to a laundromat. Eik even had a community laundry budget tucked away in a bag of coins. Jonas told me to throw my minuscule pile of laundry in with everything else.
Since Eik was about to set out to sea, it was the last chance for laundry—everything had to be washed. That meant we struggled and tripped over eight large trash bags full of laundry: all the dirty clothes, pillows, sheets, towels—anything that could be washed was in our bags. And we had to pull those bags up onto Eik’s deck, into the dinghy, out of the dinghy, then carry them down the dock, shove them into an Uber, and lug them from the Uber to the laundromat.
We were sweaty and gasping with laughter by the time we arrived. We worked quickly, dividing the laundry between multiple machines, then settled down into chairs to wait.
Immediately we all pulled out our phones. I was still trying to finalize my budget and itinerary, growing increasingly frustrated by the limitations of a small screen.
A few minutes later Elayna sniffled.
Marcella and I exchanged concerned looks over Elayna’s head. I squeezed Elayna’s shoulder. “Hey . . .” I crooned at her.
“Désolée,” she said, sniffing again and wiping a tear on her cheek. “I was just chatting with my girlfriend and telling her that . . . Jonas and I are not . . .” She struggled with her words. I looked at Marcella, wide-eyed. She pulled out a tissue and handed it to Elayna.
Elayna dabbed her eyes with the tissue. “You and Eivind are so cute, but Jonas has never been interested in me like that. In the two months since we first slept together, it’s been more about needs and loneliness than romance. To go on a date . . .”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, and pulled her in for a side hug.
Marcella rubbed her back. “I am sorry too, Elayna. What can we do?”
“Ah, this is nothing. I just feel foolish. Jonas has always been like this. I thought maybe when I stayed in his cabin, things would change, but they have not. It was never like that for him.”
“But you like him a lot?”
“Yes.”
I chewed on my bottom lip. “Is it bad enough that you would leave Eik?”
Elayna sat up with a bit more determination this time. “No. It is sad, but I will just have a cry over it and move on. I want to cross the Pacific, and it would be even more foolish to give up an opportunity like this.”
“Good,” Marcella said. “I am glad. It would not be the same without you.”
“I want to talk about something else. Lila, do you think you will sail with us?”
“I don’t know. It’s not just extending a few days; it really changes my whole plan.”
“Yes, it is a commitment.”
“You both are more well traveled than I am—what would you do? Cross the Pacific or stick with my original plan?”
Marcella scrunched up her nose in thought. “Hmm . . .”
“They are very different,” Elayna said.
“Yes,” Marcella agreed. “Backpacking in South America is challenging, but so is sailing. In different ways.” She sighed. “It is hard to understand how great of an opportunity this is to sail with Jonas and Eivind. The boat is amazing, and I trust Jonas completely as a captain. This is the whole package, and that is very hard to come by.”
“Argh! How can I make this choice?”
Marcella laughed. “Oh no, I have a gorgeous, hunky man who wants to have me trapped on a boat with him for a month.”
“Well, when you put it like that.” I huffed at her.
“I do not want to downplay how hard it will be,” Elayna said. “But these islands we are going to, this is a lifelong dream for most people.”
“Nah, yeah. I guess I should learn to be more flexible. I just hate that I took so much time to research and plan this trip and now it is for nothing.”
“You are young,” Marcella said. “There is plenty of time to travel. You will have the opportunity to go to South America again.”
“Yeah, but I will have a job. I hope.”
“And more money,” Marcella countered.
“True.”
“How are things with you and Eivind?” Elayna asked.
“We don’t have to talk about that,” I said.
“It is okay. I want to hear your love story.”
I blushed and laughed. “I doubt it’s love.”
Marcella raised her eyebrows. “I can see it happening. Eivind flirts but he is genuine. He has not been this interested in anyone that I’ve seen.”
“Good,” I said, and the girls laughed.
“Eivind has always been kind of . . .” Elayna trailed off.
“Independent?” Marcella suggested.
Elayna wiggled her head. “He is himself. He is contained. Jonas has always been the opposite. He has always been looking for something.”
“Yeah, but that’s kind of the thing,” I said. “If I sail across the ocean with him, that’s a big deal. We’d be sharing his cabin and all these experiences. But then I’d leave, and . . .” I hesitated for a moment. “Eivind would just go back to being his independent self, and where would I be?”
Marcella eyed me. “Back in Australia?”
“Oh, right.” I picked at my fingernail while lost in thought for a moment. Then I threw up my hands. “See? Only a couple of weeks with Eivind and I’m having all kinds of insane thoughts. What would happen after a month together out at sea? I’d be hopeless.”
It was Elayna’s turn to comfort me now. She squeezed my shoulders and I leaned against her for a moment.
“I remind myself every day,” Elayna said, “that this is an amazing adventure. I’m here to make the most of the time I have.”
Twenty-Four
It was time for a late lunch when we got back to the boat. We gathered in the main salon, and Marcella set some large platters on the table.
“Make-your-own sandwiches,” she announced.
I made a sanger and picked at it while the conversation flowed around me. I needed to make a decision.
Eivind finished his second sanger as I sat down. “What do you think, darling?”
I took a deep breath. As our clothes had been drying, I’d made a pros and cons list, which never failed to help me think straight. “I’m thinking yes. It’s crazy, but yeah, why not, right? When will I ever get the chance to do this again?”
He smiled broadly and pulled me under his arm. “I think you will like it.”
While we ate, Jonas went over a watch schedule that made everyone relatively happy and a departure checklist, assigning tasks to each crew member.
Marcella walked me through the galley, showing me where she stored snacks that were for everyone, plus ginger snaps and cream crackers.
“For seasickness,
” she explained. “It’s good to have things on hand. I get seasick if the conditions are bad enough, but that’s normal. When the weather is rough on board, no one is comfortable, not even Jonas.”
Eivind and Marcella took me to the supermarket to help me buy supplies for the trip. I walked up and down every single aisle of the store, putting items in my cart. Deodorant, toothpaste, tampons, more underwear. The list went on and the cart piled up.
“Where am I going to store all this stuff?” I asked Eivind.
“There is room in my cabin.”
“I guess so. Just don’t kick me out of bed—I’ll have to rearrange everything. Do we need more condoms?”
Eivind peered at the display and looked over the choices. I did some math in my head, but apparently so did Eivind. He grabbed five boxes—one hundred condoms—and threw them in the cart.
“One hundred?” I said. “You want one hundred condoms?”
“Yes.”
I waited, but he didn’t elaborate. “Why do we need one hundred condoms?”
He winked at me and continued down the aisle. “So you do not get pregnant.”
I took a deep breath and held it for a moment, debating whether I wanted to say anything or not.
Eivind eyeballed me. “Are you mad?”
“No.” I let out my breath. “I was thinking . . . I’m on birth control. I got six months’ worth before I left Straya”
Eivind stopped walking. “Are you saying you do not want to use condoms?”
“Well . . . we leave in three days. That’s probably not enough time to get tested, is it?”
Eivind thought for a moment. “I think we should stick with condoms. It does make cleaning up easier.”
“Nah, yeah, that’s fair.”
One fully loaded cart later, we arrived at the checkout. We stacked up all of my items on the conveyor belt for the cashier and when it was time to pay, I cringed as I handed over my credit card. I reminded myself that these things would last me for over a month, and it was better to be safe than sorry—if I ran out, there was nowhere to resupply.
Eivind bagged up my stuff with the reusable bags he had brought. We stacked the bags in the cart and waited for Marcella. Eivind helped her pack her stuff up too, and we pushed the two carts out to the parking lot.
