by K. C. Crowne
I shook from the orgasm, my eyes closed as I lost myself in the warmth of his body, the fullness of his cock entering me, his hips colliding against my thighs.
The orgasm faded and all I wanted was more. I opened my eyes to see Gavin gazing down at me, a cocky smirk on his face as if he knew, just knew, that he was giving me what only he could.
But I wasn’t content to let him do all the work. The man had a big enough head already without him thinking all it took too make me come was him on top of me pounding away. I matched his smirk with one of my own, placing my hands on his chest and pushing.
He was about twice my weight and as muscular as a prizefighter, but the shock of me pushing him like that allowed me to get him onto his back. I climbed on top of him and leaned forward, my breasts hanging in front of his face. His expression let me know he was more than pleased with this turn of events.
I lifted my hips and brought them back down hard, crashing into Gavin’s body, his cock stabbing into me. He reached around and took hold of my ass, gripping the flesh tightly and pushing my hips against him. Soon, I was in a steady, rhythmic ride, my hands resting on his pecs.
The pleasure was almost too much to keep my eyes open, but through my narrowed eyelids I saw that Gavin’s eyes were wide open, drinking in the sight of me on top of him, the motion of my body like a steady wave.
“God, you look so fucking perfect,” he growled, sitting up a bit, his hands still clamped onto my ass.
I wanted to tell him to shut the fuck up, that I was still pissed off at him, that I didn’t give a single solitary fuck about his pleasure.
But right in the middle of the thought, another orgasm erupted. And this time, Gavin wasn’t able to hold back. A blast of pleasure surged through my body from my pussy outward, Gavin grunting hard as he came along with me.
His face tensed, his cock throbbed and pulsed as he shot deep inside, a moan sounded from the deepest part of my throat as the third orgasm did its work on my body. However intense the first two were, they were only appetizers for the main course.
Not to mention, there was nothing quite as sexy as the sight of Gavin coming with me. I loved the way his body tensed, the way he grunted, the sensation of him draining himself inside of me.
My back arched one last time as every molecule of my body surged with a final rush of pleasure.
And then it was done. I collapsed forward onto Gavin, his muscles warm and sheened with sweat. His cock still inside of me, Gavin wrapped his arms around me, his big palms spread out over my back.
Laying there with him, Gavin embracing me…I felt better than I had in a long, long time. All the stress from the pregnancy, the uncertainty, and all the rest, melted away. At that moment there was nothing else in the world but him and me.
But it had to end. I’d made a promise to myself that this would be the last time. Pregnant or not, I couldn’t keep Gavin in my life any longer.
I savored his warmth and nearness one last time, for one long moment, before closing my eyes and rolling off him. The bedroom was cool and drafty, Gavin’s body enticing like a warm fireplace.
But I managed to put my feet on the floor and stand up. The moment I was up, Gavin gave me a quick, playful swat on the behind.
“Don’t be gone too long.” His tone was cocky and self-assured as ever, as if he were certain that with the power of his magic dick he’d gotten me to come around, that I was all his once more.
His overly confident attitude gave me just the boost I needed to follow through. Without a word, I went to the bathroom and shut the door, taking a moment to clean up before grabbing the tartan robe hanging from the door hook and wrapping it around my body.
I was ready.
“So,” said Gavin as I stepped out of the bathroom. “You got any plans for the rest of the day? I was thinking we could go grab some coffee and talk. There’s…stuff you need to know about – with Mariah.”
Standing at the end of the bed, I cleared my throat, squared my shoulders, and spoke.
“No, that’s alright.”
“Huh?” Gavin seemed genuinely confused.
“Why don’t you go ahead and get dressed?”
He furrowed his brow, his head cocked to the side. Apprehensively, he stepped out of bed and began grabbing his things, putting them on in silence. As he dressed, I went into the living and grabbed the mug of now-lukewarm tea and brought it over to the microwave.
Gavin left the bedroom, still seeming confused about what was going on.
Good. Let him wonder. I hoped he had a shred of the anxiety and fear and doubt he’d put me through since I’d known him.
“What’s up?” he asked, glancing down at my robe.
I pressed the two-minute button on the microwave, the interior illuminating and a low hum filling the air.
“Here’s what’s going to happen – you’re going to leave, and I’m going to get back to work. I’ve got a shitload of important stuff to finalize for my next event, and I’ve already wasted enough time.”
Gavin regarded me with a stupefied expression.
“Wait, what?”
“You want me to repeat myself?”
After I spoke, I noticed the Barnes & Noble bag on my worktable on the other side of the room, my copy of What to Expect When You’re Expecting poking out.
Shit.
“I don’t understand,” he said. “You slept with me, and now you’re kicking me out of your apartment?”
“I’m not just kicking you out of my apartment, Gavin – I’m kicking you out of my life.”
“You’re what?” Even more disbelief was in his voice. I did a quick internal debate on whether to hurry over and hide the book, coming down on the decision to not draw attention.
But my heart raced at the idea of him finding out. If he saw the book, he’d put together what was going on. Knowing Gavin, if he were to find out I was pregnant and that he was the father, he’d use it to force his way into my life.
“There’s the door,” I said, keeping my composure despite the fear of him seeing the book pulsing through me. “Go ahead and get going. We’re done.”
He leaned forward slightly, his hands on his hips as he let out a scoff and shook his head.
“Are you serious? Wait, had you already decided this before we did what we just did?”
“I had.”
“So…you used me?”
“You can call it that if you want. But either way, we’re done, and I want you out of my apartment.”
He was still in a state of total disbelief. “You’re kidding me.”
I said nothing. The microwave beeped and I took out my mug. It was nice and warm, and I sipped slowly with my eyes locked onto him.
“You’re not kidding.” There was understanding in his voice. “No.”
“No?”
“No. I’m not going to let you use me and then kick me out. That’s…no, it’s not happening.”
“I don’t think you have any say in the matter, Gavin.” I kept my tone cool and bloodless, as if I were a store manager and he were an unruly customer I wanted gone without a scene. I set down my mug and crossed my arms over my chest. “Now, are you going to leave, or…”
“Or what? You’re going to call the cops or something?”
“Hey, you already stormed into my apartment. Not like you haven’t proved you won’t listen to me when I ask you to respect my wishes.”
“Why are you talking like this?”
“Like what?”
“Like we barely know each other, like I’m some one-night-stand who’s wearing out his welcome.”
“Well, you’re not acting too different from that.”
He scoffed and shook his head.
“You’re ridiculous, Gia.”
“From where I’m standing, you’re being the ridiculous one. And you’re starting to annoy me.”
I glanced over his shoulder one more time at the book on the table. Gavin cocked his head again, glancing back.
F
uck!
But he turned around, his expression suggesting he hadn’t noticed.
Relief washed over me.
He shook his head again.
“But…I need to tell you about what happened.”
“You’re not getting it. I don’t care what happened. I’m not upset, I’m not desperate for answers. All I want is for you to be gone so I can get back to work. What about this is so hard to understand?”
He regarded me with an expression of total shock and surprise.
“Then…that’s it?”
“That’s it.” I raised my finger toward the door, my eyes still on him. “And I’m not going to ask you nicely again.”
I was speaking confidently, even with bravado.
But my confident front was the only thing keeping me together.
One more long look of disbelief followed from Gavin.
Then he let out a scoff, breaking eye contact and going over to his shoes. He stepped into them and grabbed his coat from the back of the couch where it was draped.
“You’re unbelievable.” Those were the last words out of his mouth before he opened the door, stepped outside, and shut it hard behind him.
The instant he was gone I let out a hard whoosh of air, leaning back against the counter behind me. I hurried over to the table and stuffed the pregnancy book into the bag, as if he might come back in and see it.
I was drained – physically from the sex, emotionally from the conversation. Work needed to be done – I hadn’t been lying about that – but all I wanted to do was lie down. Ignoring my reheated tea, I hurried into the bedroom and fell onto the bed.
The moment I was on it, the scent of our lovemaking wrapped around me like a blanket, a flood of emotions followed.
I cried.
I’d been so confident of my decision only a few moments before, but laying there on the bed, the scent of the only man I’d loved all around me, I felt like I’d just made the mistake of a lifetime.
I was all alone.
Gavin
I stood on the other side of the door for a long while, trying to process what the hell had happened.
It seemed unreal. Sure, she’d cut me out of her life before, told me to fuck off in so many words.
But this time seemed different. Gia hadn’t been emotional; she hadn’t been angry.
She’d been cold and bloodless, like a bank teller. I had no idea what was going through that head of hers, but something about the way she’d spoken seemed…final.
Moving a single muscle seemed too difficult to even consider. I turned and faced the door, part of me wanting to knock and see if I could speak to her, if I could have one last chance to explain what had happened.
I stopped myself, considering her words. She’d told me she didn’t care about what I had to say.
Was it true? Had I fucked up one too many times to the point where her capacity for bullshit had been reached? What if something had snapped inside of her at the sight of Mariah and me together?
What if that’d been all she could take?
And I could only guess what Mariah had said to her.
I wanted to be furious at Mariah, to be able to forever hold this against her, to have a target for the rage and frustration and sadness that whirled in me like a winter storm.
But as much as I wanted to have this outlet for my righteous anger, I knew it didn’t fit. After all, Gia had only believed that what she’d seen was true because I’d broken her trust so many times before. If what we had was strong, built on something stable, then she would’ve been ready to give me the benefit of the doubt.
That hadn’t been the case. There was no more capacity for understanding with Gia. It was like a fuse that had been blown and couldn’t be replaced.
She was done, like she’d said.
Movement sounded from inside her apartment. Hope stirred in me at the sound, as if it were here coming to the door to see I was still there, the sight of me not giving up, still persistent, enough to make her want to give me another chance.
But nothing happened. The sound made me check myself. The opposite could be true, after all – the sight of me in the hallway could be enough to convince her that I was being irrational and that the cops might need to get involved.
Maybe she was right – about the irrationality, that is. I’d never felt more strange, more unsure of myself, than I did at that moment standing in her hallway.
I needed to move. With one more rolling of my shoulders, I went down the stairs, taking my leather gloves out of my pocket and slipping them on my hands.
Seconds later I was outside, the frigid air a striking contrast to the warmth and coziness of Gia’s bed. The sky above was grey and restless, the clouds moving fast and low – seemed like a snowstorm was on the way.
Being in the frosty, post-Christmas weather made me think of the months to come, that endless grey of January and February, the still, lifeless weather that I’d be dealing with all on my own.
I paused as I checked my thoughts.
What the hell was wrong with me?
Being alone had never been a problem for me. If anything, I liked it better that way. Being alone meant no distractions, that I could focus on my work and my hobbies and make sure I was in a regular gym schedule – that kind of thing.
But after Gia, the idea of being alone felt impossible. I didn’t want to bear the winter without her.
And the thought scared me. Had something changed in me? Had a switch been flicked that I’d never be able to flick back?
My car, sleek and black, was parked nearby. But I didn’t want to go home, not just yet. Instead, I pulled up my collar against the bracing, low wind and walked toward the lake behind Gia’s apartment complex.
The water was long-frozen, the roiling clouds above reflected on its surface. I stepped in front of the lack and stuffed my hands into my pockets, looking out onto the mountains in the distance.
Gia. I knew without a shadow of a doubt I’d be cursed to be thinking about her endlessly, wondering what could’ve been had I only said this or done that.
Her coldness is what stuck to me, what really stung. The idea of finding her, going to some event she was throwing and trying to speak with her there, had occurred to me.
But what good would it do if she acted the same way? I could imagine her regarding me with that expression of curiosity and mild annoyance that she’d worn in the apartment, asking me what I wanted and why I was bothering her. I’d say my peace and she’d tell me she had work to do, and that if I kept on bothering her, she’d ask security to get me to leave.
I’d heard that the opposite of love wasn’t hate, but indifference. The meaning of that was beginning to dawn on me.
If Gia was fucking furious at me, that was one thing. It’d be expected, even. But seeing her the way she’d been was something else.
It fucking hurt.
And more than that, it made me think about all the women in my past I’d treated the same way. Loving and leaving had been my style, and I’d lost track of the amount of women who I’d slept with, who’d woken up that next morning thinking our night together was the beginning of something special instead of the end of it.
They’d ask what we were going to be doing that day, what kind of fun we’d be having together. Meanwhile, I’d be pouring my coffee and regarding them with the same confused expression Gia had given me. It’d slowly dawn on them that the sex had been just that -sex- and nothing more.
Now there I was, being given the same treatment.
I’d earned it, deserved it. And because it was happening to me with a woman I loved like mad was enough to make it hurt like nothing else. All the pain I’d inflicted was being returned – with interest.
But was it really true?
I dropped onto one of the lakeside benches, the view of the vast, frozen lake and the imposing Rockies in the distance spreading out in front of me. Wind kicked up, snow falling down in sporadic flakes, some of them landing on my ink-dark coa
t and lingering for a moment before melting into nothing.
It didn’t seem right. With those women I’d had nothing more than a night. With Gia, however, I’d had an entire lifetime.
I closed my eyes, letting the cold envelope me.
And just like that, I was back to another time.
It was in school, when I was thirteen years old. It was recess, and Gia was seated by herself as usual. Gia tended to take lunch alone, and even as a kid I knew why. She was…different than the other girls. Hell, she was different from everyone. She was too smart, too sharp, too aware of things. I remembered at times thinking she was already more like a grown-up despite being a kid.
But that afternoon, something was different. There was a sadness to her, a heaviness that wasn’t there before.
There was more, too. Gia had been gone for a week, with no explanation. I’d tried to call her house, but no one answered.
Something was wrong, and I knew it.
I passed by some of the guys I hung out with, all of them calling out to me to join their kickball game as they formed up into teams.
“Tomorrow!” I said, calling back over to my shoulder.
Sam, one of the boys, shouted after me. “Oh, man – don’t waste recess with her.”
“It’s fine! Tomorrow!”
Sam waved his hand dismissively as I turned my attention back to Gia. She was seated under the shade of a thick-trunked oak tree, staring off into space.
“Hey,” I said, sitting down in the grass next to her.
“Hey.” She didn’t even turn toward me. Something was on her mind. Gia was smart, and her staring off into space as she thought about one thing or another was common.
But with each second that passed, the more certain I was there was something wrong.
I glanced down at her food, seeing a Lunchable in front of her – the pizza kind, too. Lunchables, for most kids, were a fieldtrip treat.
“That looks good,” I said, trying to get her attention. “I’m gonna have some if you’re not.”
I grinned at her, taking one of the pizza crusts and reaching for the spoon. Gia was normally territorial as hell over her food, and even reaching for her food was enough to get a hard glare and a smack to the hand – if I was lucky.
