“I wasn’t going to tell you, but it seems things have a way of getting found out around here, and I wanted to be the one to explain this to you girls. I love you more than anything, more than my own life. I’d walk through fire to give you what you need in life, and I felt like I let you down, Hope. I saw how miserable you were, and I wanted to put that smile back on your face.”
“But not like this, Daddy.”
“Things were looking up. I thought I could handle both payments, but…”
We all sit in stunned silence. Finally, it’s me who asks, “So what are you going to do? This is your home, too.”
“Nixon was kind enough to offer me a position if I want it. In fact, we all have a place here if we want it. I’d be taking groups out to different places and on the occasional cattle drive. Hannah, if you’d want to cook, it’s my understanding that they’ll be serving a gourmet menu. Hope, if you want to stick around and take pictures of the families and the events here, they’re offering those packages, too.”
“I’m assuming since you didn’t mention a bar on site, that means I’ll be homeless.” Harper’s comment is strangely matter-of-fact.
“If you want a place here, you’ll have one. Nixon assured me he’d find a place for all of us. Whoever wants to stay and work can stay and work. It won’t be much different than it is now.”
“Where will we sleep? This remodeling is obviously so that guests can stay here, in the main house.”
“They’ll be building a new bunkhouse, too.” Dad’s face pales. “I know it’s not ideal, but… I didn’t think any of you would want to stay. Haley, you haven’t been interested in this place for ten years. Hannah, you’ve been catering, talking about opening your own shop. Harper, you’ve been looking for a good place to open a bar. And Hope, you haven’t been happy here for a long time. Honestly, I…I assumed you wouldn’t much care.”
“Then why not tell us right away? Why hide it like you have?” I can’t keep the bitter edge from my voice. I’m so tired of men and their secrets and their ulterior motives.
He hangs his head. “I was ashamed. I’ve failed you girls. I’ve failed your mother, too.”
“You haven’t failed anyone, Dad. We all make mistakes.” Hannah reaches over to put her hand on top of his. “We’ll figure all this out. You don’t have to do this on your own. We’re family, right?”
She turns and pins each of us with a hard stare. She doesn’t have to stare long, because in the end, she’s right. We are family, and family never bails out when the going gets tough.
Hope reaches over and lays her hand on Hannah’s. Harper goes next. Everyone looks to me, and I rise from my seat and lean over to do the same.
“God, we’re lame,” Harper says with a plucky grin. “I feel like we’re in a bad sequel. ‘The Brandt Bizarros: Back to the Ranch’ or something stupid like that.”
We all laugh, Dad included. “Maybe so, but we’re the coolest lame people I know.”
“You need to get out more,” Harper replies, all in good fun.
When we’re all seated again, Hannah reaches for the pie and starts putting slices on saucers. As she serves, she asks, “So what next?”
“I guess you girls need to figure out what you want to do. Once you do, we can sit down and talk to Nixon, make some arrangements. Get some things rolling.”
The girls start chattering, tossing out their ideas for a project that isn’t even theirs. I listen to them, picking at my pie in silence. I’ve never felt more alone than I do at this very moment. Even after all these years, there’s still no place for me here.
25
Nixon
For the most part, I’m not great at waiting. I’m even worse at being idle. So when I’m forced to wait and have nothing to do and no way to control the situation, I’m like a bear with a thorn in his paw.
I pace the floor, anxiously awaiting Haley’s return. I know John was going to tell his daughters tonight at dinner, so she’ll have to come back after that. Well, I assumed she would, but I guess if she’s determined to avoid me, she could stay elsewhere. Bunk with one of her sisters or take the couch somewhere.
I’m mentally picturing having to scour every inch of the ranch looking for her when the door opens. I turn to find her standing just inside it, staring at me. Her expression tells me all I need to know. She’s still mad. Very mad.
“Haley, I—”
“Don’t. We have nothing to say to each other.”
“Like hell! I have a lot I want to say to you.”
“Okay, then I have nothing to say to you.”
“You don’t have to say anything. Just listen.”
“I’m not interested in your excuses.”
“I don’t have excuses. I have explanations. There’s a difference.”
“Fine. I’m not interested in your explanations. Better?” Sarcasm drips from every syllable.
She slams the door shut behind her and tries to walk around me. I step into her path. “You’re seriously going to shut me out for keeping your dad’s secret?”
She stops and looks up into my eyes. Her expression is unaffected, which is how I know she’s avoiding me to keep from feeling anything. She thinks I’ve hurt her on purpose, and she’s protecting herself. “Yes.”
“Do you really think that’s fair?”
“I don’t care if it’s fair. I told you about Jason, about how he used me to get to the ranch, and all the while you were doing the same.”
“I wasn’t using you for anything. I already had the ranch.”
“A detail you conveniently left out.”
“I couldn’t tell you. I—”
“You could’ve. You just chose not to.”
“Out of loyalty to your father. He asked me not to, so I didn’t.”
“And what about loyalty to the woman you were trying to sleep with? See, in your mind, you don’t see it this way, but what you’re basically saying is that you chose to deceive me and keep my father’s secret. And all because of this godforsaken ranch.”
“So you’d have me betray your father just because I’m interested in you?”
“You didn’t have to betray him. You just didn’t have to go so far to deceive me.”
“I didn’t purposely deceive you. I just didn’t tell you.”
“You’re splitting hairs. You let me think you worked here for my father. The moment I told you about Jason, you should’ve either fessed up or backed off. I was honest with you going into this. I expected the same from you.”
“Were you so honest with me? You didn’t tell me about the baby.”
I see the color drain from her face. “That…that was a detail I wasn’t ready to share.”
“A detail? A detail? That’s not a detail. The semantics of working for or with your father is a detail. If we were both supposed to be so honest with each other, why leave that part out?”
“It…it was too painful to talk about. I don’t talk about it. At all. With anybody. For God’s sake, Hannah is the only person I’ve ever told. Every man I’ve ever trusted has betrayed me. And I told you that. Did you really expect me to just open up and fall down at your feet because you wanted in my pants?”
“No, but I would’ve liked the chance to earn that trust. You wouldn’t even give me that.”
“Because you haven’t earned the right to get that far. You lied to me right off the bat. It might not seem like a big deal to you, but it sure as hell is to me. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some packing to do.”
With that, Haley pushes past me, stomps to her room, and slams yet another door shut behind her. I stare at the solid wooden panel. Something tells me that’s not the only door she slammed shut between us.
26
Haley
My hands are shaking when I sit down on the bed and pull out my phone to text Lia.
Me: Can I come stay at your place for a couple of days before I head back to Colorado?
Lia: Of course. When you coming?
&
nbsp; Me: Is tonight too soon?
Lia: This late? Something wrong?
Me: Long story.
Lia: Come on. I’ll wait up.
Me: No, you don’t have to do that. Just leave me a key somewhere.
Lia: No, I’m waiting up. You need BFF services. I can tell.
Me: I don’t need BFF services. Don’t wait up. Please.
Lia: I’ll consider it, but only if you tell me what’s going on.
I sigh, my fingers hovering over the tiny keyboard.
Me: Remember the guy I kissed at the bar?
Lia: Tall, dark hottie? Oh, yeah!
Me: Well, the next morning, I found out he worked for my dad.
Lia: Ohhhh, let me get some wine. This sounds juicy.
Me: Parts of it, I guess, but the main thing is that he lied to me. He’s actually part of a group that bought the ranch, and they’re turning it in to a dude ranch.
Lia: What? Why?
Me: Another long story, but I’ll just say he was keeping some secrets for my dad.
Lia: Hmmmm. Did you sleep with him?
Me: Yes.
Lia: And he still didn’t tell you?
Me: Nope.
Lia: I assume you’re mad.
Me: You assume right.
Lia: Is that all you are?
Me: What do you mean?
Lia: You run when you’re hurt. You fight when you’re mad.
Me: I’m not running.
Lia: You’re running. Trust me.
Me: No, I’m simply heading back home. I’ve been here long enough.
Lia: Then why leave so late? Why not wait until morning?
Me: I don’t want to see him.
Lia: So you ARE running?
Me: No, I’m avoiding an unwanted confrontation.
Lia: Have you asked yourself why you’re so upset?
Me: Yes. Because he lied to me.
Lia: Men lie. This isn’t news.
Me: I know, but this is different.
Lia: Why?
Me: Because.
Lia: Because you really like him.
Me: I didn’t say that.
Lia: You didn’t have to.
I see a tear drop onto the screen of my phone. I swipe angrily at it. I don’t want to be hurt. I want to be angry.
Me: Thanks for letting me come so late. Don’t wait up.
Lia: Oh, I’m definitely waiting up now.
Me: That’s the whole reason I told you now, so you could sleep.
Lia: Who needs sleep when her BFF is in distress?
Me: You’re the best. You know that, right?
Lia: I have my moments.
Me: I might actually forgive you for getting me into this mess to begin with.
Lia: Me? How am I to blame?
Me: Let’s see. Getting me drunk, harassing me into kissing a stranger, leaving me at the bar by myself. Take your pick.
Lia: You didn’t have to go along with any of that. You know what a crazy person I am when I drink.
Me: How could I forget?
Lia: You wouldn’t have done any of it if you hadn’t NEEDED to cut loose. You’re the most stubborn and strong-willed person I know.
Me: No, I’m not.
Lia: Yeah. You are. Which is why you’re leaving there and coming here in the middle of the night.
Me: It’s not the middle of the night.
Lia: By the time you get packed and find a way here, it will be.
Lia: Not complaining. Just making my point.
Lia: When you get your mind set on something, nothing can stop you.
I wish setting my mind was the hard part, but it’s not. It’s never easy to just walk away. At least not for me. It never has been. But it’s always been necessary.
Me: I’m really lucky to have you.
Lia: I know.
She sends a winking face, and I send one blowing heart kisses. That’s our way of being done for the moment, so I set my phone aside and look around the room. My phone bleeps again. It’s Lia with one parting shot.
Lia: Make sure you aren’t in love with him before you go and do something stupid.
Me: I’m not in love with him.
Lia: Are you sure?
My chest aches at the question, but my brain kicks in to remind me I can’t possibly be in love with someone I’ve only known for such a short while. No matter how much it hurts beneath the anger, it’s not because I love Nixon. I won’t let it be.
I don’t respond to Lia. I go back to looking around the room. This room that my mother used as her hobby room and art studio when I was a little girl. This room that I moved into as soon as I turned sixteen. This room that I shared with Jason when I thought he hung the moon. This room that I left when I found out he didn’t. And this room that I occupied as I dipped a toe back into really feeling again.
This will also be the room that I leave for a second time because I trusted a man who wasn’t trustworthy.
I don’t even notice the tears streaming down my face as I throw my belongings into suitcases. I just keep telling myself that I’m angry, angry with Nixon, angry with the world. Mostly, I’m angry with myself, though. I went against my better judgment. I opened myself up to someone even though I knew I shouldn’t. I took a chance and trusted, and gave another gorgeous man a shot at my heart. And, in the end, he turned out to be just like all the rest.
In the quiet of this room that holds so much history for me, I admit that I’m most angry with myself for having hope. I really thought Nixon might be different. I wanted him to be. I wanted him to be the one who proved that not all men are the same, that not all men set out to use me for their own pleasure and purpose with no thought as to how it might affect me.
I gave Nixon the chance to prove me wrong. But all he did was prove me right.
When my bags are packed, I take a deep breath and open the bedroom door. I expect Nixon to be on the other side, waiting to ambush me again. But he’s not. The living room is empty. His bedroom door is open, and that room’s empty, too. He’s gone.
He didn’t even care enough to stay and fight, to try any harder to stop me.
I pause in front of the door. I close my eyes. I’m not going to look back. But then again, I don’t have to. Behind the curtain of my lids, I see Nixon’s cocky grin as he exercises in his half-dressed state, trying to tempt me. I see his handwritten notes, his sparkling eyes, his hungry mouth. I see it all as though it were burned into my mind. I see it, and I feel my heart break.
I hadn’t meant to fall in love with Nixon Holt.
But I did.
Without meaning to, I detonated a bomb. I lit the fuse the night I walked the hall down to his hotel room. It’s been burning faster and faster every day since. It was only a matter of time before it exploded and left me with the fallout, the devastation, the destruction. I have no one to blame but myself for this, this cocktail of pain and disappointment and bitterness. I should’ve expected it. It’s called consequence, consequence for loving and trusting the wrong person.
I feel like I’m choking on it when I open the door and wheel my bags out into the night.
27
Nixon
It’s only a few minutes past seven in the morning when I fling open the door to John’s office. His head shoots up from whatever he was working on. “Where is she?”
His brow wrinkles. “Where is who?”
“Haley.”
“She isn’t here.”
“Where did she go?”
He slumps in his chair, like his bones are slowly melting inside his skin. “She’s gone.”
“What do you mean ‘gone’?”
“She left.”
“Left.”
“Yes.”
“Just left?”
“Yes. Just like she did ten years ago.”
“Where did she go?”
“Why the sudden interest in Haley’s whereabouts?”
“I need to speak with her, but she won’t pick up when I call, so I need yo
u to call her. She’ll pick up for you.”
He drops his head, shaking it. “No. She won’t want to hear from me.”
“Why?”
“She’s upset because I sold the ranch.”
“She told you that?”
“She didn’t have to.”
“It’s not just you. She’s upset with me, too.”
At that, he raises his head. “You’ve done nothing wrong. You bought a property. We’re the previous owners. You don’t owe us anything.”
“I’m afraid it’s a little more complicated than that.”
“How so?”
“Haley and I were…well, we’ve had more of a relationship than I think you realize.”
I know the moment understanding dawns. His face turns beet red. Now I know where Haley gets her volatile skin; she turns a beautiful flattering pink in the cheeks when it happens to her, but John looks like he might burst something.
“You took advantage of my daughter?”
“It wasn’t like that. Do you really think I’m that kind of man?”
“It appears I don’t know what kind of man you are. I’d never have expected you to be the kind who would get involved with one of my girls when she’s in a vulnerable situation. But, clearly, I was wrong.”
“I didn’t know who she was at first. By the time I did, it was too late.”
“Too late for what?”
“Too late for me to stay away.”
“You have so little self-control you couldn’t restrain yourself around my daughter? Is that what you’re saying?”
I feel a stab of guilt and shame. “I guess I am.”
“And that’s supposed to make me look more favorably on you?”
“No, I just...”
“Do you love her?”
I ponder his question for a long time before I answer. “I care about her, John, but I don’t really do the love thing.”
He comes to his feet and points toward the door. “Get the hell out of my house.”
It’s undoubtedly the wrong time to say something like this, but I’m not exactly thinking straight. I slept like shit, so I’m tired, I’m frustrated, and the one person I want to talk to is the one person I can’t find. “Technically, it’s my house.”
Tequila High Page 14
