All his justifications - that he was just considering Kappa's deal, that he wanted to please his family - felt hollow when he thought of the look on Beatrix's face. Betrayal. That was the only word for it. He had never really struggled with self-esteem, but at that moment, Jacob had hated himself. Hated the disgusting, foul, vile person who had lied to Beatrix, lied to her about something so important.
It wasn't just business; it was deeply personal. Jacob knew just how badly he had fucked up.
What could he say to her? What was there to say after something like that?
✽✽✽
"The invisible roommate returns!" Ant called out as Jacob came through the door. "I thought you'd be with the lovely Beatrix again. Or did her mother scare you off?"
Ant appeared in the doorway, wearing only a pair of vintage Adidas running shorts and sporting a mint green mohawk that he hadn't had the day before. Jacob didn't even flinch. He just set Prada on the ground and shook his head.
"I'm going to take a shower," he said, turning towards the stairs, but Ant stopped him.
"What the hell?" he said. "Something's happened. Did you have a fight with Beatrix? You look like shit!"
Jacob huffed out a breath. "Thanks."
Ant frowned. "Seriously, dude, you're not okay. Talk to me."
"There's nothing to say," Jacob said, and his voice sounded like someone else's. He didn't even recognise his own voice. Maybe he could be someone else. Be someone who hadn't betrayed Beatrix. Hadn't lied to the girl he was falling for.
"Well, that's a fucking lie," Ant said. "Come on, spill. No secrets."
"You know how I told you there was a major player considering making an offer for the whole site at Shepherd's Crossing?" Jacob said, unable to look Ant in the eyes and not because of his ridiculous mohawk.
"Yeah," Ant frowned. "Never told me who it was, though. All very hush-hush, confidential, blah, blah, blah."
"Well, it was Kappa. They want to build a data centre. Bulldoze the site, install power generators, maximum security. It...well, it won't be pretty."
"I bet Beatrix didn't like that!" Ant said. "Is that what you had a fight about? Bloody hell Jacob, Kappa? You'd really sell to those guys? They're, like, Evil Incorporated."
"I didn't tell her," Jacob said, and he squeezed his eyes shut, unwilling to see the judgement in Ant's eyes. "I didn't tell her about the offer because I had promised her that I'd keep some of the bushland intact, that I'd protect the site, turn it into something the community could be proud of. And then...she found out."
"Oh shit, dude," Ant said, letting out a low whistle. "That's bad. Like, really bad."
"I told myself there was no point upsetting her, not when nothing had been decided, nothing signed," Jacob shook his head. "Why make her mad at me when the deal might never come off?"
"Bloody hell, man, you really didn't think you had to tell her? That's her home, and you were talking to the dudes who wanted to bulldoze it."
"I know!" Jacob clenched his fists, and his voice echoed in the kitchen, bouncing off the appliances and amplifying horribly. "I know," he said again, more quietly.
"How did she find out?" Ant asked, bending down to pick up Prada, scratching between her caramel ears.
Jacob let out a brief mirthless laugh. "She...well, she found me with the Kappa guys, giving them a site tour. It was...well, awkward doesn't cover it."
"Wait, have you spoken to her since then?" Ant pressed. "After she found out?"
"No," Jacob sighed. "What the fuck am I supposed to say to her? 'I'm sorry I lied, but I didn't want you to be angry with me? I know that this would mean your home gets destroyed, but this deal was really important to my dad, and so—'" Jacob stopped, slamming his palms down onto the marble countertop. "What am I supposed to say, Ant? I just kept hoping the deal would fall through, that I'd never have to tell her."
"You owe her something, dude," Ant said. "An explanation. A chance to yell at you, at least. Don't you want to try and make this right? I thought you really liked her."
"I do!" Jacob said. "God, I...I really care about her. More than anyone I've ever been with."
"Yeah, I can tell," Ant snorted. "You never came home once she was on the scene."
Jacob shook his head. "It wasn't just the sex,' he said. "It was her. Being with her made me feel like...like she saw me, didn't care about my family, my job, any of that. She just saw me, liked me for who I was." He let out a harsh bark of laughter. "Not anymore, though."
"You don't think there's any chance she might understand?" Ant pressed, and he opened the fridge, pulling out two beers and passing one wordlessly to Jacob. "I mean, you didn't go looking for this deal. And what were you supposed to do, tell them to piss off? When your dad was so excited?"
"I..." Jacob cracked open the beer and took a grateful sip. He would have very much liked to get extremely drunk. So drunk he didn't have to think about anything. "I don't think that's enough."
"No, it's not," Ant agreed. "But maybe it could be the start of you grovelling your way back into her heart. Are you seriously going to give up?"
"No!" Jacob said, more forcefully than he intended. "No, I don't want to give up. Beatrix is...she's...I really..."
"You're totally in love with her, huh?" Ant said, and his smile was kind and sad. "Bet you hadn't even admitted it to yourself, let alone told her."
"I...." Jacob began. "People don't lie to the people they love."
"Uh, yeah, they do," Ant objected. "All the damn time. People are morons. You included, dude."
Jacob shook his head. "It doesn't matter how I feel, anyway," he declared. "She'll never forgive me. Not for this. She'll probably curse me."
Ant frowned in confusion but didn't ask Jacob what he meant by that. "You're still going to talk to her, though, aren't you?"
"Yeah," Jacob said, making the decision as he said it. "She deserves to yell at me."
"She does," Ant sighed. "Come on, I'll drive you back out there."
✽✽✽
As they drew closer to Shepherd's Crossing, Jacob began to think that maybe he shouldn't have brought his best friend with him to face Beatrix. He was putting Ant in the firing line of a furious witch and, most likely, her utterly terrifying mother. Would Beatrix think he was using Ant like a human shield? That was just what he needed, for Beatrix to believe he was even more of an asshole.
"You gotta apologise to her, dude," Ant said, turning off the main road and onto the dirt track. "She deserves that much."
"I know," Jacob said, rubbing his hands over his face. "I...I'll let her say whatever she needs to. I just wish I had told her before."
"Bit late for that, mate," Ant shrugged. "Now you gotta face the consequences. I promise that if she doesn't forgive you, I'll take you home and we'll get absolutely plastered."
"We'll be getting plastered then," Jacob said grimly.
Ant pulled up the car outside Beatrix's house, and Jacob could see the faint glow of candles in the windows. Her mother must be there, then. That just made things worse.
"Go on," Ant said, giving his shoulder a shove. "Go and pour your heart out, throw yourself on her mercy."
Jacob sighed, swallowed hard, and got out of the car. He traced the familiar steps to the door, and, taking a deep breath, he knocked. He heard Gumbo's friendly bark and then the door opened. But it wasn't Beatrix.
"You!" Agnes shrieked, pointing one finger at him. "How dare you come here, after what you did to my daughter! I'll destroy you, Ordinary! I'll make you wish you had never been born and—"
"Mum!" Beatrix's voice broke in. "You promised."
"I can banish him, daughter," Agnes hissed. "I can ensure he never comes back here. Not even close. That would ruin his precious deal!"
"No, Mum," Beatrix said, her voice soft but firm. "Please, go and sit down. I'll talk to him."
"Don't listen to his lies!" Agnes insisted. "Don't believe a single word that comes from that lying mouth of his. I could fuse his tongue to his jaw
, that would keep him from—"
"No, Mum!" Beatrix said again. "You promised. No curses."
She still wasn't looking at him, Jacob noticed. Agnes pointed her finger at him once more, almost like a warning, but then she left the doorway and only Beatrix was left behind.
"Beatrix, I'm so sorry, I wanted to explain and—"
"Explain?" Beatrix did look at him now, and those blue eyes were blazing with a fury that he had never seen before. Jacob had thought he had seen her angry. She had been furious with Onyx when his magical experiment had bonded her to him all those weeks ago. But that was nothing compared to this icy, cold hatred. "What exactly did you think there is to explain, Jacob? That you lied to me, right from the start? That you betrayed me when I thought I could trust you?"
"I didn't—" Jacob began but cut himself off. "This thing with Kappa, I didn't go looking for it. Dad, he..." he shook his head. "He wants this deal so badly, I couldn't...I couldn't just tell them no. I thought, if I just let them think we were considering it, then Dad would be happy, but it would fall through. It would never actually happen, and you'd—"
"Never have to know?" Beatrix cut in. "Is that what you thought? That you could keep me ignorant? Make me think you really did care about Shepherd's Crossing, at least until the bulldozers arrived?"
"I didn't want it to be like that," Jacob protested. "I didn't know what to do. What was I supposed to say, Beatrix? Did you really expect me to tell Kappa to piss off? I mean, it would have been the biggest sale in our family's history, this data centre."
"I..." she began. "I should never have expected anything else from you," she said instead. "I can see that now." She let out a tiny breath, like a mirthless laugh. "And Kappa, really? I guess morals don't matter if they've got enough money." She paused. "Well, I guess if you make the deal, maybe your dad will finally love you as much as your brother. You'll finally be Daddy's special boy too!"
Her words were like a punch to the gut, bitter and biting. Jacob knew he deserved it.
"Fucking hell," he spat out. "It wasn't like that. I didn't go looking for this!" Jacob repeated. "It just... They got in touch with Dad. What was I supposed to do?"
"You made your choice," Beatrix said, averting her eyes. "You showed me what's most important to you. Money. And trying to win Daddy's affection. And sure, you liked fucking me, so why mess that up before you had to? I can see exactly why you lied. All in your own self-interest."
"It wasn't like that!" Jacob said fiercely. "I hated lying to you. I felt so guilty, it was horrible!"
"Oh, was it?" Beatrix sneered, her mouth an ugly thin line. "Poor you, I'm really sorry for how much you must have suffered."
"I'm telling you, I thought the deal would never really happen. Thought they'd lose interest in the site. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but it's not like I've signed anything. I just showed them the site. That's all!"
"Well, they certainly seemed keen," Beatrix said. "Did you tell them you could get me to give them a cheap deal on my land? Did you tell them I'd be easy to manipulate because you were sleeping with me?"
"I swear, I never—" Jacob started, but he stopped. "Look, I'm sorry," he said again. "I know how badly I messed up. I didn't want to hurt you, not ever. I care about you so much, but you need to understand how important this deal was to my dad. I couldn't just..." He shook his head.
"You've made it perfectly clear exactly where your priorities lie, Jacob," Beatrix said. She closed her eyes for just a moment, taking a deep breath. "Now, would you kindly get the fuck off my property? I don't want to see you ever again."
"Beatrix, please," Jacob said, desperate. He reached out one hand, but she backed away like he was dirty, disgusting, damaged.
"I mean it, Jacob," she said evenly, but he could see the pinpricks of tears in her eyes. "You get the hell out of here, right now. I don't want to see you. Can you seriously not understand that?!"
"I don't want to lose you!" Jacob felt like his chest was too tight, closing in around his heart beating too fast. Feeling light-headed, the enormity of what he had done suddenly became horribly real to him. He was going to lose Beatrix. She was never going to forgive him. He couldn't talk her round. He couldn't charm her into forgiving him. This was it.
"Well, maybe you should have thought about that before you betrayed me!" Beatrix shouted, and she was crying now. "Now get out! I won't tell you again!" And she slammed the door in his face.
Jacob gasped out loud, clutching at the wall, staggering. In a second, Ant was beside him.
"Woah, dude," Ant said. "That was fucking brutal. Let's get you into the car, okay?"
"I can't—" Jacob croaked. "I can't leave! She'll never see me again! You heard her. I have to—"
"She doesn't want to see you, mate," Ant said firmly. "You gotta respect that, okay? Let's get out of here. I promise I'll let you get as drunk as humanly possible at home, alright?"
Jacob couldn't say a word as Ant shoved him bodily into the passenger seat. He was frozen, wild-eyed, unable to speak, to manage a single coherent thought. All he knew was that Beatrix was truly done with him. And he didn't know how he was going to go on without her.
22 Beatrix
"Is that disgusting Ordinary gone?" Agnes asked, coming up behind Beatrix where she was still staring at the slammed door.
"Jacob's gone," she said after a moment. "He's gone. He won't come back."
"So you did banish him," Agnes said approvingly.
"I didn't have to," Beatrix sighed. "He won't come back around here. Not unless Kappa want another tour, I guess." She closed her eyes, blinking back her tears. How many tears had she cried today? Hundreds? Thousands? How did her body keep producing these tears, drawing up from the endless wells of sadness within her?
"Come and have some more tea," Agnes said, taking Beatrix by the arm. "And we can discuss what to do about him."
"There's nothing to discuss," Beatrix said. "I don't... I won't use magic on him."
"He deserves it," Agnes said, pouring another cup of the steaming liquid from a fat brass teapot into Beatrix's mug. "You know he does, daughter. He hurt you. He betrayed you. Treated you like trash. He deserves pain."
Beatrix shook her head and allowed her mother to put the steaming cup in her hands. "I don't want revenge," she said. "Not like that."
Agnes was silent for a long moment. "Then we need to discuss your future," she said. "If you won't use magic to avenge yourself and protect your home, it will be destroyed. Is that what you want, Beatrix?
Beatrix buried her face in her hands, squeezing her eyes shut. "I don't want to talk about it, Mum. I just want to..."
"What, daughter?" Agnes pressed. "What do you want?"
"I just want to go to sleep," Beatrix said tearfully. "I just want to have a shower and sleep and not think about anything."
"Then I'll leave you in peace," Agnes sighed, rising in a jingle of bells.
"You're not going to stay here tonight?" Beatrix asked, a plaintive note in her voice. "I know you don't like my house, but—"
"Daughter, I could not rest in this dwelling," Agnes declared dramatically. "Do you want me to be uncomfortable?"
"Of course not," Beatrix said quickly, turning her face to hide her disappointment. It wasn't as though she needed her mother to sleep over tonight. She was a grown woman, after all. It was just that she had thought that her mother would want to stay.
✽✽✽
Her mother might be lacking when it came to nurturing, Beatrix thought as she awoke. But she certainly had it right when it came to calming tea. Beatrix had thought she'd toss and turn for hours, thinking about what Jacob had said, what he'd done. But as soon as her head had touched the pillow, it was like her brain had short-circuited and she was unconscious in seconds.
Beatrix didn't know what time it was when she woke, but it was an effort to open her eyes. Despite her dreamless sleep, her enthusiastic consumption of Wade's special potion made her feel something like hungover. And then there was
the oppressive weight, like a boulder on her chest, of Jacob's betrayal.
In the end, she was forced out of bed by the recognition that her sheets - her organic bamboo sheets - still smelled of Jacob. She recoiled, horrified, and stood blinking in the morning sunlight. She felt wholly and utterly miserable, and it seemed absolutely unfair and downright cruel that she had to be awake at all.
But habit made her pick up her phone, and she squinted at the blinking messages. Three from Onyx, two from Shauna. Well, she did owe them an explanation after her outburst yesterday.
I'm fine, she texted, fully aware that was a lie. Sorry about yesterday. I'll open the workshop this morning. Come in whenever you're ready.
She knew they'd ask her what had happened, and she dreaded having to tell them. Dreaded the sympathetic, pitying looks on their faces. Dreaded the way that Onyx would say something about how all happiness was doomed to end. Dreaded that Shauna would reassure her that all men were worthless bastards. Dreaded having to think about Jacob, although she knew she couldn't think about anything else.
✽✽✽
"How are you holding up, hun?" Shauna said, putting one hand on Beatrix's elbow. "Do you need coffee? Some more Mars Bar slice?" she held up the plate, shaking it slightly so the sticky caramel pieces stuck together.
"I'm fine," Beatrix said for what felt like the millionth time. "Just want to get on with work."
"We've had a load of orders overnight," Onyx said, as though he thought that might cheer her up. "We're going to have to look at hiring more staff, I reckon."
"You just want to boss someone around," Shauna said accusingly, and Onyx shrugged.
"I could do with a minion, I admit," he said. "It's good, Bea. Business is booming."
"Booming," Beatrix repeated, staring at the plate of slice. Jacob liked Mars Bar slice, she thought distractedly. He had told her a story about how, when he turned nine, he had wanted a cake made entirely from Mars Bar slice. His mother had even been willing to make it for him. Until his dad had told her it was a stupid idea and that it would embarrass them in front of their friends not to have a proper birthday cake. And so, Jacob's mum hadn't made him anything at all, instead ordering an enormous professional birthday cake in the shape of a Ferrari. It had wowed the crowd at the party, and no one had seemed to care that Jacob didn't like chocolate cake or Ferraris.
Witch Way Now: A Paranormal Romantic Comedy (Raising Hell Downunder Book 4) Page 22
