Her mind wouldn’t give her a break. A part of her couldn’t believe what had happened.
Dodge had never said anything half positive about Cullen’s mother. Yes, there were two sides to every story, but maybe Dodge had nothing good to say because there was nothing good to say. An absent mother, one who terrified her son and used force to get him to do what she wanted, hurting him in the process… Troubling and frightening, for Cul especially.
The woman said things about Dodge, things Lex didn’t want to believe. Dodge being married, for one. If true, she didn’t know if she’d forgive him for not telling her. They’d been dating a short period, but that’s the type of information a person disclosed on the first or second date. Had he thought she wouldn’t find out? She may be the newcomer in a small town, but eventually, she would’ve and she had in the worst possible way. Cullen’s mother made a complete fool of her at the mall. By mid-week, the whole town would know the new kindergarten teacher was someone’s mistress.
Maybe they were divorced. Maybe Cullen’s mother lied, and Lex worried for nothing.
Either way, Dodge had a history with this woman. He said he’d never loved her, but she was the mother of his child, nothing would change that. Maybe that was enough for him. Maybe because of that, he’d take her back.
Her chest clenched, a deep ache sliced through her.
No surprise. The last few weeks had been amazing. She adored Cullen, and Dodge was close to perfect, if he hadn’t lied about being married, that is.
The door parted. Her back faced it so she couldn’t see who opened it but had a feeling it was Dodge. She had a choice, pretend to sleep or get this over with. Putting it off would only postpone the inevitable. They had to talk. Both had a decision to make.
Turning her head toward the door, she caught his gaze. She barely got a look at him before. Now, she saw he still wore jeans and a work shirt, a black tee with the garage’s name and logo in white, bold letters across the chest. Both his shirt and jeans stained with grease.
She tore her stare from his and slowly maneuvered away from Cullen. Standing, she grabbed the blanket at the foot of the bed and tucked it around him. Then she closed the distance between Dodge and herself, the whole time avoiding his eyes. He moved making way for her to exit the room. He closed the door behind her, gripped her hand, and tugged her down the hall. Parting a door, he pulled her in, closed and locked it then released her hand, allowing her to take several steps inside. She looked around the spotless room. A picture sat on the armoire. She recognized the woman in it, Allie. She was laughing, her head turned looking at a man who wasn’t her husband, but he was grinning big and wide too. She’d met him at the cookout but couldn’t remember his name.
Dodge came to stand in front of her. “That’s Army, Allie’s brother.”
That made sense. She noticed the resemblance, same colored hair and eyes. “He’s neat.”
“Yeah, Army was in the military. Guess it stuck. Though Trig was too and he isn’t. He isn’t a mess like most of us, but he isn’t a clean freak either.”
She quit stalling and finally met his gaze. She wished she hadn’t though. Looking at him, she got lost in his too handsome, too rugged face. Strong square jaw, stubble marring it, dark arched brows, big, dark eyes snaring her.
“I gotta know what Lilliam told you, Lex, so I can explain.”
Now the woman had a name. Only one thing she needed to know.
She swallowed. “Are you still married?”
His face hardened a moment before he dropped his head. After a long pause, he met her stare again. “Yeah.”
He didn’t have to say it. She knew from the look in his eyes. It said something he was man enough to admit it, but it didn’t change facts.
Married, and he hadn’t bothered to tell her.
As many times as she’d been hurt, she never got good at hiding it. Instantly, her chest tightened painfully making her eyes water.
His expression morphed. Something close to the ache she felt flashed across his face. She caught it briefly before her gaze fell from his. She didn’t let herself think about how he felt.
She knew in her bones what he’d say next, a lousy excuse. Just like the rest of them. They lied and cheated and wounded her. She trusted every one of them. In the end, she had to force herself to walk away.
Why? Why did this always happen to her? This time was worse because she let herself believe Dodge was different, because she had the best three weeks of her life and now it was over, and especially, because she’d lose Cullen too.
“We’ve been separated for more than a year now, but technically, I’m still married—”
And there it was—his excuse.
Heat suffused her body. She narrowed her eyes. “Don’t!” The strength she used to say that one word startled even her.
It affected him too, making his eyes widen, his frame rear back.
“Don’t bother.”
He swallowed.
“If I didn’t know what you were going to say, I could guess, and it doesn’t matter. It’s just an excuse, and it’ll be bull.” She spun, headed for the door.
He grabbed her arm, forcing her to turn. Her stare flew behind him and landed on the neatly made bed. Then she shut her eyes hating she didn’t have to look at him to remember he was handsome, hating more she let herself believe in him, in them.
She tried to snatch her arm out of his grasp. He tightened his grip.
God, why didn’t he just let her go? Why make her lose it in front of him? Why not let her walk away with her pride intact?
“I filed for divorce more than a year ago, when we separated. Court served her a month after I filed. There’s a six-month waiting period in California. That’s not why it’s taken so long. She won’t sign the papers. Her lawyer keeps asking for more time. Judge keeps granting it. Don’t know exactly what she wants except to fuck with me ’cause she gets off on fuckin’ with people. She maxed out all my cards buying herself shit, and she knows she left me in debt, so I doubt it’s money she thinks she can get.”
He said it all and with emotion, so she couldn’t help it. She parted her eyes and met his big, beautiful ones, identical to Cullen’s.
“I hadn’t pushed her to stop stalling ’cause there’s nothing she won’t do to fuck with me. She’s a shit mother, doesn’t want to be one, doesn’t give a crap about Cul, but out of spite, she’ll try to take him from me ’cause she knows fucking with him is the biggest and best way to fuck with me. I didn’t want to do anything to make her even think about doing that ’cause I can’t let her take him.”
Cullen with a woman who terrified him? God no, no, no. Her heart clenched. She blinked again and again hoping her eyes would dry.
“Don’t care about her hurting me, Lex. I care about her hurting Cul…”
He needed to stop, needed to let her go. She didn’t want to hear it, didn’t want to know. It wouldn’t change the fact that he hadn’t told her something so important.
His eyes watered, voice heartbreaking when he said, “He doesn’t talk.”
Oh God. Her throat clogged, stomach rolled. Without blinking, thick tears drifted down her cheeks.
“Not like he should.”
She bit her lip, hard.
“He used to say things, used to be vocal like kids are. Sometimes it was words, sometimes it was gibberish, but it was normal. Over time, he just—” He swallowed and shook his head. “—Stopped. I’ve been taking him to a speech therapist. He won’t say anything to him either, but I know in my gut it has something to do with her.”
Oh God. Thick tears streamed down her cheeks. She swallowed a sob.
She wanted to look away from the anguish in his expression. It broke her heart as sure as it broke his to admit it, but she couldn’t. Her eyes on his, she felt it with him and he didn’t have to feel it alone, didn’t have to fight tears alone. She wanted to give him that at least.
He released her arm and dragged a hand through his hair. “It’s
my fault. I fucked up. I kept her around hoping she’d change. She never did, never will.”
He blamed himself? How could he? She didn’t. She couldn’t. No one would. He’d done what he’d thought best for his son. She would’ve done the same.
Pressing the palm of her hand to his stomach, her voice choked up when she said, “It’s not your fault.”
He cupped her cheeks, wiping her tears with his thumbs. Then he just stared at her, not saying anything, just waiting.
Should she stay or go?
She didn’t know. He’d lied and a lie was a lie.
She closed her eyes tightly then parted them and met his. “You should’ve told me.”
He released her and shoved his hands in his pockets. “You’re me, would you have?” He shook his head. “Don’t know about you, Lex, but for me, these past few weeks have been amazing. You with us… Fuckin’ amazing. I’ve heard Cul say your name more than anything else he’s said his whole life. This makes me happy. I get home and see you, and you’re happy making us dinner or trying to help me make dinner and making dessert. This makes me happy. We don’t do much, and still, we have fun.”
He shrugged. “At least, I know Cul and me do. We’re happy, with you. There’s no fighting, no nagging, no Cul crying his eyes out, or hiding out in his room. Just us having a good time doing nothing big. I tell you Cullen’s mother’s a bitch who lives to fuck with people, there’s a chance you hit the road before we even got a good start ’cause honest to God, Lex, what you saw today is nothing.”
He swallowed. “Before I put Cul in daycare, at least three times a week, I’d get home from work and he’d be in his room crying. She’d be in ours with headphones on listening to music. My kid’s crying ’cause he’s shit or he’s wet or hungry, and she’s ignoring him. Every time I asked her about it, she said that she’d just checked him and he was fine. That shit lasted too long, months.”
“Stop…” She shut her eyes and shook her head. “Please. Stop.”
“You can’t handle me telling you this now, how do you think you would’ve handled knowing this weeks ago before we had anything good?”
He had a point, a good point. Still.
Hands grasping her biceps, he pulled her close and leaned in to her. His body warm, lips an inch away. “Didn’t think it mattered, Lex. Technically, I’m married, but her and me have been separated for more than a year. Before that, our marriage wasn’t good. It was never good, and everyone in this town knows that.”
She nodded.
“What else did she say to you?”
How did he know? Well, she supposed he knew her.
“Gotta tell me, Lex. Gotta give me the chance to explain. Don’t let shit eat at you.”
She tore her gaze from his, staring down at his chest, and bit the side of her lip. “She wanted to take Cul. I told her if she wanted to see her son, she had to talk to you. She said if she talked to you, you’d go crawling back to her because you always do.”
She met his eyes in time to see them flare. Jaw clenched, his whole body strung tight. Looking so angry, he looked scary. He let her go and took two steps away, putting distance between them.
“That’s what she does. She fucks with people’s lives by lying. She made Em think Rip was fuckin’ around on her. Em, pregnant with Bree, leaves Rip. For years, they were apart, years Rip wondered why Em left, years Bree didn’t have her father.”
Her eyes widened. What? Happy, not-afraid-of-anyone, completely-in-love-with-Ripper Em left him? Because of Lilliam?
“What I told you about her and me isn’t even scratching the surface. Ask anyone. Ask everyone.”
She didn’t want to believe this about Cullen’s mother, yet she couldn’t deny what she’d seen. What Dodge told her she could easily verify by talking to Em. Besides, he had a point. Some things were not meant to be shared so soon. Unfortunately, she ran into his ex before he’d told her. It didn’t make it okay, but it made it explicable. Most importantly, he was right about something else too. The past three weeks had been the absolute best. She was happy too, with them, because of them, and she didn’t want to let them go.
The knot in the center of her chest loosened. She parted her mouth to speak but didn’t manage it before a knock sounded on the door.
“Fuck.”
Dodge sidestepped past her. She turned. He swung the door open a second later, his body relaxing. Lex couldn’t see who stood there since Dodge’s big frame covered the doorway.
“Hey, Cul. You okay?”
She didn’t hear a response. Then again, with Cul, that was never a given. He must be starved though. Past one, they had breakfast at seven.
Moving beside Dodge, she smiled at Cul. “Must be hungry, huh?”
Cullen grinned and nodded.
“Right.” Dodge nodded. “Where do you want to eat?”
Brows wrinkling, Cullen looked between the two and shrugged.
“I think I know what my boy wants. Burgers, right?”
Cullen broke out in a smile and nodded.
“And fries?”
Cullen’s smile widened, nodding again.
“Give your old man a hug first, and then, we’ll go get some grub.”
Cullen launched himself at his father, wrapping his arms around him tightly. Dodge returned the hug. One hand stayed on Cullen’s back, the other moved through his hair and ended resting on the back of his head. Cullen pulled away to tilt his head back and peer at his father.
“My boy’s getting stronger.”
Cullen smirked.
“You know I love you, right?”
Her heart clenched in her chest.
Knowing his father said something important, Cullen’s smile faded. He nodded.
“More than anything. Before anything and anyone.”
Warmth spread through her.
Cullen’s big eyes widened and watered before he looked down, pressed his forehead against his father’s stomach, and nodded again.
“Right, your old man’s done being soft.”
Cullen’s head shot up, a soft smile spreading across his face. “Lex. Come.”
“Don’t know if Lex—”
They weren’t done talking, but she wanted Dodge to know she made her decision and she did by saying, “I love burgers and fries.”
Dodge turned his upper body her way. His eyes softened. Then he grinned a beautiful, lop-sided grin.
****
“Dave…”
Nothing better than when she moaned his name.
Lex arched her back, her tits rubbed against his chest. “Please…”
Fuck that, nothing was better than when she moaned and begged.
Laying over her, he pulled out then slid into her soft, slow.
He liked it fast and hard and rough, but for a while that day, he thought he’d lose her, so he’d take her slow, enjoy her, sear the memory of her in his brain.
“Oh…Please…”
Her legs around his waist tightened. She grinded against him.
Wrong again. That was better. Her moaning, begging, and rubbing against him beat everything.
She tightened her arms around him, digging her nails into his back. “I’m going…”
He knew then she was close, so he gave it to her how she wanted it, how she liked it. Hard, fast, he pounded into her.
It took seconds. Then she was gone, her moans rising, her body shuddering, her pussy milking him. So good, not a moment later, with his hands in her thick hair as he stared at her beautiful face, he blew.
After, he collapsed on top of her. Holding his weight on his elbows, he buried his face in her neck and let the scent of her fill him as her pants at his throat heated him. With her arms around his neck, she squeezed him.
Fucking perfect.
The way she smelled.
The way she felt.
The way she acted like she didn’t want to let him go.
“I’m happy too.”
He lifted his head and caught her gaze. “Ye
ah?”
She smiled and nodded. “Yes.”
He grinned, thinking maybe he’d been wrong again. Maybe hearing her say that was better than anything else.
“I’m glad, Lex.”
He shifted to lay on his back beside her. When she moved, turning to him, he wrapped his arm around her. She rested her head on his shoulder and kicked her leg over his.
“Do you want to go to the beach tomorrow?”
Spending the day with his woman and his kid, Lex in a bikini, soaking up the sun, Cullen playing in the sand while he had a beer?
Nothing better than that.
He angled his head to her. “Fuck, yeah.”
She lifted her head, rested her chin against her hand on his chest, and narrowed her eyes. “Must you curse?”
“It was necessary.”
“Cursing is never necessary.”
“It’s a form of expression, babe. To show you how much I love the idea of spending the day with my woman and my kid at the beach, I needed to say ‘fuck’ before I said ‘yeah.’”
She stared him down for minutes without saying a word then giggled. He had no idea what she found funny but figured that counted as making her laugh.
He was more than good with that.
Chapter Nineteen
Lex heard the door but wasn’t sure if it was part of her dream, so she ignored it.
“Lex?”
She cracked her eyes open.
Cullen, wearing his favorite superhero pajamas, stood just beside the bed. His hair a disheveled mess, big, brown eyes curious and wide staring into hers. She knew why.
Sun shining through the blinds, she lay in bed with his father. Not wanting something like this to happen, she always left before morning. She and Dodge had been dating for three months, but considering Dodge was still married to Lilliam, she thought it was too soon for Cul to find out about them.
She explained this to Dodge and also mentioned that when the time came, Dodge should sit down with his son and explain. Dodge didn’t agree. He thought there was no point in telling Cullen something he already knew. Anytime she mentioned it, he repeated the fact that Cullen was not stupid and knew very well they were an item. To her, this was unlikely. Yes, they spent a lot of time together, but Cullen was just three and they were never overtly affectionate in front of Cullen, per her request, one Dodge fought her on. They held hands, something Cullen couldn’t have missed, but they didn’t kiss though Dodge found times when Cullen wasn’t looking to steal kisses, run his hand down her spine and backside, and so on.
Riding Hard (Hell Ryders MC Book 4) Page 17
