by Olivia Evans
Melissa jumped up from her chair, and after a few whispered words with Gavin and a tight hug with Bat, she led them to their places in the circle. I watched Gavin with weary eyes as he moved to his seat. He hadn’t looked in my direction, but I could see that he’d clearly not had any sleep. My gaze drifted to Bat, my eyes lingering on her bandaged wrist before trailing up to her face, where I found myself locked in her defiant glare. Her eyes were bloodshot and red-rimmed, and her usual dark makeup was missing, revealing her waxen pallor.
I felt my face heat at being caught staring, but instead of averting my eyes, I couldn’t make myself look away. The two of us studied each other, and I felt something pass between us. Acceptance? Understanding? Empathy? Whatever it was, after a moment, Bat gave the smallest inclination of her head and turned away. My whole body thrummed with energy, and I’d never been so eager for a meeting to end. When the hour finally passed, I tried to keep my nerves calm as Gavin and I made our way across the street and into Lucky’s, neither having said a word yet.
“Are you okay?” I finally asked, once seated in our usual booth.
Gavin propped his elbows on the table and dropped his face into his hands. “The last few days have been a fucking nightmare. And honestly, I don’t have the energy to talk about it right now. Can we just… Can you tell me something good?”
The pleading tone and defeated dullness in his usually bright blue eyes made me want to make something up just to see the spark I knew lay underneath. I looked around the room, and a smile broke across my face when I spotted the jukebox. “Let me show you something I’ve been working on.” I dug my phone out of my purse and pulled up a picture I’d saved of my work in progress. “It’s not finished. I’m still trying to come up with a good slogan, but I’m really excited about the possibilities. You helped inspire this,” I added with a shrug.
Gavin studied the image, the first signs of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Jesus, you weren’t fucking with me. Mullets and acid-washed jeans really are making a comeback.”
I let out a short laugh and covered my mouth with my hand. “I tried to warn you,” I giggled, happy to see a smile on his face.
“We’re all doomed.”
“And you can’t even blame Pearl and her cake.”
“What about my cake?” Pearl asked, stepping to the table.
“It’s delicious, and we need some,” Gavin answered.
“No dinner?” I asked with a raised brow.
Gavin interlaced his fingers. “I have something else in mind if you’re up for it.” The hopeful look on his face made me realize I never stood a chance.
I kept my eyes locked with his. “Cake, it is.”
“Okeydokey,” Pearl said, walking to the case. I didn’t even tell her what we wanted. Not that it really mattered; whatever she gave us would be fantastic.
Taking a sip of water, I folded my arms over my chest and looked at him expectantly. “So, where are we going?”
“Here you go,” Pearl said, dropping off the cake and check with a wink. “In case you’re in a hurry.”
“How do you feel about pinball?” Gavin asked, taking a bite of cake. “Damn, she makes a mean cake.”
I nodded before tapping my fork to my lips. “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever played.”
“Are you serious?”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m twenty-three, not fifty-three. It’s not like they’re in every corner shop.”
Gavin shook his head in disappointment. “You need to get out more.”
I took another bite of cake and dropped my eyes. “That’s the rumor,” I mumbled.
Gavin reached across the table and squeezed my hand. “It would mean a lot to me if you’d come. I need this.”
Hearing the vulnerability in his voice caused something to shift in my chest. Someone needed to lean on me for a change. Someone needed me. It was a feeling I hadn’t experienced in a long time, and it made me feel a strength I’d forgotten. It didn’t matter that my palms were already sweating and my heart had begun to race; I would do this for Gavin.
“Okay.”
After a short cab ride to Little Five Points, I found myself standing next to Gavin in front of a run-down dive bar. Seedy would have been a generous description. “Are you sure about this?” Unease crept over my bravado, and the longer I stood there, the more I wanted to jump back inside the cab and go home.
“It’s not as bad as it looks. I promise.” Gavin extended his hand, palm up, and gave me a reassuring smile. “Trust me.”
I swallowed around the lump in my throat and wiped my clammy palm against the bottom of my shirt before slipping my hand into his. The way his fingers wrapped around mine caused a warmth to bloom and spread, chasing away the anxiety that had nearly overwhelmed me moments before. Gavin pulled open the door, and we walked in together, the lingering traces of my unease melting away.
“Oh my God. What is this place?”
“Wizard’s Pinball Bar,” Gavin said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Which, of course, it was. Every square inch of the building was filled with pinball machines, all along the outer walls and in a Tetris maze through the center, and the only space available was where the player stood. Guns N’ Roses blared through the speakers, Axl’s unique voice belting out the lyrics to “Sweet Child O’ Mine.”
A guy who looked to be in his midthirties stepped from behind the small bar in the back and walked toward us, a wide smile on his face. “Gavin! My man! Where the hell have you been?” He pulled Gavin into a hug and gave the cursory man-hug backslap before stepping back. His thick arms were covered in tattoos. His chin-length dark hair was tucked neatly behind his ears, and his beard was full, yet well groomed.
“Trey, this is Lonna. Lonna, Trey.”
Trey tucked his arm against his stomach and made a small bow that caused me to chuckle. “Hello, Lonna. It’s lovely to meet you.”
“You too.”
“Is this lovely lady the reason I haven’t seen you around?” Trey asked with a wink, causing Gavin to purse his lips in annoyance.
“Come on, man,” Gavin said, casting an uncomfortable glance at me. I could see he was worried Trey’s question was going to upset me, and even though it had, I didn’t want him to know it. I reminded myself that Gavin had asked for help, and I was going to give it to him even if I had to step outside my comfort zone.
“Don’t blame me,” I joked. “I love pinball. As a matter of fact, I can’t believe he hasn’t brought me here sooner. I think we both have a right to be upset with him.”
Gavin’s jaw dropped, and Trey let out a booming laugh. I shrugged and winked, causing the sweetest smile to spread across Gavin’s face. It touched his eyes, and even though he still looked tired, they had their spark back.
“I like her,” Trey said, finally getting control of his laughter.
“Yeah, she’s all right.”
I narrowed my eyes at Gavin’s teasing but said nothing. Maybe we’d both needed this.
“Come on, you two. Let’s get you guys set up so Lonna can embarrass you in pinball.”
“I thought you said you’d never played,” Gavin whispered as we followed Trey toward the back.
I grinned and bumped his shoulder. “I haven’t. But he doesn’t need to know that.”
“Well played.” Gavin smirked. It was the first time I had seen that expression on his face, and it caused my stomach to somersault. After we paid for an hour of playing time, Trey wrapped a blue band around each of our wrists and told us to have fun.
“So, what do I do?” I asked, standing in front of a machine with rope lights running under the glass in tunnels and loops, over a background that looked like an image from a safari in Africa. Gavin leaned against the side of the machine and folded his arms over his chest.
“You’re the pro. I should be asking you for tips.”
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t be a butt. Get over here and show me how to work this dinosaur.”
&nbs
p; Gavin chuckled. “Did you just call me a butt?”
“I did. The level of my vulgarity will increase with my annoyance, so I suggest you get over here and teach me how to use this before I lose whatever sense of decorum you believe me to hold.”
Gavin opened his mouth, then shut it, clearly rethinking whatever it was he had been about to say. Instead, he moved behind me, making sure to leave enough space between us so we weren’t touching. It didn’t matter. I could feel the heat from his body and smell the cloves and cedar lingering on his skin. It caused my body to tingle with electricity. He leaned forward, his face next to mine. “Just press this button,” he instructed, pointing at the start button. I did as I was told, grinning when a silver ball rolled to where a coiled spring sat.
“Okay, so now, just pull the plunger—that’s the thing with the black-balled handle—and let it go.”
I pulled back on the plunger and sent the ball flying up the chute to where rope lights flashed, and the ball flew around, dropping in holes and bouncing from one side to the other. “This isn’t so hard,” I laughed, watching my handiwork. Beside me, Gavin stood with his hand covering his mouth, his eyes squinted with laughter.
“What’s so funny?” I looked back at the machine just in time to see my ball roll toward me and disappear. “What just happened?”
“I might have left out one small part about how to play the game.” He could hardly hold back his laughter as he spoke, and when I put my hands on my hips and turned toward him with pursed lips and narrowed eyes, he lost it.
“Are you done?” I sighed, fighting my own smile. I’d never heard that particular laugh from him. It came from deep in his chest and spread through every part of his body. I wanted to hear that laugh a million more times.
“Sorry,” he chuckled. He so wasn’t sorry. “Let me show you.” Stepping to the machine, Gavin pulled back the plunger and let the ball fly. Instead of watching the ball bounce around in amazement like I had, he put each of his hands on the sides of the machine. “These control the flippers. What you do is hit the button when the ball gets close, so you can keep it in play. The longer it stays in play, the more points you get.”
“Well, that wasn’t an important part to leave out at all,” I deadpanned.
“Totally unnecessary,” Gavin quipped.
“I’m so going to kick your ass. Eventually.” I knew better than to talk too much trash; it would only lead to more teasing later. Later. I was already thinking about the next time I’d see him, and I was still with him. I shook my head. I wasn’t going to get ahead of myself, and I wasn’t going to waste the time I had with him now. For the next hour, we played a dozen different games, and even though I kept my trash talk to a minimum, I did manage to beat him once. It was good enough for me.
“Thank you for tonight,” Gavin said as we stood in front of the arcade, waiting for a cab.
“Can I ask you something?” When Gavin nodded, I continued. “Is Bat going to be okay? You don’t have to tell me anything about what happened, but that was pretty scary to see her like that.” I hadn’t planned to ask, but I needed to know. Even though I’d never said a word to Bat, I had become oddly attached to the gothic girl.
Gavin swallowed and shrugged. “I can’t answer that. Only she can, and right now, I’m not even sure if she knows.”
“Is there anything I can do?” I knew it was a ridiculous question, but I had to ask anyway.
“Nothing more than anyone can do for the rest of us. She just needs time. I hope she gives herself enough of it to see that.”
“Yeah.” There wasn’t really much more to say. We were each responsible for our own healing. It was something I was all too familiar with. The cab pulled to the curb, and Gavin opened the door. I put my hand on the top of the door and turned to him. “If you want to do something later this week or whatever, call me. I’d be okay with kicking your ass again.”
Gavin grinned. “You win one game, and you’re already acting like a pinball master.”
“Don’t take it too hard. I’ll still let you win every once in a while.”
“Get in the car, Lonna,” Gavin chuckled.
As I sped down the street, I dropped my head against the back of the seat and sighed. The last few days had been a series of highs and lows, but I’d take every low life could throw at me if I could feel the high I’d felt when Gavin smiled at me the way he had tonight.
“Is that him?” Krista asked, peeking over my shoulder from the back of the couch to get a look at the text on my phone. I pressed it against my chest and tilted my head back, meeting my friend’s curious gaze.
“Yes. Quit being nosy.”
Krista groaned and rolled over the back of the couch in a heap of limbs, sprawling out on top of me in the process. “Why are you being so secretive? Does he have some deformity or something? Like a third nipple or a unibrow?”
I laughed and rolled Krista off my lap. “No deformities.”
“Just show me a picture. Or tell me his last name so I can stalk him on Facebook like a normal person. Why do you have to make things so difficult?”
“There’s something wrong with you,” I mumbled, swatting Krista’s hand when she tried to grab my phone. I didn’t need Krista to Facebook-stalk Gavin. I’d taken care of that weeks ago. I knew I should feel bad when there was still so much he didn’t know about me, but all it took was the memory of his shirtless pictures at Jekyll Island to extinguish my guilt in an instant. I looked at the time and cut my eyes to Krista. “Weren’t you supposed to meet Brett like a half hour ago?”
“Yeah, but he had to work late. I have a little longer.” For the first time, Krista seemed to realize what I was wearing. “Well, aren’t you dressed up.”
“I’m going out.” I stood, making sure to avoid eye contact with her. It didn’t matter; Krista knew exactly what I was up to.
“Are you going on a date? Like a real, honest-to-goodness date?”
“It isn’t like that. His boss had two tickets to see The Wizard of Oz at the Fox Theater tonight and can’t go.”
Krista’s brows rose. “The Wizard of Oz? Does he know that’s your favorite?”
“No. Anyway, Gavin’s boss gave him the tickets, and he asked me if I’d go since he didn’t have anyone else to ask.”
Krista let out a disbelieving laugh. “Please tell me you didn’t fall for that line. He totally made that up so you wouldn’t feel pressured to commit to a date.”
I gave a noncommittal shrug because I’d thought the same thing. It didn’t matter, though, because it had done just what Krista said it would. It removed the pressure of a date. We were just two friends going to see a show.
“Why do I get the feeling that even if he had presented it as a date, you would have still said yes?”
I let out a heavy exhale and sat back on the couch. There was no use denying it anymore. Every day that passed, every text message, phone call, and dinner at Lucky’s changed things between us. “Because I probably would have, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about that. Am I ready for a relationship? When I’m with him, it’s like I forget all the bad stuff. Which makes no sense because ninety percent of the time we spend together comes after our group meetings where people talk about horrific injustices done to them and how broken it’s left them.”
“Have you shared with the group yet? Told them what happened to you? Have you told Gavin?”
I let out a short laugh and looked at Krista like she’d grown a second head. “No. To all your questions. The only progress I’ve made is wearing a name tag so the others know my name. The thing is,” I said, turning to face her. “You know I have so many questions about that night. I can’t remember anything. The things that happened to the women in that group, Krista, I don’t know how they get out of bed in the morning. I don’t know how they can live with that kind of pain. They’re all so fucking strong, and I just… I don’t feel like I have a right to be there. I feel like a fraud, which I know you’re going to say is
dumb, but I can’t help it.”
“There isn’t some kind of chart to show the different degrees to which someone can be raped. You weren’t able to consent. You weren’t able to do much of anything, and someone took advantage of that in the worst possible way. You are not to blame. You suffered. You still suffer. You’ve made so much progress since you started going to these meetings, and I’m sure Gavin has helped with that as well. What scares me so much is the baggage that both of you are going to need to deal with eventually. I don’t want one of you to realize too late you’re not emotionally ready for more and someone ends up hurt.”
“It’s not like that. We’re friends.”
“I’ve seen you talk about your guy friends. You don’t look the same as you do when you talk about them and when you talk about Gavin.”
I groaned. “Fine. I care about him. But there are a million voices in my head telling me all the reasons I shouldn’t. Everything is so confusing, but when I’m with him, I can’t remember why I was confused in the first place.” Before Krista could speak, my phone beeped. I looked at the screen then to my best friend. “I guess the only way for you to understand is to see for yourself.”
Her face broke into a wide smile. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. We’re meeting for coffee before the show. You can come with me to the cafe if you promise to act like a normal, or at least, somewhat normal, person.”
Krista jumped to her feet and smiled. “I’ll do my best.”
I sent a warning text to Gavin that I wouldn’t be alone before Krista and I made the short walk to the coffee shop around the corner. Gavin had offered to meet at my place, but those same nagging voices in the back of my head told me I wasn’t ready for that step just yet. Instead, I chose a place nearby so we could ride together in the cab. I pulled in a deep breath and shot Krista one final pleading look as we approached the shop. A smile broke across my face when Gavin came into view. He was seated at one of the umbrellaed tables on the patio, wearing dark jeans and a maroon polo shirt. His hair was a bit of a mess, but in that perfect kind of way. His gaze moved over the people bustling around us, stopping when he saw me, his smile rivaling mine.
