by Olivia Evans
“You don’t have to pick a side,” I said, my voice breaking.
“I did,” she said, defiant. “Actions have consequences. You’ll probably forgive him before I do.”
I gave her a tight hug. “You’re probably right,” I said against her neck. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” she whispered back before pulling away and taking a sip from her glass a wine. “Now, are we ready to watch this movie?”
I eyed her for a moment. “Are you sure about this? It has yet to be anything but a bad idea.”
“I’m sure.”
Sighing, I took a sip of wine and turned toward the television. “Okay. What are we watching?”
“The Ring.”
My eyes widened and my mouth fell open before I snapped my jaw shut. I’d seen the movie numerous times, but for the first time, the idea of the endless black circles on the wall and the drawings popped into my head. It was almost a mirror image of the gaping black nothingness in the center of the painting hanging on my bedroom wall. I had been right; the night was going to be very comical.
“Oh my God,” I laughed as Bat walked around the corner of the hospital to where Gavin and I stood in our costumes.
Bat shrugged and pulled her cape over the bottom half of her face. “I’m Batgirl,” she said in a deep voice, causing Gavin to chuckle. I wasn’t surprised by her costume choice, not really. Much like the clothes she wore on a regular basis, it covered almost every part of her body. I looked at my legs and smoothed my hands down the front of my blue-and-white dress. It had been nearly impossible to find a Dorothy costume where my ass wasn’t hanging out of the bottom. I’d never really given it much thought in the past, but now I was acutely aware of the difference between men’s and women’s costumes. The dress hit right below my knees, but for some reason, I still felt exposed.
“You look beautiful,” Gavin whispered, tugging on the end of one of my braids. His praise caused my face to heat, and I felt more like the Cowardly Lion than Dorothy.
“Thanks for inviting me,” Bat said, her voice thick with sincerity. “I really didn’t want to be alone tonight.”
“I’m glad you could come,” Gavin said as I leaned forward and gave her a tight hug. We’d started spending more and more time together since our painting session, and she’d become one of my closest friends.
“Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s go make kids smile.” I reached out for Bat’s hand, smiling when she slipped hers into mine and squeezed.
We spent the next couple hours going from room to room, delivering toys, coloring books, and, when permitted, candy. Gavin was amazing. Seeing him interact with the kids, the way his face lit up and they responded in kind, caused my heart to race. For a moment, it was easy to forget how we’d met, the things we’d endured.
“Bat, do you want to come hang out?” I asked once we’d made it to the front of the hospital. She yawned loudly and way too over the top to possibly be real.
“Nah, I have to be at the studio really early in the morning. I think I’m just going to crash.”
“Do you want us to drop you off?” Gavin asked, his brows dented. I understood his concern. Halloween night in Little Five Points was a whole extra level of crazy. Bat pulled a small canister out of her bag and waved it back and forth. I narrowed my eyes and moved closer, a sad smile lifting the corners of my mouth when I realized it was pepper spray.
“I’ll be fine. This stuff hurts like a bitch.”
I nodded. I had no idea how it felt, but a couple of the girls in group had talked about using it before and how the wind had blown traces of it back in their eyes. The pain they described had prompted me to pick up my own can. I might get a little of the effect, but the person in direct contact would be in a whole world of hurt.
“If you’re sure?” I still worried about her going home alone.
“I’m sure,” she smiled. “I’ll text you when I get home. Deal?”
“Deal,” Gavin and I said at the same time. We waited until Bat found a seat on her bus and it pulled away before we turned to face each other.
“So…”
I shifted my weight and echoed his unspoken question before pulling in a deep breath. “Do you want to come back to my place for a bit?”
“If you’re okay with that. I want to ask you something, but I wanted to wait until we were alone.”
I lifted my brows in surprise and curiosity. “Okay.”
The ride was filled with quiet moments and fond smiles, reminiscing about the kids at the hospital. By the time we made it to my place, I’d almost forgotten about the unknown question he wanted to ask. Almost.
“Do you want anything to drink? Soda, beer, wine?”
“Beer?” he asked, his voice unsure. I felt my own uncertainty rise. Gavin wasn’t a drinker. I’d realized that from the moment I met him. He almost always opted for water or a soda. Whatever he was going to ask me had him anxious enough to request a drink.
“Sure,” I answered, grabbing one for myself as well. I moved into the living room and slid next to him on the sofa, handing him a beer before twisting the top from my own. I took a long pull and peeked at him over the bottle. “So, what is it you want to ask me?”
He let out a small laugh and took a pull from his own beer. “We’re just going to cut right to the chase, aren’t we?”
I smiled. “Yup.”
Gavin leaned forward and tucked a piece of hair that had fallen loose from my braid behind my ear. His smile was soft, but his eyes were hesitant. Nervous. After a moment, he took a deep breath and swallowed hard.
“Lonna, my life has been a mess for a while now. I’ve done my best to keep my shit together, but it’s not always easy. I have a lot of demons and self-doubt, and it’s not something I can always fight off. But since I met you, it’s been easier. Don’t get me wrong, I still have a lot of shit I need to work through, but now, it doesn’t feel as daunting. You make me feel things I’ve never felt and wasn’t sure I ever would. What I’m trying to say is, I have feelings for you. I think about you all the time. I miss you when you’re not around. I just want to know if we have a real shot at trying to make this work. Because I can’t think of anything I want more.”
Tears clouded my vision, my nose burned, and my chest ached. “No wonder you wanted a beer,” I joked, my voice breaking. He’d said everything I’d felt, everything I’d thought about for the past month.
“Lonna,” he exhaled, his voice pleading. Clearly, he wasn’t in the mood for my lame jokes.
“Gavin, I’m not the person I was a year ago. My life has been turned upside down and inside out. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel like me again, but I don’t know if that’s necessarily a bad thing. My eyes have been opened to things I’ve never given a second thought to before. I believe a huge part of the reason I feel that way is because I met you. So, yes,” I said with a grin. “I do think we have a real shot of making this work. I can’t promise it will be easy or things will progress how you’d like them to, but I’d really like to try.”
Gavin leaned forward, his lips pressing against mine as his hand wrapped around the back of my neck. His kiss was gentle but firm, relief and anticipation. It took my breath away. When we broke apart, he was as breathless as me, but his smile was nothing short of radiant. “I don’t care how long you need. As long as I know we both ultimately want the same thing, that’s all that matters.”
I laughed and leaned forward, pressing my lips against his this time. A moment later, his phone buzzed in his pocket, breaking the moment. “I’m on call,” he said in apology as he twisted his body forward and pulled me against his side before unlocking his phone. I peeked at the screen, my eyes widening as I read the message. Gavin looked over, realizing I’d read the text, and swore under his breath.
“Sorry about that,” he groaned, closing his eyes.
“Um…” was all I could manage. In all caps across his screen had read, HAVE YOU ASKED HER YET, OR ARE YOU TOO MUCH OF A PUSSY?
“It’s from Wren.”
“Oh,” I gasped. I hadn’t seen the name of the sender, but now I was burning with curiosity.
“She wants to meet you.”
“You’ve told her about me?” I asked, a tingling feeling moving under my skin. Gavin let out a small laugh and shook his head.
“My whole family knows about you. Which is what prompted my nosy sister’s text. It’s also the question I wanted to ask you.”
I sat up and moved so I could face him. “What’s that?”
“Like I said, my family wants to meet you. I wondered if you might come with me to my parents’ for Thanksgiving. It’s nothing fancy, just my immediate family. They’ve heard a lot about you and would love to have you there.”
I swallowed and let out a shaky breath. He’d talked to his family about me. They wanted to meet me. A cold chill skated down my spine, and I felt my heart stutter. “Do they…” I didn’t even know how to finish the sentence. I could hardly breathe. “Do they know? About me? About you?”
Gavin dropped his eyes, and I watched his shoulders bunch with tension. “Would you think I’m a horrible person if I told you no? I’m just not ready to tell them. Not yet.”
The pain, the shame in his voice… It was like a knife in my chest because I knew exactly how he felt. I reached out and covered his hand with mine, taking a moment to pull myself together. When I spoke, I was impressed that my voice was steady and strong. “My family doesn’t know. Only Krista, Ethan, and the people from group. I don’t know how to tell them. I’m scared what they’ll think about me. If they’ll blame me as much as I blame myself.” My words died in my throat, and I couldn’t make myself look at Gavin.
“I get it,” Gavin whispered, his voice not holding an ounce of judgment. It caused a feeling of calm to slide along my skin. I cleared my throat and, with purpose, lifted my eyes to his.
“How do they think we met?”
Gavin’s eyes pinched at the corners, and his lips turned up in a sheepish smile. “I told them I got lucky.”
“Lucky, how?” I asked, not sure where he was going with this.
“I was at a diner called Lucky’s, and I happened to steal the booth of a regular. She came over to reclaim her seat and ended up with far more than she bargained for.”
My skin warmed, and a part of me wished that was how we’d met. A happenstance meeting in an old diner, fighting over a booth, and working out our differences over a delicious slice of cake. Reality wasn’t a 50s sitcom, however, and the real story held a whole lot more pain. For now, though, for the sake of his privacy and family, I could live with that fantasy.
“I like it.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“So, you’ll come?”
I swallowed, hesitating only a moment before nodding. “Give me your phone.” Gavin handed over his phone, his brows drawn together as I opened his camera and turned it toward us. I laughed at the image, having forgotten I was dressed as Dorothy and he was wearing a suit like The Wizard, with his hair styled the same. We smiled at the camera, my braids draped over my shoulder and Gavin’s face pressed close to mine as I snapped the picture. I opened her message and attached the image with the caption, “We’ll be there.” A second later, his screen filled with heart-eyes emojis and dancing ladies. As I leaned into his side, it dawned on me that I was just as excited to meet her as she seemed to be to meet me.
“Are you sure about this?” Krista asked, perched on the end of my bed as I packed clothes into my small suitcase.
“No,” I answered honestly. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and cringed. My skin had a sickly pallor to it, and dark circles rimmed my eyes. Last night, I’d had my first nightmare in weeks. And it wasn’t just any nightmare; it was the nightmare. I tried to convince myself it was just a coincidence, but the truth was I was nervous as hell about going away with Gavin for three days. I wasn’t afraid of him, and I certainly wasn’t worried he’d hurt me, but still, there was an element of the unknown, and I just wasn’t a fan of the unknown anymore.
“Then don’t go. You’ve been so much better lately. Maybe it’s too soon for something like this.”
“It’s been almost seven months. I can’t lock myself away forever. Besides, Gavin will take care of me.”
“And the sleeping arrangements?” Krista asked, her brow cocked.
“I have the guest room. We’ve talked about everything. There won’t be any surprises. Last night was just my anxiety getting the best of me. I need to try to get back to normal in every way.”
Krista let out a heavy sigh and nodded. “If you’re sure. You know I like Gavin. I’m just looking out for you.”
I smiled. “I know. What are your plans for Thanksgiving? Do they include Brett?”
“He’s going to come over later in the afternoon. We’re going to have lunch with Aunt Linda, Uncle Brady, Bailey, and Ethan.”
“I see.” I cleared my throat and tried to keep my expression neutral. “Will you give Bailey a hug and kiss for me? I miss her.”
“She misses you too. She was bummed to hear you would be out of town the whole time she’s home. So was Ethan…”
This time, I didn’t have to control my reaction at all. It seemed time really did heal all wounds. “Well, tell both of them I wish them a Happy Thanksgiving. Maybe next time.”
“Ethan too?” Krista asked, the surprise evident in her voice. I exhaled and joined her on the bed.
“Ethan and I have been friends for a long time. What he did was wrong, but he said he was sorry, and he’s the one who initiated the space. I think he really does feel bad, and hopefully soon, things can go back to normal.”
“You mean you aren’t against him moving back in here?”
“As long as he understands he’s not allowed to treat me or someone I care about that way ever again, I guess so. It feels kinda shitty that he’s still paying his share of the bills and isn’t even living here.”
“I’ve felt the same way, but I hadn’t wanted to say anything because he really was an asshole that night.”
I nodded my agreement.
“How about we let him sweat it out a little more before we allow him back? We can walk around in our underwear and belch or whatever other gross shit we want to do without having a guy around to judge us.”
“That sounds like a great idea,” I laughed, wrapping my arms around her neck. “It’ll be like the old days when Bailey lived here.” My phone vibrated beside me on the bed, and I peeked at the screen, a nervous smile lifting the corners of my mouth. “Gavin’s on his way.”
“I can’t believe you’re going to meet his family. That’s some next level shit, Lonna.”
I groaned and dropped my head back. “Don’t remind me. I’m so nervous. He swears they’re going to love me, but a part of me worries they’re going to take one look at me and know we’re lying to them, that I’m a horrible person who will never be good enough for their son.”
“Wow. That’s pretty extra, Lonna. Like, you started with this tiny molehill and turned it into Everest.”
“Shut up,” I laughed. “Blame my dramatics on my lack of sleep last night. Even still, I do worry about telling such a big lie to his family the first time I meet them.”
Krista shook her head. “What’s the alternative? ‘I met Gavin at a sexual assault support group’? That’s not first meeting material. You guys are doing the right thing for you two. One day down the road, you might feel like it’s time to come clean, but meeting new people for the first time is hard enough without throwing gasoline on the fire. Besides, you haven’t even told your own parents. Don’t you think if you’re going to tell anyone, it should be them?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know if I’ll ever tell them. And I know that might sound stupid, but I like that things haven’t changed with my parents. I don’t want them to look at me differently or treat me with kid gloves. I want them to yell at me when I do dumb shit and make inappropriate jokes
. I feel like they would go out of their way to be gentler with me, and I don’t want that. I love things just the way they are.”
“I never really thought about it that way, but now that you’ve said it, I see your point. Even still, that’s just further proof that you guys are doing the right thing by bending the truth a little. You want his parents to judge you because of who you are, not be defined by something that happened to you.”
“And this is just one of the many reasons we’re friends. You help me keep things in perspective. Thank you.”
“Aww, come here, you big baby, and give me a hug.” Krista opened her arms, and I leaned forward, letting her wrap me in a strong hug. “You be careful, and if you need anything, I’m only a call away.”
“Thanks.” My phone beeped again, and my eyes widened. “Shit! Gavin’s here.” I jumped up and looked at my half-packed bag. I turned to the dresser and blindly grabbed a few things from each drawer and threw them into the suitcase before zipping it shut. “I’ve gotta go. I’ll text you when I get there.”
“Go! Have fun! Love you!”
“Love you too!” I yelled, running out of the apartment and to the elevator.
In front of the building, Gavin leaned against the side of what I assumed was a black Challenger. It had to be one of the latest models because of its old-school design. “Is that a Challenger?” I asked by way of greeting.
Gavin let out a chuckle and pushed off the side of the car. “It is. Are you into muscle cars, Lonna? How did I not know this?”
I shook my head and laughed. “Definitely not. I just know this car. Is it yours?”
“Yeah. It was a graduation present from my parents. I keep it in the garage because I usually walk or take a cab everywhere. I’ve always wanted one. Actually, I wanted an old one that I could fix up, but I’ll be honest, and this might make me sound very unmanly, but I don’t know shit about working on cars. I never would have restored it.”
