by Brill Harper
It’s tempting. God, it’s tempting. But she’s got purple skin under her eyes, and she yawns every two minutes. I have to push her legs back to the floor so I don’t jump her. “I’m going to make you dinner and then you are going to sleep. When the baby wakes up, you can feed her, then I’m taking her back, and you are going back to sleep.”
She groans when I get up.
“Kraft?”
“God, no. If I never have macaroni and cheese again, it will be too soon.”
I wonder if she’ll change her mind the next time she’s pregnant. I can’t fucking wait to find out.
Holy shit. I want to get her pregnant.
I want it all.
It occurs to me that she didn’t tell me she loves me back.
Chapter Ten
Hillary
TRUE TO HIS WORD, MAC did make me sleep last night. And I’m grateful, really. But damn, all day I’ve been thinking about tonight, and I can’t tell if I’m more nervous than horny or the other way around.
I’m in the bedroom when I hear the front door open. I take a deep breath and one last look in the mirror. Here goes nothing.
I pause in the doorway and wait for him to notice me.
He looks up from the newspaper he’d brought in with him and his mouth goes slack. Then a slow smile builds across his face. “Wow,” he says in a voice that sounds deeper than usual. “You look...wow.”
I let out the breath I’d been holding. “Thanks.” Wow is exactly what I was going for.
I will myself not to trip as I enter the room the rest of the way. I haven’t worn heels in a long time, and these are particularly precarious, but also make my legs look miles longer than normal. I hope my hips are swaying sexily, and I’m not actually loping strangely as I walk.
Finding a dress in my closet that still fits was also a challenge. I’m rounder everywhere than I used to be, but I have to say my tits look amazing even if the dress can barely hold them. I just need to not breathe very much. It will be fine. I’m sure of it.
I hope.
Mac is staring and swallowing hard, his Adam’s apple doing double-time. That’s good, right? He opens his mouth, then closes it, then opens it again before he says, “Are you going out? I thought we were having dinner here?”
I laugh. “We are. I just wanted to make it feel special.” I try to cover the growing wistfulness in my voice. “You’ve never seen me in anything but pajamas and sweats.”
“That’s not true. There was the gown...you wore in the hospital.”
“Ha-ha.”
He saw me naked, too, but we’re circling that territory very carefully, it seems.
He’s having a hard time keeping his gaze off my boobs, so I guess the dress is working. And also I could have skipped the heels and he wouldn’t notice. He’s not looking at my legs at all.
“I feel under-dressed. You look so pretty, and I’m wearing jeans. Should I go—”
“No! I just wanted to...” Oh my God. Am I about to cry? Please tell me I am not about to cry. Why am I crying?
This sucks. When am I ever going to get my own emotions back from hormonal overload?
“Hillz?”
I wave my hand. “I’m fine. I don’t even know what’s upsetting me. I just feel like you’ve been so great, and you deserve to have someone pretty and who at least tries to impress you, and I used to be better at the glamour stuff.”
He gently pushes my hair off my face. “Baby, you don’t have to impress me with pretty clothes. You’ve got me on the line already, remember?”
I sniffle. “I just wonder if we had met differently, like in a club on a Saturday night...I just wanted to make sure I would have caught your eye.”
“First of all, I didn’t go to clubs before we met, so I never would have seen you. Second, you caught my eye before we met. I avoided you for a couple months after that.”
“I did...wait...you avoided me?” What is this new and interesting information?
He sniffs the air. “Are you cooking?”
“Sort of. Don’t change the subject.” I go into the kitchen and open the oven where the takeout is keeping warm. “I couldn’t cook and spend most of the day trying to get ready for this date, so you get rigatoni from Mama’s.”
“I love the rigatoni from Mama’s.”
“I know, duh. That’s why I ordered it.” I start dishing us up. “Now why did you avoid me?” I’m dying to know.
“Because I was attracted to you and I didn’t want to be.”
“Why?”
“Well, you were packing.” He makes a round gesture over his stomach. “I didn’t know if you had a boyfriend or husband. And...I knew you were too good for me. You’re like sunshine, and I live under heavy clouds.”
Sunshine. He thinks I’m sunshine. And he’s wanted me for a long time. And what the hell am I afraid of?
I kick my shoes off across the room and march right up to him, framing his face in my hands. “I want you to know something.”
“What?”
“I love you, Mac Stryker. I wanted to make tonight special so I could tell you and wow you with my pretty dress and the makeup and I even brushed my hair. I don’t know if you’ve seen me with brushed hair in the last two months. And I still want tonight to be special, but I did all this because part of me was scared that if I didn’t make it special, I wouldn’t be enough. But when I look at you, really look at you, I know I don’t need to be scared. I feel your love, and I hope I can make you feel the same.”
“I love you.” He pulls me into his body. “I love you so damned much.”
He kisses me, and I realize dinner is going to wait.
Of course, Kenzie starts crying. He touches my forehead with his. “We’ll pick this up again when she goes back down.”
I nod. I’m going to have to change out of the dress first, since it’s not nursing friendly.
Such is my life.
Mac
MY BALLS ARE FUCKING the bluest blue ever. Kenzie is having a rough night, and I feel bad for the kid, but I’m near the end of my own rope.
We took turns eating a cold dinner standing up at the counter. Hillary is back in her flannel sleep pants and nursing tank top, her hair back in its messy knot. Long gone is the siren in the little black dress and stiletto heels. And while I appreciate the image of her standing in that doorway practically falling out of that dress that hugged her in all the right places, I’m just as turned on by the vixen in plaid pajamas.
Turned the fuck on.
I take advantage of a chance meeting in front of the fridge when neither of us have a baby in our arms. My lips find the back of her neck, and I plant soft, tender kisses from the base of her neck slowly up behind her ear. She gasps and presses into me, gasping again at the rock-hard dick in my pants.
“Soon, baby.” God, please let it be soon. The only thing I want is to bury myself balls deep in her slick core. And her mouth. And God help me, her ass.
I spin her to face me, looking deep in her eyes right before I lock my mouth with hers. My tongue traces her lips slowly, and her hips press against mine. She comes alive suddenly, plunging her tongue into my mouth, exploring and sucking on my lips, pressing and rubbing her tits against me. I growl, grabbing handfuls of ass and grinding my hard dick into her body. “You’re being a very naughty girl.” I bite her neck lightly.
She writhes in my arms, reaching with one hand to hold the back of my neck, holding me in place. “I want to be so much naughtier.”
I growl before I let her go. I have to, or I’ll fuck her right here, right now. And tonight should be special, not a quick fuck against her fridge.
Later, Kenzie finally loses some steam and some of whatever baby angst is keeping her so fretful. I take her from Hillary’s arms and put her in her crib. I love this kid. I didn’t know I liked babies. But this one, this one I like a lot. I kiss her as she snuffles into sleep.
A quiet falls over the apartment like a sigh of relief.
Hillary
wraps her arms around my waist, her breasts cushioning me from behind. “I don’t know what I would do without you, Mac.”
“Let’s agree never to find out.” I turn so I can hold her. Hillary is too young for me. Too sweet for me. Too good and funny and sexy. But none of that matters. “You’re it for me. You know that, right? This isn’t one of those let’s see how this works things. This is for real. Forever.”
“Forever?” Panic darts across her face. She’s not sure she trusts the word forever. I’ll just keep showing her until she believes me.
“Forfuckingever,” I say and start walking her backwards to the bedroom. I close the door and turn her into it, shoving her back against it. I pull her shirt off roughly, checking her eyes to make sure I shouldn’t be more gentle. All is I see is heat. It’s the fire of passion. Of need. I know instinctively what she needs from me. I always have. And it isn’t gentle and sweet lovemaking. My woman needs to dance close to the flames.
I sucked at her tits, softly biting them, then come up and growl in her ear. “You need this, don’t you?” I suck her earlobe. “You need me.”
“Yesss.” She grinds her hips against my aching, hard cock.
“You.” I grip her pajama pants and pull them down forcefully. “Are.” I completely rip off her panties. “Mine.”
She moans. Fuck. I feel like an animal. My cock is straining against my jeans. I kiss her again. Bite her neck. Kiss her collarbone. I press her higher against the door and her legs wrap around my waist so I can grind my cock against the entrance of her pussy.
“Whose are you?”
“Yours,” she answers with no hesitation. “I’m yours.”
“Mine,” I growl and suck on her earlobe again.
She tugs the shirt out of my jeans, and I shrug it off onto the floor, kissing her deeply, my tongue thrusting in and out of her mouth. Fucking her mouth the way I want to with my cock.
I have enough sense to pull a condom out of my pocket while she’s undoing my pants. “Someday, we’re going to do this raw. I’m going to fill you up with my come.”
She fumbles with my zipper and stares into my eyes. “If we do that, I might get pregnant.”
“Oh, you’ll get fucking pregnant.” I finish getting the rubber on because she looks too dazed. “Kenzie needs a brother or sister someday, and I fucking love your body when it’s pregnant.” I position the head of my dick on the mound of her slick pussy. “I told you forever, and I meant it, Hillz.” I ease in slowly and her tight channel eases around me like a glove. “I’m going to give you everything I have. My love, my name, my babies.”
“Your dick. Right now, I just want your dick.”
“Naughty girl.” I tighten my grip around her hips and moved her higher up the door to fuck her better. I pull almost all the way out, slowly, and move slowly back in. My thrusts are mercilessly slow. Thorough. Deliberate. She starts moving her hips against mine, faster, gyrating greedily as I torture us with my pace. “You’re so tight. So good.”
I get my hand between us and thumb on her clit. That’s when she starts going crazy.
“You like that, sweetheart?” Her pussy clenches violently around my cock. “Oh, you do. Are you going to come on my cock?” I growl and fuck her harder. Faster. She’s whimpering, her body convulsing with need. “Come for me, you dirty, dirty girl.”
She flies apart in my arms, her pussy clenching and milking my dick. So beautiful. I’m barely holding on, but I don’t want to come yet. I want to watch her soar.
Her body starts trembling and fuck if mine isn’t shaking too. I somehow step out of my pants without toppling us to the floor and grip her ass tight as I take her over the bed. She opens her eyes, a little surprised to find herself lying down.
“Oh, we’re just getting started, sweetheart.”
Hillary
HE SMILES SLOWLY, SEDUCTIVELY, his eyes dark and dangerous. “I’m going to wring every ounce of pleasure out of your hot little body tonight. I promise.” He pulls my legs over his shoulders as he lunges toward my pussy. I’m sopping wet and the sound of his mouth on me is obscene.
I like obscene.
His tongue circles my clit...over and over he circles it, stopping occasionally to fuck me with his tongue. He sucks my lips into his mouth and laps up my juices thirstily, almost savagely, groaning about how good I taste.
I begin to whimper. It’s too much, this onslaught of pleasure. He takes two fingers and plunges them deep inside me while he sucks and licks and makes love to my pussy with his mouth. I can’t control myself, the noises I make. The way I beg.
“Come on my tongue, Hillary,” he commands.
And I do. I shatter into a million pieces, my body twisting, my mind spiraling. My body is wracked with wave after wave of pleasure, my heart beating through my chest.
“You are so beautiful.” His voice is guttural, thick with lust above me. I can hear him, but he sounds so far away. My body is limp, but in the fog, I realize he still hasn’t come.
He grabs my ankles and bends my legs to my shoulders before he slides into me. He’s thrusting deep, not so controlled now. His hard, hard cock fills me. I can feel him everywhere in my body. Beads of sweat have formed on his brow, and his eyes are wild. He’s like a Greek god towering above me, so masculine and strong. All his muscles gleaming with a sheen of sweat.
“I love you, Mac.”
He pauses, his eyes darkening as his pupils dilate. The air around the bed fills with static like right before a storm. He lets go with a groan that is wrenched out of him like it’s painful.
His hips thrust down like he can’t help it, making me take more of his straining cock than I thought I could. Deeper, harder. I can feel the coiled need wound tight in his cock, in his whole body. Tension vibrates through his thighs, and his powerful grip on my flesh hurts just the right amount.
“Yeah, take it, take that fucking cock. You feel so good. Make me come.” He strains upward, his entire body clenched and gripped in that rising tension before surrender. He starts bucking hard, and his mammoth body is shaking all around me. His body jerks as he comes, his breath ragged, his face screwed up tightly.
I bury my face in his neck and gyrate against him as another orgasm wracks me with pleasure.
He collapses on top of me and I clutch him as tightly as I can, loving the weight of him. The smell of him. We’re exhausted and sweaty and the air around us is filled with the scent of sex. He rolls over, pulling me with him so I’m on his chest instead of him on mine.
“Jesus.” He kisses my head. “That was amazing.”
My heart is slowing finally. “Yeah.”
“Hillz?”
“Hmmm?”
“When we wake up, we don’t get to act weird. This is the new normal. I love you. You love me. If you get scared, you have to promise you’ll tell me.”
I settle into his arms, his heartbeat under my head. A fleeting thought nags at me. He talked about marriage and babies earlier. But as fast as it flits through my head, it’s gone, replaced by slumber.
Chapter Eleven
Mac
Two months later
I HAND COLD BEERS TO Cap and Cafferty and look around at all the shit in the living room of my new apartment. I don’t know where the hell it’s all going to go. Box towers are leaning precariously all over the place. Mostly books. Turns out Hillary had a storage unit full of books in the basement of our old building. “Thanks for helping, guys. Don’t suppose you want to stay and help unpack all this?”
Cap pats me hard on the back. “We’re happy to see you settled. She’s a great girl. You’re on your own with the unpacking.”
“She’s got to be a fucking saint to put up with your bullshit,” Cafferty says. “But I’m happy for you man. Also, not staying.”
Cap laughs, that big booming sound I’ve missed. “So, you start your new gig on Monday, Stryker? Should I bring you an apple?”
I take a long pull from the beer. “Can you picture it? Me an instructor?”
I clench my right hand as much as I can. It’s clear I’ll never be back on bomb tech. I’m not even cleared for weapons since I don’t have the control I need with all the messed up tendons and bone fragments. But as long as I continue to check in with my psych appointments, Cap was able to get me in as an instructor at the academy.
Hillary comes out of the nursery with her dad. Things are still tense, but he asked if he could help put together the crib, so we invited him over. Everyone is taking baby steps. I’ll still check his handiwork, though. Turns out I’m kind of an overprotective dad. Never saw that coming. The overprotective or the dad part.
I check on the munchkin in her swing. She likes watching everyone move the furniture around. We’re all here for her entertainment, I think.
As always, my gaze seeks out Kenzie’s mom. Something’s off with Hillary’s body language today. Her movements are jerky, and she’s only half paying attention when people are talking to her. She didn’t seem that bothered by her dad asking to help the other day, so I’m not sure what changed her mind. Maybe it’s just moving. It’s a big step.
I suppose I could have made it more romantic. My exact words were, “We could save money paying for one apartment instead of two since I only go home to get more clothes.”
I wonder if that’s what it is. Maybe she’s wishing I’d made a bigger deal out of it. Maybe she’s worried about my level of commitment. Maybe I should stop wondering and just ask her. Those are the rules now. We talk. We say what we mean. And I have to share my feelings even when my first instinct is to pretend I don’t have any.
Fuck, but I hate feelings talks.
The guys clear out. Mr. Bloom leaves. Hillary puts Kenzie down for a nap. I pace, mentally trying to have the conversation with her so I don’t screw it up.
When she comes out of the baby’s room, she closes the door softly behind her. “Wow, I really like having a second bedroom. It will be nice to have all the baby stuff out of the living room.”
