by Brenda Novak
Carl’s eyebrows jerked together. “What for?”
“So he can get through,” Uriah explained. “He lives in the back house. I was about to tell you I rented it out.”
“This guy lives on the property? In my house?”
Tobias felt his back and shoulder muscles tense. It’d been a long time since he’d taken such an instant dislike to someone. But Uriah seemed determined to defuse the situation, although Tobias could tell he was embarrassed by his son’s behavior.
“Carl, this is Tobias Richardson,” he said, speaking with almost exaggerated calm. “He’s lived here for four or five months. Helps out around the place, in addition to working at New Horizons. I’ve come to rely on him a great deal.”
Even Tobias could feel Uriah’s desire for Carl to behave, but he was willing to bet that if Carl did behave, it wouldn’t be for long.
“Why’s he wearing tights?” Carl asked, looking him up and down.
Tobias gritted his teeth. “They’re not tights. They’re for hiking or jogging.”
Carl ignored him. “So this is the son you never had?” he said to his father.
“I didn’t say that,” Uriah protested.
From what I’ve heard, it wouldn’t take much to be a better son than you. Those words rose to the tip of Tobias’s tongue. But he held back. “I’m just the renter,” he said as though he and Uriah weren’t as close as they’d become. “And if you’re not going anywhere, I’ll leave my truck where it is.” He started to walk away. He didn’t want any part of Carl. If Uriah was excited to have his son home, if he thought they might be able to patch things up, Tobias wasn’t going to get in the way. He understood how much that relationship had to mean to the old guy. The fact that Uriah never talked about Carl served as the biggest indicator. His inability to get along with his own son had created a deep wound, one he tried to keep hidden. But, other than Maddox, Uriah was the best man Tobias had ever known. As far as Tobias was concerned, Carl didn’t deserve a father like him.
“Wait,” Carl said. “I don’t want to be blocked in.”
Keeping his fingers outstretched so they didn’t automatically curl into fists, Tobias waited while Carl went in search of his keys.
Uriah stood at the door with him, but he didn’t say anything. Tobias could only imagine what he had to be feeling. Hope? The desire to make everything all right, at last, mixed with the knowledge that, even now, he probably couldn’t? Aiyana had told Tobias that Carl was moody at best. Through the years, he’d often lost his temper and started kicking the furniture or throwing things. Uriah had tried to help him a number of times. It wasn’t until Uriah came home one day to find Carl so enraged he was choking his mother that he made his son leave and told him never to come back.
Now that Shirley was gone and her safety wasn’t a concern, Tobias couldn’t see Uriah turning Carl away even if he crossed the line, and that worried Tobias.
But maybe he was jumping to conclusions. Maybe Carl was only home for the holidays.
He pulled up the collar of his coat to cut the wind as Carl strode past him and, after exchanging a look with Uriah, followed a complaining Carl down the steps. “It’s cold out here!” he muttered as though Tobias was purposely putting him out.
Once Carl moved his Impala to the side, he waved Tobias past, obviously impatient to get back into the warmth of the house.
Tobias stared at him for a few seconds and knew in that moment they would never be friends.
When Carl simply glared back at him, he drove past the Impala to park in his customary spot.
Behind him, Carl didn’t say anything as he got out and trudged inside, so Tobias didn’t say anything, either. “Prick,” he muttered and went into his own house, where he turned on the TV and tried to forget about Axel Devlin’s wife, who’d looked so sad in the diner, and the fact that vulnerable, seventy-six-year-old Uriah had someone who was potentially dangerous staying with him.
Tobias was still having difficulty relaxing an hour later when he received a text from his ex-girlfriend. Tonya Sparks, the sister of his last cellmate, had managed to give him enough hope to be able to endure his final year in prison, but things had fallen apart between them almost as soon as he was released.
I’m having a Christmas party on the 21st at 7:00 p.m. here at my place. I was hoping you’d come.
They spent some time together here and there, but Tobias knew they weren’t good for each other. Tonya partied a lot and didn’t have any direction in her life. She reminded him too much of his mother. He was better off staying away from her.
He’d been trying to, but it wasn’t easy since Maddox had gotten married. Tobias hadn’t been out of prison long enough to have made many friends. Sometimes he hung out with two of Aiyana’s sons—Elijah and Gavin, who also worked at the school—but they were married with kids and couldn’t do a whole lot after hours. If he wasn’t out hiking or mountain biking, he usually spent his evenings with Uriah. But until Carl went back to Maryland, if he even planned to, Tobias had a feeling that was about to change.
What the hell. He had to steer clear of his mother. She was using again, and he couldn’t risk getting caught up in that. He had to stay away from the eighteen-year-old at the diner who’d given him her number. He had to avoid being a nuisance to Maddox so that Maddox could enjoy his new wife and the daughter he never knew he had until last summer. And now he had to give Uriah some space so that he could potentially rebuild his relationship with his troubled son.
But a man had to have some friends, didn’t he?
Yeah. I’ll be there, he wrote.
3
Saturday, December 7
Axel called the following morning after Harper had rolled out of bed and brushed her teeth. She hated herself for being so excited when she saw his face come up on her screen. But he was and always had been the love of her life. She’d never dreamed she’d have to live without him, so she’d never prepared herself for the possibility, which was probably why the divorce had devastated her so much.
Wasn’t it during the documentary that he’d told the world she was the best person he’d ever known? That was only twelve months ago! How had everything fallen apart since then? What’d happened to always remembering what was important in life, as they’d promised each other right from the start?
He’d lost sight of it, after all.
Or was it her fault? He claimed she wasn’t being supportive enough. That she didn’t understand how much good he could do in his career, and he had a point. He threw a benefit concert for St. Jude Hospital every summer and raised at least a million dollars with each one. To command that kind of audience, he had to keep writing, performing and promoting his music. She felt selfish for craving more of his attention. But during the long days and nights when she took care of their children alone, they drifted further and further apart.
Promising herself she wouldn’t argue with him no matter what he said, she quietly slipped back into her bedroom and closed the door so there was no chance of Karoline overhearing and then critiquing her side of the conversation. Everyone else was in the kitchen having pancakes for breakfast, which Terrance made every Saturday morning, and she wanted as much privacy as she could get.
“Hello?” She put some lift into her voice—which took considerable effort.
“Harper? How are you?”
Not good. She felt as though she’d been in a terrible car accident and was still stumbling around the scene, shocked by all the wreckage and unable to think clearly. But he didn’t want to hear her complaints. As he’d become more and more popular, she’d become less and less important to him. And the less important she became, the more she’d tried to get them back to where they once were—and the more that aggravated him. It was a terrible cycle. Revealing her pain and neediness, her complete and utter uncertainty on how to proceed from here, only chased him further away. “Great,�
� she lied. “And you?”
“Exhausted.” He sighed audibly. “This tour is really kicking my ass.”
“You put a lot into every show,” she said, and that was true. She admired his work ethic, the huge amount of energy he gave his fans. He was a phenomenal performer. “How are the girls?”
They missed their daddy. She almost said so. They wanted him back as much as she did. But, again, she refrained. He’d interpret that as criticism, and he wouldn’t call if all he got was a guilt trip. “Having a great time with their cousins,” she said instead.
“That’s good. Do they like their new school?”
It was an adjustment, just like everything else they were going through. Harper hated that she’d made them move, but she’d had no choice. Without the support of her sister, she was afraid she’d melt down entirely. “For the most part. When will you be back in the States?”
“Looks like it won’t be until mid-January.”
“Does that mean you added a new show or...”
“No, I have to do some promotional stuff for the label while I’m across the pond.”
“Right. Promotional stuff is important.”
There was a brief pause during which she cursed herself for sounding so mechanical and insincere and knew he’d picked up on it when he asked, “Are you being sarcastic?”
She cleared her throat. “No, not at all. It’s just...with Christmas coming up in a couple of weeks... I don’t know, I guess I’m thinking of how much Piper and Everly are hoping you’ll be back sooner than you planned, not later.”
“I wish I could, but it doesn’t make sense to keep flying back and forth. The travel is killing me. You know how anxious I get on a plane. I had to take a Xanax just to make it over here.”
It was difficult to feel any empathy. She was too numb—and when the numbness receded, which occasionally it did, she was hit with such agonizing pain she was grateful when the numbness returned. “I’ll tell them that...that you’ll be back as soon as you can.”
“I appreciate it. Listen, I’m transferring some money into your account. Can you get them Christmas presents from me?”
She stared at her reflection in the mirror above the dresser—the dark circles under her eyes, the haggard, almost-gaunt look that was beginning to creep into her face. “What would you like me to get them?”
“Whatever they’re asking for.”
He didn’t even know what they wanted, didn’t seem to particularly care. “Okay...”
“Oh, and my mother would like to see the girls. She just asked me when you’d be back in Colorado.”
So he’d called his mother first? Harper knew his mother wasn’t thrilled about the divorce, either, but maybe she was a better actor. “I don’t know yet.”
“Well, can you give her a call? Let her talk to the girls for a few minutes, at least? I don’t think she expected you to be gone for quite so long.”
“Of course,” she managed to say.
Karoline knocked on her door. “Harper? What’s taking you so long? We’re almost finished eating.”
“Be right there!” she called out. Then she told Axel, “I have to go.” She wasn’t sure she could tolerate much more of the conversation. She felt like a dam holding back an entire reservoir of feeling—a dam that had little cracks and fissures that were threatening the entire structure. If she wasn’t careful, she’d break into a million tiny pieces, releasing a flood of hurt, anger and recrimination.
Even so, she thought of Piper and Everly before she let him go. She knew how disappointed they’d be if he called and they didn’t have a chance to talk to him. “Or...if you’ve got a minute, I’ll go get the girls.”
“Not now,” he said. “I’ll have to call later. I’m late for a meeting with our social media coordinator.”
Biting back what immediately came to her lips—that surely his social media coordinator wasn’t more important than his children—she managed a “No problem.” This wasn’t the man she’d married, she told herself. That man had always put his family first. This was some preoccupied stranger who didn’t seem to know them very well, let alone care.
Karoline knocked again, then opened the door. “Harper?”
Harper said a quick goodbye and disconnected before turning to face her sister. “Sorry. I got held up. I’m ready now.”
Karoline frowned as she studied her. “That was him, wasn’t it?”
She hesitated but ultimately nodded.
“What’d he have to say?”
“He’s sending money so I can get the girls some Christmas presents.”
“From him?”
“Yeah.”
“How thoughtful of him,” she said.
Harper tried to ignore the heavy sarcasm. Her conversation with Axel had stung badly enough. “We’d better go eat.”
Karoline caught her arm as Harper tried to pass her. “I’m considering taking the girls to LA.”
“Your girls?”
“Yours, too.”
“For...”
“A Disneyland trip.”
“When?”
“Today.”
“But...it’s a two-hour drive to Orange County! They’ll miss half the day by the time we can get there.”
“We won’t be going to Disneyland until tomorrow. Actually, we might even wait until Monday. It’ll be less crowded then.”
“So why do you want to leave today?”
“Why not? It was June the last time we took a family vacation.”
“Oh. You plan to stay. For how long?”
“Five or six days. Maybe a week. We could also go to the San Diego Zoo, the La Brea Tar Pits, shopping on Rodeo Drive. There’s so much to do.”
“Then we’d better get packed.”
Her sister gave her a pointed look. “You’ll need to pack only if you want to go with us.”
Harper blinked at her. “What do you mean?”
“Terrance is off work for the holidays, so this is a good time for us,” her sister said. “We’re willing to take Everly and Piper without you—to give you a chance to recover. I feel like you could use that.”
The prospect of being alone, of having even a few days without the heavy responsibility of trying to pretend she was okay for the sake of her children, was tempting. “Are you sure that would be okay?” she asked tentatively.
Her sister seemed resolute. “Positive. We’d like them to build some good memories that include Aunt Karoline and Uncle Terrance and their cousins.”
Somehow Axel could be gone for weeks, miss birthdays and holidays, and feel no guilt. But Harper couldn’t miss a few days at Disneyland without feeling as though she was letting her children down. “Shouldn’t I be part of those memories?”
“You should pull yourself together while they’re happily engaged with us.”
The lump that rose in Harper’s throat made it difficult to speak. “I’m trying. You know that, don’t you?”
“I do,” she said softly. “And you’ll figure it out, I promise.”
Hoping and praying her sister was right, she nodded as though she believed it was true, even though she wasn’t entirely convinced. So what if she wasn’t bleeding on the outside? She’d never felt so deeply wounded.
“When is Axel coming back, by the way?” Karoline asked.
“Not for several weeks.”
“Piper is under the impression he plans to surprise her for Christmas. You’ve heard her talk about that, right? That’s what she’s asking Santa Claus for. She’s mentioned it to me several times.”
Briefly closing her eyes, Harper imagined the disappointment her daughters would suffer and wished there was some way to avoid it—or at least help them understand. “I’ll have a talk with her and Everly and...and try to let them down easy.”
“Okay, but wait until
we get back. Let’s not ruin the trip.”
Harper folded her arms as if that might hold her together. “Thank you, Karol. Thanks for everything.”
“That’s what sisters are for,” Karoline said. But even as Harper followed her out to breakfast, she wondered if one week alone would make much of a difference. It’d been eight months since Axel had first told her he wanted out of their marriage, and it hadn’t gotten any easier.
* * *
Tobias was afraid he was in for a long weekend. The weather wasn’t good enough that he felt like hiking again or biking, either, so he’d spent the morning cleaning his house, and had gotten caught up on laundry and other chores. But now he couldn’t decide what to do next. He would’ve liked to spend the afternoon working on the Buick with Uriah. They were almost ready to put it up for sale. They’d be splitting the profits, and he was excited about that. But he didn’t want to stick around if Carl was going to be there. The brown Impala was still parked in the drive, over far enough that Tobias could get past it. He decided to take the opportunity to leave so Uriah could focus on his son—and so he didn’t have to run into Carl himself.
As he climbed into his truck, he considered going to Maddox’s house. He really enjoyed spending time with Maya, his niece. She was always trying to come up with a new type of cookie to sell at Sugar Mama, the cookie shop Jada’s mother owned in town, and used him as one of her taste testers. But he worried he spent too much time at his brother’s place as it was and didn’t want Jada to think of him as a pain in the ass. Didn’t want to do anything to harm the close relationship he and Maddox finally had the chance to rebuild.
Besides, he never knew whether her brother, Atticus, would be there. Atticus treated him well enough. Since he also worked at New Horizons, they saw each other occasionally on campus and were thrown together whenever Jada and Maddox hosted some kind of event, like the party they threw when they announced the sex of the baby they were having in May.
But those were difficult times for Tobias. He hated having to face Atticus knowing he was the one who’d put him in that wheelchair. That terrible night seemed like a lifetime ago and yet he couldn’t escape it.
