“I was serious when I told you I didn’t want anyone else getting involved. I don’t know this guy, Olson. I don’t know what his family is like—if he even has one—or if he has someone he likes. Sage Creek might be a biased town when it comes to the women, but this is my home, and I don’t want to see anything bad happen to anyone because of a stupid decision I made.”
Relaxing his fingers, he swivels on the chair and gives me a reassuring smile.
Fuck him for being so nonchalant!
“Have you seen him? I’m sure he could hold his own.”
Rolling my eyes, I plop down on the sofa and glare at him.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Aria, I know you don’t see it this way, but this is a win. We caught her threatening your life on tape. The evidence is stacking up against them.”
“You are seriously underestimating them.”
“I know he manipulated you into fearing the power he and his family hold, but it’s not as much as you think.”
“How long have you been on the case?” I already know the answer. He’s been with the Bureau since he started years ago.
He grimaces and flips me the bird, obviously not impressed with me calling him out.
“Regardless, Dr. Hawthorn is an ally. I looked into him myself. He’s a great second set of eyes.”
I lean back on the couch and wish I would’ve stayed home.
“What did you mean when you said your days were numbered?”
I don’t intend on coming out of this alive.
“Nothing. I’m going down to the barn. My dad will want to know what happened.”
I’m sure he watched the whole damn thing unravel, but I need five minutes alone without someone fawning over me.
My wish for the rest of my days is to be left the fuck alone.
The barbeque is still in full swing when I hop off the front porch steps. Nobody will miss me, and honestly, I’d have it no other way. I pass Dr. Hawthorn’s house without a second glance.
The golf cart stacked with feed buckets and hay race past me to the back barns with Chris at the wheel. I’ve missed evening feed by a hair.
The horses in barn number three are eating furiously by the time I arrive. I stroll to the feed room, grateful I’ll have ten minutes to myself.
I can’t believe Charlotte drove all the way out here. Did she honestly think I’d return to Chicago with her?
Unless…
She knew I wouldn’t go back with her.
Was she scoping the place out? And to do it with hundreds of people around as witnesses…
Oh fuck. This is worse than I thought it was.
My chest tightens as I pace the length of the feed room. I knew they’d kill me, but I thought they’d drag it out as a new form of torture.
What about Olson’s girlfriend? If they come in the dead of the night and kill us all, she’ll never know the truth of why he left her.
God! I didn’t want to get other people involved. It would’ve been better for me to die. This would’ve been a lot better for everyone involved if I were killed.
My legs buckle from under me, crashing to the ground. I gasp for air like I’m submerged in water. Why can’t I breathe?
“You have to take a deep breath.” A child’s voice rings through the chaos. She’s cute, like ten or eleven years old. She crouches next to me, her mousy brown hair falling into her freckled face. She has a bright smile, one with only one missing tooth, and bright, curious, blue eyes. “What are five things you can see?” the child asks.
Is this death? Is this the child inside of me trying to comfort me? Is this some trick of reality where my kid is trying to get me to get a grip?
“What?”
“What are five things you can see?”
I glance around the room while my heart hammers in my ears. “Um, the trashcans, hay, you…”
“Two more. You’ve got this.”
What the hell?
“Gizmo and the whiteboard.”
The child grins.
“Good job! What are four things you can touch?”
My hands instinctually find the concrete, the stone cool and rough against my palms.
“The ground, the clothes against my skin…” I reach up and grab her hand. She squeezes my hand and grins. “Your hand, and the tears on my face.”
She sits down across from me and kneads my hands with her slender fingers.
“What are three things you can hear?”
My racing heart slows as I close my eyes and listen to my surroundings. “The fans, William banging his feed buck against the stall wall, and Gizmo’s purring.”
“Good. Keep your eyes closed if it helps. What are two things you can smell?”
I inhale slowly. Swirls of hay and sweet feed fill my nose.
“Hay and sweet feed.”
“And one thing you can taste?”
The sweet barbeque sauce still lingers in my mouth from the pulled pork sandwich Chris insisted I eat for quality assurance.
“Barbeque sauce.”
Her fingers continue to knead my hands.
“I have anxiety attacks too,” she says quietly. “This is a trick my dad taught me.”
I open my eyes to her smiling face.
“You’re good at this.”
She shrugs.
“Sometimes you have to be.” She sighs. “I was looking for my dad, but he isn’t here. I should probably get back to the party before my mom sounds the alarm.”
Whoever’s kid this is, is lucky. I hope I can be that lucky.
“Thank you for coming to my rescue. You can tell your dad his trick worked.”
She scrambles up when the feed room door opens, revealing Dr. Hawthorn.
“Oh, hey, Dad. I was looking for you.”
Oh, God. He procreated?
“Hi, gorgeous. I’ve missed you.”
She wraps her arms around his torso and his intense, yet gentle gaze bores a hole through my skull. It’s weird to see him gentle like this, especially how we just entertained the town with a screaming match.
“Your trick worked, by the way.”
He quirks an eyebrow. I can’t help but notice the love pouring out of his embrace and the adoration in his eyes for her.
“Which trick?”
“The senses.”
I pick myself up off the ground and dust myself off.
“She found me in here. I didn’t know she was your daughter,” I offer softly.
“No worries. Zoey’s friendly. You wouldn’t hurt her, right?”
My gaze locks on his and a victorious smile spreads across his lips.
So arrogant.
“No, of course not.”
“Would you like to get a sandwich with us?” Zoey asks.
“Um…”
“I find it better to eat once you calm down. Anxiety takes a lot out of you.”
I hate that she’s so adorable and she’s rational for her age.
“You don’t have to talk to us if you don’t want to,” Derek adds. “I don’t know how you could ignore this face.”
Zoey’s toothy grin brings a smile to my face, and her cheerful giggle reminds me there is life outside these barns.
“I don’t know if I’ll be good company.”
Zoey shrugs. “Dad can be grouchy sometimes, but I don’t think he can help it. I can sit with you, and we can ignore him.”
A nervous laugh escapes my lips. So I’m not the only one whose noticed Dr. Hawthorn is a little intimidating.
“Hey now. I haven’t seen you in two weeks. What if I want to catch up?”
“Fine, but you have a five minute limit.”
I find myself agreeing. Dr. Hawthorn and I walk in silence while Zoey chatters on about how school is almost over, and she gets to spend the summer here with her father. Hundreds of eyes watch our approach. I’m not even surprised about the rumor mill churning at this completely innocent exchange, but what can you do?
We proceed throu
gh the buffet line and find Chris and Annie off to the side, eating quietly while Annie scrolls through her phone.
“Miss Annie!”
Annie glances up at Zoey’s exclamation and a megawatt smile lights up her face.
“Zoey! Hi, sweet pea! I’ve missed the heck out of you!”
She sets her plate down next to Annie, and I occupy the seat next to Chris. I need someone looking out for me. Who better than my idiot brother?
“I missed you too! Hi Uncle Chris!”
I choke on the uncle and clear my throat as Zoey wraps her arms around my brother.
Why didn’t anyone ever mention this guy? His daughter became a part of our family and I’m the odd one out.
“Hey, gorgeous! I’m so glad you came to visit.”
Zoey takes her seat next to Annie and starts in on her brisket sandwich.
I meet Dr. Hawthorn’s curious gaze as he bites into his sandwich. Annie and Chris question Zoey about school. There’s a weird silence now we’re the two outcasts.
“Are you going to yell at me again?” he asks.
“The night is still young,” I counter with a hint of amusement.
“I’m not a threat to you, I promise,” his voice drops a few decibels, not gaining the attention of Zoey and my siblings.
“Maybe. But I don’t know for sure.”
Sighing he plops his sandwich on the plate.
“Can we start over?” he asks sincerely.
For what? I’m not particularly interesting. I’ll be inside more than half the time, and we don’t owe each other anything.
“Hi. I’m Dr. Derek Hawthorn, but my friends call me Derek.”
He holds his hand out for me to shake, but the thought of him touching me makes me want to puke. My ears ring at the prospect, and I stare at his outstretched hand, with what I’m sure the other people at this table would call disgust.
The table grows quiet, and my brother and sister watch the exchange. Zoey watches me with excitement—like I’m a new fixture in her life.
Keep the peace.
“Nice to meet you, Dr. Hawthorn. I’m Aria McKenzie.” And that’s all he’s getting. I reluctantly grasp his hand in a firm handshake. His large hand practically covers mine. He’s firm, yet gentle. He flashes a boyish grin while my brother and sister breathe a sigh of relief.
“Derek,” he reiterates. “My name is Derek.”
His name is Dr. Hawthorn. I’m not getting close to him, so I’m going to insist I stay formal.
“So does that make you Uncle Chris and Miss Annie’s sister?” Zoey asks, vibrating with excitement.
“She’s our baby sister,” Annie replies for me.
“Do you ride too?” Zoey implores.
“I used to. Not so much anymore.” I turn my head to Derek and narrow my eyes. “It wasn’t Coley’s fault for almost killing a rodeo clown. It was Liam Parker, and he was being an asshole. He jumped behind her while we were in the chute and Coley was understandably spooked.”
Dr. Hawthorn smirks, earning groans from my brother.
“Oh, you called Coley a psycho, didn’t you?” Annie asks with a laugh. “Big mistake.”
“I call them like I see them.”
Cue eye roll.
“Don’t listen to him. He doesn’t like to admit it, but he’s a big softy.” Zoey leans closer to me and drops her voice into a whisper. “He still likes to cuddle with me before I fall asleep.”
Dr. Hawthorn’s face pales and gently sits her back in her seat.
“Okay, that’s enough. Eat your food or you’ll waste away to nothing.”
She mischievously giggles and flashes me a Cheshire smile.
Zoey is adorable. She’s smart as a whip and when she’s finished and the other three take over the conversation, she pulls a paperback out of her backpack.
“What are you reading?” My voice speeds off without asking permission from my brain. Zoey peeks up and lifts the book so I can see the front cover.
“Holes,” she replies easily, dogearing her place and quickly closing it. “My teacher wants to show the movie in class, but I think I want to read the book first before I see the movie.”
“That’s a great book. Have you read Harry Potter yet?”
She scoffs.
“I read the first one, but Mom says I read too fast and a trip to the bookstore is wasted on me because I read them within a day.”
I don’t miss the angry tic in Dr. Hawthorn’s jaw and the way he flinches when he hears her reading is being muted.
“What did you think?”
She sets the book down and taps her bottom lip as she ponders my question.
“I think the story is brilliant. It would be awesome to attend a school like Hogwarts…” She dreamily sighs. “I like fantasy, but I like how J.K. Rowling also gives the story more than one genre. I love mystery books too.”
She’s a gal after my own heart. She reminds me so much of me when I was her age. I worked in the barn because it was my job. But books…they brought me to new places while I tried to forge my own path.
“You’d like a school like that, eh? What about me? Wouldn’t you miss me?” Dr. Hawthorn teases.
She giggles at her father and scrunches her nose when their gazes meet. I adore how she can be her authentic self around her father.
My heart aches in sadness. My father and I used to be the same way. I hung the moon. And he was the one who collected the stars.
“I could come home for Christmas.”
Dr. Hawthorn sighs. “Only Christmas? That’s not enough time.”
Zoey rolls her eyes.
“Maybe over the summer I could read the rest of them? The movies are played everywhere but I don’t want to see them until I read all the books first.”
Without my permission, my tears well up in my eyes. Flashes of my childhood, hanging out with my dad, him showing me how to use the riding lawn mower appear before me. It’s like I don’t even know him anymore. I just want him to love me.
Where is he?
I scan the area for him and find him at the grill starting the cleanup. He hasn’t talked to me since my pregnancy announcement. He can barely even look at me. Other than the occasional glare, I’m barely in his line of vision anymore.
“Peanut? Are you all right?”
I ignore Annie and get out of my seat. I stride quickly to the grill as Daddy brushes all the crap off of it.
“Daddy?”
He places the brush on the table and reluctantly turns around. If he were anyone else, this would scare me. His intense glare and generally intimidating stance would send anyone far away from him.
But I’m not.
As much as he doesn’t like to admit it, we’re eerily similar.
He’s hurt. I’m the root of it, I know. Before I even made it into the world, I nearly killed my mother and myself on the way out. Growing up, I garnered too much attention even if I didn’t search for it. And now…well, I’m disappointment after disappointment.
“I love you.”
Nothing changes. He still stares at me like I’m an idiot.
“I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you when you first asked me to leave him. I…” Sniffling, I wipe away the tears. “I don’t mean to keep fucking everything up and I’m trying hard not to embarrass you, but I’m scared.”
There. I said it.
His shoulders relax, but his face is as stony as ever.
“I can’t give the kid up.” His jaw tics in annoyance. I’m treading dangerous waters, but this is my choice. “Like you couldn’t give me up.”
“Aria, there’s a big difference—"
“I know. But you were the one who convinced Momma not to terminate the pregnancy even when the odds were stacked against me. I can’t give this baby up even though I hate its father. I’ll do whatever I need to do. I can open up more lessons in the riding school, I can find a job somewhere in town—I’ll pull my weight.”
For however long I’m still breathing.
&
nbsp; “This isn’t some horse you can leave with your parents while you skip town for a decade.”
My leaving will constantly be thrown in my face.
“I know.”
He sighs.
“Did you resent me, Daddy? When I spent all those months in the NICU before I came home, did you resent me?”
“That’s not fair.”
“Somewhere deep inside I know you do. It’s why you get so angry at me when things I do don’t go your way.”
“Aria,” he warns.
“All I ever wanted to do was forge my own path. Chris is a teacher, Annie’s a travel writer, and then there was me. Nobody had any high hopes for me.”
“That’s quite enough of that.”
“What was your big dream for me, Daddy?” I should stop challenging him like this. But how am I supposed to move on with this festering between us? “Anyway, I wanted you to be the first to know what I was thinking. You made it quite clear you don’t like being the last in the know.”
Resigned, I turn on my heel, but I don’t return to our table.
Right now, I need a quiet place to cry while my father wraps his head around being a grandfather to a kid none of us wanted.
9
DEREK
After the party breaks up, I help with cleanup and placing all the tables and folding chairs back in the shed behind the main house. Now all that’s left to do is trudge back to my empty house and chain smoke my last pack of cigarettes.
Aria stormed off two hours ago. We were getting somewhere. Zoey wanted to talk to her more about the books she was reading. All it took for her to crumble is one conversation with her father.
It obviously didn’t end well, but it’s none of my business.
When I reach the porch, the light flicks on. I freeze, listening for any signs of intruders. When I turn my head, I find Steve swaying slowly in my porch swing.
“I’m leaving for a while.”
I’m not even the least bit surprised.
“Where are you going?”
He stands up and stretches.
“Chicago.”
Yep. There it is.
“Steve…don’t do this.”
“Don’t tell Nate. I’m going to put the fear of God into this asshole. He ruined her life. I told Betty Lou and the kids I’m going to New York to visit family. Don’t let them think otherwise.”
Make Me Dream (The Sage Creek Series Book 1) Page 8
