The first notes from “I Get to Love You” flowed from the speaker and I counted down in my head. Focus was something that I worked hard to maintain for the first few steps. And then I slipped into a trance. A state of bliss and ease. My heart didn’t feel as erratic as it had when I’d walked onto the stage. What had been a feeling of anxious dread moments earlier had turned into euphoria.
My movements were in time with the soft rhythm. My toes were pointed, arms moving through the air weightlessly. The smile on my face was natural, nothing artificial about it. The lyrics about unplanned love resonated in my head as I danced. It was true. I could never have planned to feel this way. I had chosen this song for its grace and its subtle power.
The rhythm pulsed into me. It was in my veins. It was electric, setting my nerves alight and moving my limbs. With each step that I took, I forgot. There were no concerns about the future, about what was going to happen after graduation. I was free; free to move and feel and express how I felt without fear.
I was free to feel the love in my heart.
As I neared the end of the routine, I knew that it was the best that I’d performed it to date. The emotion that existed within each step was pure, unfiltered and raw. When I first choreographed the routine, I was just a dancer. I knew the steps and understood the music. But not the feelings behind them.
I knew how to invoke emotion on the stage, how to portray those emotions on my face and in my movements. But feeling it, truly letting the exquisite gratification of being in the deep end flow within me was what I believe carried me through the performance without a single slip up.
Chapter 20
When we were kids, Mom and Dad made Christmas magical. And when our grandmother was around, we’d eat a beautiful meal at her place. She made the best pork belly ever. Christmas and New Year’s had been quiet in our home for a long time.
The magic was gone, and the food was average; it was just another day. Except we ate a lot of sugar and watched Hallmark Channel Christmas movies. In the past, I’d been to Gabby’s for dinner. But Nathan didn’t want to go this year, and I didn’t want to leave him. So we spent time together and reminisced about when our parents were alive.
Nathan headed out for New Year’s Eve this year. He wasn’t gone all night, which surprised me. It seemed as if our conversation in California had made a difference. Whatever the reason, it was nice to have his full attention until he dashed off to the bar to count in another year.
I’d tried to convince Gabby that we should do something together even if it meant going to one of the many countdown parties that our peers were throwing, but her mom wanted her at home.
The night was uneventful because as luck would have it, Drayton was in Texas over the break. He said that his mom had family and friends there. He didn’t let up with the texts while he was gone. It was never ending … and sweet and super inappropriate sometimes.
When we went back to school, the snow was thick. It was cold—an inconvenience to everyone. White covered the grounds and glittered in the setting sun. The parking lot had to be plowed before, during, and after the cars had left. All sports practices had to remain indoors. Drayton and I made discreet plans in the gymnasium to meet each other after school. We were still being cautious around the cheer team, although I thought that after Thanksgiving, some of his teammates had a fair idea about what was going on. He and Austin were civil again after Austin had apologized for being so unhinged. “Sorry for being a dick when you pissed me off.”
Not exactly the most heartfelt apology that I’d ever heard, but I accepted it and let it go.
While it was torture to go the entire six and a half hours of school without a kiss or cuddle after being apart for almost two weeks, I looked forward to a proper hello when I went over to Drayton’s house later. He’d informed me earlier that he’d have a few hours alone before his parents were back, and he wouldn’t object to making use of the privacy.
Gabby and I walked through the halls later that afternoon. We had both hung back to work on an assignment for English. The chosen novel for our current read and review was My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Picoult. It was sadder than I cared for—forced trauma on pupils should be illegal.
The students had all gone home. The corridors were quiet, and it was getting colder and darker outside. Gabby was filling me in on how Josh’s Christmas in Canada with his parents had gone. It sounded cold—colder than what we experienced here.
“I think one day I might go to Australia or New Zealand for Christmas break,” I mentioned, sliding my phone out of my pocket when I felt it vibrate. “It’s summer there. Could be a nice change to experience.”
“Christmas in the summer,” she mumbled with amusement. “It’s hard to imagine.”
There was a text message from Drayton. I read it while Gabby continued to weigh the pros and cons of experiencing a different season over our winter break.
Are you still at school? I left my folder in the locker rooms. I have a bunch of dumb quiz question things to fill out for Coach. Can you please grab it for me if you haven’t left?
And drive safe please x
“I have to run over to the gym and grab something for Drayton,” I said, slipping my phone away as we pushed open the school doors and stepped into the white, cold parking lot. It was getting dark and Gabby frowned.
“I’ll come.”
We both reached into our bags and retrieved our gloves. “No, Gabs, it’s fine. I’ll be quick. It’s so cold. Go home.”
Gabby dropped her bottom lip. “But it’s getting dark.”
“I’m going to the gym and then back to the car. I’ll survive.”
“But—”
“Gabs.” I walked backward, slow and careful on the slick concrete. “Go. I’ll probably see you at Drayton’s, hmm?”
She grinned. “Yeah. I’ll be with Josh.”
I didn’t let her keep arguing. “Good. Go and keep warm. I’ll see you later.”
I carefully jogged over to the gym, a cloud of white air billowing with each breath that passed my shivering lips.
The locker rooms reeked. I’d never been into the boys’ one before, but the odor was foul. The wall of sweat-smell hit me the moment that I opened the door, but I didn’t plan on hanging around. I headed toward the row of cubby holes in search of Drayton’s.
As I passed Coach Finn’s office, I peered at the large window and came to a standstill.
Because Emily and the assistant coach, Lincoln, were going at it. He had her bent over the desk. They still had their clothes on, thank God, but I’d seen too much. I’d been afraid that I might stumble on a pair of dirty underwear or an athletic cup while I was in here, not my cheerleading captain and the twenty-five-year-old assistant coach having a bone.
Before I could run, Emily shrieked. There was a series of panicked gasps and flustered hand gestures while the two of them put themselves together. Lincoln smoothed down his brown hair and wiped a hand across his damp brow as the two of them emerged from the office.
My feet had remained planted to the spot. I was in a state of shock and disbelief. I mean, I wasn’t entirely surprised at Emily—she’s the sort of girl you’d find screwing someone’s uncle at a family brunch—but more so at the fact that I’d managed to snap a photo or two and I might just have a one-up on this witch who wanted to ruin my life for some unknown reason.
“Give me the phone.” She held out her palm and used the other hand to fix a loose strand of her red hair. “Don’t screw with me, Dallas. Phone.”
“Yeah … no, I’ll leave the screwing to Lincoln.” He was flustered and blubbering, but he made no move to snatch my phone. I slipped it into my coat pocket and did up the zip.
“She’s eighteen.” Lincoln let out a strangled noise. “It’s not illegal.”
“I don’t know if the board would see it like that.” I narrowed a calculating stare at him. “She’s still a student.”
“Give it up.” Emily’s throat sounded as if it was cl
osing over. “Linc, just get out of here. You’re making it worse.
“Dallas.” She was attempting to be calm but her voice trembled and her smile looked more Joker-like than friendly. “Please give me the phone or delete those photos.”
“So you can keep threatening me and making the rest of the semester total shit?” I scoffed. “No.”
She stared at me, then her lip began to quiver and soon after her entire frame began to hum with the realization that Drayton had told me about her attempt to keep us apart. It was sort of like watching the countdown on a microwave—you know that the beep is coming and you can count the seconds until it goes off. There’s an anticipation. She finally exhaled loudly and collapsed on the bench seat outside of the office.
“You could ruin his career,” she sobbed. She was crying actual tears. I watched her with marvel. “You can’t do that to him. Don’t ruin his career.”
I almost didn’t want to take the bait—she might be the best actress this county has ever seen. “You know that he’s taking advantage of you, right?” I sat down beside her. “He’s practically a teacher and almost a decade older, Emily. What are you doing?”
She turned and stared at me through tear-filled eyes. “He loves me!” It was hard to decipher her words through her blubbering, but I worked hard to keep up. “I love him. He really cares, Dallas. People never fucking care. He does.”
I remembered Drayton telling me that her home life was terrible. That her parents didn’t care and had never given her the time of day; consequences that followed such actions were often too dire to reverse. It explained her need to keep in constant control. Looking for love in place of parental affection was almost never going to end well either.
“I won’t need to use the photo if you just leave me alone,” I told her, spotting Drayton’s cubby. I stood up and collected his folder, aware of Emily watching me with tears slipping down her cheeks. “Drayton and I are … together. We’re happy. Don’t call CalArts or whatever it is that you were going to have your mom do, and I won’t show that photo to anyone.”
“Fine.” She stared at her feet. “Whatever. You always manage to get what you want.”
“I really don’t know what your issue is. You’re obviously happy with Lincoln. What’s with the need to keep Drayton off limits as well?”
“Because you piss me off,” she snapped, standing so fast that I flinched. But she didn’t move again, she just wiped her wet face. “You don’t even make an effort with people and they still like you. Everyone likes you.”
She almost sounded … jealous.
“I might not make an effort to make lots of friends or whatever, but I’m polite, Emily.” I shrugged a shoulder. “Treat people with kindness and respect. That might sound like an overused Tumblr post, but it makes a difference. If you ever need someone to talk to,” I told her, “I’m not a terrible listener.”
She wiped her nose and the sound of her sniffling echoed as she squared her shoulders and glared. “I don’t want to talk to you.”
I turned around and started out of the room. “The offer is there.”
“You’re late.” Drayton met me at the car when I arrived at his house fifteen minutes later. It was dark but the drive was illuminated with spotlights. Some of the trees along the edge had twinkling lights in them as well. It was such an enchanting property. “I was getting worried.”
“Here’s your folder.” I handed it to him, and he threw it back into the car. He slammed the door shut and pushed me against it as his warm lips were on my cold ones.
It was abrupt and intense, and I melted into him despite being pushed up against a freezing-cold car. We kissed a kiss that made up for the winter-break absence, and when his mouth left mine, I felt breathless. And it had nothing to do with the freezing temperatures.
“Couldn’t keep waiting,” he mumbled, his smiling lips coming back in for a series of quick pecks. “Missed you.”
“I missed you too,” I admitted. The forest of trees that sur-rounded his home were almost buried up to their branches in white powder. It was sprinkled on the twigs and coated the ground.
“My baby cousins will be here soon. For dinner. You should stay.”
“If you want me to. Is there an occasion?”
He shrugged with an indifferent nod, kicking the snow with his foot. I watched him, admiring his fitted long sleeve, vest, and sweatpants. I wondered how he wasn’t colder. I was wearing tights, a skirt, a coat, gloves, and a hat, and I was still cold.
I leaned down and started scooping the snow into a ball. “So,” I said in a casual tone as he began to help me with a small snowman. “We don’t have to hide at school now. I caught Emily and Lincoln … in the coach’s office …”
Drayton raised a brow and shook his head. “I’m surprised. But not,” he commented, snapping a couple of twigs to create arms. Our snowman might not have a face at this point as we were lacking material. “She’s bold when she’s going after what she wants. Man, the texts that she used to send me.”
He let out a low whistle and I refused to ask for details. The wince in his expression was more information than I needed. We stood up and assessed our little masterpiece. It was faceless, aside from a few finger holes that Drayton made for eyes, but it was cute. “I sort of feel bad for her.”
Drayton wrapped an arm around me and we headed for the front door. “You feel bad for her?” His tone was disbelieving. “She’s been a huge asshole.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t understand her as well befor—”
“Mhmm,” he interrupted. “I get it. You know her more now. You see more and you understand. All of that. I just didn’t take you for such a softie.”
“I’m not going to let her push me around,” I declared, shuddering at the mere thought of going back to square one, where I’d felt helpless under her thumb. “But I don’t hate her. I don’t hate anyone. I just—I feel bad that she hasn’t experienced parental love and all that. I was young when my parents died, but I won’t ever forget how special it was.”
He was quiet. The only sound was our feet crunching in the fresh snowfall and a soft breeze rustling the tree branches. He smiled and peered down at me, his arm holding me close beside him.
“Sounds like my mom is home,” he gestured with a subtle nod toward the drive behind us as we walked up the front steps. The stone was slippery, so we were careful. I guessed the incident with Emily had taken up more time than I’d thought, and we no longer had the house to ourselves. “We can watch a movie, eat food, and I can play with your hair?”
He’d come to discover that I was weak for people playing with my hair. Before we could go inside, though, headlights illuminated the snow and a white Mercedes with tinted black windows pulled in beside my dinky little car. His mom hopped out. She was stunning, as usual, the epitome of winter grace in a mid-length cashmere coat and a matching set of gloves, hat, and scarf.
“Dray,” she called, “come and help me with the groceries, please.”
Drayton sauntered toward her, so I followed along, figuring that I’d offer my assistance.
“Hello, Dallas,” she greeted me with a chipper smile. I hadn’t seen her since Thanksgiving. After she’d found out about Drayton hitting Austin, she’d let him have it in front of the entire dinner party. “How have you been darlin’? I’m not in a foul mood this time. Unless Drayton here has been doing something he shouldn’t.”
She raised a brow toward her son, who was currently leaning into the trunk of the car. He rolled his eyes and proceeded to pick up the entire ten bags with ease.
“On the straight and narrow, Mom.” He grinned as she closed the trunk.
“Good,” she cooed. “Dallas, you should stay for dinner. We’re having homemade burritos for Drayton’s birthday.”
“It’s your birthday?”
Ellie looked at Drayton but didn’t give in to whatever confusion she was feeling, just turned around and disappeared inside. Drayton and I followed behind her.
“My birthday is next week,” he explained. “We celebrate early because my mom and dad go away on the actual day.”
“Your parents won’t be here for your birthday?”
“I haven’t spent my birthday with my parents since Abby died.” Sorrow filled my chest and I watched as he toed off his boots at the door, still holding the ten bags with ease. “Don’t worry about it. I obviously shared my birthday with Abby, and it’s hard for them. It doesn’t really bother me. Josh and I usually throw a party. They go away to grieve, to remember her in their own way. I like to honor Abby by getting blackout drunk, and I don’t think they want to see that.”
We walked into the kitchen and I admired the stone theme and shimmering appliances once again. Drayton’s house never ceased to amaze me. There was a frosted cake in a glass case on the marble table. Cushioned leather barstools lined up along one side of the island. It smelled clean and cozy, like citrus and coffee.
“Your parents are so young,” I commented, leaning on the edge of the island to look at a photo of them. Drayton set the groceries down on the other side. His mom was nowhere to be seen.
“They are, I guess.” He shrugged a shoulder, shuffling through the bags. “They had just graduated from high school when they found out that they were pregnant. First night that they ever met. Boom.”
“Gold medalist, huh,” I laughed.
He dug through the groceries and found a protein bar. “Do you like burritos?”
“Of course.” I rolled my eyes as if it was the most ridiculous question that I’d ever heard. “I’ve never had them homemade, though.”
“My mom doesn’t do a lot of cooking,” he explained as he leaned one hand on the lip of the bench and chewed on his snack, which was in the other. “But she makes fucking awesome burritos.”
“Language,” Ellie sang out, swiping the back of Drayton’s head as she came back into the kitchen in a more casual outfit of sweatpants and UGG boots with a warm sweater. “Where are Josh and Gabby? They were here when I left.”
The QB Bad Boy and Me Page 24
