by Kacey Shea
“Yeah, and call me if you get back late again.” My brother echoes my mother’s concern. “I don’t like you coming home alone.”
“I’m fine. Promise.” I hug him and then walk over to Mama to do the same. “Thank you for dinner. It was delicious.”
“I packed this for you.” She grabs the tinfoil wrap from the edge of the table, and I have to hand it to her, she’s gotten resourceful, having this all ready to go without even setting foot in the kitchen.
“Good night, Mama.” I kiss her cheek, take the package, and grab my coat from near the door.
“Next week?” she asks, as if I could tell her no. Or as if I’d have any other plans.
“Yes, Mother,” I call over my shoulder and step out into the apartment hallway, attempting to sound less like a sullen teenager and more the adult woman I am today. I love her. She means well. But hell, is she overbearing. I opt for the stairs to work off a fraction of the calories I consumed at dinner. As soon as I hit the street, my face stings with cold.
The bus stop is just up the street, and I hunker into my coat as I make the short walk. The office isn’t far from Mama’s, and with this weather I’m looking forward to picking up one of the company’s sedans for tonight’s detail. At the bus stop structure, there’s an elderly man hunched into the corner, a lonely shopping cart holding his possessions and helping to shield him from the weather. My heart goes out to him, as it does most weeks.
“Sir, are you hungry?” I speak loud enough to rouse him from sleep.
He pushes his knit beanie up to meet my stare before reaching out to accept my offering of Mama’s cookin’. He mumbles something that sounds much like, “You’re an angel,” and he doesn’t waste another second, unwrapping the foil and peeling off a bite to gnaw in his mouth. “Bless you.”
Gratitude for what I have—mental health, a job, a safe place to live, and food to fill my belly—overcomes my earlier irritation and sadness. I have a good life, more than most, and thanks to this man, I’m reminded of how much. “Bless you, too. Stay warm tonight, sir.” My words are interrupted by the groan of a rumbling engine and the slow squeal of brakes. The approaching bus rolls to a stop and I lift my hand, waving good-bye to the man.
The long night of work ahead, missing Austin at the club last night, and even my mama’s nagging seems inconsequential in this moment. A few words from a stranger with far less than I serves as a reminder of how blessed I am. As I scan my bus pass and find a seat a peacefulness washes over me, and for the first time all day I’m able to take a full breath without anxiety threatening to take over.
7
Austin
We leave Los Angeles late in the afternoon, flying to meet the crew in Salt Lake for this evening’s show. I’m exhausted. Spent. But there’s no rest for the wicked and we have another ten weeks on the road before we head back to LA to record our next album. I’m glad we planned to have the buses drive ahead last night; otherwise, I wouldn’t have gotten Jayla’s number.
Speaking of numbers and burning holes in pockets, it takes every bit of my willpower to not pull out my phone and contact Jayla. Everything between us feels unfinished, unresolved, but that’s probably all on my end. When she left Phoenix our junior year I never got to say good-bye. I’ve thought of her a thousand times since then, but after a while I gave up hope of ever seeing her again. Now that I have, there’s an insatiable need to fill in all the years we missed. While I was making a name for myself, chasing my rock ’n’ roll dreams, where was she?
But if I call her, what do I say? I’m on the road for the next two months, it’s not as if I can ask her to dinner. I have a shit ton of money and I considered inviting to fly her out to meet me for a show on the road. Some women would be blown away by that gesture, but something tells me Jayla isn’t one of those women. A strangeness settles in my mind as I try to foster a better plan. Uncertainty stops me from taking any real action. Doubt, it’s a feeling I’m not used to experiencing, not when it comes to women. So, why now?
I don’t want to blow it with her. That’s the difference. Anyone else I’ve pursued was purely for pleasure, a temporary need to be satisfied. I’ve never wanted more. But with Jayla everything’s different.
“What time’s sound check?” Leighton interrupts my thoughts from across the aisle. The plane tilts with its descent for landing. “Opal’s hungry.”
“Again?” I bug out my eyes and she glares. It might be intimidating if her smile didn’t begin to break.
“I’m eating for two, remember?” She tries to act put out but she’s so damn excited for that baby it’s pointless.
“Yeah, yeah.” I wave her off. “The love child needs to eat. I get it.” I glance at Leighton. “I’m beginning to think you’re the one milking this baby thing just so we stop for food all the time.”
Leighton shrugs. “I can neither confirm nor deny those allegations.”
I turn back to the rows behind us and tap Trent on the leg. “You good with that? We go eat before heading to the stadium?”
He pulls out one of his ear buds and shrugs with a grim smile. “Not my call. Ask Lipchitz.”
“Fuck.” I cuss under my breath and brace myself as the plane lands. One of the changes since Off Track Records was acquired is the difference in management styles. We didn’t know how good we had it before. Or if we did, we didn’t fully appreciate the freedom we had. World Music Industries, WMI, has a different approach to managing their big money makers, and one of those is to stick a leech on us. Okay, so Casey Lipchitz isn’t exactly a blood sucking parasite, but it sure feels like it. It’s as if they pay him to suck all the fun from things, and I’d bet money he’s already waiting outside arrivals for us to disembark.
A few minutes later my suspicions are confirmed. I raise my hand to bite back the desire to grimace as the man comes scurrying forward.
“Hiya, Austin. How’s it hanging?”
Did I mention the guy says hiya? All one word. It’s weird and too fucking chipper.
“Hey, Casey. Fancy meeting you here.” Trent greets him with a handshake, and slides me a look.
“Good flight?”
“Slept like a baby.” Sean shrugs. “Can’t beat that.”
“Jess back at work this week?” Casey asks.
“Yeah.” Whatever was left of Sean’s good mood evaporates at the mention of his girlfriend staying back in LA. If it were up to him, she’d join us for the entire tour. Her job allows her the freedom to meet up with us for a few days every week or so, and that’s fine by me. It’s bad enough Trent has Lexi, and Leighton’s a package deal with Opal. At this rate we’re gonna need another fucking bus.
“We’re hungry.” I slap Casey on his back a little too hard. “Let’s grab a late lunch, yeah?”
“I don’t know.” He chews the inside of his lip and unlocks the screen of his cell as if he hasn’t memorized our entire literary. “We have a tight schedule.”
“Loosen up a little, man. Life’s more exciting on the edge.” I shoot him a wink and hike the strap of my bag higher on my shoulder.
“Okay, yeah. Sure.” He blows out a long breath and surfs for options. “We’ll stop on the way. Someplace fast.”
Trent chuckles. “Come on, Casey. We’re not stopping for fucking Subway.”
Lexi lifts an eyebrow. “You too fancy for sandwiches now?”
“No.” Trent shakes his head. “I pay attention. Opal can’t have it. Listeria or whatever the fuck is bad for the baby.”
“Aww, thanks Trent. But I can find something anywhere we go. Maybe work on the potty mouth instead?” Opal grins.
“No can do. Lexi likes my filthy mouth.”
Lexi bites her lip.
Gross.
“Uh . . .” Casey clears his throat, glancing up from his phone. “There’s a diner on the route. Good ratings and they have a private dining room. I’ll call now.”
“Car outside?” Trent asks.
“You know it.” A proud smile spreads acro
ss Casey’s face.
Trent nods. “Thanks, Lipshitz. You’re the best.”
Casey stills, opening his mouth as if he’s about to say something else, but snaps it closed and marches ahead instead.
Trent chuckles and slings his arm around Lexi to follow. “What’s his problem?”
I shrug. “No clue.”
“He’s probably pissed he’s spending the next two months babysitting grown men.” Lexi rolls her eyes. She’s annoyed with the new label as well. They’ve been giving her a hard time for coming on the road with us. She’s supposed to be working on her next album. Which she is. They’d just rather she set up in some studio.
The diner ends up being good, both with service and food, and we leave an hour later with full bellies. Our detour puts us behind schedule, and the fact we should be at the stadium running sound checks this very second makes Casey a ball of nerves. His knee bounces a hundred times per second and I want to tell him to stop acting like a little bitch, but it’s not worth the pout he’ll wear the rest of the night.
I close my eyes and go over the set list, visualizing my performance, the crowd, and even the few willing women I’ll snag for entertainment after the show. Or at least I try to imagine it. My mind wanders back to Jayla. Her hard stare judges my fantasies. Fuck. I can’t even get it up for two nameless groupies in my daydream with Jay’s calculating stare in my head.
The SUV comes to an abrupt halt with the afternoon traffic, and without opening my eyes I know Casey’s seconds from giving himself a coronary.
“What the ever-loving-fuck?” The alarm in Sean’s voice grabs my attention.
“Is that smoke?” Leighton asks, just above a whisper.
My eyelids snap open and I crane my neck in the direction they’re all staring.
Plumes of thick gray smoke rise in the distance beyond the bumper-to-bumper vehicles. A flash of red and blue lights whizzes past us and joins the gathering of first responders racing toward the massive building. And not just any building. The stadium we’re supposed to be inside.
“Shit . . .” Trent drags out the word from the back seat of our SUV.
“Turn the car around,” Casey demands to the driver from his seat at my right. “Sir, please turn the car around.” His gaze bounces between his phone and the fire trucks and police cars in the distance.
“What’s going on?” Sean turns from his seat up front to face us.
“Where to?” Our driver flips a bitch before we’re stuck in the worst of the traffic.
“Um, just keep driving. Straight. Away from that,” Casey directs, but he’s distracted. There’s something going on.
“You got it,” our driver blows out a rush of air.
Casey’s phone rings and I lean back in my seat to try and catch what the person on the other end says. Casey’s “okay” and “will do” and “keep me posted” do nothing to alleviate my growing concern that something is very wrong. By the silence of my bandmates, I’m not the only one.
“Lipshitz. What’s happening?” Trent demands from the back seat.
“There was an explosion.” The words leave Casey’s mouth in a rush. His hands shake from where they clutch his phone. “That’s all I know.”
“At the venue?” Opal says.
Sean’s brows knit with concern. “What about the show?”
“There’s not going to be a show,” Casey responds and his gaze drops again to his cell. “Not tonight.”
Trent shakes his head and grabs his phone. We all follow suit and as the madness behind us fades from sight, I search trending news for details as to what is going on. Lipshitz is eerily quiet, and his hollow cheeks grow pale. Worry and dread fill my gut.
“Was anyone hurt?” Opal’s voice is soft as it cuts through our silence.
Fuck. I don’t pray often, or much at all. But in our speeding SUV I offer a plea to the universe and its maker that no one is hurt.
“Lipshitz.” Trent’s stern and calm voice draws our assistant from his phone. “What’s the plan here?”
“We’re meeting at a hotel, after it’s cleared. For now, we drive.” He clears his throat and speaks to the driver. “Please keep us moving and away from downtown.”
“You got it.”
“Was anyone hurt?” Sean repeats Opal’s earlier question.
“I don’t know.” Lipshitz leans back into his seat and draws a shaky breath. “But God, I hope not.”
8
Austin
It’s hours before we’re given the all-clear to head over to the hotel, but by the time we do, the news is sprawled across every channel and social media feed. A dozen injured. Three of them in critical condition. Twelve people too many.
We gather in the Presidential Suite, waiting. Minutes drown into hours, staring at the news coverage on the television screen. Helpless. That’s how I feel, and it fucking rattles me. I itch for a cigarette, though I rarely partake in the vice if I’m not drinking. I can’t believe this happened. And before one of our shows. What if the explosion had happened an hour later? Would I be in the hospital watching one of my best friends fight for their life? Or worse. We could be gathered in the morgue.
“We need to find out who did this.” The demand leaves my lips with a vengeance that surprises even myself.
“They have detectives on the scene. They’ll get to the bottom of this,” Casey says from behind the screen of his cell. He’s been on that thing all evening, and for once I’m thankful for the guy. He’s kept us informed, and while I’m sure he’s tasked with keeping an eye on us, he could have cut out hours ago. We aren’t going anywhere. I think maybe he doesn’t want to be alone either.
“What about our next show? Could this happen again?” Leighton voices one of the thousands of concerns that races through my mind. “Are we still driving on to Denver tonight?”
“WMI is sending out a team to deal with everything. We’ll meet with them first thing in the morning,” Casey says. “Local law enforcement too.”
“And what do we do until then?” Trent runs a hand through his hair and pushing the locks back from his face.
“Turn that off.” Casey waves to the television and pushes up from his seat. He stretches his arms overhead and lets loose a wide yawn. “Try to get some sleep. We’ll tackle the hard questions tomorrow.”
I rise to my feet. “I want to visit the hospital.” The need is to be there, with the families. With those this affects more than anyone.
“Okay, and I get it.” He meets my stare. “But you can’t do that. Not tonight. Not until we get more control of the situation.”
“Situation?” Sean scoffs. “People are fighting for their lives tonight.”
“Fuck.” Lipshitz squeezes his eyes shut and for a moment I think he’s about to cry. He opens them and inhales a sharp breath. “None of us were prepared for this to happen. It’s a horrible tragedy. I’m doing my best here, man.”
“That could have been us inside,” Lexi says. Her words bounce off the walls, and the stark truth of them cuts deep.
It would have been us had we not derailed Casey’s precious itinerary to go eat.
“Try and get some rest, okay?” He sniffles and I think maybe he is crying, or about to.
The urge to do the same hits me square in the gut and I don’t have the courage to answer him but for a nod.
“You too, man. Thanks for taking care of us today. I mean that.” Trent blows out a long breath before walking Casey to the door. “Come get us in the morning, okay? We want to be involved in whatever next steps there are. And let us know if there’s an update . . . about those in the hospital.”
“I will. ’Night.”
The door shuts with a resounding thud and Trent comes back into the room looking exhausted, stressed, and on the verge of passing out. I probably look the same.
“Casey was right. We don’t need to watch this.” Lexi picks up the remote and silences the television.
“Anyone hungry? We could order food,” Opal offers
from her seat next to Leighton.
He nestles his face into the top of her head and drops a kiss there before hugging her close. “I can’t right now.”
“Me neither,” Trent says.
The thought of eating makes me want to vomit. By the looks around the room, everyone feels the same.
“I’m gonna call Jess again,” Sean says before he heads toward his room at the far end of the suite.
“I think we’ll call it a night,” Leighton says.
“Us, too.” Lexi looks at her sister. “Make sure you eat something.”
Opal nods. “I have some crackers in my bag.” She stands, hugs her so tightly I have to look away. The thought of losing either of these women is terrifying. I can’t imagine how Trent or Leighton feel right now.
While everyone wanders to their rooms, Opal hangs back and reaches her arms around my waist, not bothering to wait for me to initiate the embrace. “You okay?”
“I’m fine,” I lie because she doesn’t need to be weighed down by any more stress than she already is.
“Sure?”
“Don’t worry about me, little lady. You just take care of that babe.”
“I do worry about you. You know I love you, right?” It’s a platonic kind of love. The affection a sister shares for her big brother. A gift I never expected. The power of her sentiment hits me unexpectedly and this time I do give in to the heaviness of it all.
“I could have lost you today,” I croak out.
“Shh.” She shakes her head and then hugs me tighter. “Don’t go there. I’m fine. We’re all here. Safe.”
We’re the lucky ones. For whatever reason, fate spared us the untimely destiny, and instead we’re left to soldier on another day. With my arms around one of my best friends, I let the tears prick my eyes and vow to make good with all the days I’m granted from here on out.
“Get some rest,” she mutters into my chest before pulling away to study my face.
I nod. “Promise.”
* * *
I don’t quite know when I pass out, but the morning comes like the blink of an eye. There’s no rumble of the bus engine, or sway that comes with wheels rolling down the open highway. Sean wakes me with a shake to the shoulder, and it takes me a minute to remember where I am and what happened last night. “Come on, man. Get dressed. Execs are on their way up now.”
