by Kacey Shea
I glance away from Austin, feeling as though I’ve been caught.
Sean tips his chin toward Austin. “Mind if I steal your girl?”
“I’m not—” I start.
“She’s not . . .” Austin blurts at the same time. His gaze lands on mine, holding me captive with the lack of humor I find there. His next word leaves his lips a whisper. “Mine.”
“Yeah,” Sean draws out, glancing between us before catching my stare. “Anyway, you said we can’t leave without a bodyguard. I was sort of hoping you’d be up for a run with me?”
A run sounds perfect. I need to clear my head. I need a second away from this tour, the band, and Austin with his entrancing fingers. “Yeah.” I check the time on my watch. “Let me check in with Brian first.”
“Already taken care of.” Sean smiles proudly. “He said he’d come watch the bus in ten minutes. That give you enough notice?”
“Oh, sure.” I don’t like that he went behind my back to arrange it, but the need to gain some clarity and space supersedes my ego. “Let me change my shoes and grab my headphones.”
“Cool,” he walks over to Austin.
I don’t waste any time making my way inside the bus to grab my things. I should probably use the bathroom too, but a soft moaning from down the hallway stops me from going any further. It could be coming from either the bathroom or the bedroom, I’m not sure which. But as the entire bus begins to rock and the sounds increase in volume, I shove in my headphones and shoot a quick text to Brian before getting my ass outside as fast as I can. Sex is completely natural, more so between couples, but it’s not something I want to listen in on. I guess I should count myself lucky up until now they’ve kept it behind closed doors, considering the lack of privacy and number of couples on board.
Sean smiles as I step outside. “Ready?”
“Yeah.” I stretch my arms over my head, then hold the bus with one while I grab my ankle and stretch out my quad. I glance at Austin, whose gaze drinks me up as if I’m more satisfying than a glass of water. I clear my throat and force a casual smile. “You wanna join us?”
“No.” He chuckles and shakes his head. “I’m good with keeping my dignity intact. I remember how fast you were in high school. I don’t need to embarrass myself today.”
“Suit yourself. But you may want to find some earplugs.” I scrunch up my face, and when he gives me a curious glance, I explain, “When the bus is a rocking, don’t come knocking.”
Realization dawns on his face and it only makes me laugh.
Sean joins in too, his chuckle low and deep. “Told you there were benefits to exercise!”
“Fuck! Are you serious?” Austin scrubs his hand over his face but shrugs in defeat. “Still doesn’t make me want to take up running. Headphones it is. Thank God for whoever invented noise canceling.”
“Like you’re one to talk!” Sean chuckles while bringing his knee up for a stretch. “I can’t even count the number of times you’ve subjected us to a loud fuck. You always pick the screamers, too!”
I clear my throat and avoid Austin’s stare. I don’t want the specifics. I don’t want to hear about any of the women he’s been with. The impulsive need to hurt them, and him, flares in a jealous anger I can’t explain. Thankfully, Brian’s form emerges from the roadies’ bus across the lot.
“Enough tea time, let’s hit the pavement,” I say.
“Yes, ma’am.” Sean follows my lead with his long strides toward the end of the lot. He points up the street and jogs in place once we’re out on the sidewalk. “I mapped out a five-mile route, but if you want to shorten it we can just double back.”
“Five miles is good.”
The burn of my muscles as they stretch and move with purpose is exactly what I need. My mind zeros in on my surroundings and I find an easy rhythm with my strides. Sean doesn’t attempt to make conversation and I’m comfortable with that. There aren’t a ton of people out at this hour what with it being a business district and if there were, I doubt anyone would recognize Sean as the famous bassist he is.
It isn’t until the end of our route with the stadium back in sight that Sean clears his throat and catches my gaze with a tap to his ear. “So, you and Austin?”
I pull the headphones from my ears and shove them into my pocket, still keeping pace. “We’re just old friends.”
His brows rise. “You guys never dated?”
“No.” We never had the chance. But I’m not about to fill in the blanks or leak details about the few times we crossed friendship boundaries. That was a long time ago and we were curious, horny teens. Austin got me, and I understood things about him because we were neighbors.
“That’s surprising.”
I don’t ask why. I don’t want to hear the answer. I don’t want to hear about Austin’s sexual prowess, not when that version of him is nothing like the young man I remember.
“He’s different with you.”
I lift my stare from the pavement to catch Sean’s gaze. “Yeah?” His comment catches me off guard, and as much as I shouldn’t pry, I suddenly want to know more.
“Yeah, he cares about you.” Sean trains his gaze on the road, slowing for a stop light.
I stand at his left and press the button, waiting for the crosswalk signal to light up, trying my best to not read more than he intends into his comment.
Sean grins as if he can sense my train of thought. “We’re all glad you’re here, but it was Austin who pushed for you. I know he’s a lot, but he’s a good guy.” He wipes his brow with the sleeve of his shirt. “Especially when it comes to the stuff that counts.”
I nod, pondering how true that must be. “I read the reports, about your girlfriend’s ex.”
Sean’s eyes seek mine. “Yeah, like I said. His heart is in the right place. Most of the time anyway.”
“Good to know.”
The light changes and we resume our run. Sean doesn’t speak again and I don’t ask questions. What little he said is enough to process for now.
Did Austin put Sean up to this? I doubt it.
And yes, his words stir up feelings I’ve been fighting back ever since the meet and greet in LA. Is Austin interested in a relationship? Could I even handle one? I didn’t take this job for more than a paycheck. Hell, I was pretty much cornered into accepting.
But somehow this assignment has become more than protecting fans and a group of rock stars. It’s an opportunity to set things right. Make up for lost time. Unearth old feelings, and yeah, maybe start something new. Maybe.
17
Austin
I can’t believe how smoothly this tour is going. I knew Jayla would kick ass directing security, but she makes it look effortless. She’s everywhere. All the time. And never once does she look tired. The guys love her. Opal and Lexi, too. And I know when Jess flies up for tomorrow’s show, she’ll love her, too.
On tour, it’s always been the show that gives me my next high. Performing on stage and being adored is addictive. But now I find myself more excited for the next video Jayla and I make. Because having permission to touch her, even if it results in her hurting me, has become the highlight of my day. I realize how lame that is.
We’re not even two weeks on the road and every day my feelings for her expand. With anyone else that’d be enough to send me running, but with Jayla it does the exact opposite. I’m acutely aware of her, and still, it’s not enough. The friendship we shared during our teens is being repaired one conversation, joke, and interaction at a time, but the attraction I feel toward her grows by leaps and bounds.
I’m not only lusting, I’m crushing hard. Even with the good and likely possibility that’ll come back to bite me in the ass, I don’t want to fight it. I like Jayla Miller. I want her. In my bed. My life. Anywhere she’ll have me.
Hell. If she asked me right now to escort her to the DMV, I would jump at the opportunity. God, I’m pathetic.
“You’ve got a good hold on those nuts.”
“
Huh?” I glance up at Opal, and find her eyes twinkling with laughter.
She points at the pistachios I’m fondling. “I don’t think they’re made for that.”
“I wanted a snack,” I mutter lamely, and shove the nuts into my mouth so I won’t embarrass myself further at being caught in my own daydream. One of many that stars Jayla, of course.
“Yeah, I can see that.” She pats my back and laughs. “Don’t go far, we have that call with Vince in five.”
I nod and lean back into the leather couch, not looking forward to hearing what the executive wants. He’s probably pissed that we didn’t wear the corporate sponsor’s T-shirts on our radio interviews this afternoon. With sound checks done and Trent off to hair and makeup, I’m content to relax in the green room until it’s our turn to take the stage.
“How’s my baby girl doing?” I reach over and place my hand on Opal’s belly when she joins me on the couch.
“It could be a boy.” She raises her brows. “You know we’re waiting to find out.”
“I was talking about you.” I tap her nose, frowning as I notice the dark circles under her eyes. I hope she’s getting enough rest.
“Dude, I’m right here,” Leighton calls from the craft table. “She’s my girl. Get your own.”
Working on it. I almost grumble the words aloud, but thank fuck they don’t leave my mouth. After all the shit I’ve dished, there’s no way my band would let me live it down if they knew how hard I was crushing on Jayla. I’m surprised they don’t give me crap as it is. “But you’re not working too hard? Getting enough sleep on the bus?”
“I’m good. Promise.” Her lips pull wide with a soft grin. It fades as soon as Casey steps in the room.
Phone in hand, his voice raises to an all-time suck-up level. I know instantly he’s talking to Vince. “Just give me a few seconds here, Vince. The guys are stoked to chat with you.”
Sean takes the chair to my right, raising his brow as he whispers, “Stoked?”
I bite my lip to contain a snicker.
“I’m putting you on speaker, Vince. The guys are all here except Trent. Opal’s here, too.”
“Where the hell is Trent?” Vince barks from the device Casey holds out.
Before he can answer, the green room’s door opens and in walks Lexi, Trent, and Jayla.
“That’s my mistake. Gang’s all here, boss.” Casey manically waves them over.
“Hey, Vince,” Trent pulls up a chair to join the rest of us. “To what do we owe the pleasure of this call?”
“Can’t I just check up on my favorite band?” Vince goes for a joke, but it’s hard to contain the eye rolls. We know we’re a pain in his ass, even with as much money as we bring WMI.
“Well, we’re just fabulous. So, I’m guessing that’s not the only reason you want to chat.”
“Yeah.” Vince clears his throat. “Austin, there’s something we need to discuss.”
Everyone’s eyes dart to me, and I race through the possible reasons he’d want to speak to me. An update on the lawsuit from Coy, maybe? But that’d likely be a call from our lawyers. I’ve been on my best behavior since we left LA. “Don’t leave me in suspense,” I joke when he doesn’t continue.
The sound of papers shuffling from his end fills the silence. “Casey, can you bring Jayla Miller on the call with us as well?”
I glance up from the cell to where Jay stands a few feet away. She clearly heard him and her eyebrows lift as her gaze meets mine. I shrug, having no clue what he wants.
“I’m here. How are you, Vince?” she asks.
“Honestly, I’ve been better.”
She rolls her eyes at his response and I bite my lip to hold back my amusement.
“We’ve been following these little videos you’ve been making.” He tisks and his disapproval is clear. “Not good.”
“You mean my YouTube channel?” I hold back the sarcasm in my tone, just barely.
“Our self-defense tutorials? What about them?” Jayla quickly amends.
“I’d hardly call them that. Each one ends with Austin on the ground.”
“And that’s a problem?” The playful smile on her lips does something to my insides. Why is she so damn beautiful?
“Well, yes.” Vince’s tone is hard. “You see, people don’t pay hundreds of dollars for a concert ticket to be inundated with your feminist agenda. They want a night of entertainment.”
What the hell? I glance at the guys and they all looked as bowled over as I feel.
“I don’t know, Vince.” Sean chuckles. “The videos are entertaining as fuck if you ask me.”
I nod and smile, thankful for his attempt to lighten the tension.
“We need you to stop,” Vince says.
“Stop?” I laugh, but when he doesn’t continue I realize he’s not joking. “You’re serious?”
“Yeah. No more. I get that you don’t realize the ramifications, but 3UG has never been political. You don’t address issues. You play rock music. And Jayla isn’t here for the spotlight. She’s supposed to be keeping this tour safe. We’re not paying her to empower women. Or black people. Or whatever this is.”
“Wow,” Jayla says, her eyes wide and blinking. She looks about two seconds from telling him off.
I can’t have that, because then she’d get fired. “I’m sorry, Vince, and maybe I’m dumb. . . but how is the two of us demonstrating to others how to protect themselves a bad thing?”
“Come on, Austin. Tell me you watch the news. The ‘me too’ movement. All this ‘black lives matter’ stuff. Whatever you want to name it, we don’t want the band taking sides. It could impact ticket sales.” He clears his throat. “No more videos. Have I made myself clear?”
I open my mouth to argue, but it’s Jayla who answers first.
“Yes, sir,” she says.
“Fuck that.” I shove to my feet and reach for Casey’s phone, intending to take this asshat off speaker and tell him where he can shove his ticket sales. But I’m not quick enough.
Jayla grabs Casey’s cell out of reach, and brings the speaker up to her mouth. “There won’t be any issues. Good-bye, Vince.” Her words are clipped, the tone professional. She doesn’t wait for a response before ending the call and handing the phone back to Casey.
“What the hell?” I hold my hands out and stare.
“Austin, it’s fine.” She crosses her arms over her chest.
“It’s not. Not even a little. And guys like Vince don’t get to make these decisions. That’s my YouTube channel. I’m not taking the videos down. They can tell me where to play and what to record, but they don’t control the content of my personal media accounts.”
Casey raises his hand. “Actually, they do.”
“Fuck off, Lipshitz.” I glare until he looks away.
“Austin, it’s fine. Let it go.” Jayla shakes her head. “It’s not that big a deal. Not worth getting yourself or the band into hot water with your label.” She smiles tersely at the rest of the guys, not meeting my glare before turning her back and walking toward the door.
“But—” I step over Opal’s legs and jog to catch up with Jayla. She’s out the door before I can close the space. I glance back at the guys, but they’re already on to something else, laughing and joking as if our management isn’t the devil incarnate.
I swing open the door and find Jayla a few yards away in the open corridor. “Hey! Wait up.”
“What?” She spins, hand on her hip and expression annoyed.
“You’re going to pretend that didn’t happen. Act like you’re okay with being told what to do, even if it’s unjust?”
“Sometimes it’s not up to me to determine.” She shakes her head. “I have to follow orders, even when I don’t want to.”
I can’t believe she’s so quick to lie down for this. “That’s rich, coming from you.”
Her brow rises and she juts out her hip. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
I should take it back. Or apologiz
e, but I can’t believe she doesn’t care. Or that she’s so quick to give up making these videos. Sure, we’ve only done a few, but I thought she enjoyed the time with me. I take a step closer and lower my voice. “It means I never pegged you for a spineless soldier.”
She rears back as if I’ve slapped her. “You know nothing about me. You think that was bad? You have no clue.” Her eyes narrow but I can’t help but notice how they also fill with unshed tears. I hate that there’s hurt there.
“Enlighten me,” I all but demand.
“No, thanks.” She straightens her spine and steps forward to leave.
I block her path. “Don’t. Don’t push me away.” I grip her shoulders and stoop so she can’t avoid my gaze. There’s no one in the hallway but us and a few hired security guards, yet I whisper my next words so they’re only for her. “Don’t force me away and carry it all.”
“You’ll regret it.” Her words lack conviction, and even her shoulders slump under an invisible weight.
“Lay it on me.” Trust me.
“You want to know what it’s like to be a black woman on the force? You want to know how many names I’ve been called, or how many people have tried to humiliate me? Why I left?” She lifts her chin with challenge and there’s venom in her words, as if she thinks that’ll scare me away.
“I do. I want to know. I want everything you’re willing to give me.” I want the opportunity to prove I won’t run.
She pauses to scrutinize the truth in my eyes. At long last there’s a shift in her expression and I know she sees me, the Austin she always knew.
“The worst were the supervisors,” she says. “The co-workers. The people who were supposed to be on my side.” She swipes a tear from beneath her lashes before there’s a chance for it to fall. Her body radiates strength, but her voice shakes. “That’s why I quit. It wasn’t the shitty low-lives I arrested, or served to protect, it was the men I worked with. The ones who were supposed to have my back.”
“I’m sorry.” And I am.
“I don’t want your sympathy. But you wanted to know. Now you do.” She takes a step back and crosses her arms over her chest. She’s done. Closing off. But I don’t want our conversation to end.
