by Wolf, Alex
I shake my head. “So, you can apologize to my mom, but you couldn’t apologize to me all those years ago, or any year since? Why? Because she doesn’t talk back? There’s no accountability there?”
He stares up at the sky and huffs out a breath, then looks down at me. “I wanted to talk, remember? You said no.”
“Two days ago, Donavan. And I didn’t want to have drinks with you, I wanted an answer right then. It’s been seven years. And if I hadn’t shown back up to work at your firm, I’d still be waiting on an explanation that was never coming.”
He shakes his head and turns and walks a few steps away. At the last second, he turns back. “Well, I still tried. You happy now? I offered on the rooftop.” He sweeps his arm out. “You walked away. You don’t have to forgive me, but I’m still trying. Still!” He turns and walks off.
I glance back at Dad and he looks like he wants to chase after Donavan and have words with him. I shake my head.
This whole situation is so damn complicated. It would be so much easier if I could just hate Donavan. I glance over at Mom’s headstone. She wouldn’t want me to hate him. She’d tell me to forgive him. She loved him. He was part of our family.
She had so much grace like that. You could treat her like shit, and she’d forgive you the next day, no matter what you did. I spy Dad in my peripheral vision.
Unfortunately, Dad and I hold grudges better than anyone in history.
I love being back home with my family, but I really need to get my grandparents settled in, stick around for a while to make sure everything is good with them, then get back to New York as soon as I can.
Donavan being like this is changing everything, and it’s going to consume me from within.
Donavan
It’s been a long-ass week since the incident at the cemetery.
Can’t believe I let that happen. I looked everywhere and didn’t see a damn thing until Pais snuck up on me. At least I’ve been busy as hell. I was in court every day this week and didn’t step a foot in the office.
The one thing eating at me is that Pais deserves an explanation, but I just don’t know how I can tell her. It’s been so damn long and it’s so stupid, so petty and anticlimactic. I was young and an idiot and fucked up, and I just…
She’s going to hate me even more than she already does when I say it, and I don’t want that. I really don’t. Something about when she’s around, it brings back wounds, but it brings back a lot of good too. Things I haven’t felt in years. Once I tell her, that will disappear, and I’ll be right back to where I was before she showed up.
I’m supposed to meet up with Penn at The Gage, but I’m about ten minutes early. As soon as I walk in, I see Dexter and Abigail at the bar talking to Jimmy.
Perfect, I won’t look like a loser drinking alone until he gets here.
Plus, Abigail is cool and I’m probably closer to Dex than any of my other brothers. I mean, we’re all close. I love them, they just…yeah. Decker and I never see eye-to-eye on anything. I thought this whole managing partner role finally meant some respect, some recognition for my hard work. It was stupid. I shouldn’t have fallen for it, but I did.
No matter what I do they always want more, and I realize now Decker did it just to resolve his own problems. It was the easy way out for him to get us back on good terms so he could marry Tate and get Dad off his ass. He still has all the authority and makes all the decisions. I’m never on any conference calls with Weston Hunter. Not that I’d be nice to him, but fuck. Managing partner. That means top level, overall. Yet, it’s nothing more than a different title on my office door. Nothing has changed, really, other than some extra administrative paperwork Decker didn’t want to deal with.
I walk over to Dexter and Abigail. Abigail says, “Hi,” and gives me a friendly wave.
“Hey, Abs.”
Dexter looks like a deer in headlights.
“The fuck is wrong with you?”
He stands up. “You need to get the hell out of here.”
Abigail turns to Dexter. “Why?”
“Shit, I didn’t tell you what happened last week, did I?”
My eyes widen. “What the hell are you talking about?” I come here all the time. What’s the damn problem?
“Too late.” Dexter’s eyes dart to the door.
I slowly turn, to see what he’s looking at, and yeah, it’s not good. I should’ve listened.
Harlow walks through the door, takes one look at me, and folds her arms over her chest. Her nostrils flare, and those frigid blue eyes of hers lock onto mine.
I look down and sigh. “Ahh fuck.”
“Yeah, go take it like a man, asshole.” Dexter looks away.
“What the hell did you do to Harlow?” asks Abigail.
I ignore her question because I’m sure she’ll find out soon enough. I’m surprised she hasn’t heard already, the way all the paralegals gossip around the office.
Harlow stands there, staring. It’s like a scene from a spaghetti western film. The guy from out of town walks into the saloon and glares while the ominous music plays.
Dex appears behind me and claps a hand on my shoulder. “She’s gonna kick your ass. You knew this day was coming. Might as well get it over with.”
I saunter over there and it’s the longest walk of my life. It’s my own fault, not because of what I did, but the reason I’m about to have my ass beat. My brothers and I turned her into this. She probably would’ve grown up to be a really sweet girl if she hadn’t had us around to corrupt her. But hey, no sane man would ever start shit with her, so there’s a silver lining.
As soon as I’m about three feet away, she says the two words I knew were coming.
“Fuck. You.”
I wince as she says the words right in my face. She doesn’t flinch when she says them. Doesn’t blink. Her jaw is set, and her hands are balled up into fists.
I hold both hands up, palms out. “Harlow, come on.” I gesture over to the side where nobody is around. “Can we, you know?”
She doesn’t respond, which I take as a yes. So, I walk gingerly over that way.
Reluctantly, I glance back, and she follows, keeping her distance. I can practically hear her breathing through her nose, forcing air in and out of her lungs.
Once she’s in front of me again, I say, “Look, about the other day.”
“When you were a fucking asshole and tried to sabotage my meeting?”
I nod, lightly. “Yes, that is the day to which I am referring.”
“Do you have any idea how important that was to me?”
“I may have realized afterward, and my behavior had nothing…”
She finally just lets loose. “Why would you not want me to work with Dexter? What the fuck do you have against me? And measure your words carefully or I will put these pointy-toe shoes right through your fucking dick.”
Jesus Christ.
I wince a little. “Can we refrain from the dick kicking please? He has a lot of good years left in him down there.”
She points a finger in my face. “Don’t make jokes right now. It’s not fucking funny, asshole. You can’t buy your way out of this shit with a cheap laugh, you little cocksucker.”
I swear to God she could make a sailor blush. I start to say something else and she cuts me off.
“I looked up to you. You know that, right? You and your brothers were my heroes growing up. My best friends. You took me everywhere when you didn’t have to, even though I was like a baby sister trying to tag along. All four of you protected me and glared at anyone who looked in my direction. So I just don’t fucking get it. Why would you do that to me? If I was normal, I would’ve cried my eyes out.”
I want to hug her so bad, but I don’t, because she might kill me. She might break my neck or stomp on my balls.
I finally just give her the sincerest look I can muster and stare straight in her eyes. “It had nothing to do with you and I’m sorry, Harlow. I really am.”
Her ey
es widen and she looks like she’s in a daze.
I keep going, unable to stop my train of thought. “It was a shitty thing to do and you didn’t deserve it, I promise it had…”
She slams into me and wraps her arms around me so tight I can barely breathe. It almost knocks us to the ground, but I manage to keep us upright and her head presses up against my chest.
What the hell is happening right now? Is she tackling me or hugging me? No, if she were tackling me, I’d be on the ground for sure.
“You okay?” I pat her on the back a couple times.
She doesn’t loosen her grip and doesn’t say anything.
Finally, I say, “Jesus, what’s your deal? I mean, I’ll take it, but…”
She leans back, grinning. “I’ve never seen you apologize. Not once, for anything.”
That can’t be true. I tilt my head slightly to the side. “What? I apologize sometimes.”
She laughs, shaking her head. “No, you really don’t, ever. You’re always right about everything.”
I lean down and give her another hug, unable to process the weight of what she just told me. “Well, I really am sorry. It was wrong, what I did. I’m not just saying that. And I really am happy you’re doing so well, like I knew you would. It makes me really proud.”
“Thank you. I’m glad I didn’t have to kick your ass.”
I laugh. “Me too. I was seriously worried when you walked through the door.” I glance over and Dexter and Abigail are both staring at us, wide-eyed.
“Good. Make them fear you, right? That’s what you always told me.”
“Indeed, but you take it to a whole new level.”
She laughs. “Are you going to come over and have a drink with us?”
I shake my head. “No, I need to get back to work for a bit. This was enough excitement for one night.”
I follow her over and Penn shows up. “Need to run to the office for something. I’ll holler at you tomorrow. That cool?”
“Blowing me off already?” Penn laughs and glances toward the door. “No prob. Some pussy just walked in, so I’ll be busy anyway.”
I glance over, and strangely, I have no desire to even stick around and talk to the girls with him. “See you guys at the office tomorrow.”
Penn wastes no time walking over to the three women. Dex, Abigail, and Harlow wave bye as I head out the door.
* * *
When I get to my floor, I head back to my office. I can’t even remember what I came here for now, it was just so awkward I had to get the hell out of there. Surely, I apologize when I fuck up. Don’t I?
No, you really don’t.
Well, it’s probably because I’m rarely wrong, but I did fuck up with Harlow. It was shitty. It’s just… Anytime Paisley is around I lose my fucking mind. Her and Decker in the same building with me is a recipe for disaster. It’s no excuse, but it is what it is.
Paisley.
Part of me wants her to just go back to New York and get the hell out of my life, and another part of me never wants her out of my sight. All these old feelings I thought I’d suppressed are bubbling back up, fast, and it’s agony.
I need to get some air and think through a few cases, so I head up to the rooftop. It’s the perfect place to ponder shit and form strategies when the city is all lit up. I love going up there at night when nobody else is around.
I take the stairs two at a time and push through the door… Fuck.
Really? Really universe?
What the hell is she doing here?
Paisley stands there, leaned over the guard rail, and she looks incredible. The pale moonlight highlights her high cheek bones and perfect bone structure. Her hair is down, flowing over her shoulders and she’s still in her work dress. It’s red with a zipper up the side, with matching red pumps.
Thoughts of yanking her dress up over her ass and bending her over the rail fill my mind, and I have to think about something else because the urge is so damn strong. Every memory of us crashes into my brain. The walks, the kissing, the holding hands through the streets of Manhattan and talking about how we’d run the world one day. Her talking about babies and how we’d get engaged and have a huge wedding. That was all she ever wanted, to have my kids and be my wife, when the time was right. She wanted to take care of our family. She wanted it more than being an attorney.
I turn around to leave.
At the same time, she looks back at me and mumbles, “Fuck.”
Damn it.
I walk over there. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I’m hard-headed and this is my firm and I’ll walk wherever I want. Maybe it’s because I still love her and I don’t want her out of my sight, even though I can barely stomach being around her.
The second I get over there, she starts right past me, like I don’t even exist.
Before I know what I’m doing, I reach out and grab her arm.
She stares down at my hand then back up at me. “Let go.” Her words come through her teeth.
“No.” Who the fuck am I right now? It’s like I have no control over my body or my words.
Her eyes widen. “I said let go of my fucking arm, Donavan.”
I just stare at her, lost in those light blue eyes, even if they’re glaring right at me. She yanks with her elbow, but I don’t let go.
Her face heats up. She goes to say something, and I pull her into me and slam my mouth down on hers. She fights against it for a moment, but I shove my tongue against her mouth and her entire body relaxes in my arms. Her lips are reluctant for a split-second, but then they part and it’s like we’re back at Columbia all over again.
I put both palms on her face and her arms hook around my neck and our tongues roll and dance, there in the moonlight, with skyscrapers jutting up all around us. The kiss intensifies and my hands slide to her ass and I dig my fingers in. Fuck me, I’ve missed Paisley Williams so damn much. She was always the only woman for me.
I suck down her neck and my cock grows rock-hard up against her stomach. No matter how hard I kiss her, no matter how hard I feel her pressed against me, I want more. I want to be closer, fused together, until we’re one person.
She grinds back against me, rolling her hips, trying to push into me as hard as I’m pushing into her.
I lean back and stare at her for a brief second, how innocent she looks, and I shake my head. “Fuck.” Our lips meet again, and she mumbles something, but I can’t make it out.
I pull her skirt up to her waist and knead her bare ass with my hands as I push her up against the railing. Her hands go to my belt and start unbuckling.
Suddenly, I hear the door shove open and a light comes on over on the side of the building.
“Shit!” I yank her dress back down and she shimmies it the rest of the way while I buckle my belt.
The regular security officer comes out, pulling a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. He looks up and it looks like he’s just seen a ghost. “Oh, man, uhh, sorry, Mr. Collins.”
Part of me wants to tear into him, but Paisley is standing right next to me and she’d lose her shit. I bite back everything I want to yell.
Before I can say anything else, Paisley is already on her way toward him. “It’s okay.” She doesn’t turn back to look at me at all. “Perfect timing. You can walk me to my car.”
“Umm, okay, Ms. Williams.” He looks at me and shrugs like I’m sorry.
I stand there, out of breath from the kiss, face probably smeared with lipstick, watching Paisley walk away from me. She’s the queen of mixed signals right now. I should be glad. I shouldn’t have done that; kissed her. She just felt so fucking good, and now I feel like I’m lighter than air. Things are too complicated though. It’ll never be how it was, especially after everything I’ve put her through.
She may still be attracted to me, but inside, I know she hates my guts, like most people.
I don’t expect her to even turn around and look at me, but the security guard goes through the door first, and after he d
oes, just before she goes through, she turns back and glances at me.
I flash her a smirk, because that’s just who I am.
I don’t see it, but I hear her huff out a loud, audible sigh before the door closes.
She may be pissed off and hurt, but I know that look on her face. I felt it in her body, the way she kissed me back, the way she grinded up against my cock.
She still wants me. She can’t help herself. It was meant to be, and despite all the bullshit, no matter how big of an asshole I was, you can’t fuck with fate when it has plans for you.
I shake my head. No, I’m not giving up on this.
I thought it was over, but it’s not. Seven years later… Paisley Williams is still mine.
Paisley
Ugh! That smug bastard!
I shoot Dad a text that I’m going for a run and not to wait up for me. It’s been at least ten years since I went for a jog along Lake Michigan, but it’s spring, the weather is warm enough, and I have to burn off all this Donavan Collins frustration before it eats me alive.
I start off slow, finding my pace.
That kiss.
Double ugh!
How the hell does he do that? Make me forget everything for a moment so he can get what he wants? I should’ve decked him, grabbing me like that, with his big, strong hands, and rough fingers digging into my arm.
Why the hell does him doing that turn my legs to Jell-O?
The kiss was amazing. I wanted to float off into the clouds and it brought all the good times back to the forefront of my mind. How can I hate and love someone so much at the same time? He’s so confusing.
I pass by a couple jogging the other way and stare out at the lake. It’s so big and ominous with the moon sitting right above, it’s light sparkling across the horizon.
He didn’t come to my mother’s funeral. Didn’t say anything to my family after graduation and she died a week later. Just disappeared. Who does that? We were like the family he never had. We would come home and him and my mom would hang out. I wouldn’t even have to be there. When the cancer diagnosis came in, I thought my dad was going to fall apart. Donavan was the glue that held my whole family together, through all of it, all the tough times, and then he just ghosted.
