by Lisa Kleypas
There was always the option of waiting for Edward to return, but she didn’t want to do that, especially since he believed she shouldn’t be bothering with accounting in the first place. And in light of the way she’d commandeered the estate ledgers and brought them home herself, Edward would probably be just a bit smug, and one could hardly blame him.
This would be a convenient excuse to send for West.
Holding an account ledger in her lap, Phoebe leaned back against the carriage seat and felt a pang of yearning so sharp, it hurt to breathe.
She wasn’t at all certain West would come, but if he did . . .
How strange it would be to have him at Clare Manor: a collision of worlds, West Ravenel in Henry’s house. It was scandalous for an unmarried man to stay in the home of a young widow, with no chaperone in sight. Edward would be appalled when he found out. Georgiana would have apoplexy on the spot.
Thinking back to that last morning with West, Phoebe recalled him saying something to the effect that he had nothing to offer except a relationship that would insult and lower her.
Love affairs were common among the upper class, who usually married for reasons of family interests and connections and sought personal fulfillment outside of wedlock. Phoebe had never imagined herself doing such a thing or having needs that might outweigh the risk of scandal. But neither she nor West were married; no vows would be broken. No one would be harmed . . . would they?
A shock went through her as she realized she was actually considering it. Oh, God, she was turning into a cliché—the love-starved widow seeking company for her empty bed. A particular figure of mockery, since women were supposed to be above the kind of base physical desire that was considered far more natural and explicable in men. She herself had liked to think so, until West had proved otherwise.
She wished she could talk to Merritt.
She tried to imagine how such a conversation might go:
“Merritt, I’m thinking about having affair with West Ravenel. I know it’s wrong . . . but how wrong?”
“Don’t ask me,” Merritt would probably say, her eyes laughing. “As a moral relativist, I’m thoroughly unqualified to judge your decisions.”
“A fine help you are,” Phoebe would retort. “I want someone to give me permission.”
“No one can do that but you, dear.”
“What if it turns out to be a mistake?”
“Then I suspect you’ll have had a delightful time making it.”
After the carriage had stopped at the front portico of Clare Manor, the footmen carried the stacks of account ledgers to the study. They placed the volumes on the empty bookshelves while Phoebe seated herself at the old oak desk. She smoothed a sheet of writing paper onto the desk’s green leather inset, reached for a slim lacquered pen holder, and inserted a nib.
“Milady,” said one of the footmen, “the books have been put away.”
“Thank you, Oliver. You’re free to go now. Arnold, if you’ll wait a moment, I have another errand for you.”
The younger footman, always eager to prove himself, brightened at the request. “Yes, milady.” He waited at a respectful distance while she wrote a few lines.
Post Office Telegram
Mr. Weston Ravenel
Eversby Priory Hampshire
Knee deep in quicksand. Need rope.
Would you possibly have time to visit Essex?
—P. C.
After folding the paper and tucking it into an envelope, Phoebe turned in her chair. “Take this to the telegraph desk at the post office and make certain they dispatch it before you leave.” She began to extend it to him, then hesitated as a tremor of mingled fear and craving ran through her.
“Milady?” Arnold asked softly.
Phoebe shook her head with a rueful smile and held out the envelope decisively. “Take it quickly, please, before I lose my nerve.”
Chapter 22
“Mama,” Justin said the next morning, pausing in the middle of licking the drizzle of white icing on top of his breakfast bun, “Nanny said I’m going to have a governess.”
“Yes, darling, I plan to start looking for one soon. Please eat the entire bun and not just the icing.”
“I like to eat the icing first.” As Justin saw the objection on her face, he pointed out reasonably, “It’s all going to end up in my tummy, Mama.”
“I supposed so, but still . . .” her voice trailed away as she saw that Stephen had emptied his bowl of applesauce onto the tray of his high chair and was circling his hand through the puddle.
Looking very pleased with himself, the toddler squeezed applesauce through his fingers and licked at it. “Yummy apples,” he told her.
“Oh, dear—Stephen, wait—” She used the napkin from her lap to mop at the mess, and called out to the footman who stood beside the sideboard. “Arnold, fetch the nursemaid. We need reinforcements.”
The young footman dashed away immediately.
“You were doing so well with the spoon,” Phoebe told Stephen, catching his little wrist and wiping his dripping hand. “I rather wish you’d stayed with that method.”
“Ivo didn’t have a governess,” Justin said.
“That was because Granny had time to help with his manners and all the other things a governess teaches.”
“I already know all the manners,” Justin said indignantly.
“Justin—” Phoebe broke off as Stephen smacked his free hand into the applesauce, sending splatters everywhere. “Goodness gracious!”
“It’s in his hair now,” Justin said, looking at his younger brother in the manner of a scientist observing a failed experiment.
The nursemaid, a wiry and energetic girl named Verity, charged into the room with a stack of nursery flannels. “Master Stephen,” she scolded softly, “did you overturn your pudding again?”
“Applesauce this time,” Phoebe said.
The toddler held up his empty bowl with a pair of sticky, glistening hands. “All gone,” he told Verity brightly.
A snort of amusement escaped the nursemaid as she unlatched the tray from the chair. She shook her head as Phoebe reached out to help. “Stand back, if you please, milady—we can’t have applesauce splashing on your dress.”
Justin tugged at Phoebe’s sleeve. “Mama, if I must have a governess, I want a pretty one.”
Another snort from the nursemaid. “They start early, don’t they?” she remarked in an aside.
“In my family, they do,” Phoebe replied ruefully.
The applesauce was mopped up by the time the butler, Hodgson, brought the morning mail on a silver tray. It was far, far too soon to expect a reply from West—the telegram had been dispatched yesterday morning, for heaven’s sake. Still, Phoebe’s pulse turned brisk as she rifled through the stack.
She’d had more than a few second thoughts about having sent the telegram. If only she hadn’t been so impulsive—she should have written a dignified letter. For her to have wired a message to West had probably appeared desperate, or worse, self-important. It was only that she had wanted him to come before Edward returned.
The more she thought about it, the more certain she was that he wouldn’t. West must be very busy, especially since—according to The Modern Handbook for Landed Proprietors—September was the month to harrow and fertilize the fields for the sowing of winter wheat. Furthermore, both Kathleen and Pandora had mentioned in correspondence that West had gone to London at least twice during the summer in search of companionship and amusement. One of those visits had been to see Pandora after she’d undergone surgery for a shoulder injury. The operation had been performed by the only licensed female doctor in England, a charismatic woman whom the Ravenel family seemed to like excessively. “My sister Helen is determined to introduce Dr. Gibson to Cousin West,” Pandora had written, “but I don’t think it a likely match, since Dr. Gibson loves the city and hates cows.”
But it was possible they had eventually been introduced and had been attracted to e
ach other. Dr. Gibson may have decided that being wooed by a handsome specimen like West Ravenel was worth enduring the proximity of a few cows.
Phoebe forced her mind to turn to the plans for the day. First, she would go to the local bookshop and order manuals on accounting. She would also ask Mr. Patch to go over the crop book with her, and hopefully it wouldn’t overtax him to explain some of it to her.
“Milady,” came the footman’s voice, and Phoebe glanced over her shoulder.
“Yes, Arnold?”
“A hired carriage from the station yard has just stopped on the front drive. Hodgson is speaking to a man at the door. He looks to be a gentleman.”
Phoebe registered the information with a quick double blink and turned toward him. From the station yard? She couldn’t think of anyone who would visit her by railway, except . . .
“Is he old or young?” she asked, distantly amazed at how calm she sounded.
Arnold had to lend the question serious thought. “Young to middlish, milady.”
“Tall or short?”
“A big strapper.” At her riveted expression, Arnold added helpfully, “With a beard.”
“A beard?” Phoebe repeated, perplexed. “I’ll go see who it is.” She rose to her feet, feeling weak kneed and loose jointed, like a marionette puppet held up by wires. As she straightened the skirts of her dress, a pale green poplin print, she discovered a few spots of applesauce on the bodice. Impatiently she dampened a napkin and dabbed at the stains. Hopefully they would be concealed by the pattern of tiny white and amber flowers.
By the time she reached the entrance hall, she was shaky with anticipation. Oh, let it be him, let it be West . . . but perversely, she was afraid to see him. What if the attraction was no longer there, and they turned out to be polite and awkward with each other? What if he’d only come out of a sense of honor, and not because he’d truly wanted to? What if—
The visitor stood at the threshold, tall and lean, his posture relaxed as he stood in the open doorway with a black leather Gladstone bag in hand. The sunlight was at his back, casting his face in shadow, but his silhouette, with those powerful shoulders filling up the door frame, was instantly recognizable. He was bigger than life, and outrageously masculine with a sunburnt glow and several day’s heavy beard growth darkening his jaw.
The force of Phoebe’s heartbeat resounded through her body as she drew closer.
West focused on her with a disarming stare, a slow smile curving his lips. “I hope you weren’t asking for literal rope,” he said casually, as if they were in the middle of a conversation.
“I didn’t expect . . . you . . . you came in just one day!” Phoebe stopped with an unsteady laugh as she heard how breathless she was. “I was waiting for your reply.”
“This is my reply,” West said simply, setting down the Gladstone bag.
Delight filled her until the sheer weight of the feeling almost set her off balance. She gave him her hand. He engulfed it in both of his, his grip warm and invigorating, and brought it to his lips.
For a moment Phoebe couldn’t move or breathe. His nearness was too overwhelming. She felt lightheaded, almost euphoric.
“How are you?” West asked quietly, retaining her hand longer than he should have.
“I’m well,” Phoebe managed to say, “and so are the boys. But I think the estate is in trouble—I know it is—and I need help assessing how bad it is.”
“We’ll sort it out,” he said with calm assurance.
“Is that your only luggage?”
“No, there’s a trunk on the carriage.”
Better and better . . . he had brought enough to stay more than a day or two. Trying to appear composed, Phoebe told the butler, “Hodgson, we’ll need Mr. Ravenel’s trunk brought to the guest cottage in back. Tell Mrs. Gurney to air out the rooms and make them ready.”
“Yes, milady.”
As the butler went to the bellpull, Phoebe turned her attention back to West. “You’ve caught me unprepared,” she said apologetically.
“I could go,” West offered, “and come back later.”
Phoebe smiled up at him radiantly. “You’re not going anywhere.” Unable to resist, she reached up to his beard-roughened jaw. The new growth was thick and scratchy soft, like a blend of cut velvet and wool. “Why did you grow a beard?”
“It wasn’t intentional,” he said. “I had no time to shave during the last two weeks of haymaking. It took every man on the estate to help thatch the hayricks fast enough to keep pace with the harvest.”
“All this after only a fortnight,” she commented, still admiring the luxuriant beard. Poor Edward would have been incensed at the sight of it.
West shrugged modestly. “We each have a special talent. Some people can sing opera or learn foreign languages. I grow hair.”
“It makes you look dashing,” Phoebe said, “but a bit villainous.”
The lines at the outer corners of his eyes deepened with amusement. “If the hero hasn’t turned up, you may have to settle for the villain.”
“If the villain’s the one who turns up, he is the hero.”
West laughed huskily, his teeth white against the inky darkness of the beard. “Whatever you choose to call me, I’m at your disposal.”
He looked tremendously fit, but she noticed he was leaner than before, his well-tailored clothes draping a bit too loosely over the hard lines of his body.
“There’s still breakfast on the sideboard,” Phoebe said softly. “Are you hungry?”
“I’m always hungry.”
“I should warn you in advance that Justin has licked the icing from all the breakfast buns, and there was a recent accident involving Stephen and a dish of applesauce.”
“I’ll take my chances,” West said, picking up the Gladstone bag.
Phoebe led him toward the breakfast room, still finding it difficult to believe he was there with her. “Is everyone at Eversby Priory cross with me for stealing you away?” she asked.
“They’re collectively weeping with gratitude. They could hardly wait to be rid of me.” At her questioning glance, West added, “I’ve been short-tempered of late. No, that’s not true—I’ve been a surly ass.”
“Why?”
“Too much time in Hampshire, and no women. The lack of temptation has been demoralizing.”
Phoebe tried to conceal how much that gratified her. Trying to sound offhand, she remarked, “I thought Lady Helen was going to introduce you to the lady doctor who treated Pandora’s shoulder.”
“Dr. Gibson? Yes, she’s a marvelous woman. As a matter of fact, she came to visit Eversby Priory this summer.”
All Phoebe’s pleasant feelings abruptly turned disagreeable. “Surely not without a chaperone.”
“Garrett Gibson doesn’t bother with chaperones,” West replied, his lips twitching as if at some private memory. “The usual rules don’t apply to her. She brought a patient, Mr. Ethan Ransom, who was injured and needed to recuperate in peace and quiet.”
Poisonous jealousy flooded Phoebe. The female doctor was an accomplished and unconventional woman—exactly the kind who would attract his interest. “You must have found her fascinating.”
“Anyone would.”
Averting her face to hide a scowl, Phoebe tried to sound nonchalant. “I suppose you became well acquainted during her visit?”
“More or less. Most of the time she was busy caring for Ransom. I stopped in London last night to see him. He’s asked me to be his best man at their wedding.”
“Their—oh. They’re going to marry?” To her chagrin, Phoebe couldn’t hide her relief.
She heard West’s low laugh as he caught her elbow and stopped her. The contents of the leather bag rattled as he dropped it to the floor.
“Jealous?” he asked softly, drawing her to an alcove at the side of the corridor.
“A little,” she admitted.
“What about Edward Larson? Aren’t you betrothed?”
“No.”
Phoebe frowned at the vulgar expression for courtship and marriage. “I’m not going to marry Edward. He’ll always be a dear friend, but I . . . don’t want him that way.”
West’s face was unreadable. “Have you told him?”
“Not yet. He’s traveling in Italy for at least a fortnight.”
To her dismay, West didn’t seem especially pleased by the revelation. “Phoebe . . . I’m not here to take advantage of you. All I want is to help with the estate, in any way I can.”
The words sent a little cold stab through her chest. Did he mean it? Was that all he wanted? Perhaps the feelings were all one-sided, just as she had feared. She forced herself to ask with difficulty, “The things you said to me that morning . . . is any of it still true?”
“Is any of it . . .” West repeated slowly, with a dumbfounded shake of his head. The question appeared to have set off a flare of impatience. Muttering beneath his breath, he paced away from her, swung around, and returned to her with heightened color and a scowl. “I’m haunted by you,” he said brusquely. “I can’t seem to stop looking for you everywhere I go. When I went to London, I tried to find a woman who could help me forget about you, even for one night. But no one has your eyes. No one interests me the way you do. I’ve cursed you a thousand times for what you’ve done to me. I’d rather be alone with a fantasy of you than have a flesh-and-blood woman in my arms.”
“You don’t have to settle for a fantasy,” Phoebe said impulsively. “Just because you don’t want forever with me doesn’t mean we can’t—”
“No.” West’s breathing roughened despite his effort to moderate it. He held up a staying hand as she parted her lips, and the slight tremor in his fingers electrified her. “If you have any misguided thoughts about taking me into your bed, you would find it a vastly mediocre experience. I’d be on you like a crazed rabbit, and half a minute later the whole thing would be over. I used to be a proficient lover, but now I’m a burnt-out libertine whose only remaining pleasure is breakfast food. Speaking of which—”
