by J. Daniels
I look at Beth after she speaks, and smile so big my cheeks hurt. “Yeah . . . I’m serious. I’m pregnant.” I grab Luke’s hand. “We’re pregnant. They think that’s why I fainted.”
Everyone stares at me, remaining stunned for a moment, and then it’s chaos. The best kind.
Our family rushes the bed.
There are hugs and tears, some laughter when Ben cracks a joke with Luke while they embrace, and they’re both so happy about this, I can’t stop looking at them. Nolan and Chase rouse awake from the commotion and hug me with sleep-heavy arms when they hear the news. Chase begins to snore against my neck when I keep hold of him. Mia cries on my shoulder, her hand gripping mine.
I hated this room five minutes ago. I was beginning to regret ever meeting Bri and everything that led to being here, and now I can’t imagine doing this any different.
Luke and I got to tell each other we were having a baby. And then we both were able to share that news with the most important people in our lives. Everyone together.
How can this life get any more perfect?
Two Days Later
MY ALARM WAKES me at 1:00 PM.
I silence my phone, then I roll back over and place my hand on Tessa’s stomach, where it’s stayed since we fell into bed nearly a day ago. We’re still catching up on our sleep.
Getting discharged in the early morning led to staying up for most of the following day. I couldn’t close my eyes no matter how tired I was. I couldn’t stop looking at Tessa’s stomach.
We laid together on the couch with her shirt pulled up and my hand on her, just like it is now.
I couldn’t believe it. I still can’t.
I move my thumb back and forth over her smooth skin.
Holy fuck, we did it. My kid is in there.
I’m not sure how long this will take to feel real. Tessa says not until she starts showing. It won’t really sink in until then. She’s in as much disbelief as I am about it, and we’re both still mourning the loss of Kai.
We’re happy, so fucking happy about Tessa’s pregnancy, but we both went to that hospital knowing we were leaving with our son, and now we’re home without him. It feels the same way it did in this house after Max died.
Kai was here, in every room already.
I drag my gaze off Tessa’s stomach and peer into her face.
She’s asleep on her back, her head turned on the pillow and her hand resting inches below mine. She won’t stop holding onto her belly either. Her lips are parted as she breathes slow and evenly out of her mouth. I remember how labored it was at the hospital, the clamminess of her skin, and how pale she looked. I remember the moment her eyes opened and found me. I can’t forget how she wept. I doubt I’ll ever forget it.
I don’t know which was worse: being told we no longer had a son or delivering that news again to Tessa.
I force myself to think about the hours that followed. I remember Ben ragging on me about knocking up his sister, the hugs from our family, and Tessa’s sweet face in my hands when I once again kicked everyone out of the room so I could be alone with her. I remember her telling me how lucky she is, me disputing that I’m the one who never had any of this coming to them, and the mini disagreement that followed, because it’s us and that’s who we fucking are.
We argue about everything. And we love harder than anyone.
I hear the doorbell ring and faint knocks in the distance, and I know it’s our family. Tessa’s parents and my dad all wanted to stop over yesterday to congratulate us in person, but I held them off. We hadn’t slept yet, and Tessa needed to rest.
She still needs it now, so I let her sleep while I drag myself out of bed.
I slip on a pair of basketball shorts and grab a T-shirt, pulling it on as I descend the stairs.
Someone knocks again, quickening my pace. I jog to the door before they ring the bell for a second time. I’m not sure Tessa would sleep through that.
“All right!” I call out, unlocking the deadbolt.
Bri is standing on the porch when I open the door.
My muscles go rigid, locking up and drawing my shoulders back. I’m shocked to see her. She’s the last person I’m expecting, right now or ever again.
“Hi,” she murmurs, fidgeting with the hospital bracelet on her wrist. “Um—”
My eyes drop to the infant carrier at her feet, and something sharp and severe pierces through the center of my chest. I glare at Bri. “What are you doing?” I bark. “You can’t be here right now. She can’t see you.”
“I-I’m sorry.” She blinks rapidly. “I’m so sorry. I’m not here to upset you guys.”
“What the fuck are you doin’ here?”
I force myself to keep looking at her and not at the carrier.
Jesus fucking Christ, what the fuck?
“I wanted to apologize for my mother . . . she just, she’s always like that. She thinks she can make my decisions for me and won’t stop trying to run my life. And she told me what happened to Tessa, and I just, I feel so terrible. Is she okay?”
I grit my teeth. “What do you think?”
Bri quickly wipes beneath her lashes with her fingertips.
Fuck, is she crying?
I’m not trying to hurt this girl’s feelings, but honestly? I don’t give a shit about her fucking feelings at this point.
I can’t deal with this. She changes her mind on us and what, expects to be welcomed inside with Kai?
No. Shit. Fuck, that’s not Kai. Don’t think of him as Kai.
“Look, you said what you needed to say. You gotta go. If Tessa wakes up and sees you, both of you . . .” My eyes strain to keep from lowering. I rub at my mouth. My hand fucking shakes. “You just need to leave, all right? I appreciate the apology, but straight up, I don’t wanna see you again. Don’t come back here.”
I step back to close the door.
“Wait, I—” Bri quickly searches through the bag hanging off her shoulder. “I’m . . . not keeping him. I still want to do this if you do. Look.” She clutches a large envelope and thrusts it at me. “Everything is signed. The, uh, dad . . . well, he’s not the dad, but you know what I mean, he signed it too. So, if you still want to do this, if you both still want him, he’s yours. He was always yours . . .” She bends down to pick up the carrier.
Holy fuck, is this happening?
“Wait.” I stay, stopping her. “You gotta explain this to Tessa . . . she needs to hear this. You have no idea what that shit did to her.”
I might sound crazy. Maybe I am. Too bad, I do not fucking care. Not even a minute ago, I needed Bri to leave. Now, I can’t let her go yet. Not until she tells Tessa exactly what she’s telling me.
Bri slowly straightens up and fidgets with the bracelet again. “O-Of course.”
“Just wait here, okay?”
“Okay.”
I leave the door open and carry the envelope over to the table in front of the couch, but before I go upstairs, I need to look. I don’t know why, but I need to see it.
I carefully pull the paperwork out and scan the document.
Nerves crawl up my throat, constricting it. And my heart, my fucking heart feels like it’s going to explode right out of my chest when I see those two signatures at the bottom and the space for ours.
“Fuck,” I whisper.
I gently slide the paperwork back inside the envelope, and then I’m practically sprinting up the stairs, skipping three steps at a time. My pulse is pounding when I enter the bedroom, and my fucking hands won’t stop trembling.
“Babe,” I rasp, sitting on the edge of the bed. I gently rub Tessa’s shoulder.
She rolls her head on the pillow and smiles at me with her eyes closed. “Hey,” she says, sounding so sleepy still.
“Bri’s here. You gotta come downstairs.”
Tessa peers at me, eyes wide and panicked, then she sits up. She’s suddenly wide awake. “Why is she here?”
“Kai’s with her,” I say, giving the only explanation I can give, and t
he only one I think I need to.
Tessa grabs onto my hand. “Luke . . .”
“Come on. It’s okay.”
Her breath bursts out of her mouth, then she nods a little, agreeing to this, trusting me. Knowing I got her, knowing I wouldn’t ever put her through anything I wasn’t fucking sure of.
I’ll protect my family over anyone. In any situation. I always will.
I guide Tessa out of the bedroom and down the stairs.
When she sees Bri through the doorway with Kai at her feet, Tessa squeezes my hand and takes over, leading me closer until we’re both standing right in front of them.
“I’m so sorry, Tessa. I’m so sorry,” Bri immediately says with those tears still in her eyes. Or maybe they’re just now forming again, because Tessa’s crying now too. And maybe seeing that, Bri feels worse than she did when it was just me answering the door.
“I don’t understand,” Tessa says. She sounds so fucking sad right now, I hate it. But I know that’ll change in a minute. “Why would you do this to us?”
“I’m not . . . I’m here to tell you I’m not. That was all my mom. She tried making my decision for me, and I had no idea she went out there and talked to you until it was too late.”
“She told us you were keeping him . . .”
“I know she did.” Bri glances down at the carrier, hesitating, but then she grabs hold of the handle and picks it up. “I know what she said—she told me. I came here as soon as I was discharged. My mom didn’t change my mind. Nobody can. I still want to do this with you guys, if you do . . .”
Bri steps closer with the carrier.
I put my arm around Tessa’s shoulders, turning her into me. “The papers are signed. She already gave them to me. We just gotta sign them.”
Tessa blinks, sending tears down her face. “Really?”
“Yeah, babe, really.” I wipe the wetness away with my thumbs. “He’s still ours . . . he always was.”
Tessa presses her fingers against her lips and nods. “We’ll sign them too. Of course, we will.”
I bend down and kiss her forehead.
Then I take the carrier from Bri, and finally, allow myself the view I’ve been fighting. I peer into the most beautiful face I’ve ever seen.
I finally look at my son.
“Oh, my God, Luke, look at him,” Tessa whispers, leaning into me.
“I’m so sorry about my mother. She tried to change my mind, she thought she did. She just takes over everything and thinks I don’t have a say, but I have the only say, you know? You see why I’m glad she moved to New Orleans . . . she’s crazy.”
I know Bri’s still talking. I’m hearing her, I’m sure Tessa is too, but I can’t look at her right now. I can’t lift my gaze.
Kai’s eyes are closed, and his skin is olive and looks so fucking soft. He has curly brown hair that’s lighter than mine, full lips and the cutest fucking hands. When he stirs slightly awake and scrunches his little nose and mouth, a dimple matching Tessa’s pits his cheek.
Just one. Just like her.
“Luke.” Tessa squeezes my arm.
“I see it.” Holy shit.
“Are you . . . I mean, you guys still want to do this, right?” Bri asks.
I look at her then, and so does Tessa. We can’t not look at her, and at the same time, we both give Bri the easiest answer in our lives.
“Yes.”
“You can keep that.” Bri points at the carrier. “My mom bought it . . . she’s dumb. I don’t want it, so—”
“We got one already,” I say
We’ll need another, I immediately think.
Oh, holy fuck . . .
And I know Tessa is realizing the same thing when our eyes meet and hers go so fucking round they nearly take up her entire face.
“Oh, my God,” she whispers.
I laugh. I can’t help it.
“Seriously, I don’t want it,” Bri says, stepping off the porch and turning sideways to peer back at us. “Do what you want with it, I need to go. I’m so sorry about everything. Really, I am. I’m so glad this worked out. I know this is right. It’s always felt right.”
She waves over her shoulder.
We stand there and wait until the car drives away before we go back inside the house.
And then we stand there again once the door is closed, both of us peering down at Kai. He starts to stir and stretch.
“Let’s pick him up,” Tessa says. She sounds eager.
I know I am.
I move to the coffee table and gently set the carrier down next to the envelope.
Tessa and I work together.
I carefully unlatch the little harness and she takes care of getting Kai’s arms free. We both lift him, but I somehow luck out and get to hold Kai first when Tessa guides him into my arms. She’s smiling and crying, saying how beautiful he is as I support Kai’s little head and cradle him against my chest.
It feels like it did when I first held Nolan, Chase, Layla, and Beau, but it doesn’t. It feels so incredibly different.
“Hey,” I rasp, looking into his face. “Hi, buddy. I’m your dad.”
Kai yawns and grunts, nuzzling his face against my shirt, and holy fuck, I love him. I’m so in love with him already. I’ll do anything for this kid.
I drop my head and run my nose above his brow, smelling him. I press my lips to his cheek and smile when he makes noises like he’s trying to tell me something.
“He’s our son.” Fuck, that feels good to say.
“He’s so beautiful, Luke.”
“Yeah, I know. He’s perfect. He smells good too. Better than Ben’s kids. You know I’m rubbing that shit in his face the first chance I get—”
“Oh, God.” Tessa’s eyes go round. She looks panicked again.
“What? His kids smell good too. Mine just smell better.”
“What? No . . . for a second, I forgot—We’re going to have two kids under the age of one. Two kids, Luke. That’s double the diapers, double the feedings . . . double the everything!”
My mouth stretches into a grin. “I’m actually really fuckin’ excited about that.”
She looks up at me, a soft giggle slipping past her lips. “Yeah . . . it’s going to be amazing.”
“You wanna hold him?”
“Of course, I want to hold him.”
I pass Kai off to her, and we move over to the couch. I put my arm around Tessa and sit forward so I can watch them together.
She studies him closely as she traces her fingertip along his brow and down his cheek. “Sweet boy,” she speaks softly. “Sweet baby Kai. We’ve been waiting for you . . .”
Tessa drops her head and kisses him.
“We love you so much,” she whispers.
Eventually, I rest back, and Tessa does the same, leaning against me. We both keep looking at Kai. We can’t stop.
Tessa keeps talking to him. Keeps kissing him and tracing his features. She tells him he’s just become our favorite thing in the entire world.
Him, and his little brother or sister.
I flatten my hand on Tessa’s stomach.
Two kids. This woman.
Four years ago, I hit the fucking lottery meeting Tessa Kelly. It was always her, and every time I swear she can’t give me any better, she does. Every time I think my life has peaked, she shows me we aren’t finished.
We’re just getting started.
The End.
Surprise! I know a lot of you were expecting Jake to get the next book in this series, and while he was originally set to follow CJ, it wasn’t his time yet.
YET. (He’s still coming.)
Ever since I wrote Luke’s bonus scene in Where We Belong, I’ve wanted to continue his story. I knew there was more Luke and Tessa to share. And even though their journey to expand their family was difficult at times, it was real.
I wanted to share that. I wanted to share their struggle. I wanted to experience that with them, and for you to experience it. And I wanted
to finally give this Bama couple the one thing they keep asking me for. It’s about time I did.
Speaking of things being difficult at times, let’s talk about Max.
When I first wrote All I Want four years ago and created Max, I had the inspiration for him at home.
Luke’s Max was my Max. From the breed to the fear of thunderstorms and his tendency to hide out in the shower during bad weather. He was our family dog for thirteen years. Unfortunately, we lost him last year, and when I picked up and started writing All We Want, I couldn’t continue writing Max when I no longer had him with me. I know Luke’s Max was fictional, but he wasn’t to me. And I just couldn’t do it.
So . . . I’m sorry I had to throw that at you. I know it was a blow. I felt it with you. Trust me.
But aside from unexpected animal deaths and the emotional ride I put you through while reading this book, I hope you loved it! Our Bama crew is growing rapidly these days. And before Jake’s book, they’ll be adding one more to the group because TESSA IS PREGNANT! WOO!
Baby number two will be joining sweet baby Kai before Jake’s book releases, and since each full-length novel takes place in the summer, I’m planning on Jake’s book to occur the summer following All We Want. Which means Nolan will be eight. EIGHT.
Our little dragon slayer is growing up.
I wonder how much he’ll love Ryan by then?
Thank you so much for reading All We Want. For loving this family. For your support with each and every book I release. For your support of me . . . I’m so grateful.
Please consider leaving a review. I’d love to hear what you thought.
#BamaBoysForever
xo, J
Continue on to read the first chapter of
HIT THE SPOT,
the second book in the New York Times bestselling
DIRTY DEEDS Series published by Forever/Hachette Book Group.
HIT THE SPOT
Chapter One
“HE’S HERE AGAIN,” Kali whispered in my ear as I stood at the bar facing the kitchen, filling a mason jar with sweet tea for one of my patrons.
I breathed deep through my nose.
God . . . damn it.
I didn’t need to ask who she was talking about. I didn’t need to turn around.
