How to Be Sick

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How to Be Sick Page 18

by Toni Bernhard


  Wisdom Publications — a special thank you to all the members of the Wisdom team for their wholehearted commitment to this book — especially Lydia Anderson, who worked so hard to promote Wisdom’s impressive catalogue of offerings. I’m also grateful to Phil Pascuzzo for his exquisite cover designs for all of my books and to freelance editor Barry Boyce, who so beautifully polished the first edition of the book when the manuscript was in its final stages.

  All my Dharma teachers — from those I’ve met in person to those I’ve studied under through their books. Thank you for the gift of the Buddha’s teaching.

  Recommended Reading

  Aitken, Robert. The Dragon Who Never Sleeps

  Aitken, Robert. The Mind of Clover

  Batchelor, Martine. The Spirit of the Buddha

  Batchelor, Stephen. Buddhism Without Beliefs

  Beck, Charlotte Joko. Everyday Zen

  Boorstein, Sylvia. Happiness Is an Inside Job

  Boorstein, Sylvia. It’s Easier Than You Think

  Brach, Tara. Radical Acceptance

  Buddhadasa, Bhikkhu. Heartwood of the Bodhi Tree

  Chah, Ajahn. Food for the Heart

  Chah, Ajahn. A Still Forest Pool

  Chödrön, Pema. Start Where You Are

  Chödrön, Pema. The Wisdom of No Escape

  Dalai Lama, H. H. Beyond Religion

  Goldstein, Joseph. Insight Meditation

  Goldstein, Joseph, and Jack Kornfield. Seeking the Heart of Wisdom

  Gunaratana, Bhante Henepola. Mindfulness in Plain English

  Hanson, Rick. Buddha’s Brain

  Hart, William. The Art of Living: Vipassana Meditation as Taught by S. N. Goenka

  Hass, Robert, editor. The Essential Haiku: Versions of Basho, Buson, and Issa

  Kabat-Zinn, Jon. Wherever You Go, There You Are

  Katie, Byron. Loving What Is

  Khema, Ayya. Being Nobody, Going Nowhere

  Khema, Ayya. When the Iron Eagle Flies

  Macy, Joanna. World as Lover, World as Self

  Miller, Karen Maezen. Hand Wash Cold

  Mitchell, Stephen, editor. The Enlightened Heart

  Nhat Hanh, Thich. The Miracle of Mindfulness

  Nhat Hanh, Thich. Present Moment Wonderful Moment

  Nhat Hanh, Thich. The Sun My Heart

  Olendzki, Andrew. Unlimiting Mind

  Olendzki, Andrew. Untangling Self

  Rahula, Walpola. What the Buddha Taught

  Richmond, Lewis. Healing Lazarus

  Rumi, Maulana. The Essential Rumi. Translated by Coleman Barks with John Moyle

  Ryokan. Dewdrops on a Lotus Leaf. Translated by John Stevens

  Salzberg, Sharon. Lovingkindness

  Seung, Sahn. Dropping Ashes on the Buddha

  Sumedho, Ajahn. The Mind and the Way

  Suzuki, Shunryu. Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind

  Yamada, Koun. The Gateless Gate

  Index

  A

  abusive speech, 164–65

  accepting things as they are, 26, 87–89, 93–95

  activities with others, 84, 192, 198. See also friends

  advice, unsolicited, 82

  Aitken, Robert, 50, 147, 149, 153–54

  The Dragon Who Never Sleeps, 153

  The Gateless Barrier, 149

  aloneness, 174, 176, 191–92

  alone and cut off, 168–70

  spreads, 171

  See also loneliness; solitude; suffering: present in lives of all beings

  “Am I sure?” practice, 151–52, 189, 193

  anatta, 29, 40. See also no-fixed-self

  anger, 58–59, 73, 75, 88, 103, 115, 117, 133, 138, 150, 164, 192. See also resentment

  anicca. See impermanence

  appreciating that one had enjoyed activities for years, 192, 194

  attachment, 101, 151

  aversion, 100, 103–6, 186, 188, 190. See also “Want/Don’t-Want Mind”

  awakening, 28

  of Buddha, 34

  See also liberation

  B

  “Beautiful Boy” (song), 144

  begging bowl, 182

  beginner’s mind, 148

  Being Nobody, Going Nowhere (Khema), 72

  beliefs. See thoughts and beliefs

  Berry, Wendell, 23

  blaming oneself for one’s illness, 63, 188–89

  Boorstein, Sylvia, 63, 64, 102–4

  Happiness Is an Inside Job, 102–3

  brahma viharas. See sublime states

  breast cancer, xx, 26, 66–68, 82, 91, 110, 132, 182

  breathing practices, 67, 108, 110, 128–29. See also tonglen

  broken-glass practice, 36–38, 191

  Buddha (Siddhartha Gautama), 4, 29, 37, 79, 148–49, 153, 185, 193, 197

  awakening, 34

  break from Hinduism, 40

  on community, 167

  on dukkha, 24–25, 27, 120 (see also Four Noble Truths)

  on impermanence, 29, 37

  list from the first noble truth, 23–26, 66, 182, 183

  on suffering, 23–28, 49, 100, 181–82

  on thoughts and the mind, 67, 117, 159

  on three marks of experience, 29, 40

  tonglen and, 107

  on wise speech, 83, 159–61, 163–65

  See also Eightfold Path; Four Noble Truths

  Buddha/buddha, 72

  nature of, 148–49

  putting head in lap of, 181

  Buddhadasa Bhikkhu, 99–100

  burnout, caregiver, 197–98

  C

  Cage, Nicolas, 32

  cancer, 14, 26, 67, 68, 83. See also breast cancer

  caregiver inaction, scheduling time for, 145

  caregivers, 53, 83, 171

  burnout, 197–98

  chatting, 163–64

  isolation experienced by, 171

  patient endurance, 72–73

  suggestions for treatments, 83

  what (not) to do, 144–46

  Cash, Rosanne, 182–83

  Chah, Ajahn, 79

  Food for the Heart, 36

  letting-go practice, 90–92, 186, 190, 192, 197

  on middle ground, 138

  on not standing up in line of fire, 81, 189–90

  A Still Forest Pool, 81, 90, 138

  See also broken-glass practice

  chatting, 163–64

  Chödrön, Pema, 108

  chronic fatigue and immune dysfunction syndrome (CFIDS), 17. See also ME/CFS

  chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS), 17, 18

  nature of, 17–20

  terminology and alternate terms for, 17–20

  See also ME/CFS

  Chuang Tzu, 25–26

  clinging, 101, 103, 114

  Collins, Steven, 42

  communicating with care, 159–65, 193. See also wise speech

  community, 167

  online/cyber, 173–75

  compassion

  conditioning the mind to respond with, 62, 63

  contrasted with kindness/metta, 55

  Dalai Lama on, 78

  definition and nature of, 61

  and happiness, 78

  moving mind toward, 192

  “slogans” for practicing the path of, 108

  as sublime state, 50 (see also sublime states)

  and taking the initiative to connect with others, 69–72

  translations of the term, xix–xx

  See also self-compassion; suffering: opening heart to; tonglen; specific topics

  compassion phrases spoken to oneself. See self-compassion phrases

  Connected Discourses of the Buddha, 182

  cures, suggestions for, 83

  “cut off the mind road” (Zen Buddhism), 70, 148

  cyber relationships, 173–75

  D

  Dalai Lama, Fourteenth (Tenzin Gyatso), 78, 181

  Descartes, René, 43

  desire, 27, 68, 90–91, 100–104, 176–77

  unquenchable thirst, 27

&nb
sp; See also “Want/Don’t-Want Mind”

  Dhammapada, 114

  Diamond Sutra, The, 36

  Diamond That Cuts through Illusion, The (Nhat Hanh), 62, 69

  “difficult persons,” 58

  disappointment of failed treatments, coping with, 196

  discursive thinking

  example of, 127

  taking a break from, 126–28, 187, 188, 191, 194, 195, 197

  dismissive treatment from medical professionals, handling, 189–91

  Dive from Clausen’s Pier, The (Packer), 177

  divisive speech, 164–65

  doctors, 84–87

  dismissive treatment from, 189–91

  insensitive and hurtful comments, 82

  Dogen, Eihei, 30, 32, 36, 195

  Eihei Koroku, 30

  “doing nothing” practice, 137, 187. See also wise inaction

  “Don’t-Know Mind” practice, 150–52, 155, 187, 189, 195, 197–98

  Dragon Who Never Sleeps, The (Aitken), 153

  drop-it practice, 130–34, 187, 188, 190–91, 194–96

  dukkha, 101, 136

  Buddha on, 24–25, 27, 120 (see also Four Noble Truths)

  causes/sources of, 25, 27, 68, 120, 176–77

  end of, 27–28

  translations and meanings of the term, 24–25, 176–77

  See also suffering

  Dzogchen, 44

  E

  ease of well-being, 56

  Eightfold Path, 27–28, 49, 135

  “email friendships,” 174–75

  emotions

  labeling, 76

  See also moods

  empathetic joy, 50, 103, 111, 191

  cultivating, 50–53, 61–62, 104–5, 186

  moving mind to, 186, 192

  See also sublime states

  endurance. See patient endurance

  enlightenment. See awakening

  envy, 50–53, 61–62, 103, 163, 164, 191

  equanimity, 36, 50, 105

  facing the ups and downs of chronic illness with, 79–87

  See also sublime states

  equanimity practices, 87

  accepting loss, 93–95

  giving in instead of giving up, 92–93, 192, 194, 197, 198

  Whatever happens, it’s okay, 87–90

  See also letting-go practice

  Eternal Now, The (Tillich), 175

  Everyday Zen (Joko Beck), 26

  F

  Facebook, 174, 183

  family, 145

  feeling ignored by, 193–95

  staying close to, 172–73

  family gatherings, inability to participate in, 191–92

  Fiddler on the Roof (musical), 52–53

  50 percent rule, trying the, 143

  Food for the Heart (Chah), 36

  forgiveness, 95, 185

  forgiveness practices, 69

  Four Noble Truths, 23, 26, 49, 56, 101

  first noble truth, 23–26, 66, 68, 120, 161, 178

  second noble truth, 27, 31, 68, 100, 120

  third noble truth, 27

  fourth noble truth, 27–28

  friends, 115–17, 145, 168–71

  feeling ignored by, 193–95

  inability to visit, 191–92

  friendships

  email, 174–75

  in-person, 171–72

  future, fear of, 76, 131, 187, 196

  G

  Gateless Barrier, The (Aitken), 149

  Gateless Gate, The (Yamada), 150

  gathas, 152–54

  generosity practices, 69–70

  giving in instead of giving up, 92–93, 186, 190, 192, 194, 197, 198

  Goenka, S. N., 100–103

  Goldstein, Joseph, 11–12, 29, 41, 42

  Seeking the Heart of Wisdom, 41

  gratitude for the past, 192, 194

  Gross, Terry, 182–83

  H

  haiku, 152, 154–55

  Hakuin, 181

  “half-smile” practice, 126

  happiness

  compassion and, 78

  Dalai Lama on, 78

  See also empathetic joy

  Happiness Is an Inside Job (Boorstein), 102–3

  Harrison, George, 40, 42

  Hart, William, 100

  health advice, unsolicited, 82

  health-care system, navigating the, 73–75

  heart. See compassion; suffering: opening heart to

  Hinduism, Buddha’s break from, 40

  humor. See laughter

  I

  “I Me Mine” (song), 40, 42

  “I think, therefore I am” (Descartes), 43

  idle chatter, 163–64

  illness

  benefits of being sick, 119

  inquiry regarding hating to be sick, 118–19

  suffering and, 24

  “There is sickness here, but I am not sick,” 40, 187, 189

  See also specific topics

  impermanence, 29–38

  and experiencing the no-self, 42 (see also no-fixed-self)

  overview and nature of, 29, 30

  indifference vs. equanimity, 92. See also equanimity

  inner critic, 65, 67, 92

  disidentifying from your, 65–66, 188, 196, 198

  inquiry practice (Byron Katie), 178, 187, 189, 191, 193, 195–96

  and coping with loss, 170

  overview, 114–20

  steps in questioning the validity of stressful thoughts, 115–16

  insensitive and hurtful comments, 80–83

  Insight Meditation Society (IMS), 12

  insomnia. See sleeplessness

  Institute of Medicine (IOM), 19–20

  Internet, 168, 172–73, 192, 194, 198. See also cyber relationships

  invisible illness, 80–81, 169

  Issa, Kobayashi, 136, 154–55

  “It’s okay if...” practice, 89–90

  J

  Joko Beck, Charlotte, 178, 182, 185, 193, 195, 197

  Everyday Zen, 26

  joy in the joy of others. See empathetic joy

  judge, inner. See inner critic

  Jumnian, Ajahn, 87–91, 192, 197

  K

  karuna. See compassion; sublime states

  Katie, Byron, 114, 124–25, 170, 175–78, 187–89, 191, 193–97

  on arguing with the way things are, 11

  turnaround, 115–20

  See also inquiry practice

  khanti, 72. See also patient endurance

  Khema, Ayya, 72, 100, 102, 113, 114, 127–28

  Being Nobody, Going Nowhere, 72

  When the Iron Eagle Flies, 100

  kindness, 50, 55–59, 105, 164, 186, 188, 193. See also metta; sublime states

  Ko Bong, 95, 144

  koans, 43, 148–51

  Kornfield, Jack, 11–12, 41, 64, 88

  Seeking the Heart of Wisdom, 41

  L

  laughter, xxiv, 148, 149, 153, 187

  Lennon, John, 144

  letting-go practice, 90–92, 186, 190, 192, 197

  Levine, Stephen, 61

  liberation

  moments of, 134

  See also awakening

  life is always all right, 26, 182, 185, 193, 195, 197

  loneliness, 174–78, 192, 194–95. See also aloneness

  loss, accepting, 93–95

  loving-kindness. See kindness

  M

  Macy, Joanna, 39, 43–44, 111

  Masters, Kamala, 12, 39–40, 57

  ME/CFS (myalgic encephalomyelitis/ chronic fatigue syndrome), 17–20, 73, 168, 173, 175, 201

  meditation, 121–23

  metta

  defined, 50, 55

  moving mind to, 104

  nature of, 55

  See also kindness; sublime states

  metta phrases, 55–57, 186, 188, 190, 193, 196

  metta practice, 55, 57, 104

  mind

  Buddha on, 67, 117, 159

  end of suffering in the, 57
r />   flexibility of, 67

  shocking the, 148–50

  as sixth sense, 100

  See also thoughts and beliefs

  mindfulness, 70–71, 76, 127, 133–34, 139, 153

  cultivating, 70

  moments of, 134

  of the present moment (practices), 124–26, 130–34

  use of the term, 123

  mindfulness exercises, 126

  mindfulness meditation, 121–23

  Miracle of Mindfulness, The (Nhat Hanh), 126

  moods, compared with wind, 32–33

  Mozart, Wolfgang Amadeus, 55

  mudita. See empathetic joy; sublime states

  multitasking vs. one thing at a time, 139–41

  Mumon (Wumen), 148

  Munindra-ji, Anagarika Shri, 39–40, 187, 189

  Munson, Peggy, 169–70

  music, half-smile while listening to, 126

  myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME), 17–18. See also ME/CFS

  N

  Nakagawa, Soen, 148

  National Academy of Medicine. See Institute of Medicine

  Neem Karoli Baba, 43, 50

  Nhat Hanh, Thich, 62, 126, 132, 151–52

  on compassion, 62, 69, 186

  The Diamond That Cuts through Illusion, 62, 69

  on gathas, 152–53

  on impermanence, 30

  mindfulness exercises, 126

  on mindfulness of present moment, 121, 126, 130, 132

  The Miracle of Mindfulness, 126

  Old Path White Clouds, 30

  Present Moment, Wonderful Moment, 152–53

  See also “Am I sure?” practice

  no-fixed-self, 29, 40–44

  essence of, 81

  no-self, 40

  experiencing, 42–44

  See also no-fixed-self

  O

  Old Path White Clouds (Nhat Hanh), 30

  one thing at a time (vs. multitasking), 139–41

  Only Dance There Is, The (Ram Dass), 43

  Orr, Mary Grace, 62–64, 188, 196, 198

  orthostatic intolerance, 18–19

  P

  pacing, 142, 144, 187, 198

  defined, 142

  suggestions for succeeding with, 142–44

  Packer, Ann, 177

  pain, physical, xvi, 33–34, 62, 89–91

  Buddha and, 181–82

  See also specific topics

  past

  gratitude for the, 192, 194

  regrets about the, 131, 187

  patience, 72, 75. See also patient endurance

  patient advocate, caregivers in role of, 73

  patient endurance, 164–65, 186, 190, 196, 198

  cultivating, 72–75

  perfections, ten, 72

  pleasant vs. unpleasant sensations, 26–27, 31, 100–102, 134

 

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