He’d thought about going to visit him in hospital countless times, but he always ended up not going. How could he without completely breaking down? It wasn’t exactly like going to visit the aquarium. He simply didn’t feel capable of seeing his soul mate rotting away without being able to do anything about it. What am I going to tell him, he’d ask himself. What am I going to talk about?
That afternoon, he was feeling especially brave. He stared at the label of the beer bottle for a few seconds and let a few tears fall with the Segovian background as witness. Then he stood up, resigned.
“Well, why not?”
Without letting himself think twice, he grabbed his jacket and strode out of the house.
After a while, he found himself in La Paz hospital sitting beside a certain bed chatting away like a cockatoo. Shy and insecure at the start, it didn’t take long for him to gain confidence and talk to his friend as if he were really listening. This visit that he had postponed for so long ended up being unbeatable therapy, and from that day on, Oscar went back many times to the hospital to see his friend. He talked to him about his worries as if they were sitting in the same café as always. He did it in the vain hope that he would see Daniel alive again, and above all, to keep feeling that he was still there, keeping him company and listening to his ridiculous stories.
No one was taking the situation worse than Daniel’s brother, Ricardo. Since that fateful day when Daniel had tripped over the ball and his world had gone into darkness, Ricardo’s perfect life had started cracking open like the cement in an old building after an earthquake. The brilliant businessman was history. Now, the few hours he spent at home (at first, he was in the hospital twenty-four seven waiting for a miracle) he invested in crying alone in the bathroom or watching TV without seeing anything. The games with his little daughter Maria had disappeared, along with the talks with Teresa which had turned into absurd almost daily arguments. The marital bed had become an icy expanse.
Days went by and Daniel showed no sign of recovering. Ricardo felt like he was walking on quicksand that slowly pulled his life down into a dark abyss with no escape. All the success he’d achieved in the years before, fruits of his labour and of his lucky stars, were falling apart, all because of one of destiny’s whims. He had always been under the impression that his brother depended on him, that his job was to protect him and teach him. How ironic, now it was the elder who depended on the younger.
As time went on, Ricardo began frequenting the bar on his street, a real dive that was well known for being a magnet for problems. You only saw two types of people there: those with nothing to lose and those who were about to lose it all. Ricardo belonged to the second group, he always turned up alone, just after dark, when there were few people on the street. On a stool sitting in front of the bar, sip by sip he drank whisky until there was no one left in the place. Then, the barman, a bald guy, moody and covered in tattoos, would suggest he leave the bar, accompanying him hastily to the door. When he didn’t have the strength to return home in that state, he wandered around the neighbourhood park to clear his head. This way, he thought, Teresa wouldn’t suspect his affair with alcohol. Obviously, he was wrong.
That night it didn’t rain. The streetlamps gave the park a ghostly feel. Ricardo wasn’t bothered by the fact that his wife would be worried by his absence. His body snaked along but his mind was elsewhere, in another time. As he came across a pond in the middle of the park, he saw his reflection in the water, clean and transparent during the day but now dark like a black carpet. He didn’t like what he saw.
The utter silence would have spooked most people, but Ricardo felt at ease. He took a few moments to enjoy the landscape, and then made himself comfortable on the nearest bench. As if he were the only being on the planet and time itself had stopped, he prepared himself for a mental journey to the past.
In the body of a boy who was often called Ricardito, he recalled better times where he could feel the presence of a little rascal who was always by his side.
Ricardo was nine years old when his parents, Jorge and Andrea, took him to the hospital in the car. There, five days before, something very small and extremely important had been born which his parents had been keeping secret.
They led him to a special room with an ample window, through which he could see dozens of little see-through cots. They were arranged in long rows. After looking through the window in silence, they entered the room quietly. Parents and son walked between the glass urns before stopping in front of one of them which stood next to the back wall. Jorge lifted Ricardo so that he could see inside the cot. Ricardo would never forget what he saw: sleeping peacefully surrounded by cables and strange tubes was a tiny human being.
“This is your brother, Daniel,” Andrea whispered as she stroked Ricardo’s dark hair. “What do you think?”
Ricardo didn’t answer. He looked with eyes wide open, almost without blinking, at the reason why his parents had been so nervous and absent for those last few days. Without really understanding, he felt an instant special connection with his new-born brother. It was something new and he liked it.
Daniel had been born on the 16thAugust when his mother had only been pregnant for seven months. Andrea and Jorge had had to rush to the hospital unexpectedly from a wedding because her waters had broken on the dance floor. Close to four and a half pounds in weight, he spent his first few days of life in an incubator. Much to everyone’s relief, his life wasn’t in danger at any point, and after five weeks, he was moved to the family home.
Daniel’s first few years of life were happy. His parents brought him up with good family values. Although Jorge worked hard until late, Andrea became a housewife in order to focus on taking care of their young son. They were a humble family that never went without.
As time went by, Daniel found his brother Ricardo was the perfect advisor. Ricardo taught him things that no father could ever teach: how to stay out the way of school bullies without turning into one, how to keep the girls lined up for you and, when to say ‘no’ were just some of them. It could be said that he was the one who showed him the way, of making everything a little bit easier.
But good times don’t last forever. Just after Daniel’s ninth birthday, his mother fell ill. What at first seemed like a simple ailment, eventually was diagnosed by the doctor as colon cancer. That day radically changed the Santos family. Ricardo was forced to grow up very quickly and take charge of the home, seeing as Jorge spent hour after hour at the hospital. Meanwhile, little Daniel lived on the edge of it all, although he did understand something had changed, something was wrong. Five months later, Andrea died.
Since that unfortunate event, the relationship between the three men in the family went through some changes. Jorge, always pleasant and polite, soon became reserved and scathing. He stopped seeing his friends and took refuge in himself. After several months, having lost all his faith, Jorge entered the Mormon community. Stemming from this decision, his internal world evolved until he reached an emotional equilibrium, but his new beliefs relegated his two sons to second place.
Ricardo, still a teenager, stopped playing the role of older brother and became teacher as well as turning from son into Jorge’s advisor. Life had dealt him a hand that meant he had to take charge. Other boys his age played sports and went out with girls. He didn’t have time for those things any more, the two people he loved the most needed him. Day after day, when Ricardo finished classes at university, he would wait for Daniel outside his school and they would go home together. The elder brother would study while playing babysitter to the younger. When Jorge would get home late at night, Daniel was usually already asleep, meaning that most days they didn’t see each other. Despite Ricardo’s greatest efforts, it was clear that Daniel yearned for a maternal figure. Little by little, Daniel developed certain complexes while he became more insecure and reserved.
When Ricardo was in his third year of university, he met Teresa. This ended up isolating Daniel. His academic perfor
mance got worse over the years, and the previously well-behaved and polite little boy saw his grades spiral down. He felt alone and confused, and then the worst thing that can happen to a thirteen-year old boy in those circumstances: he fell in with a gang with a bad reputation. With his new friends he tried cigarettes and alcohol. He would skip class, and would often get home late without letting his brother know. When Ricardo starting getting complaints from the teachers, his worry grew. But, what could he do? He was a university student with his own problems. Daniel’s untameable personality clashed with Ricardo’s, he was powerless. At the end of the day, he didn’t stop being his little brother.
And Jorge, the supposed hand of authority? He stayed out of it all. He lived with his sons, but he never argued with either of them. He supported their free will as long as they didn’t get involved with his private life.
One fine day, luck crossed Daniel’s path, in the form of a blond, slim and very nervous fourteen-year-old boy. His parents had just moved to the neighbourhood and had sent him to the same school as Daniel. His name was Oscar, and from the first day of that school year when he sat at the desk next to Daniel’s, they became inseparable friends. Oscar loved to try out new things –he had been diagnosed as hyperactive–, and he decided to sign up for the school basketball team, dragging Daniel along with him. Basketball wasn’t his vocation, but it was Daniel’s, he discovered a special chemistry between himself and the orange ball. It became his obsession: when he wasn’t training with the team, he would go alone to the school courts to practise. He did it no matter the weather, come rain or shine. He lost sight of the toxic gang of stoners, and although Oscar left the team the following year, they remained inseparable, joined at the hip.
Daniel’s game improved rapidly, and at seventeen, he was discovered by a scout of a better team, who made him an offer. Daniel accepted, and in his new team, met a burly but chilled-out Cuban who had come over from his home country a few years previously.
That year, Ricardo married Teresa and they went to live in a rented apartment. With regards to Daniel and Jorge, despite living beneath the same roof, their relationship kept getting worse. After finishing secondary school, Daniel found a job in a computer shop in the neighbourhood and went to live with Kiko while he kept on chasing his dream: to be a professional basketball player.
It was day time when he opened his eyes. Someone was hitting him.
“What the hell are you doing? Do you want to keep that hand of yours still?” The sky was clear but it was cold. Ricardo was shocked to see that he wasn’t in his bed but on a park bench. Did I spend the night on a bench? How much did I drink last night?
“What do you think I’m doing? Trying to wake up some tramp by the looks of it,” was Oscar’s angry reply. His pale eyes frowned at him against the light.
Irritated by the slaps, the hangover, the exhaustion, the shining sun and his conscience which beat him non-stop, Ricardo sat up on the bench.
“OK, OK, I’m awake,” Ricardo protested.
“What on Earth are you doing?”
“Leave me alone, man. My private life is nothing to do with you,” he said, scratching at his three-day stubble. “The last thing I need is to listen to some kid lecture me.”
“Ricardo, I’m worried about you. We all are.” Oscar shrugged his shoulders keeping his hands in his jacket pockets. “I was actually going to come over to your house this morning, when on the way, I found you laid out here. For the love of God, you have a family. You have a little girl!”
“Do you want to shut up, for God’s sake? What do you know? You have no idea of the agony I’m in.”
Oscar swallowed.
“Is that what you think? In case you didn’t know, Danny was my best friend. He is my best friend. I miss him too, get it? We went to school together, we started basketball together, he was the first one to try my burgers. I’ve been to all of his official games too, the home ones and wherever the away ones were, something that no one else has done.”
Oscar paused and Ricardo hung his head. He didn’t want to look him in the eye.
“I’ve always been there for Danny when he needed me, like he was there when I needed him,” continued Oscar “There are some private things in my life that I’ve only told him and vice versa. I still watch the games on TV like we used to do together, and I do it, even though when I do, I still grab two beers out of the fridge and I just want to cry. I haven’t stopped going to the same bar we always went to on Fridays just because the waiter always asks about Danny, cutting me up inside every time. OK, we don’t share the same blood, but that doesn’t mean I don’t miss him as much as you do. And the fact that he’s laid out on that bed doesn’t mean the rest of us can’t carry on living.”
Oscar’s words broke Ricardo and he started crying. Oscar, seeing his distress, sat down next to him and held his shoulder.
“I know it’s hard, really hard. But we can’t just ruin our lives just because he isn’t here.”
“You’re right,” he replied between sobs.
“Anyway, imagine if Danny suddenly woke up, do you think he’d want to see you looking like this?”
That was the most hopeful thing anyone had said in weeks. The chances of that happening were about the same odds as winning the lottery, but didn’t people still play every week?
“I’m sorry. I’ve been acting like an idiot,” he said as he dried his eyes on his sleeve.
“Come on, I’ll walk you home.”
“Thanks, blondie”
Oscar broke out a contagious grin.
“You’re welcome, Brylcreem”
Together they crossed the park and arrived at Ricardo’s door. Before going up, they bought a lottery ticket together. Ricardo never played, but he needed to believe that miracles do happen, and there was nothing quite so miraculous as winning the lottery.
19
Rafiki hopped towards the front door, picked up the paper between his paws and started nibbling it.
“Don’t eat that, it will make you sick!” I shouted running from the kitchen. When I snatched the paper from his mouth, I lifted him up and whispered, “anyway, this is very important.”
Like every Friday, I read the contents:
Hi again, Angie! I was thinking that if you haven’t called the police by now, you’re not going to. Come on, open the door, I’m soaked to the skin!
I stood thinking for a few moments. This dilemma had escalated my heart rate. What do I do? Was I being a bad person not letting him in? It was raining cats and dogs out there, the rain was falling as if the gods were having a water fight. It was likely that he was wet through, as he had said, so maybe I should let him in. For solidarity. No! This was a game that he had started, if he caught pneumonia, that was his problem. No one made him come to my door every Friday, and even less so in this weather. For me, he could go to his own home and dry off there.
On the other hand, I told myself, it was becoming clear that sooner or later, I would have to open the door and face him.
My hand trembled when I reached toward the doorknob. Just as I touched it, I changed my mind. Instead of opening the door, I took the pencil that I had been using earlier to do the crossword from my blouse pocket and wrote on the other side of the paper. Then I sent it back to where it had come from.
Pass me a photo of you under the door, was what I wrote.
I waited for his reply impatiently. I wanted to see the photo of a young, handsome man, preferably well dressed, appear under the door. Then maybe I would open it all of a sudden and let that stud in so that we could both have the best night of our lives.
I blushed thinking about it. Would I really do that?
Much to my disappointment, no photo crossed the threshold. Instead, the same piece of paper arrived once more inside my flat.
I don’t carry a photo of me around, but if you want I can show you my foot (joking...) There’s no other way, Angie: if you want to see me, you’ll have to open up.
I really wanted
to open the door, really! But I wouldn’t do it, at least not that Friday. If my attractive, anonymous admirer had at least shown his face in a photo, as I had suggested, I’m sure I would have opened the door. I really wanted to! But if I had done it just then, I would have had to admit defeat. Anyway, my life had become somewhat interesting thanks in part to this little game, a kind of drug that surely wouldn’t lead to anything good but made me feel so alive.
A little bit happier, I reached for Rafiki and planted a gentle kiss on his head.
20
After Daniel’s accident, Kiko remained a few days in Madrid in case his flat mate recovered from his coma. Daniel didn’t wake up, and the basketball season had come to an end (their team hadn’t managed to get promoted), so Kiko took advantage of his days off to fly to La Habana, Cuba. Being surrounded by his family would help him take his mind off things.
Oscar was punctual, at the agreed time he found himself ringing Kiko’s doorbell, unlike his friend, who appeared fifteen minutes late.
“Come on, mate, you’ll miss your plane!”
“Yeah, yeah... don’t start rushing me right from the first minute, do you want to help?”
Between the two of them, they managed to lug the heavy suitcase into the boot of Oscar’s car and set off towards the airport. On their way a summer storm took them by surprise.
Reflections in the Mirror Page 8
