by Natalie Dean
Not unlike a certain someone he knew…
He pulled up to the path that led to the grove and put the truck into park once again. Reaching over to Chastity, he noticed that she tensed. He felt himself smirk again as he opened the glove compartment and pulled out of a bottle of insect repellent.
“This should hold you over until we get to the spot,” he said, handing it to her. “Spray outside the truck, please.”
“Wow, you really did think of everything, didn’t you?” she asked, seeming genuinely grateful.
“Perhaps. I guess we’ll have to find out.”
“Huh, when did you get all mysterious and dodgy?”
“I think you’ll find that a lot of things have changed about me in my old age.”
“Old age? You’re thirty.”
“I know. And my knees remind me every single morning.”
She straight up snorted as they got out of the truck. On most people, perhaps that would be an unattractive sound, but on her, it seemed right. It was an honest sound, and that was what was so lacking in a lot of people he dealt with lately. Whether it was the man from the bank, or another woman looking to marry into the family, or distant buyers in other states, or competition who also claimed to have happy cattle but didn’t treat their livestock with the same respect that the Millers did.
But he didn’t have to worry about that with Chastity. If she felt something, she showed it. If she thought something, she spoke it. Even if she broke his heart, she was up-front with him.
He heard her spraying away outside of the truck and went out to the back, grabbing the cooler and backpack that he had prepped. He had been in shock when she agreed to the date. He was sure that she would shoot him down right there in front of her house. But since she did say yes, he’d spent the past three days preparing for it.
Once he had it all in hand, he went back around to her side and saw her finishing up her insect-repellant shower. He remembered how once she had gone camping with his family, sleeping in her own tent next to his parents with another girl from school, whom she was trying to make friends with, and she had awoken with bright red bumps all up and down both her legs and arms. They really did seem to like her blood.
“Ready?” he asked, looking her over.
Even in the starlight, she was radiant. He remembered the first time that he saw her. He was a freshman, and she suddenly appeared in his grade one day. She was wearing simple jeans and an oversized T-shirt, with her dark hair in a bun, but his eyes had been glued to her. She had these broad, lovely cheekbones that always seemed to catch the light, and her eyes were a different shape than everyone else’s. Her skin wasn’t as tanned as some of the girls who hit the town’s only tanning salon, but it was a different color, one that spoke of horseback rides in the sunset and summers spent in the fields.
He remembered asking around to see if anyone knew her, and by the end of the day, he knew that she was a younger student that had tested two years higher during eighth grade and had been shuttled up to freshman year. Unfortunately, that meant that she was either twelve or thirteen, depending on her birthday and since Ben was the ripe old age of fifteen, Ben knew that she was too young for him.
So, he settled on being friends. Not that friendship with Chastity was settling in any way, as he soon found out. With her, often everything was an adventure, and she had this stark ambition for life that he admired. Her family was poor, and her parents’ views were traditional, so he knew practically from day one that she was out to make better than most people would expect of her. Because people expected so little of her.
It was strange, really. Just because of her parents’ money issues and the fact that she was one half Native American, and it showed, people thought they could make certain comments to her. They were never outright enough to get them fired, reprimanded, or scolded, but they were enough for Chastity to know that they thought of her as different. Whether it was a remark about being “off the rez”—or returning to it—or “avoiding the vices of her people,” or asking if she was going to try to get a job at the casino a city over. Ben remembered seeing these remarks steel her resolve instead of crumbling it, but he couldn’t help but want to shoulder that pain for her.
Unfortunately, often all his teenaged self could do was listen. So, he did. The two of them became thick as thieves, and it was in sophomore year, after her fourteenth birthday and while he was still fifteen, that he asked her out. The age difference seemed less important when they were only a year apart—even if his own birthday was just two months later.
That was how it all began. Four years of knowing each other and three years of dating, before it all slipped through his fingers. And now, looking at her bathed in starlight, he recognized that he still felt much of the same way as he did back then—enraptured by the beauty and force of nature that encompassed everything she was.
There was never going to be another Chastity, was there?
“Ready!” she answered with a bright smile. That smile. Man, how he had always loved that smile. It seemed like nothing could be wrong with the world when she was grinning at him like that.
Ben would have liked to offer his arm, but he was quite loaded up at the moment, so instead he gave her a nod and walked past her, through the weeping willow grove where it quickly grew dark. Thankfully, Chastity lit up the bowed trees with her cellphone, and they made it to their destination.
Looking to Chastity, he hoped that she could feel the natural serenity of this place. And maybe, just maybe, how he still felt for her.
But that was probably too much to hope for.
16
Chastity
Chastity looked around at the beautiful grove he had taken her to. She had somehow never been to this part of the ranch before, but it was utterly breathtaking. Weeping willows bowed on either side of a comfortable, circular clearing, just big enough for a few people. The leaves hung from the tree’s slender whips, glittering silver in the moonlight.
There were two gaps in the thick circle of green, one being the entrance with a beautiful, vine covered trellis, and the other overlooking one of the many large ponds that the ducks and geese loved to nest around.
“Wow,” Chastity said the word in awe, as he led her to a fire circle. “How do I not remember this?”
“It didn’t look quite this good in our days back on the ranch.”
Chastity’s breath caught for a moment, and he looked back at her curiously.
“What is it? Did you see something?” he asked.
“No. It’s just… it’s silly.”
He set down the cooler and the backpack, unzipping the latter to pull out a soft, thick blanket that she was pretty sure his mom had probably knitted herself. That woman was amazing with a needle. “What? Come on, now I want to know what you were thinking.”
“I dunno. It was hearing you call it our days. It was…” Romantic? Moving? Nostalgic? “…weird.”
“Hah. Sorry about that. I guess I could refer to it as the time in which you and I used to be involved. More of a mouthful though.”
“It’s fine,” Chastity said, settling on the very edge of the blanket and starting to build up the center part of the fire. She loved building bonfires and took pride in being skilled at it. Of course, Ben was the one who taught her, so it was mostly his doing, but still. That didn’t stop her from enjoying the meticulous process nonetheless. “Don’t worry about it.”
“No, that’s your job.”
She looked up sharply. “What do you mean by that?”
The corner of his mouth went up in that lightly teasing way of his. “Between the two of us, who do you guess overthinks things more?”
She laughed at that, feeling herself relax. Even after all this time, they still had their same sort of bantering rhythm. “Oh, you may have a point.”
Although Ben had never been a huge talker, he always had been quick-witted around her. It was one of the things that drew her to him. He knew how to make her laugh.
&nbs
p; He also knew how to end a conversation with infuriating skill.
“Glad you think so.”
He settled down further back from her, and she heard him pulling several things out of the cooler. She was sure that they were probably delicious and way more expensive than anything that she could afford. Once the structure of the fire was fully ready, she leaned back, her hand out.
“You got a lighter?” she asked.
“You know, typically the gentleman does all the preparation.”
“Yeah, and typically the lady doesn’t have a proclivity for pyrotechnics.”
“That always was a bit concerning. I don’t need to look up arson reports in the Big Apple, do I?”
Chastity laughed, tilting her head back. “You’ve found me out.”
“And here in this good, Christian country? What a scandal.”
“It wouldn’t be our first. Remember when we went to the Snow Ball together?”
Ben chuckled lightly as he passed her a long lighter. “Oh, I remember. There were a lot of accusations of robbing the cradle and if we had your parents’ permission.”
“You would have thought I was twelve, not fourteen.”
Ben shrugged, but Chastity didn’t miss the smile around his lips. “Well, I had just turned sixteen a couple of months before, so I understand the concern they had that I might have been taking advantage of you.”
Chastity couldn’t help but laugh again. “Hah, can you imagine me letting anyone take advantage of me?”
Ben shook his head. “Judging by your right hook? No, I can’t.”
“And that’s after calming down over the past decade. I used to be a real spitfire.”
“Used to be?”
She tossed the lighter at his head, the fire beginning to flicker to life in the kindling. “I’m a right proper lady now, I’ll have you know. I’m almost thirty.”
“And I am thirty,” his eyes narrowed. “Which means your birthday is coming up soon.”
“Yup, and for a slight bit of time, you will only be a year older than me.”
“And then that will quickly end as I turn thirty-one.”
“Yes, that is how math works…last I checked.”
“Cheeky.”
Finally, she turned around, a pithy response ready, but her words stalled as she saw the spread he had prepared for them, all of the containers already open.
There was a bottle of champagne and four bottles of what looked like half-frozen water. He remembered how much she liked water with her meals. That was nice.
In the center was what looked like a roast pheasant, stuffed with a decadent rice that smelled both sweet and savory. There was a side of mashed potatoes, and she didn’t need a time machine to remember how delicious his mother’s dish was. There was also corn on the cob, some greens, and even a small platter of ribs. It all looked mouthwatering, and she had to swallow quickly to stop herself from drooling.
“You like?” Ben asked, looking at her over the spread as he pulled out two of those special candles that she knew repelled bugs. He lit them and gently placed them on either side of the blanket, far enough away from the edge not to be a fire hazard, but close enough to repel the insects—and give it a romantic feel.
“I like,” Chastity answered honestly. Her heart was thumping in her chest and her palms were sweaty. It felt like there was a heavy but welcome presence in the air, one that made every moment, every interaction that much more special.
She knew she should probably resist the emotions swirling through her and tell herself that she was caught up in the magic of the ranch and its open plains, but for once she let herself enjoy the moment.
That couldn’t be so wrong, could it?
“Are you ready to dig in?” Ben asked, looking to her hopefully.
“What, and no prayer?”
He shrugged again, his muscled shoulders rolling under his shirt. “You’re here. God’s already answered all of them.”
Oh.
Oh wow.
Chastity stared at him, eyes wide, before reacting with a snicker. “Did you work on that line all day or—”
“What would you like on your plate?” he interrupted, grabbing one of the plates he had brought from the backpack.
But Chastity wasn’t willing to let him off that easily. “You always were a bit of a hopeless romantic, weren’t you?”
“I know many people who would disagree emphatically with you on that.”
“Uh-huh, and how many of those people were after your money and you sniffed them out first?”
“Fair.”
“I’ll take a little of everything, by the way, and a huge helping of your mom’s potatoes.”
“How do you know I didn’t make these?”
“Because you’re not insane and only a madman would miss out on a chance to eat Ma Miller’s mashed ’taters.”
“You may have a point there. But I’ll have you know that Benji is learning how to make them, so we all won’t be screwed once she’s gone.”
“Oh? Maybe I should be on a date with him then,” she joked.
Ben stopped scooping for a moment, seeming to consider her words. “I don’t think I would like that.”
“Would you be jealous?”
“…yes. I believe so.”
That was certainly something. The Miller brothers were known as an unshakable crew that shared everything and rarely ever fought. Sure, they got irritated with each other and had little squabbles, but—all in all—they were a loving unit. For Ben to admit that he might harbor negative feelings toward his brother over her… well, it was something.
“Well, don’t worry. I don’t think I’ll be dating anyone anytime soon.”
“You’re on a date now.”
“You know what I mean.” She took the plate as he handed it to her, along with the glass of champagne, and the water bottle too.
“What if I don’t?”
She rolled her eyes, but the pleasant feeling didn’t stop. There was something about the way Ben looked at her that made her feel so cherished. Like she was one of a kind that he would never see again. While Chastity didn’t normally like to think of herself as vain or a romantic, she couldn’t deny the way he made her feel.
It had been ten years, but as she stared into his eyes, she wondered if she had ever fallen out of love with the eldest Miller son. From the muscles and veins in his forearms, to the thick column of his neck, to his tanned face with all of the classically strong Miller traits. He was handsome. He was kind. And he treated her better than anyone else did.
Why did it have to end?
Because he had his life here, and she couldn’t have hers. There was so much more out there, and she wanted to try it all. She couldn’t be a doting housewife with no skills other than popping out babies. Not that there was anything wrong with that, but it was always what her parents told her she was meant for, so she resented the idea entirely.
But that wasn’t Ben’s fault. Maybe they could work something out… No! No, she wasn’t going down that path. That would lead to heartbreak and all sorts of emotions she didn’t want. After all, she was going to go back to the city and live her life, but with much more energy and hope than she had before. She couldn’t break his heart again by letting him think they would amount to anything, and then just disappear with the wind.
That would be too cruel.
“You all right? You have that look on your face.”
“What look?”
“The one you get when you’re overthinking something.”
“I didn’t know that was a look.”
His nose crinkled as his smile grew broader, and her heart skipped a beat. Wow, how did he look so happy? A bright, shining star in a world filled with a whole lot of uncertainty and darkness. “It’s definitely a look. I can see it in your eyes.”
Well, she might as well tell him. “Well, I was thinking of how nice this was, and I’m going to miss it when I go back to the city. Because I am going to go back.”
He nodded, and she could see the muscles of his face tensing and relaxing, as if he was physically working out his words. “Why do you have to go back?”
“Because I have a life there. A destiny.”
“A destiny?”
She nodded. “You remember. Ever since I was little, people thought I would either end up as a casino worker or an unwed mother. People out here like to think that they’re progressive, but some of them still call us ‘Injuns’ or ‘Redskins.’” Chastity rolled her eyes, then continued.
“And as for the ones that weren’t racist, they saw us together and assumed I was all about becoming a gold-digging mother to the next generation of Miller spawn.”
“Spawn. That’s not a great name for kids.”
“But it’s accurate.”
Ben sighed, and Chastity was sure that he was going to try to convince her how wrong she was. “I understand.”
“You do?” she asked.
“Of course, I do.” His green eyes stared at her, seeming to take in every feature of her face and soul. “Chastity, you’re the most determined woman I’ve ever met. If someone tells you no, you take that as a challenge to try harder. I should have known better than to think you could ever settle for a future with just me.”
Ow.
Without thinking, she found herself reaching out to him, her hands settling over his. “Please don’t think about it that way. A life with you isn’t some consolation prize. You’re a wonderful, loving man. Building a life with you would be more than most people could ask for.”
“But not more than you could ask for?”
She shook her head slowly, feeling her heart sink within her as she spoke the truth. It quelled the romantic, fairy-tale feelings within her, but it needed to be said. “No, it’s not enough.”
Silence stretched out between them for several moments, the only point of contact between them being the sun that was contained between their hands. Chastity wished she could comfort him in this moment, and yet she was the one causing his pain.
