“You love me,” he says softly.
She leans back, almost as if she can’t stop herself. “I do.” After a moment, she taps his hands. “Now, let me cook. Go talk to your daughter and find out what trouble she’s gotten into this week.”
Daddy tilts his head to the side, letting me know we can go to the den to chat.
“So, what’s new?”
“Nothing much.” I give him the same answer weekly. I could tell him that I’m going to have a baby, but . . . I haven’t had any alcohol, and I need to be drunk or already knocked up for that one. That means he won’t find out until after I’m actually pregnant.
He will never understand. As wonderful as my father is, he believes you get married and then have babies. To him, the idea that women can go in, get knocked up, and never see or meet the guy they’re procreating with is insane. I’ve listened to it for years, and we’ve gotten heated a few times.
It’s better to be with child, he surely wouldn’t kill me then.
“Work good?”
“Yup.”
“Good. You have no plans to move back to Jersey?”
I let out a low laugh. “No. Definitely not.”
“Fine, fine. Just makes your mother nervous because her little girl is alone in the city.”
Yeah, I’m sure my mother is truly broken over it. He and I know who the anxious one is, but I let him have his secret. “I’m sure Mom understands that it’s best for me.”
“Why is that, Ashton?”
“Because I work there, and I need to be away from the circus that resides within these walls.”
He shakes his head with a smile. “You were always the independent one in this family. Your cousins wanted to play games, but you wanted to play solitaire. It’s not a surprise you wanted to move away.”
“Move away? Daddy, I live less than thirty minutes from your house. Catherine moved away. Gretchen moved away. I moved to Brooklyn.”
“And you’ll follow them when Quinn comes back.”
“That’s never going to happen.”
My father loves Quinn. He would sell me if it meant he could adopt that man. Daddy served in the army, and there is no better man than one who gives time to his country. If I told my father that Quinn was a murderer, it probably wouldn’t matter. He’d find a way to excuse it. It’s the craziest thing.
For years he’s held out hope that we’d figure it out and get married. For years, he’s been disappointed, just like I have been. Maybe we can form a club?
“Mark my words, pumpkin. That man loves you, and being away makes a person think.”
“Oh, I bet he’s been thinking, but so have I.”
I’ve thought a lot about how it’s not going to be the same again. When he calls, I’m not going to answer. I told him that I was done, and I meant it. There is no point in both of us wasting our time on something that will never change.
There’s a time to fight and a time to let go, and I’m very aware of which one I’m at.
“Well, I have hope.”
“There are other men, Dad. Ones who aren’t afraid of commitment, feelings, making sacrifices for the ones they love.”
He releases a throaty laugh. “What sacrifices were you willing to make for him?”
I jerk back. “What?”
“You heard me,” Daddy says and waits.
What the hell didn’t I sacrifice? “How about my happiness, my wants, my time, my entire freaking life thinking that we were going to have a future. I am not the bad guy here.”
“When I talked to him last week, he said that it was you who walked out.”
I’m sorry, did he say he talked to him last week? “He told you this when?”
“When he called.”
Oh, that clears it up. “I wasn’t aware that you spoke to him.”
“He calls me once a month. I write him letters because I know what it’s like to be deployed.”
“Okay, I’m missing something here.” I fall back into the recliner, feeling uneasy. How the hell is this even real, and why didn’t I know about it? My parents talk to my ex-boyfriend, yet I am just finding this out now? I haven’t heard from Quinn in six freaking months. Not a letter, call, email—nothing. But he has time to reach out to my father? “Why do you talk to him?”
Dad leans forward and pats my knee twice. “Because he reaches out to me. I will never turn away a soldier.”
“Sailor,” I correct. If I had to hear that one more time, I might have screamed. Now, it’s apparently ingrained in me.
He laughs. “Right, I forget those squids are particular about their titles. As it seems you are about protecting it.”
“It’s out of habit, not care.”
“Sure it is,” Dad says around a knowing grin.
“Still, you didn’t answer me, why do you talk to Quinn? You do know we’re not together.”
“I’m aware.”
“Okay?”
I feel like this is a mutiny.
“Okay, what? I like the boy and he needs someone. His father took off when he was young. He barely talks to his mother, and I think every man needs another man to have in his corner.”
“I’m your daughter, aren’t you supposed to be in my corner?”
My father seems to ponder that and then shrugs one shoulder. “He’s my brother in arms . . . I side with the SEAL. Besides, you have more people on your side than you can count.”
“Unreal.”
Dad chuckles. “That’s my middle name.”
I know what he’s saying is right. I have so many friends, cousins, and family members that I would be hard-pressed to count them all, but only because he doesn’t have any, it doesn’t mean my father shouldn’t side with me.
“Well, I’m glad that you’re his new biffle since you’re clearly not mine.”
He’s heard that phrase for years since that’s what I’ve called Catherine since grade school. I always found the acronym BFF stupid. I much prefer a word.
Dad scoffs. “Don’t be dramatic.”
I roll my eyes and release a heavy sigh. We could argue for days about this, and it’ll do no good. Dad is even more stubborn than I am when I think I’m right.
Time to change the subject to neutral ground. “So, who did Mom sucker into coming as my possible date today?”
He shakes his head while looking at the ceiling. “I haven’t a clue. The last bozo she brought around was a real winner, huh?”
That was such a disaster. I couldn’t believe she would ever think that Anthony “the Hitman” Desoni would be someone I would date. He’s ridiculous. He thinks women should be home, cooking their man a hot meal so when he gets home he’s satisfied. After dinner, he explained to my cousin why men should be allowed to keep a mistress. Vinny about threw him out of our house after that.
He’s my favorite cousin.
“He needs a therapist.”
“Hopefully, this round will be better.”
“If I weren’t so afraid of her, I would threaten not to come to dinner anymore to get her to stop.”
Dad shrugs. “I’m sure she’d double her efforts or fake an illness to get you here.”
I smile and lean back. “She’s a scary little woman.”
“Between her Irish and Italian, I never know which side is going to come out stronger or which will kill me.”
Considering that my father is full-blooded Italian, he’d probably fall victim to her Irish side.
“She’s only Italian when she’s sweet.”
“She’s Irish when she’s drunk.”
Dad chuckles. “Which is when I love her most.”
I roll my eyes. “You love her always.”
“I do, the Irish, Italian, and everything in between.”
God, they’re so in love it’s almost nauseating.
The doorbell rings, and I sigh. “Do I have to stay?”
“If the guy is that bad, just fake a stomach ache,” he whispers as he gets to his feet. “I’ll side with you the
n.”
“Gee, thanks for the support, Dad.”
I follow, knowing that delaying the inevitable is worse than getting it over with. Mom’s arms are raised as she embraces a blonde woman around her age who is an inch shorter than she is. Two guys stand behind them, and they glance at each other before sighing. Clearly, they’re as excited as I am about this.
At least they hopefully don’t think this is my idea.
“Phyllis, this is my daughter, Ashton.”
My manners precede my dislike for this night, and I do what is expected. I step forward, extending my hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”
She smiles, taking my hand in both of hers. “You’re just as your mother described. These are my sons, Michael and Paul.”
How biblical. “Nice to meet you both.”
The one nudges his brother, and I could kill my mother. I haven’t gotten a look at the guy in the back, but the one who reaches for my hand is at least ten years younger than I am. I’m not even sure he’s out of college. What the hell is she thinking?
“Nice to meet you. I’m Paul.”
I keep my smile in place as I turn to the other guy.
Well, he at least looks to be my age. He’s tall with dark hair and a lean body, which is nothing like Quinn’s. This guy, who I’m assuming is Mike, has deep green eyes that are almost the color of emeralds, and his smile is warm and welcoming. Quinn’s eyes are more of a denim color, and smiling isn’t usually what he prefers to do with his mouth.
Great, I did it again.
“Ashton,” I say, trying to focus on the man in front of me.
He’s not Quinn. Quinn is gone. He’s not my man or my friend or anything other than some idiot who has made my dad his new biffle. I will not think of him again from this point forward.
“I’m Mike. It’s nice to meet you, Ashton.”
His brother snorts. “Yeah, you say that now since she’s not a dog.”
Well, that explains why he was the second one in. I smile. “You thought you’d use your brother as a shield, huh? Wasn’t sure if you were about to meet a Cyclops?”
Mike nods with a grin. “My mother is of the mindset that I should be married, no matter what the girl . . . looks like or how many eyes she might have.”
“For the man who is supposed to be my hero, it isn’t very brave to send your brother in first.”
He shrugs one shoulder, and his lips press into a thin line. “I had no idea you were in need of rescuing.”
“Still, nobility isn’t sending your little brother in first.”
He rocks back on his heels, his mouth relaxing into an easy grin. “Isn’t there some rule about keeping the higher ranks behind for strategy?”
This is sort of fun. If nothing else, this guy could become a friend. He’s able to banter, and Lord knows I need that in my life. All my damn friends left me, and I have no one to give shit to anymore.
“Maybe, but doesn’t a real leader want to protect his men?”
Mike’s smile grows. “And a better leader knows which men are expendable, right, Paul?”
Paul rolls his eyes. “Don’t let him fool you, I’d have found a way to make him pay.”
“See, that was why I was behind him, so I could protect you if need be.”
These guys are hilarious.
“Do you have a plan if such a need arises?” I ask with a playful tone.
Mike taps his chin. “I’m sure I’ll think of something. Any tips?”
There’s a knock on the door, and I smile. “Well, first you could see who else my mother has decided to throw into the mix as possible competition. Dueling isn’t something I’m against.”
He smiles, turns, and then opens the door.
Only, when I see who it is, the fun and games I was just enjoying is gone. My heart begins to race, my chest constricts, and I want to run into the newcomer’s arms, which is a bad thing.
After a few seconds, his warm voice washes over me.
“Fragolina, I’ve missed you.”
And then I remember I hate the bastard.
5
Quinn
This could go one of two ways, and based on the look in her eyes, it’s not going to be good. Not wanting to have her slap me or maim me in any way, I grab the crutch I leaned against the house so I could knock and tuck it under my arm. If she knows I’m injured, maybe she’ll take pity on me.
Her eyes widen, and she steps closer to me. “What happened?”
“I’m fine.”
“That’s not what I asked,” Ashton says quickly. “What happened?”
“Ashton, are you . . .” Her mother’s eyes meet mine. “Quinn?”
“Hi, Mrs. Caputo.”
“Oh! Quinn is back!” she says with a huge smile. At least someone is happy to see me.
Ashton turns her head quickly, her red hair flowing around her. “I need a few minutes.” She doesn’t give anyone time to say anything, she just heads out the door, forcing me to limp backward a little as she closes it behind her.
Then we are standing on the porch, watching each other. I had a plan. I was going to come here, tell her how I feel, and clarify everything, but the words won’t come.
“Are you going to explain yourself or stand there and look at me?” she asks with acid in her tone.
I’d be fine with option number two if it meant she wasn’t pissed. “I was in an accident.”
Her eyes are filled with fear, even though I’m here and I’m fine. “What kind of accident?”
“I can’t tell you too many details.”
“Of course you can’t,” she says with exasperation and then looks away. Her wide eyes snap back to mine. “What about Liam? Was he hurt?”
“No, Liam is fine. He wasn’t with my squad this time.”
I thank God for that. Liam Dempsey is my best friend, and I would never be able to face his wife, Natalie, again if anything ever happened to him. He and I have been through hell and back together. Despite hating each other during BUDs, we’re thick as thieves now. There’s no better man than him.
“But you’re hurt?”
“I sustained minor injuries in the Humvee. Trevor and Bennett are worse than me, but . . . we lost King.”
She nods once before clutching her stomach. It’s her tell. The thing that always lets me know she’s afraid or hurting. As though by holding her stomach, she can keep herself together.
“God, and poor Tessa.” Her eyes fill with tears. “They were supposed to get married soon.”
The sound of her voice breaks something in me. She shifts a little and I wonder if she is thinking how it could’ve been me. When her lip quivers, I want to comfort her, but I know it wouldn’t be welcome. It’s enough that she cares. A part of her still cares about me. I cling to it.
“Hey,” I say as I tuck my finger under her chin. “I’m fine.”
“No you’re not. You’re hurt and home early from deployment.”
“I missed you.” Not exactly what I planned to say first, but it’s true regardless.
I do miss her. She is on my mind constantly. Thank God for photos being on cell phones because if I’d had a paper one, I would have worn it out. Before I went to sleep, I saw Ashton. When I woke up, it was her face I wished I could see.
Every single minute, I fought the urge to call her. I just kept hearing her say goodbye in my head over and over and couldn’t do it.
That was before the accident.
“Quinn . . .” She steps back, shaking her head. “We’re not doing this. I’m not going to . . .”
“Are you with someone?”
I’ll fucking die. Of all the things I can’t handle, it would be that. Her dad didn’t mention it when we chatted, but that doesn’t mean anything.
“What?”
“Are you with someone?” I repeat.
“I heard you, but I didn’t think it warranted an answer since you broke up with me and it’s none of your damn business.”
“I didn’t break up wit
h you, you left.”
This is going all wrong. I need to shut my mouth before I piss her off so much that she won’t even hear me out, but the idea of her and another man makes me want to rip someone’s head off.
She laughs while shaking her head. “You’re a fucking asshole. You want to argue the semantics of our split? Fine, I left you. Poor, Quinn. He had his rotten, black heart ripped from his corpse of a chest. Yes, let’s all cry now.”
And I did it without even trying. “I’m sorry. I was just caught off guard with finding you and your new boyfriend inside. I assumed you were—”
“I was what? Alone and pining for you? Sorry to disappoint.”
I’m a fucking idiot. I knew better. She’s the goddamn sun, so of course, she’d find someone else to rotate around her. Who doesn’t want that? What man could look at her and not fall to his knees? The fact that I was ever able to escape her gravity, even for a short time, was a herculean effort. I thought I could stay away. Yet, here I am standing before her . . . clearly, I’m not as strong as I think.
“I’d like to meet him,” I say.
“Meet who?”
“That guy inside, the one who answered the door, you’re with him, right?”
Her eyes widen and then close, not allowing me to see anything. “No, I’m not with him. Not that you deserve an answer, but I’m not cruel.”
That’s the first bit of good news I’ve had. “I know I don’t, but so much happened, and I needed to see you.”
“Why?”
“Why, what?”
She crosses her arms over her chest. “Why did you need to see me? We ended things. You don’t want a wife or kids. You don’t want to settle down or change your life. We’ve had this discussion, and you coming around now is a real dick move.”
There’s nothing I can say that will fully explain what happened this deployment because my entire life has shifted in a way that I can’t even grasp. Everything I thought I knew turned out to be a falsehood I created to survive.
Now that it’s shattered, I see the truth.
“I know you think that . . . but it’s different now.”
“I can’t go down this rabbit hole again. I’m sorry that you’re hurt and that you lost King, I really am, but this isn’t going to work. You should head back home.”
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