“Yes.”
Ashton lifts her head and glances toward the sunset. I can’t help but think about how absolutely gorgeous she is. The red and oranges in the sky make the blue in her eyes so much stronger. There’s something about her that seems free and happy.
“I’m not sure what to say,” she admits. “I don’t know what we should do because I don’t want to leave my job, and at the same time, it’s not fair to ask you to live up there.”
“I’ll be able to be in New York at least fifty percent of the time.”
She releases a heavy sigh. “So, that’s like deployment each year? Six months of the year you’ll be here and I’ll be alone—with a baby.”
In my head, this made much more sense. “It’ll be broken up, so I won’t be gone for months.”
“No, I know that. It’s going to be hard, though. Now that I had sort of hoped—”
“Hoped?”
Ash smiles bashfully. “I just hoped we’d be together. I don’t know, I see us . . . raising this kid as a unit instead of me during the week and you on weekends.”
Thank fucking God she said that.
I hesitate to ask this next thing. Ashton is headstrong, and if she feels her back is to the wall, she’ll push back in ways I’d rather not see again. Right now, she’s calm and relaxed, like a nice kitten. Those claws come out, and she’s a freaking lioness. I like this version of cats.
Still, she wants us to talk and be able to say shit to each other, so here’s a test.
“Can I ask you why moving here isn’t even an option for you?”
Her fingers tense around my arm just a little. “It’s not that it’s not an option . . . is that what you want?”
“I don’t want you to give up your life. I know your family and job are important.”
“Yes, but Gretchen is here, and so are Natalie and Mark. I would have a family of sorts.”
“And me.”
She smiles at me and tilts her head. “Of course I have you.”
Yes, she really does—by the balls.
“There’s time for us to figure it out. I wanted to see where your head is.”
Because my heart is with her. The idea of being here while she might need me there is weighing on me. I wish I could convince Mark and Jackson to open a New York office and let me run it, but that’s ridiculous.
“Honestly, I’m conflicted in a way I never thought I would be.” Ashton stops walking and stares out at the sea.
“How so?”
She looks up at me with those blue eyes from over her shoulder. “I’ve loved you for a long time, and six months ago, I never would’ve considered moving here. I would’ve stood my ground and demanded to stay in New York. Now, I don’t feel like the ground is the same if you’re not next to me.”
We’ve said a lot to each other in the last few weeks. Confessions, apologies, and promises, but that might be the single most important thing she’s said.
“What does that mean?”
She shrugs, takes my arms, and wraps them around her. “It means that I’m willing to consider going where you are if it means we can start our life together.”
My lips brush the side of her head, and I place a kiss on her temple. “Fiery on the outside, sweet in the center.”
She laughs and rests her head back, sinking into my embrace. “I’ll show you fire.”
“Don’t make promises, fragolina.”
God knows all that does is turn me on.
“Take me back to your apartment and let’s see if we can burn it down.”
I don’t need her to say shit like that and not be willing to follow through. I scoop her up and start making my way off the beach.
“Quinn!”
“You said it, I’m just getting us there faster.”
Her laughter fills the air as I move quicker, welcoming the burn.
28
Ashton
“Well,” Catherine bumps my hip as I stand here holding my niece, “you and Quinn are really happy?”
“We are. We’re still working on the logistics, but the last month has been great.”
I look at Erin Cole as I hold her in my arms and imagine what my child will be like. Will she or he be as tiny as this little one? Will they make the cute little faces she does? Will my child nuzzle in my arms or will I get a screamer?
“Good. I’m happy for you.”
I smile at my best friend. “And I’m happy for you. She’s perfect.”
“She needs a friend.”
“I’m hoping I have a girl and they can grow up and be best friends like we are.”
Catherine nods. “Me too!”
We both start to laugh, and then Jackson enters the room. His eyes are troubled, but he smiles anyway. “There are my girls.”
“Oh, Muffin, I love you too,” I joke back.
“I forgot it was a package deal when I married her.”
Catherine snorts. “I don’t know how you could forget.”
“I’ll do better to remember.”
“You do that, Jackson,” I tell him with a stern nod.
“The minister is ready to perform the baptism. My mother is driving everyone crazy with baby pictures of Reagan and me, and your mother is three sheets to the wind. It might be a good time to go out there.”
I rock Erin in my arms, bouncing her gently. “Auntie Ashton is going to officially be your Godmother, which means I get to spoil you rotten.”
“Like you wouldn’t anyway?” Cat challenges.
“And like you won’t with my baby?”
“Yes, but remember that payback is a bitch, so whatever you do to me, it’s going to come back to you.”
I will do well to keep that little piece of information to myself. The three of us exit the room and head to where Mark is standing with his wife, Charlie.
“Ahh, Big Red, I always knew we’d find a way to have a kid together.”
He’s so stupid. “Yes, it was destiny.”
Mark approaches, kissing my cheek before touching the baby’s head. “She’s really perfect. She’s one hundred percent Catherine.”
“For real. If she was Jackson, I’d be worried.”
“Seriously,” Mark agrees.
Jackson’s smile is all teeth. “I regret this.”
“Well, too late for it now, Muff. Let’s get this show on the road so we can eat the food that Mrs. C. has been raving about.”
My mother is Catherine’s second mom. Cat claimed her when we were little because my mom is the best. She bakes cookies, makes dinner, and always has a stocked pantry.
Looking back, it was a smart plan on my mom’s part.
Since Cat’s mother has had a rough few years, Mama Caputo helped with the event today—more like ran away with this entire thing. She probably did it because it has to do with church, and anything she can do to save my mortal soul is something she’s up for.
Also, Catherine wanted the party afterward to be at the Italian place that’s always booked, and guess who got it done? Mommy.
“You know, if you upset the Jersey people, they will make sure you don’t eat,” I tell Mark with a lift of my shoulder.
“Your mother loves me.”
I grin. “My mother loves everyone until she doesn’t.”
Mark bursts out laughing. “I’m a mother magnet.”
“And an idiot.”
“Says the woman who is pregnant with Quinn’s baby.”
“Says the man who hired my baby daddy.” I raise a brow, waiting for his next one.
He moves closer, his eyes are full of mischief. “I’ve missed you, Red.”
I shake my head. “I’ve missed you too.”
And I have. Mark is one of those guys who makes all things better. His entire demeanor is hard to resist.
“You two done?” Jackson asks.
“We are.”
“Can we get my daughter to the front of the church now?”
“Ehh, sure.” I laugh, but refuse to hand the little gi
rl over to her father as the four of us head up the aisle.
When we get to the front, I hold this precious little baby in my arms, grateful that I am a part of this while my own child is safely cocooned inside. I’m a little over three months along, and so far, she’s already been to a wedding and now a christening. Though, I’d rather not make this a hat trick, so we can skip the funeral.
Erin is surrounded by her family and friends, who are also her family. Quinn sits in the front row with Charlie, Gretchen, Ben, Natalie, and Liam. His eyes stay on mine, and I see so much love I could cry. I watch as Quinn’s gaze moves down to my belly where, thanks to this dress, you can see that I have a little bump.
At first, I thought I would hate the idea of being fat, but when that little bump became visible right before Gretchen’s wedding two weeks ago, I decided I couldn’t wait to get bigger. Quinn couldn’t make it to the wedding since he had to take care of something for work. I was pissed, but then I was grateful he wasn’t gone for longer than a few days.
“And do you promise to help guide the child through Christ?” the minister asks.
“Yes,” Mark and I both answer in unison.
Just like that, she’s baptized.
Everyone hugs, and Erin is placed back into her mother’s arms. Quinn heads right toward me. “You okay?”
He’s so overprotective, it’s nuts. I hope we have a boy because, if it’s a girl, he may end up building an ivory tower to stick her in. “I’m fine.” His hand goes to my belly, and I feel his warmth through the dress. “The baby is fine too.”
“Can you feel it?”
“No.” I laugh. “We’re way too early for that. I’m just saying it for your benefit.”
“Oh, well, okay then.”
He’s been really cute. After Gretchen’s wedding, I took a leave of absence from work because I needed to figure out where we’ll end up. I have about five months of sick and vacation time saved, and once that runs out, I’ll hopefully have a better plan.
“Soon we’ll be there, though.”
“I’m excited for it.”
I don’t know why it took an explosion to literally rock his world, but Quinn isn’t the same. Since being out of the navy, there’s a calmness to him. He’s still excited about us and the baby, but he smiles more. He’s not worried about leaving, and I hope he’s content.
The last thing I want is for him to feel suffocated.
“You seem happy,” I tell him while touching his cheek.
“I am.”
“Do you miss the military?”
Quinn shrugs. “I miss some of the guys on my team, but I’m getting to work with a new team.” He hooks his arm around my shoulders, and we start to walk out of the church.
“Well, happy looks good on you,” I tell him.
“You looked beautiful with a baby in your arms,” Quinn says and then kisses my temple.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
It felt good. I held Erin, and everything inside me settled. It’s everything I’ve wanted and now I’m going to have it . . . with a man I love. It seems like the world is smiling down on me.
“So”—Natalie grabs my hand—“you guys seem like you’re doing great.”
“We are.”
“Quinn has changed, Ash. I see it in him, and I’m so happy.”
I smile and lean back, sipping my water. “He really has. I keep wondering if maybe he regrets having a sort of instant family, but he has taken to living with me and preparing for a kid.”
She nods. “He’s definitely shocked Liam and me. I waited for a freak-out or something, but he just talks about how ready he is.”
“Was Liam that way?”
Natalie looks over at him, her eyes turn wistful. “Liam is one in a million, but he’s not without fault. When we got together, we had so much shit to overcome. I was married to his best friend, for one, and we thought Aaron was dead, so we were both grieving.”
“I can’t imagine.”
“It was hard and I worried because Liam walked into an already established family. Aarabelle was a baby, and at the same time, it was as if he were competing with the ghost of Aaron. He stuck it out, though, and Quinn looks at you the same way that Liam would stare at me.”
“I worry there are ghosts in his past too. With his shit family his trauma from serving, all these changes have to be hard on him. I mean he ended his career with the navy not even a few weeks ago and now he has a baby on the way. I don’t know . . .”
These are things I’ve worried about but haven’t given a voice to. He’s been so happy, that I didn’t want to jinx it. There are these moments, though. Times when he looks a little lost in New York. When he’s working and focused on a task—he comes alive.
More than ever, I think I need to prepare to make the move to Virginia Beach. He’s given up so much for me, and I want to show him that I’m just as devoted to making this work as he is.
“They all have things in their past,” Natalie says softly. “Losing friends the way they have changed them. It’s not something that you’ll ever get used to seeing.”
“It couldn’t have been easy.”
Quinn hasn’t said much since the night he explained a very small amount of what happened. He doesn’t talk about King or the guys who were in the accident. I haven’t pushed. Maybe it’s because things have been so good, and the last thing I want to do is screw that up.
“No, it’s never easy for any of them, but I’m glad he woke up and saw what he had in front of him before it was too late,” Natalie says with a smile. “I love Quinn like a brother. Not to mention he and Liam are thick as thieves, but I’ve always wanted more for him. I guess it’s because I have everything I could’ve ever wanted and hope for the same for all the boys.”
Natalie’s relationship with Liam has always been something I’ve coveted. He’s truly one of the best men I know. The way he came in and loved her child, respected her, and was willing to give her up if that was what she needed . . . I envied it.
“Did you . . .” I don’t know if I should ask her this.
“Did I?”
“It’s nothing.”
Natalie rests her hand on my arm. “Ashton, you’re my friend too. You can ask me anything.”
This woman is a saint. “Did you ever worry that Liam would miss the single life?”
Liam isn’t who I’m talking about, but I can’t bring myself to say it. Quinn and I were dating in an unconventional way. While I think we were exclusive, I can’t really know, and I’ve never asked. He went out, drank and partied, and if he did hook up, I never knew. It worked for us. I know I didn’t step out on him. I loved him.
I wanted a future, but I’m not the girl who gets upset over things I can’t control. This time, it’s not that. He talks about marriage and raising our child together. It’s not random or a shallow relationship.
There’s a future.
“I think that Liam,” her voice emphasizes that she knows who I’m referring to, “knows what he has. If he was ever going to miss being single, it wouldn’t have been after major life decisions. You know, like if we had gotten pregnant or something along those lines.”
I shake my head and touch my stomach. “I don’t want the baby to be the only reason.”
“Ash, he came back before the baby.”
“I know.”
“Do you?” She challenges.
I nod. “I do. It’s just the first time I’ve ever felt comfortable, if that makes sense.”
“So much sense. I remember when I was with Liam and thinking, is this what this is supposed to feel like? Was I actually living before? When you let yourself breathe because you’re able to, it’s really hard.”
Our attention turns to where the guys are sitting. All of them are in some deep conversation. “What do you think they’re talking about?”
She laughs. “Football. They only look that serious when they’re arguing about sports.”
“Men.”
Natalie nods. “Exactly. But we love them. God knows why.”
Because they make us smile. That’s why.
29
Quinn
“That doesn’t make sense,” Mark chimes in. “I was the retribution for the shooting when we were all active. There’s no one else who could be behind all this shit.”
None of it makes sense. When I started looking into what Gretchen uncovered, it seemed as if the lawyer could’ve had something to do with the issues that keep happening, but I’m not so sure. I think he fucked up, but it doesn’t seem like sabotage. It looks more like he was an idiot.
“Then why does it keep happening?” Liam asks. “I’m sorry, guys, but there’s something else that you two aren’t seeing.”
“He’s right. It’s all around you guys.” I look to Jackson and Mark. “Why else?”
Liam nods. “Maybe it has to do with something that happened before any of our time.”
It’s the only thing that would make any sense. “What missions did you guys go on where things went wrong?”
Mark bristles in his seat, but Jackson clamps his hand on his shoulder and then speaks. “We were in the heart of the war. Our team was first in, and we uncovered shit you guys can’t begin to know. It could be anything. We were a part of raids where we seized assets that were . . .” He closes his eyes, seeming to go back in time. “Look, I know guys in our units took shit, I’m sure of it, but I never caught anyone.”
“Not to mention, Jackson and I were the two dickheads who volunteered to keep extending. We worked with our team and also bounced to other units when they needed ops help.”
Liam releases a heavy sigh. “I know this isn’t easy, but there’s a vendetta somewhere, and it’s coming back in full force.”
“It’s only ever your protection details, right?” I ask.
“I wish.” Jackson gets to his feet. “We’ve had issues with shipments and things going missing.”
“I see.” The worry is wearing on him. Anyone can see it. Jackson takes duty very seriously. He feels personally responsible for everything.
“The thing is, we go a fucking year with nothing, and then”—Mark claps his hands together—“we’re right back here. It’s like a goddamn game.”
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