Damaged Queen

by Sam Crescent

  Ethan liked to snuggle. Most nights she only got a couple of hours’ sleep with his constant mauling.

  He’s your boyfriend. He has a right to snuggle.

  She got to the shop and saw the security barrier was already up and Miss Farris already there, setting out the shop.

  Entering, she gave her boss a little wave before heading in the back.

  She removed her jacket, placing it over the radiator, before putting her bag into the locker she’d been given. In a way, it was exactly like high school, only dirt wouldn’t spill out of this one.

  Nor would it have shitty, crass names scrawled all over the metal. They never had told her who wrote on her locker. It was going to be one of her tests, and she’d not been around long enough to see it through.

  Putting her fingers to the door, she felt the tears sting her eyes and pulled away.

  “How are you today?” Miss Farris asked.

  “Good. You?”

  “Really well. I had a hot date last night.”

  “Was this with the rich billionaire?”

  “Nope. This was with a sweet guy. He’s got a couple of scars to his face, but he came in a couple of weeks ago, and you know, we hit it off. He loves the scent of flowers.”

  “You haven’t told me about this guy.”

  “To be honest, you’ve looked a little out of it. I didn’t think you’d want to talk.”

  “Oh, I’m fine. You know me. Staring into space. You got a picture of this guy? Is he hot?”

  Miss Farris, or Stephanie, was a sweet woman in her early thirties. Harper got her job as she passed the shop one day and it was Mother’s Day. Stephanie was completely overrun, and she hadn’t walked away. She’d gone into the shop and helped.

  Stephanie hired her on the spot.

  They were friends in a way. Neither of them hung out or socialized. Stephanie loved going to luncheons and dancing, while Harper preferred her own company and often declined any invitation. It worked for them.

  “He doesn’t like having his picture taken. I don’t know what to say about him. He’s fun, sweet, charming. He makes my heart race.”

  “Sounds like a good guy. What’s his name?”

  Before Stephanie answered, the door went and Harper cursed. She’d forgotten to lock it.

  When she glanced back at her boss, Stephanie shrugged. They weren’t due to open for another few minutes, but there was no point kicking out a customer.

  Heading to the man, who looked completely lost, she offered a smile.

  “Can I help you with anything?”

  He lifted his head, and he looked genuinely happy to see her.

  “Yes, I need to apologize to my fiancée about missing dinner. Do you recommend groveling of that kind?”

  “What did she make?” Harper asked.

  “Beef Wellington. She took the day off work for our anniversary.”

  “Ouch, not only did you miss the anniversary but also dinner.” She winced. “I think we’ve got something for you that will have the right tone of grovel without being too desperate.”

  “I don’t mind desperate,” he said.

  She laughed.

  “You got it.” She spent the next twenty minutes helping him to pick the right flowers to make it up to his woman.

  Once she made the sale, Stephanie was with another customer and two more were in the shop.

  This was what she loved about Stephanie’s Flowers—she never had a dull moment. When all the flowers were purchased, all she had to do was fill up all of the empty spots.

  By lunchtime she was starving.

  Stephanie dealt with a customer, so Harper headed out to get them something to eat. She grabbed two vegetarian kebabs and coffees.

  On her way back to the shop, she noticed a really expensive-looking black car. She paused, as it looked vaguely familiar. A man leaned against the car, arms folded, looking all serious. In her mind, it flashed back to Stonewall and to Marseille and Naples and the kind of vehicles she had to lead unsuspecting girls to, but she pushed it aside, and figured she must have been mistaken. Alan had always told her what city to go because of the kind of girls he wanted to get. It always sickened her what he made her do.

  There’s no way she would see someone from Stonewall here.

  She lived far enough away that no one would ever find her. She couldn’t believe for a second that she’d tempted fate in some way.

  Just as she was about to step back, she saw a man leave the florist shop. She couldn’t get a good look at him. His head was bowed over his cell phone, and he looked really deep in thought. Only when she saw them drive off, whoever they were, did she approach the shop.

  Stephanie looked so happy as she walked inside.

  “Who was that?”

  “Oh, you saw him.” Stephanie gasped. “He was right here, and he’s going to take me out on a date tonight. He wants me to look all pretty, and I think I’m in love.”

  Harper chuckled. “Go you. You should totally take it.”

  “My heart is racing. My lips are tingling. I feel like I’m on top of the world. Is this how you feel with Ethan?”

  Harper paused and had to keep the smile forced into place. “Yes.”

  “Women who are in love are so lucky. I can’t think right now. I need food.”

  Harper laughed, only this time it was more on the verge of a little hysterical. Stephanie didn’t notice, her attention on the kebab in her hands.

  For Harper, she wasn’t thinking about Ethan.

  No, about an entirely different man.

  The one she’d left ten years ago so his own father wouldn’t kill him.

  She pushed aside the bitterness, the simmering rage that bubbled beneath the surface as she took a bite of her kebab.

  There was no point in thinking about all that could have been. At the end of the day, nothing could change what had happened between them. She couldn’t wave a magical wand and pretend her life was normal or that her meeting with Alan in his office hadn’t occurred.

  It had.

  Her life had changed forever.

  Throughout lunch Stephanie talked nonstop about her new boyfriend, only pausing when a new customer came in. By the end of the day, Harper just wanted to head on home. Hearing about Stephanie’s new love interest hadn’t exactly filled her with joy. If anything, it only served to remind her of what she’d lost.

  With Draven, she’d fallen in love. With Axel, Buck, and Jett her feelings had been different. She cared about them, but with her and Draven, she’d felt a spark. Even when he was pissing her off, she’d been drawn to his green eyes and that smile. It always reminded her of doing bad things.

  She stopped off at the grocery store as she said she would, and made her usual trip, picking up the ingredients Ethan always liked to cook with. She cared about him, but was it enough? She knew deep in her heart that staying with him would be a huge mistake. He deserved someone who thought about him all the time, who didn’t see his constant love confessions as a pain.

  One day she’d have to leave him. She knew that.

  There’s no way she could be with him for a long time, simply because he should be with someone who loved him back.

  Harper wasn’t that person. Deep down inside, she loved another and was broken inside, damaged, and Ethan couldn’t repair that.

  ****

  The weekend at his parents’ house was as perfect as Harper expected. They were loving, and after forty years of marriage, the love still sparkled between them. She couldn’t help but watch them together, remembering her own parents before her mother killed herself, or at least before Ian decided to leave.

  “So, Harper, you two look so amazing together,” his mother said.

  She rested her head against Ethan’s chest. “Thank you. That was a really wonderful chicken.”

  “Oh, I know how to roast a good chicken. Don’t you worry, I’ll teach you how. I like to make sure our boys are well-fed.”

  “Yeah, Harper, you’re going to hav
e to go through the cooking course that we all did.” This came from Fran, who’d married the youngest son.

  Harper had no interest at all in being taught how to cook.

  “My mom’s not that bad,” Ethan said, wrapping an arm around her.

  “You live in a beautiful area. Would it be okay if I go for a walk? I don’t mean to be rude.”

  “No, no, of course not. You and Ethan go and have some time together. I’ll prepare a light snack for when you get back.”

  His mother was always feeding them.

  Grabbing a jacket, she pulled on some gloves, and Ethan wasn’t too far behind. Not what she had in mind, but she couldn’t exactly complain.

  “I’m sorry about my parents,” Ethan said.

  “Don’t worry about it.”

  “They like you though. I know they want to adopt you. After everything that happened with your parents.”

  Since Alan had pushed her out of Stonewall with no chance of ever going back there, her parental story had changed. Both of her parents had “died in a car crash.” It was a sad event but one she’d moved on from. Yes, there were times she missed them, but she couldn’t bring them back. There was no point in going to a town that only held bad memories, or at least that’s what she told Ethan.

  “It’s fine. They don’t need to adopt me.” She smiled.

  Ethan took her hand, and rather than getting the fresh air she felt she needed, instead she felt that crushing weight of expectation. She’d noticed the coy looks his family were giving him. They were all waiting for him to do or say something, and she didn’t know why it scared her. Something was going to happen, and the more time she spent with him, the bigger the chance of him asking her or saying something. It would be easier for her to be cruel to him, but again, she didn’t have anywhere else to live, and she had moved in with him to make life easier.

  “It’s getting cold.”

  “That it certainly is. If you think all that food is a big deal, you should wait for Thanksgiving.”

  “You dish up a feast?”

  “That we do.”

  She’d gotten out of the last couple of Thanksgivings due to “other commitments.” Living together, well, she hadn’t thought about how to get out of it this year.

  “You have a wonderful family.”

  It was true. Ethan was wonderful. His family was too. Everyone and everything were great.

  She was the problem.

  They stopped near a field. The entire ground was covered in amber and fire-red leaves. The scene looked so beautiful. It hadn’t been dirtied up yet by the rain.

  “Actually, there’s something I really want to ask you. I know we’re going through a bit of a rough patch right now, and I’m not even going to pretend that I understand it. I don’t. I mean, I thought we were in a really great place.”

  “Ethan, we are. I’m sorry. I’m just. It’s around that time. You know, it’s hard.” Again, the guilt weighed her down. She only hoped it was the same time that she’d said her parents died.

  She couldn’t go back, and with her constantly looking in the past, she’d stopped herself from going forward.

  “I get it. I do. I … I love you, Harper. I love you more than anything I’ve ever loved in this world. When I look at the future, I see you. I see us together.”

  “Ethan?”

  “Let me finish. I want you to marry me. It’s what my parents would love as well. They know I wanted to ask you this weekend. It’s why I brought you up here. We’re out in the country, and it’s beautiful. This scene beats that of the smelly city any day of the week. One day, I want to come back here. Start a family. I want it to be with you. I know I can make you happy, and that’s why I’m hoping that you’ll consider me. I hope you’ll say yes.”

  Tears filled her eyes, and she looked at him and smiled. This was why she shouldn’t be with him. He loved her. He was willing to do whatever it took to make her happy. Ethan was a good guy.

  Knowing all of this, she should walk away.

  She shouldn’t give him false hope, and yet, knowing how serious this was for him, she did. She told him yes, and the rest of the weekend was filled with celebration.

  His parents were happy. His sister- and brothers-in-law were happy. His siblings were happy. Everyone was so fucking happy.

  All the time, Harper played her part well. She kept her smile in place, and no one knew any differently. They didn’t know she was breaking apart or that this wasn’t in fact what she wanted. Everyone around her only saw what they wanted to.

  So, she celebrated.

  She got drunk, and Ethan carried her to bed, and he was sweet. He didn’t try to have sex with her.

  No, the perfect gentleman.

  He was the only guy she had slept with since leaving Stonewall.

  She’d never been the kind of woman to enjoy casual sex, and even though there’d been offers, it hadn’t been anything she’d taken up. From the moment she’d been forced out of her town, she’d felt dead inside. No one could compare to the men she once knew, not a single person.

  By Sunday evening, she wore a ring, her stomach was full, and the apartment looked so dreary compared to the house she’d been in. Ethan was in a particularly chatty mood, so she didn’t even have to make the effort there.

  Not bad really. Her life was perfect. Only she was the one that didn’t think it was.

  One day soon, she’d see it was better. She’d have faith once again.

  That day wasn’t today, or even next week.

  She only hoped it would happen soon.

  Chapter Two

  One month later

  Harper was grabbing down a box of decorations that Stephanie wanted to use to fill the shop to make it look all pretty.

  There was dust on top, and she used a cloth to wipe most of it off. A sneeze broke out. Stephanie had lost her mind the moment she saw the ring, and for Harper, it was getting easier to wear it.

  She tended to ignore it, but every once in a while, it caught the light.

  With time passing, she had started to come to terms with the new future. She needed to let go of the past, to stop thinking of herself as ever going back to Stonewall.

  Opening up the box, she stared inside at all the seasonal decorations that ranged from pumpkins to Christmas fairy lights, and there was even a witch in there somewhere. For some odd reason, she thought about her father.

  She’d not given him much thought in so many years.

  He was the last person she often thought about, and yet, right now, she wondered how he was doing.

  If he’d like to know that she was still alive and safe.

  That she was going to get married.

  Moving to the desk, she stared at the phone, and before she could chicken out, she dialed the house number she remembered. She was shocked to find that it was ringing.

  “Hello,” a female voice said after a few seconds.

  It had been so long since she heard Hannah speak that Harper didn’t even know if it was the right voice.

  “I was wondering if a Mister Ian Miller is there?” she asked.

  “Of course. Who should I say is calling?”

  This made Harper panic for a split second. “A client.”

  “Certainly, just a moment.”

  She heard noise as if someone was walking. Then the muffled voices until finally, he was on the phone.

  “This is Ian Miller. Who may I ask is calling?”

  Her hand fisted at her side. Even as there was a chill in the air, panic gripped her. She took a deep breath. This wasn’t her talking to Draven, so Alan shouldn’t hurt him. She was only reaching out to her dad.

  “Hey, Dad,” she said.

  “Harper!”

  He sounded shocked, desperate almost. “Fuck, it’s Harper. Honey, are you okay? Where are you?”

  “I … erm, I’m fine. I’ve been fine for some time. I just, I needed to call you. I shouldn’t really be calling you.” What if this did, in fact, break the rules? Sh
e didn’t want Draven to end up hurting because of her selfishness.

  “Are you coming back?”

  “No. I don’t think so.”

  “Don’t come back, Harper. I mean it. Stonewall isn’t what it was. I mean, it’s … just don’t come back.”

  Tears filled her eyes, but she didn’t argue with him. “So, I’m going to be getting married.”

  “Married?”

  “Yes. I met a great guy. He’s wonderful, and I know this is weird, but I felt the need to call you. I really shouldn’t have called you. I know that now. I’m going to hang up now.”

  “Harper, wait. Why did you leave?” Ian asked. “Why didn’t you say anything? Call sooner?”

  She thought about it, all the situations going around in her head. “I couldn’t call anyone. It was a decision I made.”

  She’d hated her father back then, but she wasn’t willing to have Alan hurt him. No one was going to die because of her.

  “I want to be able to call you.”

  “I’m not going to give you my number. I’ll call you when I’m ready.” With that, she hung up and took a deep breath.

  Lifting up the box of decorations, she headed out of the shop just as someone else was leaving. From the dreamy look on Stephanie’s face, it had been the man who was currently rocking her world.

  “You keep looking like that and you’re going to need one of these soon.” She held up her engagement ring.

  Stephanie laughed. “I wouldn’t mind him wanting to get engaged to me. He’s a man that knows what he’s doing.”

  “Sounds fun.”

  “Yes.”

  Harper put the box on the floor and frowned. “You know, you’ve never once told me his name.”

  “Oh, that’s easy. His name’s Jett.”

  This made Harper’s heart race. “What?”

  “Jett. That’s his name. He’s a businessman. His company is expanding, which is why he’s in the city. He’s got to head on home, but he’ll be back in a couple of weeks. He wants to have dinner.”

  It couldn’t be her Jett?

  The Jett from her past.

  He didn’t own the name. It wasn’t like it was copyrighted for only him to use.