by A. m Madden
Chapter Twenty-One
Alivia
I now marked my life from pregraduation, when everything was absolutely perfect, to post, when little by little things began falling apart.
And all the crap with Molly wasn’t even the main reason for our distress. Something else seemed to be bothering him, and no matter how much I tried to get him to open up about it, he kept it all in.
For the first time in all the years we’d been together, Shane and I didn’t know how to act around each other. The more I tried to keep us on an even keel, the more he would retreat into himself… and I know it had a lot to do with me. A switch had seemed to flip when it came to our relationship. He was distant and preoccupied. Whether it was a way to prepare himself for our separation or something else entirely, I had no idea. But the change within him was indisputable.
More times than not, he would turn the tables and accuse me of keeping things from him. I never denied his claim, because I was absolutely guilty of that. So there we were, two peas in a pod.
Meanwhile, a statement had been released from Devil’s Lair on Shane’s behalf as a rebuttal to Molly’s public tantrum. It was amazing how one little post could create a swarm of gossip, ridicule, judgments. Ironically, her deceitful words didn’t quite have the effect she had hoped. If anything, it all served as an accelerant to Shane’s rising popularity, and the tables were turned, Molly soon becoming the enemy.
You would think that would force her to slink back into her hole, but the girl had balls. Despite all that, she’d brazenly sent a photo to my phone of Shane leaning over her as she gazed up at him wide eyed. The quality was a bit blurry, probably taken from afar and zoomed in to the point of distortion. Still, it was unmistakably him and her.
The damn thing had been taken the day he had confronted her when she’d claimed things had become heated between them and he’d kissed her.
Until then, the situation had played only as a murky visual in my mind. But now, having seen evidence of that encounter, and how it appeared as though they could’ve kissed already or were about to, only messed me up more. Again, I trusted him and his version of the story. That was the thing with circumstantial evidence—the implication often outweighed logic. Planting a seed of doubt was just what she’d hoped to do. And as much as it hurt seeing my boyfriend in an intimate stance with that witch, she’d failed in her goal.
I wanted to rip her to shreds. Sadly, I had no choice but to do nothing when it came to that bitch, but Shane had gone ballistic. His parents had also had enough, and with mine they threatened Molly Adler with a restraining order. That would kill her reputation, be a mark on her college career before it even began, and knowing as much finally shut her the hell up.
As far as closure, I had none. So many things that I needed to say to that troll rolled around in my mind, but that would defy what our parents insisted we do. So I’d retreated into my own little bubble and kept it all in, along with everything else.
At least Shane had things to distract him from all the chaos. Photo shoots and interviews took up a huge chunk of his time. The night he gave me one of the promotional posters, pride and fear had combined in my chest, resulting in a toxic mix.
Of course, Lori releasing those images to the press had poured gas on fires already burning. It was happening… a new rock star was about to hit the music scene. It seemed like the industry had been waiting with bated breath for my guy to step into the spotlight. The press were simply playing their role.
There were no more mentions of me visiting him on tour. He even asked me to stop coming to rehearsals because knowing I was there distracted him. My guess was he was trying to protect me from the inevitable, and as silly as that was, I loved him for that. It was hard for me to be there, watching him do what he loved while knowing it was about to pull us apart. But listening to his bandmates spew more tour talk was even harder.
We’d gone from spending almost every minute of the day together to barely having time for a quick meal, much less anything else. When we found the time to be together, all he wanted to talk about was me starting at NYU, classes I would take, and what I thought I wanted to do in my future. He never had asked me that before. I responded honestly that I didn’t know.
One thing Shane insisted on was my voice being the last thing he heard every night. But having a relationship through a phone felt like visits while being jailed. That glass screen represented more than a physical separation between us.
And through it all the clock continued to tick.
Move-in day was less than a week away. I met my roommate, who seemed sweet. If she’d been aware of who I was or where I came from, she kept that to herself. While getting to know each other over breakfast at a coffee shop around the corner from our dorm, it was clear Peggy had one thing on her mind—to study her ass off and become a surgeon. Her motivation had been one of the main reasons I’d decided to reach out to her on the incoming freshman group page. And after meeting her, I knew she’d be a perfect fit for what I needed.
The only thing left to do now was get through this last weekend before I began my own chapter and buried myself in my new reality… without Shane.
Through a post on his page, we all found out that Chase had decided to have a big going-away bash before he left for LA. His parents had rented out the rec room at some firehouse where “a ton of his friends could let loose.” The idiot had also encouraged people to pregame beforehand.
Surprisingly, he’d invited Kim. I had to beg her and pulled out every guilt card I could think of until she finally caved.
Coming directly from the studio meant Shane was meeting me there, and I tried not to harp on why spending an entire night with him made me nervous.
With one last mirror check, I slipped my phone, emergency money, and lip gloss into the pockets of my favorite pair of jeans. What to wear took up way too much time, and I decided to be myself, wild wavy hair and Chucks included. It was my way to flip a defiant middle finger to all the catty girls who would probably be there. It wasn’t Molly’s inner circle, but they weren’t exactly loyal to me either. I hoped every move I made all night long would be reported back to their mean girl idol.
When I emerged from my room, both my parents smiled. “You be careful, sweetheart,” Mom voiced for the hundredth time.
“I’ll be careful.” That one sentence had become her mantra. Our parents insisting security accompany us wasn’t anything new. But after what had happened last week, it was now mandatory to have two of Oscar’s guys with us everywhere we went.
Before Shane had asked me to stop coming to the studio, I would sit waiting for him in the lobby, no different than I’ve done so many times before. Distracted by my phone, I hadn’t noticed the person JLL’s receptionist had buzzed in… not until she got right into my face, yelling I was a slut, daughter of a whore, and some other insults I blocked out.
The shock of it stunned me, and I froze while she spit and hissed into my face. The minute or so it took for the receptionist to react and for security to reach me felt like days.
That meant a game plan needed to be put into place for me at NYU. As for tonight, Alec would be driving Shane from the studio to the party. Ryan, another one of our security guys, would be waiting for us there before holding post outside the door. Chase had no issue with it… not that he would have a choice. To want Shane there, or even me, meant to have to allow our security.
Serving as my handler until he handed me off to our henchmen, my father came closer with a worried expression that seemed to have become a permanent mask over his handsome face. He also hadn’t been himself, and that was a testament that Shane and I weren’t the only ones afflicted with stress.
“Ready to go?” he asked, searching my demeanor for a sign I had changed my mind. If it were up to him, he would’ve locked me in our apartment to keep me safe forever.
“Yep, I’m ready.”
After I hugged my mom, he and I headed out together. Not much was said during the eleva
tor ride down to the garage, or in his Corvette as he drove me downtown. It was a comfortable silence. Just his presence was enough. He was a man of few words and had already voiced everything he wanted me to know. So when he pulled up in front of the firehouse’s party room they had rented and reached for my hand, that simple gesture was all I needed from him in that moment.
“I love you, baby girl. So, so much.”
“Me too,” I strained to say back because of the ever-present lump in my throat. Just as I opened my door to get out, Shane appeared on the sidewalk, with Ryan hovering a few steps away.
Dad lowered the window and as a greeting said, “Where’s Alec?”
“He’s parking the car.” When I slipped out, instead of touching me in his usual way, Shane shoved his hands deep into his pockets. Some kind of unspoken conversation happened between them. No doubt, Dad saying, “Take care of her or I’ll have your ass,” while Shane responded, “How could you doubt I would?” The entire exchange had me feeling like a child being passed off between divorced parents.
Over the last week or so, there seemed to be a new tension hanging between my father and my boyfriend. I had asked them individually, but both remained tight lipped as to what if anything had happened. It was when it was just the three of us together when it was most obvious.
The moment my father pulled away, Shane took my hand. Ryan came closer, but, undeterred that we had an audience, Shane remained facing me as his gorgeous hazel eyes raked over my face. When he fingered an errant curl near my cheek, a shiver traveled through me.
“They’re back,” he said with a small smile.
“They’re back.”
“I missed them.” I miss you sat on the tip of my tongue, but I swallowed it as he stretched the space between our clasped hands. His gaze now assessed my jeans, Rolling Stones T-shirt, and Chucks. “You look gorgeous, Liv.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “You lie, but I look like myself if nothing else.”
“And that’s when you’re most gorgeous.” Just as he leaned in to kiss me, a large group turned the corner, heading for us. It was dark out, but that meant nothing if one person recognized him or me.
“Let’s get inside, kids.” Ryan pressed a firm hand on Shane’s back, and just like that the moment was ruined.
We hustled through the door and climbed the steep staircase toward the thumping sounds of music.
“I’ll be right out here,” Ryan said with an authoritative tone.
Shane merely nodded and tugged me through the door. The room was jammed, some recognizable faces, some I had never seen before. There was only one person I cared about, but I couldn’t locate my petite blonde bestie.
Shane leaned into me and whispered directly into my ear, “There’s Chase.” Feeling his warm breath and smelling that clean scent of his that I loved brought sadness before desire. My body had already primed itself for our separation, and because of it, my heart took control of my libido.
Mimicking him, I responded into his ear, “I don’t see Kim.” Our eyes locked, and in that moment familiarity finally came through. But just as his focus dropped to my lips, a rush of bodies came at us, screaming above the DJ’s music. There were seven of them to start, all gushing over Shane. At some point, a girl I’d never seen before pushed her way between us, breaking the hold he had on my hand.
“Whoa… girls… ,” Shane said in an attempt to stop their high-pitched squeals and chatter. His eyes connected with mine, but he made no attempt to pull me back near him. He did manage a “Liv,” to which I just waved a dismissive hand.
“I’ll be by the bar.”
“What?”
Walking away, I knew he’d figure it out at some point. Where the hell was Kim when I needed her?
The commotion caught Chase’s attention, along with that of a bunch of our classmates. Leaving my boyfriend to deal with these fair-weather fans, I stalked to the farthest corner, where a bar was set up. “Diet Coke, please,” I said to the blue-haired bartender.
“Coming right up.” She scooped up ice in a glass, and while pouring the soda over the frosty cubes, asked, “Who is that?”
I had no plans to respond, but the redhead beside me leaned over the bar to do the honors. “Shane Lair. You know, Jack’s son?” Instantly, the bartender’s brown eyes bulged as they both gazed at my boyfriend, having forgotten I was even there.
“Excuse me, can I have my drink?”
“Oh, sure… ,” she said, passing me the glass without looking my way.
“Jesus Christ,” I muttered, taking my sorry ass and my sorry beverage toward a quiet corner, which was easy since the entire party now congregated near the door. Over their heads I could see Shane’s tight smile and rigid posture. None of that mattered to anyone there wanting a picture with him or an acknowledgment he did indeed know them personally.
“What the fuck is happening?” a familiar voice asked, and I practically cried with relief.
“Thank God you’re here.” Pulling her into my arms, I held on for life.
“You’re choking me!” She giggled while prying my arms off her. “Seriously, though, Liv, this is crazy.” Kim focused on the ridiculous situation across the room, then stared at me with her big blue eyes. “I say we slip past them all and get out of here.”
“As tempting as that sounds, I can’t quite yet. But I’ll give him ten minutes… then I’m game.”
Her brows rose at the snark evident in my tone. “You okay?”
“Yes…” Tears welling forced me to bark, “No, actually, I’m not okay.”
Kim grabbed my hand and dragged me toward an EXIT sign so forcibly I spilled some of my drink. “Kim, I can’t leave,” I shouted above the noise.
“We’re not. There’s an office back there.” Sure enough, after taking a long hall past both sets of bathrooms, she led me through a door marked PRIVATE. My gaze swept around the dingy paneled room, where random pieces of firefighters’ equipment were scattered on a metal bookcase that would fall over if touched. “I was in here before,” she admitted at a much normal volume. “Hiding until you arrived.”
“I thought you just got here.”
“Nope. Unfortunately, I’ve been here about twenty minutes. Came early with the plan to talk to Chase, maybe make amends. He never gave me a glance.” Waving toward a pair of chairs facing a desk, she barked, “Have a seat.”
“What a jerk.”
“Does that surprise you?” Sympathy replaced the annoyed expression on her face. “Aren’t they all jerks at some point? Now talk to me.”
There was so much to say that I had no idea where to begin. Sensing my reticence, she took my hand in hers. “Liv… at first I thought you were trying to be such a good friend by showing undying support. So many times, you patiently listened to me go on and on about my breakup with Chase. But I’m over it, and still your mood hasn’t changed. I know something has been bothering you. I planned to give you space and then call you out once he left. I figured it had something to do with it, and by then you’d open up. Then the whole Molly thing happened, and I knew you were hurting.”
“So many times I wanted to talk, but you had your own thing, and honestly I had no idea how to even vocalize my issue.”
“Is it the tour?”
“Actually, it all started after their LA trip.”
“Did he do something out there?”
“No. That’s part of my problem.” I carefully explained the obvious ways Shane kept out of trouble. During it, Kim never said a word, nor did she give me an indication of what ran through her mind. I tried to be sensitive to the fact her boyfriend at the time held none of the sensitivity Shane held regarding her feelings.
I then shared the way his face lit up when talking about the festival they’d played, causing thoughts of regrets to grow no differently than a weed that goes ignored. You’d never know there was a party happening down the hall with how engrossed she was in my rundown.
“Every decision he’s made was for someone
else, Kim. It may not matter now, but what happens years from now when he realizes all that he missed out on? And what will come of me when that tears us apart and I have nothing but him in my life?”
Just as my dad’s brows had risen in understanding when I’d said the same to him, so did Kim’s. “You’re worried you’ll also have regrets.”
It wasn’t a question, and I had no choice but to say, “Yes.”
“Oh, sweetie.”
“I love him… so damn much it hurts. It physically causes me pain, thinking of a day in my life without him in it. And a few months ago, that notion seemed impossible, but now I can’t shake how much things have changed between us already. In our defense, we’ve been challenged for the first time in our relationship. Still, it can get so much worse. We are so entwined I don’t know where he ends and I begin.” The tears fell freely now, forcing Kim to pluck a few tissues out of a box sitting on the desk and hand them to me. “I hate feeling this way.”
“You can’t help how you feel, Liv. None of us can. As much as that bastard hurt me, if he were to say he couldn’t live without me, I’d be in his arms in a heartbeat.”
“Really?”
Looking ashamed, she nodded. “Really… and like you, I hate that I feel that way. The difference is, I learned how to move on, or pretend to at least… but you’re stuck. Maybe you guys need a break to figure things out?”
“Maybe,” I said through a pained whisper. The thought literally sent a sharp pain through my heart, but she was right. Maybe we did.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Shane
I kept one eye on the fanatics, and one on Alivia. But even that became difficult, and extracting myself became nearly impossible. If there was one thing I always learned from my parents, it was to be kind yet stern when faced with persistent fans. But my patience was up.
“Okay, enough!” With that, Ryan heard my voice and plowed through the door. He roughly pushed his way through the crowd. I didn’t blame him for not being in the room. Shit, Chase’s own parents failed to see a threat from a few feet away. No one could have predicted this reaction, or me being swarmed as I had been.
