by A. m Madden
I forced a smile. “No way. What did he send you?”
“A hat, water bottle, T-shirt, and one of those triangular banners. It was sweet. He wanted to take me to dinner tomorrow night after I moved in. My parents are staying a few days, so I asked for a rain check.”
“He really likes you, Kim.”
“I don’t know. Guys are hard to read. Once I get up there, I’ll be able to see if this is all a ploy to get some or not.”
“Sounds like a plan,” I said with little enthusiasm.
“Okay, that’s it.” Kim dropped her fork with a loud clank. “I hate that I can’t help you feel better, Liv. Why don’t we get your parents to arrange that MoMA visit anyway? I don’t mind having that cutie following us around.”
“Which cutie? Alec or Ryan?”
“Either one would work,” Kim quipped before wiggling her eyebrows. I laughed at her antics, and that brought a grin to her face. “There she is. Come on, Liv. Staring at all those paintings that look like I could do the same with my toes will cheer you up.” So many times, I had dragged Kim to the Museum of Modern Art. I went to admire the masterpieces, and Kim went to make fun of them. She took my hand in hers and squeezed it. “I’m worried about you.”
I could have said the same. Without her, without Shane, the next six days held as much appeal as a root canal.
“I’ll be fine,” I lied. “I still have to pack… that’ll take at least two hours.” A manic giggle escaped out of nowhere. Suddenly, the situation seemed funny when I was far from it.
“Too bad you can’t fly to like…” She tapped a pink nail to her chin. “Where is there ugly art that you can admire? Paris? Florence?”
“I wish.”
Her blue eyes widened. “Wait… why don’t you? No one would know you or your famous boyfriend. You can go to museums and shop… eat! Shit, that sounds like a dream. I wish I could go with you.” Although the idea did sound appealing… “Oh! I’m sure NYU has a satellite campus somewhere in Europe! Transfer there!”
“Have you lost your mind?”
“I’m serious. It would get you out of the city while he’s on tour.”
It would get me out of the city while he’s on tour.
The idea appealed much more than it should have. That was, until the realization of thirteen long weeks without Shane hit me. “But that would also mean no visits for thirteen weeks.”
“True.” And as she agreed, I pondered. Wouldn’t that help me to detach from him, create my own dreams, and find my own passions?
“Then again, there are video calls… ,” I said out loud.
“And phone sex,” she added. Sensing the shift in my attitude, Kim went on to list all the reasons this could be a great idea, and with each one she sold me more and more.
“Florence?” My dad’s eyes bugged out while my mom smiled excitedly. She understood exactly what my issue was. And in all fairness, so did my father. He completely agreed I needed to find myself, as much as any almost eighteen-year-old could. But based on the color draining from his face, no doubt he’d assumed I’d be doing said searching on the island of Manhattan.
At first, I casually brought it up as we ate dinner. As was typical, my father instantly shut the idea down. Shifting into defense mode, they had both listened as I ticked off the many reasons this could be good for me. On Kim’s suggestion, we’d actually written down that list, coming up with two dozen lines. No competition when comparing it to my cons list, which consisted of only two—missing Shane and missing my family.
“Cool… can I have her room?” Trestan asked before gnawing another chunk off his burger.
No one paid him attention as Dad continued to stare right through me, forcing me to snap my fingers near his dazed face. “Dad…”
“Florence?” he repeated more incredulously. “Last I checked there are many museums and art galleries right here.”
“Yes, but I can’t truly study them, explore like I want to with security trailing me everywhere I go. You won’t let me go anywhere without security. How embarrassing it’ll be, sitting in a lecture hall while Alec or Ryan or Joe Schmoe stand at the door like the Queen’s Guard.”
“That’s for your own safety,” Mom interjected.
“I get that, but I don’t have to like it. It’s a huge adjustment, and you can’t blame me for wanting to escape to somewhere no one knows me. I think this could be really good for me.”
“But Florence?” he repeated yet again. “Why not take this knife”—he grabbed the serrated blade near his plate—“and stab me with it?”
While prying the knife from his grip, my mom said through a sigh, “Trey, calm down.”
“Florence, Camilla… Florence.” Popping off his chair, he began to pace our dining room.
“Repeating it over and over isn’t going to change anything. You yourself said she needed something to excite her, motivate her.” My mom waved a hand toward me. “Look at that smile.” She stood to join him where he’d ended up, clear across the room. “We’ll visit often. You don’t need to be in the studio for months, and the tour isn’t until next year.” Dad’s scowl remained, while his eyes drilled into hers. “I always wanted to truly explore Italy.” The only times my family had done so were during Dad’s tours, and not for more than a few days here or there. That seemed to soften him up a bit, but to be sure, my mom wrapped her arms around his waist and flashed her pretty smile.
Bam… he was toast.
His own lips lifted enough to replace the frown. “If that’s what my girls want, then fine… Florence it is.”
“Hold on,” Trestan whined, wide eyed and annoyed. “What if I don’t want to move to stupid Italy?”
“We’re not moving, silly. Just visiting. You’ll love it there.” Mom worked her magic on my brother next. “You probably don’t remember, but when you were a baby you loved the gelato so much, you cried every day for it.”
“What flavor?” he pouted.
“Chocolate.”
“Can I have a new game system there?”
My parents exchanged an eye roll. “That can be arranged.”
“With the newest war game that came out yesterday, plus five more of my choosing?” What a wheeler-dealer this kid was.
“Maybe.”
“Okay, I’m in.”
“Like you’d have a choice.” Forgetting my exasperation for the brat, I refocused my attention on my father. “Of course, this is all dependent on whether the school will let me.”
“For the right donation, they’ll let you,” Dad griped, believing everyone could be bought. “If this is what you want, Livi, then I support your decision.” He sat beside me and took my hand. “But if this is you running away from things, that won’t work, baby girl. Your problems will follow you.”
Was that what this was? Me running?
Maybe in a small way, but it truly felt more like a door opening for me. So many exciting visuals had flooded my mind since Kim had planted the Florence seed. I could study art in one of the best places on earth to do so. I could study to become a curator, open my own gallery one day… the possibilities were endless.
Most important, I could grow into my own person.
I reached over and took his calloused hand between both of mine. “Dad… it’s something I really need to do.”
The familiar sound of my ringtone pulled me out of a very deep sleep. I snatched my phone off the end table and squinted until the time came into focus.
“Hello,” I said, trying to sound more awake than I was.
“Hey, baby. I’m so sorry it’s so late.”
“It’s fine.” Pulling the cell away to muffle my yawn, I sat up and switched on a light. “How are you?”
“Tired… and missing you like fucking crazy.” His admission caused the ever-present emotional lump to resurface in my throat. The same one that had been absent today with all the Florence talk… which spoke volumes.
“I miss you too. Tell me about your day.”
�
��It was unreal.” He excitedly gave me a play-by-play of the radio interview that had started their day to the live appearance where they’d debuted two songs. “It feels so real now.”
“It is real.”
“Yeah.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” he was quick to say. “How was your day?”
“I, um… Kim and I spent the day together here. Mom arranged a day of beauty and brunch to come to us. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with going out.” A very long pause came. “Shane?”
“I hate that you have to worry about this now.”
“It’s fine. Is the hotel nice?”
“Yeah… hold on.”
When the video option lit up my screen, I switched over. “Hey.”
“There’s my girl.” His gaze traveled over me. “You look sexy as fuck.”
“I could say the same.” He was propped up against a cream fabric headboard, his torso naked, and the dog tags I’d given him resting between his sculpted pecs. I could see how tired he was, though. “Show me your room.” The shot wobbled a bit before Shane revealed a slow scan of his room. Near the window sat a food cart with leftover scraps from a meal. “You ate alone?”
“We all did tonight. The moment we landed it’s been nonstop. Cannon wanted us all rested for tomorrow.” A loud yawn stretched between us as he scrubbed a hand over his face. “I really wish you were here with me in this big-ass bed.”
“Me too. Why don’t you get some sleep? We’ll talk tomorrow.”
“It may be late again. Is that okay?”
“Of course. Call me whenever you can.”
“Okay, baby. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
We stared at each other for a few long seconds before he touched the screen just as it went dark.
I hated that I couldn’t bring myself to mention Florence. Really, what was the point of upsetting him if it didn’t happen? There was a great chance I wouldn’t be able to transfer until the second semester. That kind of defeated the purpose.
Being away would remove me from any negative aftershocks that came from him being on the road. It would remove the need to constantly be watched over by my parents, our security detail. But most important, it would distract me from missing him.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Shane
It had been a grueling week, constant go-go-go, and smiling so much my face hurt. The attention I received because of my last name had been expected, but the adoration before I even proved myself was phony as shit. Until they actually did hear me play. That was when I saw their feigned praise become real.
Hearing the roar of the crowd and having a spotlight on me were the only things that made the week bearable by supplying a high I’d never experienced in my life. For some reason, it felt different from the times I played publicly. My dad seemed to think it was because I was now a professional musician. Even though the money meant little to me, the fact I received it validated my talent… and that made it fucking amazing.
During the brief moments that I had a chunk of time to myself, I tried to envision how I could be a success when I loathed the press junket part of the music world.
I also realized I wasn’t a fan of playing with guys I didn’t care for. Cannon and I had grown closer, and my opinion of him had changed. But his band… nope. Although great musicians, they were morons. The dynamics I’d grown up with in the Devil’s Lair family had spoiled me.
The problem was that a solo artist without a backup band was rare. Which made me more determined to do my thing—just me, my bass, and a mic. Somehow, I’d need to find a way to walk to the beat of my own drum, pun intended. I wanted my music to rely on my talent. I already had a whole arsenal of songs showcasing my singing and my playing abilities and could make it work.
Of course, Alivia had remained a constant in my thoughts all week. We video chatted every night, most times staying on the phone until one of us couldn’t keep our eyes open any longer. The hotel incident after Chase’s party went unmentioned, as did the desperation that laced our time together.
It felt as though a dark cloud hovered above and would open up and pour down on us at any moment. There was a lot we needed to talk about.
Even after sleeping the entire flight home in my cozy first-class seat, I was still drowsy on the drive to the city.
“Shane, we’re here,” Ryan said, only then making me realize we were sitting in front of her building.
“Thanks, man.”
“No problem. I’ll take your luggage to your place. Call me when you’re ready to be picked up.” It wasn’t worth arguing that I’d be fine on the short walk at this hour of night.
“Okay.”
I barely waved to the night concierge and slumped against the elevator wall while releasing a huge yawn. This traveling shit was exhausting, but the higher the floor numbers climbed, the more alert I became. Tomorrow her classes began, and I felt bad keeping her up so late… but I really needed to see my girl.
Alivia was supposed to be in her dorm tonight. My return had her staying at her apartment instead. I made sure she told her parents I was coming, and when Trey answered the door with a frown, I gave no shits.
“Hey, Unk.” I unapologetically pushed past him. “Where’s—”
“I’m here,” she said, appearing from the den. Again, not giving a shit, I rushed for her, scooping her up and burying my face in her neck.
“Yeah… I’ll give you two some privacy,” I heard Trey grumble from behind us. Again… didn’t care.
Putting her down, I gripped her face and kissed her passionately. Once we broke apart, I stared at her long and hard. “Shit, I missed you so much.”
“Me too.” Her gaze raked over my face. “You look so tired.”
“I just caught my second wind. You look gorgeous.” While in her silly Hello Kitty pajamas, she was still sexy as fuck and good enough to eat.
“Are you hungry?”
“Not for food,” I said with a smirk. Voicing my desires while her parents and brother were at home didn’t bode well for my dick. “But if it’ll distract me from eating you,” I whispered, “then yes. I can eat.”
She rolled her eyes up and smirked. “Come on.” Taking my hand, she led me to the island before pulling open the fridge door. “Pizza, roast beef, leftover lo mein—”
“Pizza. I’ll eat it cold.” She placed a soda before me, and as she unwrapped the foil-covered slice, I asked, “What time is your class tomorrow morning?”
Her eyes met mine and held. “I have to tell you something.”
The way she said it while pushing the plate toward me had me asking, “Did something happen?”
“Yes… but not in a bad way.” Her expression said otherwise, and I held off on taking a bite until she sat beside me. “A lot has happened this week. I waited to tell you until it was confirmed, and that happened today.”
“Until what was confirmed?” She fiddled with the drawstring on her pajama bottoms. “Liv.”
“I, um… I decided to study abroad this semester.”
“Where abroad?”
“Florence.”
What the serious fuck? “What? Why?”
A pucker appeared on her forehead in response to my scowl. “I want you to hear me out, and not speak until I say what I need to.”
“Okay.” Bile rising in my throat forced me to push away the untouched pizza as I folded my arms in wait.
“My parents had to pull some strings to make it happen, and I’ll be behind a bit once I get there and start. But the gist of it is I’ll be transferring to NYU’s campus in Florence. I’ll be able to visit museums and truly explore the culture unnoticed. And because no one will give a crap who I am, or even know who I am, I will be able to truly immerse myself in something I love so much… and…” The shimmer in her eyes made them an even paler shade of blue. “I’ll have something to distract me from the pain slicing me open while you’re gone.” With that comment came her tears, a
nd she merely shrugged instead of wiping them away.
Despite the pain in my chest because she needed to be across an ocean to deal with my absence, how could I deny her this? Despite her tears, the excitement she felt was evident in the way she bit down on the corner of her lip. Despite how much I hated everything about this plan she’d concocted, how could I ignore that the reason she had was to avoid having her own regrets?
“I know this is out of the blue, but it really makes so much sense. We’ll talk every day, and if I have a few days where I can swing it, maybe I’ll fly out to see you at one point during the tour.”
Maybe? One point?
Forcing a smile, I nodded. “This is…”
“I know. It’s impulsive.”
The hopeful tone in her voice was unmistakable. “It’s really something you want to do?”
“It’s something I need to, Shane… for me. It’s just one semester.”
Even though I felt as though she had now sliced me open, how could I deny her this? “Okay. I support you if this is what you really want to do.” Her smile began hesitantly, until I cupped her face and faked one of my own. “Whatever makes you happy, makes me happy.”
With that, her lips spread, lighting up her entire face. “I love you so much.”
“I know. I love you too.”
It was just one semester.
We could handle this.
All these weeks I’d spent dreading the day I’d be leaving, counting down to a date on a calendar, only to be forced to say goodbye way sooner than my heart was prepared for. And for the last eight days, I’d plastered a smile on my face while my insides burned no differently than if I had drank acid.
I tried not to harp on all the things that didn’t come to fruition—starting classes together, moving into our dorms, establishing a new routine and life. So much had changed, and neither of us could’ve predicted it.
On her end, she frantically got herself ready to make the move to Italy. Finding an apartment near campus, packing up the dorm she had moved into only a week earlier, shipping her things over. On my end, the grueling schedule stole time that we could’ve spent together.
