by A. m Madden
The fact that I was nervous about having dinner with the man I’d known practically my entire life was ridiculous. He’d been through everything with me, and I with him. Three or four hellish months eclipsing more than ten years of happiness shouldn’t have played a factor. For the second time in all those months, I needed to do something strictly for me and not for us.
But as we ate the pasta primavera that I’d whipped up for us, being away from my bedroom undoubtedly allowed logic to creep back into his mind, and with that, questions began to be asked.
My time to avoid was up.
“I’m surprised you haven’t started packing,” he said around a mouthful of pasta. “Don’t you have finals this week?”
“Yes… so you’re not allowed to distract me,” I deflected, raising my fork at him for emphasis.
“I’ll try not to. Actually, if you direct me, I’ll pack for you.” I watched as he twirled another clump of linguini around his fork, hating myself because I was about to ruin his meal. He had no clue while happily devouring more pasta until his eyes met mine and the fork laden with his next bite remained suspended midair. “What’s wrong?”
Bile rose in my throat, making the remaining part of my dinner impossible to stomach. Lowering my fork, I tried to avoid his questioning gaze, but Shane wouldn’t allow it. “Alivia.”
“I… um… need to tell you something.”
That prompted him to drop his fork. “Okay.”
“My flight home is not until the twenty-third.”
“Oh… okay. That’s fine. I thought we’d leave a few days sooner than that, but I left mine open-ended until I knew for sure.”
“That’s not all… my flight back is on the tenth of January.”
“Flight back?”
I took his hand in mine, and forced a swallow before admitting, “I decided to finish the school year here in Florence.”
He yanked his arm away, but it was the silence that hurt more than the rejection.
Shane
Never would that possibility have crossed my mind. I knew she loved Florence. I knew she had discovered a passion for the art world. I even knew she loved living on her own, as she had these past three months. So, really, her announcement shouldn’t have been a shock.
Then why was I stunned silent? Hurt that she’d made this decision without me? Annoyed at myself for assuming we would slip right back into our norm?
“Say something,” she prompted. And still, I couldn’t find my voice. “Shane, it’s just a few more months.”
“It’s four more months, Liv.”
“Okay… but look how fast the last three went.”
“For you, maybe.” I pushed back my chair, causing the wooden legs to scrape along the ceramic tile.
She didn’t say a word until she saw me snatch my coat off the rack near the door. “Where are you going?”
“I need air.” In fact, I needed it so badly I shrugged into my coat while running down the stairs and right out the front door. Back and forth I paced, dragging in one deep breath after another and talking to myself. A few passing by stared at me, but that didn’t stop the panic attack swelling inside my chest.
Regardless, I couldn’t seem to force my feet to walk away… not metaphorically, at least. Tonight, I had planned to tell her that while she studied back in the city, I would record my album. I would take the time to do it right, and she could take the time to do her own thing. What mattered was we did it all together.
But the more I thought about it, the more her news didn’t matter. Really, nothing needed to change except location. This was something she wanted to do, and I would support her during it come hell or high water… as she had supported me.
Forcing myself to think it through, I walked around the block. There was a lot for me to say, and I wanted to make sure it came out right.
When I came full circle back to her building, I pulled in a few more deep breaths before heading into the lobby, nodded at Sofia, who didn’t dare stop me, and went right into the elevator.
A minute or so later, I rapped my knuckles on her door.
“Hi,” she said, studying my face.
“I’m sorry.” I lunged for her, burying my face in her neck. “I’m sorry I freaked out.”
“It’s okay. You didn’t do it—”
“Don’t, Liv,” I interrupted her forgiving words. “Don’t give me an out again. I need to own up to the fact I’ve been a selfish prick for far too long. Come.” Tugging her out of the hallway, I kicked the door shut behind us and sat on the couch, easing her onto my lap. “It wasn’t okay for me to be so selfish. All you’ve ever done was to be there for me, at every turn with every decision I made. I’m now here for you.”
“You’re always there for me.”
“Not the way you need me to be. I came here wanting to push reset, and that hasn’t changed. Where you are, I will be. If that means here, if you’re okay with me staying, I will live here in Florence. What I hadn’t told you yet was that, although playing with Cannon was an amazing experience, I decided to go solo. I have written so many new songs while on tour, and with those I had already, they will supply years of recording in a studio…” I waited for her to digest what I had said, and then added, “A studio here. Whether you decide to stick around for one more semester or for your entire college career. Either way, I’m staying.”
“You’re serious?”
“As a heart attack. You took my heart hostage that day you and your mom came to the beach house for the first time. You stomped right over to where I was making an epic sandcastle, pointed a finger, and said, ‘The tower is not tall enough.’ Do you remember that?”
She nodded with a smile. “I made you start over.”
“Yeah… you did.” I placed a gentle kiss on her soft lips, lingering for a few seconds before pulling away. “And then the first time I kissed you? Our legs hanging over the edge of the pool as our dads sat across the deck?” Again, she nodded. “Baby, every kiss feels like that first one. Every time I take you, it feels like prom night all over again. Every single day with you has my heart squeezing with the same emotions, over and over, just as it did during all our firsts.”
I smiled when she wiped away a single tear, never looking away from my eyes.
We were just kids, but we had grown together in so many ways… and most significantly, we’d matured in the relationship department. Sure, we had a lot more growing to do, but if we could survive the shit we’d endured this summer, we could survive anything.
When I bent to connect our lips, the familiar current ran right to my cock. I would never tire from feeling her lips against mine, her body against mine. I sank my fingers into her hair, pulling her even closer. Our lips danced together, warming us both toward that crescendo we achieved so easily together.
While sitting in an ironclad embrace, the kiss quickly built as we gripped each other in a desperate attempt to eliminate the space between us. This kind of desperation I could handle… I welcomed it. It was validation I couldn’t live without this girl. We were meant to be. She was made for me, and I for her. She had forever left an indelible mark on my heart.
Alivia Deron Taylor was most definitely my destiny.
Epilogue
Jack ~ Five years later ~ June 7
Déjà vu hit hard as I stared out at the beach prepped for another wedding ceremony. The last had occurred twenty-one years ago to this day, when I married the love of my life. Shit, how did more than two decades fly by so quickly?
Most of those in attendance had witnessed Leila and my union back then. Our parents, our bandmates, our friends, and siblings were a common denominator.
I remembered every detail as though it were yesterday. Her sleeveless, scooped-neck dress that molded around her narrow waist and billowed down to the floor in a full skirt. A simple veil had been tucked into her upswept hairdo. Three presents I had given her… a heart necklace, an eternity bracelet, and her engagement ring had served as more than just accesso
ries that day.
I’d never forget the way my heart pumped in my chest as I stood beneath the floral trellis, in my simple black tuxedo, showing my “crotch-clenching” dimples that she always loved so much.
And now there we were, sitting side by side. I glanced down at our entwined hands, thanking God for bringing that exquisite woman into my life. Leila was as gorgeous today as the day she stumbled into the studio. She hadn’t aged a bit, and she definitely didn’t look old enough to have a son who was about to be married.
Today, our oldest child would take the same vows we had all those years ago. She’d been weepy all day. Tears of joy that wouldn’t stop falling. I wrapped an arm around her while the somber expression on my face served as a mask, hiding how close I was to losing it as well.
The pale-gold dress that hugged her stunning body may have enhanced the amber in her eyes, but our history was what had them shining as brightly as the sun above. I then glanced down at the bracelet that circled her wrist, and the rings that circled her finger, symbols of my undying love since the day I’d given them to her.
We were blessed in so many ways… our four amazing kids, our incredible career, the wealth that flourished for us because of the path we had taken together. Leila and I loved each other hard, and we loved our kids even harder.
At that moment, Shane’s eyes caught mine as he stood a few feet away. The ocean behind him served as a backdrop, and the wooden trellis above served as an altar. That cocky smirk of his not much different than the day he came to us, and it always sucked the air from my lungs. I was so damn proud of my kid.
He may have only been twenty-four, but he most definitely had lived a lifetime already. Far more mature than I was at that age, he never ceased to amaze Leila and me. From losing his mother, Paula, at five, to becoming one of the youngest musicians to ever tour professionally, every step he’d taken had led him right to this profound moment in his life.
That opportunity with Cannon five years ago had created more than just professional success. It had also tested his relationship… and strengthened it.
He and Alivia had lived together in Florence for two years. By the time they’d returned to the States, Alivia was deep in her studies of becoming an art curator, and Shane had two albums recorded. And by the time Alivia had graduated from NYU, they’d had their futures mapped out perfectly.
That year, Shane had prepared to tour for the first time as a solo artist. Meanwhile, with her parents’ help, Alivia had opened a gallery on the same street as JLL Productions.
When Shane left on his first tour, Alivia joined him. Together, they traveled the country on a luxury bus. He preferred singing and playing in small venues from coast to coast over the large-scale success his mother and I favored. At each location, Alivia searched for new artists that she could showcase once back in New York City.
It was the perfect way to meld their dreams, and the outcome was no different than the path Leila and I had traveled to get to where we were now.
As Shane ran a finger between the stiff collar and his neck, memories of his prom popped into my mind. He glanced at his groomsmen, and the faces they made back at Shane caused a grin to appear.
Madden reciprocated with his own dimpled smile, standing proudly beside his brother in the role of best man. Now a junior at Stanford, his interest in aerospace engineering never failed to have me in awe. I guessed all those toy rockets he loved so much were more than just playthings.
Beside Madden was Shane’s best friend, Chase, famous for the role he’d landed in a teenage drama that was all the rage. His acting career wasn’t a surprise, but I would’ve never predicted the grounded man he’d become based on the reckless kid he used to be. Getting back together with Alivia’s best friend, Kim, had a lot to do with that outcome. They were next to wed in the fall.
Drex, the youngest of our brood, seemed bored out of his mind. It was typical of our high school graduate, who had no clue what he wanted to do in life. Because of the need to find himself, he’d planned a trip with his two buddies to “hop around the world” for a year or two. The thought brought instant heartburn to my chest.
Beside him was Alivia’s brother, Trestan… a mini Trey in both looks and attitude… although the kid was anti–rock music, which killed his father. God, my heart went out to poor Camilla for all the gray hair coming her way… not so much for Trey. That fucker that I loved like a brother deserved a dose of his own medicine.
The change in music meant the ceremony was about to begin. All our guests twisted to look toward the deck of our beach house. First to approach in the pretty pink gown she’d designed and made herself was my sweet girl, Siarra. Also a junior in college, she studied design at FIT in the city. She smiled brightly at all the eyes focused on her before her gaze landed on me. She was most definitely Daddy’s little girl… all grown up, smart, gorgeous. Her looks were identical to her mother’s, except for eyes that mirrored mine.
When she adorably winked at me in her sassy way, I suppressed a sob. Leila, having heard it, giggled beside me. Contradicting that smile, her eyes glazed over with unshed tears. I leaned down to kiss her softly, not able to stop a tear of my own from falling. She reached over and wiped it away, keeping her hand on my cheek. “I love you.”
“I love you more.” I could feel my heart swelling to the point of rupture in my chest.
As we stared into each other’s eyes, the electricity between us continued to pulse as intensely as it had on the day we’d met.
I remembered our own wedding day and how easily I could see our lives spreading out before us. The home we would share with our kids. The life she would lead as Mrs. Jackson Henry Lair. That day I may have unknowingly manifested it all to come true. But it was the love I had for the woman beside me that had created every damn blessing I had in my life.
Trey
I tried to channel my hyperventilating as Siarra disappeared around the floral screen, and then Livi’s friend Kim. It was easier said than done, forcing my daughter to say, “Dad, relax.”
“I’m trying.” With no one left to walk along the cream runner that served as an aisle, I began to panic. I stared down at the beautiful woman on my arm while on the verge of tears, and it was harder and harder to hide my emotions from her.
Seeing them all play out on my face forced her to say, “Dad, don’t make me cry.”
“Okay… I’m sorry.” Despite being so out of my element, I sucked it up and forced a smile. “Ready, baby girl?”
“I’m ready.”
“Then let’s do this.”
When we emerged for all our guests to see, gasps filtered over to us. I didn’t blame them. Alivia, wearing a perfect gown that Siarra had created for my girl, had her looking every bit the princess that she was… one who deserved only good things in her life.
And while everyone stared at the vision beside me, my eyes fixated on the kid standing tall and proud in his black tux, waiting to marry my Livi.
“God, I love him,” Alivia said with a sigh.
“Yeah… I love that kid too.” And I did… although there were times I wondered what I did to deserve having my best friend’s kid fornicating with mine. Well… maybe I did deserve it. Fucking karma could kiss my ass.
“Can you please show that you love him? You look like you’re ready to go a few rounds.”
I plastered a cheesy smile on my face. “Better?”
“I guess.”
“Just remember, if he hurts you, I will kill him.”
My daughter rolled her eyes in her normal way. “No, you won’t.”
Fine… I wouldn’t, but I’d have no problem cutting his dick off. One would think I would’ve seen this coming all those years ago when he had the balls to kiss Alivia right in front of me at only ten years of age. And that kiss set the tone for way too many years of torment as they grew up from two cute kids to the adults they were now.
I guessed if someone had to sweep her off her feet, I was glad it was Lair’s kid. Still�
�� that didn’t mean I had to pretend that each step we took wasn’t moving me closer to losing my little girl.
Camilla scolded me when I’d used those words last night, while lying in bed, feeling like the world as I knew it was about to end. In my defense, it was. My sweet Livi was about to become a married woman. How did this fucking happen in the blink of an eye?
The same gorgeous creature who’d barreled into my life like a freight train had mangled my heart in a tattered mass of a love like I’d never experienced before. Not with the women I loved in the past who I lost, not with her mother, who was the last woman to capture my once-cold heart… not with anyone.
So, yes, I loved my wife. I loved my friends. I loved my son. I even loved that damn cat that died a few years ago. But the love I had for my daughter was unmatched, and I meant it when I said I’d kill for her.
Somehow, despite thoughts of murder and loss, I managed to lead us down the long aisle before the pastor asked, “Who gives this woman for marriage?”
Camilla came to stand beside me as we both said, “We do.”
On the pastor’s nod, I kissed her soft cheek but refused to put her hand in Shane’s. My future son-in-law raised a brow. “Hey, Unk… I mean, Dad. This would be the time you let her go.”
“Yeah… yeah.” Still, I didn’t move… until Trestan came forward and pried Alivia’s hand from mine and stuck it in Shane’s outstretched hand.
“See? Not so hard,” that little shit said before retreating back to his place while receiving a round of applause.
More karma.
Reluctantly, I turned to take a seat beside my wife with a scowl. That forced Camilla to lean forward and literally press her fingers around my mouth until a smile formed.
“Hi,” Shane said, with eyes only for her.
