Let us follow Him
Page 3
CHAPTER III.
A certain evening, after animated discussions about the transmigrationof souls, they remained alone on the terrace, from which the view wastoward the sea. Cinna, taking Timon's hand, declared openly what thegreat torment of his life was, and why he had striven to approach thescholars and philosophers of the Serapeum.
"I have gained this much at least," said he; "I have learned to knowyou, O Timon, and I understand now that if you cannot solve my life'sriddle, no other man can."
Timon gazed for a time at the smooth surface of the sea, in which thenew moon was reflected; then he said,--
"Hast thou seen those flocks of birds, Cinna, which fly past here inwinter from northern glooms? Dost thou know what they seek in Egypt?"
"I do. Warmth and light."
"Souls of men also seek warmth, which is love, and light, which meanstruth. The birds know whither they are flying for their good; but soulsare flying over roadless places, in wandering, in sadness, anddisquiet."
"Why can they not find the road, noble Timon?"
"Once man's repose was in the gods; to-day, faith in the gods is burntout, like oil in a lamp. Men thought that to souls philosophy would bethe light of truth; to-day, as thou knowest best of all, on its ruinsin Rome and in the Academy in Athens, and here, sit Sceptics, to whom itseemed that it was bringing in peace, but it brought in disquiet. For torenounce light and heat is to leave the soul in darkness, which isdisquiet. Hence, stretching out our hands before us, we seek an exit ingroping."
"Hast thou not found it?"
"I have sought, and I have not found it. Thou hast sought it inpleasure, I in thought; and the same mist encircles us. Know then thatnot thou alone art suffering, but in thee the soul of the world istortured. Is it long since thou hast ceased to believe in the gods?"
"At Rome they are honored publicly yet, and even new ones are broughtfrom Asia and Egypt; but no one believes in them sincerely, exceptdealers in vegetables, who come in the morning from the country to thecity."
"And these are the only people who live in peace."
"They are like those who bow down here to cats and onions."
"Just like those, who, in the manner of beasts, ask for nothing beyondsleep after eating."
"But is life worth the living in view of this?"
"Do I know what death will bring?"
"What is the difference, then, between thee and the Sceptics?"
"Sceptics are satisfied with darkness, or feign that they are satisfied,but I suffer in it."
"And thou seest no salvation?"
Timon was silent for a moment, and then answered slowly, as if withhesitation,--
"I wait for it."
"Whence?"
"I know not."
Then he rested his head on the palm of his hand; and as if under theinfluence of that silence which had settled down on the terrace, hebegan to speak in a low and measured voice,--
"A wonderful thing; but at times it seems to me that if the worldcontained nothing beyond that which we know, and if we could be nothingmore than we are, this disquiet would not exist in us. So in thissickness I find hope of health. Faith in Olympus and philosophy aredead, but health may be some new truth which I know not."
Beyond expectation, that talk brought great solace to Cinna. When heheard that the whole world was sick, and not he alone, he felt as ifsome one had taken a great weight from him and distributed it on athousand shoulders.