Over the years, Kin and I emailed occasionally and called each other even less. We each got on with our own lives, me as a cop and her a teacher. Seven years later Kin invited me to her wedding with a woman named Hannah. I’m pretty sure she didn’t believe my excuse that I was in the hospital recovering from a gunshot wound and we didn’t talk again.
Until ten years after I’d escaped that Virginia home. Our mother had died, her health quickly degrading over the previous couple of years. I had to miss the funeral and the reading of the will, a particularly nasty strain of the Flu putting me in the hospital. But I hopped a plane as soon as I was released to meet Kinsey at the old home.
March 20 was unseasonably warm, and I had the air conditioning turned way up in my rented 2010 Nissan Sentra. In spite of the late sunlight, the forest itself was dark. Trees reached ominously over the car as I drive up the long, lonely dirt road to the house. Almost as soon as I entered the trees the radio had cut out, so I listened to the crunch of gravel under the wheels.
Time might have marched on for the rest of the world, but it hadn’t touched the creepy old house. The drive in was still an hour long and the manor itself was still old and imposing. Like something out of one of those 60s slasher flicks. An early 2000’s Ford Escort sat in the circular drive near the front door.
I opened the car door and gave a wheeze when the outside heat hit me like a Mack truck. The wheeze turned into a growl against oppressive temperatures as I pulled my Glock 17 from the center console. It slid neatly into the holster I kept on my back waistband. My mood had just started to improve when I seared my hand on the house’s brass door handle.
Inside it the heat was just as suffocating. Flies buzzed around the house and the light switch turned on only one of the six hallway lights. The abandoned home from a horror movie motif lasted until I reached the Livingroom. An unexpected sense of home came rushing back to me when I caught sight of a familiar young brunette sitting in her old favorite armchair and reading an old beaten copy of Orwell’s 1984.
“Hey Kin,” I said with a smile.
“Jake!” Kinsey said as her face broke into a wide grin. She peeled herself out of the chair and bounded over for a hug, still holding that book. Her back was soaked with sweat. As hot as it was, she might have only been in that seat for handful of minutes to build that kind of sweat.
“How are ya?” I asked. “Last I heard you were teaching some kind of science thing at an east coast university.”
“I teach graduate level biology and ecological studies at Dartmouth.” Her smile got even bigger with pride. “You still a cop?”
“Yeah,” I answered. “I take the detective’s exam next week though it’s unlikely I’ll get the position.” We started walking aimlessly through the house during the conversation.
“Why is that?”
“Small department. Everybody wants the position but there are only so many spots. So I’ll be on the waiting list. My best chance is to put myself on the transfer list. I’d get detective faster, but I don’t know where I might end up.”
Kinsey nodded and fell silent. Our wanderings took us through the kitchen, library, and even our old rooms. Both looked completely untouched. The dirty sock I’d tossed onto my bed as I’d walked out of my room was still laying in the middle of my pillow, just as I remembered. I was always something of a messy bastard. Kinsey’s room was likely just as she left it, everything perfectly in place. It could have been a showroom. The woman was a damned neat-freak.
Each room sparked a new conversation, based on whatever memories were the strongest. We laughed over our young and stupid years and the idiotic things we did when we thought we knew how the world worked. Kinsey’s face reddened when we passed by the downstairs washroom where Carlo had accidentally walked in on Kin while she’d been changing all those years ago. When I found out about it at the time, I’d laughed so hard at her I almost cried. Looking back at her experience, we both snickered at her youthful plight as we reminisced over the dusty old washroom. When we turned down a long hallway, I shifted our conversation to a topic I knew she wanted to talk about.
“So, where’s that wife of yours?” I asked as we meandered past her old room.
“Hannah’s still in Hanover,” she said, her face beaming. “Our daughter Sandra came down with the mumps so neither could make the trip. It’s too bad, because I was really looking forward to the three of you meeting.”
“Yeah, that sucks,” I said, casting a sideways glance at Kinsey. “She seemed a sweet young lady from the wedding pics you sent. Fucking hot too.”
Kin snorted in prideful laughter and was still beaming at my comment when we found ourselves in the Protectorate. With the exception of the sheets covering the furniture, everything was exactly as we’d last seen it. Even the candlestick I’d left on the floor all those years ago was still there, although the window had been repaired. Kinsey leaned against its frame as she looked outside.
“Ever see that ghost again?” She asked sarcastically as she looked over her shoulder at me. When I looked over at her she stuck her tongue out at me.
“Ha-ha,” I said, sarcasm dripping from my voice. “The shrink said it was a stress-related hallucination.”
“You saw a psychiatrist about it?”
“It just came up in one of my evaluations. They’re a requirement after a shooting.”
“Did you kill someone?” Kinsey’s eye were wide and her mouth hung open. I guess her image of her older brother conflicted with the darker part of my job.
“I don’t talk about it with…” I almost said outsiders. I wasn’t sure if she would have understood that. “With other people.”
“Have you ever considered coming back?” she asked hopefully. “I know Hannah and Sandra would love to have you around and it might do you some good being around family.”
“I spent half my damn life trying to get away from family,” I growled angrily and regretted it immediately. “I’m sorry. I… I didn’t mean you or your family. I just… I was supposed to be in the Army. I mean, I had a plan.” I turned to lean on the wall as Kinsey crossed her arms over her chest, her eyes gazing sadly at me. “I was going to go career. I was going to see the world, serve our nation. Serve a purpose. Make a difference in this world. But after I was injured, I got a job as a cop. They would have let me back after a wait period, but I got it in my head that I could serve a purpose as a cop instead and didn’t want to wait. Fuck, maybe I could have, except…”
“The shooting?” Kinsey asked after my long pause. I nodded.
“There was a robbery at a conveniences store. There wasn’t any mention of an armed perp, so I didn’t wait for backup. I went in without my lights, parked in the back, and snuck in the rear thinking I was clever. But he had the same idea. We came face to face in the stockroom. I…” I had to take a deep breath before continuing. “I was so surprised and my adrenaline was pumping so hard that I just reacted without thinking. Before I realized it, I’d pulled my weapon and fired. It was pure luck that he happened to be armed. I didn’t even see the gun until it fell out of his hand.”
“I’m so sorry,” Kinsey said, eyes welling with tears. “But you can’t blame yourself for that. It could have happened to anybody.”
“Maybe. But the one thing they tell you in the police academy was watch your backdrop. Bullets usually don’t stop when fired point blank into a body. And mine certainly didn’t. I found a hole in the pathetically thin door to the convenience store so I checked it out. On the floor behind the counter was the clerk with… with my bullet in her chest. She died in my arms before help arrived.”
“Oh, God,” Kinsey whispered and wrapper her arms around me. I drew on her strength and compassion for a moment before I continued.
“It was ruled a justified homicide for the perp and an accident for the clerk. After a month’s paid leave, I was allowed back as though nothing had happened. But my life’s been on a downward spiral ever since. I still want to make a difference in this w
orld, but I’m afraid to be a cop. So much that I got myself stuck on parking detail for the past year.”
“And now you’re trying to shake things up by going for detective?”
“I thought maybe I could start over as a detective. Maybe it would turn my life around. But with my record, my chances aren’t good even if I was willing to transfer.”
“So, you’re stuck,” Kinsey stated.
“I’m stuck,” I agreed. “I’ve worked hard to get past what I did to that girl. I’ve made amends after amends. And while I’ve been able to find some balance, I’ve never been able to forgive myself. And I don’t think I ever will.” I shook my head and gave my sister a strained smile. “Huh. Guess I was going to talk about it after all.”
“Whatever happened and whatever will happen, I love you, Jake. And you’ll always have a place with my family and I,” Kinsey said with a warm smile. She grabbed my arm. “Maybe you need to get back to basics. Let’s go see the Kingdom.”
Our glade, like the home, remained unchanged. But unlike that miserable building, the Kingdom held its feeling of home and safety. The trees outside had felt oppressive and imposing, but the King stood protectively over us. Even the heat seemed just a little less suffocating.
“Just like I remember it,” Kinsey said. “I wonder if anyone ever found this place.”
“Dunno. Probably Carlo did eventually. Do you know what ever happened to them?”
Kinsey shook her head and grinned at me. “You never did get into roll playing games much, did you?”
“Not as much as you,” I said with a smile. “I had fun in those games you ran me through, but I just never really could get into the fantasy stuff.”
“You don’t know what you’re missing,” Kinsey said as she sat at the base of the tree, a look of nostalgia on her face. “Hannah and I try to play with friends at least once a month.”
“Your wife’s got a lot more imagination than I do, Kin,” I said, my eyes finding the stream I used to love so much. Kinsey stared at the battered old book in her hands as a silence fell over us. On that particular day, even at nine in the evening, there was enough light for Kinsey to start reading her copy of 1984 as she leaned against the King. The ancient cherry was already in full bloom, many of its thinner branches so full of white flowers that it looked like giant white fingers were reaching protectively over her.
I hadn’t realized how much I missed the old stream. It babbled lightly, and I could see it teeming with life. Freshwater shrimp darted back and forth, tiny fish swam lazily. Little insects buzzed over the top of the stream looking for a quick drink, all the while trying to dodge hungry fish. Fireflies were coming out, little creatures that flashed in and out of existence. It was strange how the rest of the forest seemed almost dead and yet the Kingdom was bursting with life.
The sun was falling, casting its failing light as a brilliantly colored blanket over the Kingdom and its occupants. Intoxicating perfumes of spring blooms were still heavy on the evening air. I could see the moon through the canopy, a stunning blue-white orb that pierced the evening sky.
I was so mesmerized by the moon I almost didn’t noticed the spectacle from the corner of my eye. Fireflies are beautiful golden motes that are flash on and off in a heartbeat. But my peripheral vision caught a pure, constant white light. When I looked over, it was gone.
“Did you see that?” I asked.
Kinsey didn’t look up from her book. “See what?”
“That light. It looked like a flashlight or something.”
Kinsey looked up for that. She stood and walked over next to me, looking off into the darkening woods. “I don’t see anything.”
“It was there. I swear it.” I craned my neck, but it didn’t make a difference. The light was gone now. But I so wanted to see it again. “I’m going to check it out.”
Kinsey followed behind me as we crossed the stream then picked our way through the thick brush. Fireflies flashed and buzzed around us as we walked, as though our personal escorts. The little beasties congregated more around us than anywhere else. We went about a hundred yards before I stopped.
“It was about here,” I said. My sister didn’t say anything. She just looked around with the kind of mild interest of someone humoring another. We spent almost a minute searching the area but didn’t see sign of anyone or anything.
“Are you sure…” Kinsey’s voice trailed off. This time we both saw it. About one hundred yards deeper into the woods, a purely pale white light weaved and bobbed lazily without a care in the world. It was mesmerizing. But almost as soon as we saw it, it vanished.
Both of us charged through the wood, running full tilt to get to where the light had been. We tripped and stumbled, sometimes crashing headlong into the underbrush in our desperate dash to find the light. That fascinating, enchanting light.
When we got to its last position, both of us looked around wildly, thirsting for its next appearance. We hadn’t been there for more than a few seconds when it reappeared deeper into the dark woods, again about a hundred yards away.
We charged again, our legs pumping furiously in the now nearly dark forest. Branches tore at us, stumps seemed to erupt out of the shadowy undergrowth. We didn’t care. Clothing ripped and skin lacerated, yet we never noticed. We had to get to that light. It was everything.
Over and over, the process continued until, by pure chance, my foot caught something. Branch, root, vine, I don’t know. All I do know is I crashed head first into an oak. Kinsey didn’t notice. She continued to the last place she saw the light, oblivious to my disappearance.
As I lay there, tasting the strange mix of dirt and blood, I suddenly realized we’d been running blindly into the now completely dark woods. It was like waking up from a nightmare. The insidious kind of nightmare that didn’t scare you until you awoke to realize just how terrifying it really was. While we were in the nightmare, that light was everything. We simply weren’t capable of discerning our strange behavior or our unnatural obsession with finding that light. But after a hell of a smash to the head, I was acutely aware.
“Kinsey!” I shouted from my position. I could see her about thirty yards ahead, her head twisting around in a wild search for the next light. She was completely oblivious to my absence. I wasn’t a part of her world anymore. Only that light was. She turned franticly looking for the glowing white orb that was strangely absent. She was in a dream-like state just like I had been. I had to wake her up.
“Kinsey!” I shouted again. She still didn’t hear me. She just continued her desperate search of the woods around her. “Kinsey!” I bellowed as I got to my feet and rushed toward her.
As soon as I got to her, I grabbed her arms screaming for her to wake up. Almost at the same time, that white light appeared further into the heart of the forest. Kinsey rushed toward it with reckless abandon, tearing free of my grip. My sister was always strong, but trying to hold her back was like trying to hold a freight train. She’d never had that much power before.
I was scared. No, I was fucking terrified. There was something wrong with her, and there had been something wrong with me. That light kept taking us deeper into that forest where the darkness and wilds would swallow us. If I didn’t wake her up soon we may never find our way home. Hell, with that damned unnatural glowing orb, I wondered if we’d even still be in our world.
I didn’t bother to shout at her this time. She was completely out of it. Ignoring the pure stupidity of running through a dark forest, I charged after her. She was moving fast, but I have longer legs. Kinsey only got thirty yards before I dove and wrapped my arms around her legs. She struggled and kicked to get away like an animal desperate to free itself from a trap, but never spoke. Her eyes were locked where the glowing light had been. Her face was frozen in desperate hunger to catch that elusive light.
Arms and legs flailed at me so furiously that I had to sit on her. Kinsey twisted, bucked, and rolled, struggling far more effectively than she’d ever been able to do before.
It was like sitting on a wild bull. I screamed at her to wake up. WAKE UP! But just like before, she was oblivious to me.
I remembered my head straightened out after smacking it into a tree. And as much as she struggled, her head remained relatively still as she watched the light’s last location. I balled up my fist and drove it hard onto her temple.
Hitting people in practice requires pulling the attack with such precision that you don’t harm your opponent. Hitting someone in a street fight means using only enough control when targeting their soft-spots that you don’t kill them. Unless that’s your intention. I hit her with the intention of clearing her head. But when her eyes rolled back into her head and she went slack I realized I’d hit her too hard. Luckily, her eyes opened a few seconds later. The wild look was gone.
“Why are you sitting on me?” Kinsey asked groggily. Almost the instant she’d asked the question realization registered on her face. I knew I didn’t have to answer. Now she was just as terrified as I was.
“We have to get home,” I said. I got off her and offered a hand to help her up.
“Where is home?”
I didn’t bother to answer. I had none. The glowing light was gone, but that was about the only good news we had. Neither of us knew which direction home was. Heavy trees and thick darkness pressed in from every direction. We couldn’t see much more than a few feet away. The canopy was stunningly thick and the few breaks in the canopy showed dense black clouds that hid the stars away.
I decided to do the one thing that you’re never supposed to do. Pick a direction and walk. I thought knew the general direction of the house, and with the lights on, we just needed to pass close by to see it through the trees.
The moment we started moving I started getting that itch that meant my decision was wrong, and the itch got worse as we continued. Hundreds of stories flashed through my head. Stories of people who got lost and were never found again doing just what I decided to do. It was a rookie gamble that rarely paid off and I was doing it on purpose.
A New World Page 2
