by McKayla Box
I launch my drink at them, covering them both in what's left of my vodka and Sprite. Athena screams and shuts her eyes, stumbling backward. Shanna turns away and stumbles.
I tackle her and take her down to the sand. I get her hair in my hand and shove her face into the sand. “You fucking did it!”
Hands are pulling at me and lifting me off of her, but her hair is in my hands and I'm not letting go. I jerk her head up with me as I'm being pulled up and she screams.
“You fucking did it!” I yell again.
Someone stronger than me is prying my fingers from her hair and then I'm on my feet. Gina is in front of me, between me and Shanna. Some guy I don't recognize is holding my arms and I can't wrangle free of him.
“You crazy bitch!” Shanna says, sitting up in the sand. Half her face is covered in sand, my drink having created a paste on her cheek. “You crazy fucking bitch!”
I look at Athena who is still wiping at her eyes. “And you're next!” I try to get loose, but the guy is stronger than I am and he holds me in place.
“Chill,” Gina says. “Just chill.”
“You want me to chill?” I say to her. “Are you fucking kidding me? First she drugs me, now this? I will not fucking chill!” I look at Shanna. “I am going to fucking kill you!” My chest is heaving and I can't catch my breath.
Shanna gets to her feet and brushes the sand from her face. “You are such a fucking drama queen. I don't know who took that picture of you. I just shared it because I thought everyone needed to see how nasty you are.” She looks me up and down. “Not my fault you let people take pictures of you like that.”
I scream and lunge, but the guy still has hold of me. Gina pushes back on my chest.
“Seriously,” Athena says. “If you don't want people to see what a skank you are, maybe don't let your boyfriend take pictures. Like it's our fault.”
My lungs are burning and I'm shaking. I want to grab each of them and throw them into the fire.
“Come on,” Maddie says in my ear. “We'll take you home.”
I look around. Everyone on the beach is standing there. Looking at me.
And checking their phones.
It doesn't matter that it's not me.
The perception is already that it is.
I'm the girl in the picture and I'm not going to be able to do anything about it. It's out in the world and there's no pulling it back. It doesn't matter who did it.
It's done.
The tears start welling in my eyes and the last thing I want is for them to see me cry, to see that they've gotten to me.
I look at Maddie. “Okay. Take me home.”
She studies me, then nods. “Okay.”
I shake free of the hands holding me and, for a moment, I consider charging both of them again.
But I know it won't change a thing.
Instead, I turn and walk away from them and let the tears pour out of my eyes on the way to the car.
THIRTY SIX
I cannot look anyone in the eye.
It's the next morning and I'm at school. Maddie and Gina picked me up, but we don't really talk on the way. They each hug me and head to class. I'm standing at my locker and I'm afraid to look anywhere but inside of it. I can't imagine how quickly the picture spread overnight. I assume it went out like a brushfire with no one to fight it. There will be fewer people that haven't see it than have.
I mess with the books in the back.
It doesn't matter that I know the truth. It doesn't matter that I know it's a Photoshopped picture of my face on someone else's body. It doesn't matter that it's a just a picture of me supposedly naked. It'll be sexualized. It'll be treated like I've done something wrong.
And it won't go away.
I think about making it my mission to figure out who did it, but I'm not sure what the point is. It could be Shanna or Athena or Derek or someone I don't know. There's nothing to do if I get the answer. The picture doesn't go magically away.
The internet is forever.
A hand touches my shoulder and I jump.
“Sorry,” Trevor says. “Didn't mean to scare you.”
I don't turn around. “It's okay.”
He leans around me and kisses me on the cheek. “You okay?”
“Nope.”
“Jake just punched a kid in the parking lot who was looking at it,” he says. “That make you feel better?”
I snort. “No.”
“I think I broke a finger,” Jake says. “Show some gratitude.”
I turn around. Brett and Jake are both standing behind Trevor. Jake holds his hand up. One of his fingers is red and swollen.
“Maybe don't punch people,” I say.
He looks at Trevor. “Her telling me not to punch people is kinda hilarious.”
I can't help but laugh.
When I got home, I called Trevor. He'd already seen it and he knew it wasn't me. He asked if I wanted him to come over. I told him I did, but that my dad was home and it wasn't a good idea. So we talked for an hour and I cried and told him everything I was worried and mad about. He listened and asked me what I wanted him to do. I told him there was nothing for him to do, but it made me feel a little better that I at least wasn't having to convince him that the picture wasn't me.
“I'm gonna go find Morgan,” Brett says. “See you clowns later.”
“Derek?” I say. “Why's he going to find Derek?”
Trevor shrugs. “Make sure he doesn't have an interest in photography.”
I shake my head. “It doesn't matter who did it.”
“The fuck it doesn't,” Trevor says. “If he did it, then he'll pay.”
I frown. “This isn't a movie. Don't be stupid.”
“I'd love to punch that asshole,” Jake says.
“Stop,” I say. “Both of you. There doesn't need to be any punching. The bigger deal I make over it, the longer it's going to stick around. It's out there. It's not me. I can't change what people think.”
“I can,” Trevor mutters.
“No, you really can't,” I tell him. “You can run around here, beating the crap out of everyone, and it won't make the picture disappear. And what could it possibly get me? An apology? What good does that do?” I shake my head. “I don't want even want that from whoever did it.”
The bell rings and I turn and close the door to the locker.
“It's not okay,” Trevor says.
“No shit it's not okay,” I say. “But you know what's not okay, either? People are looking at me like I've done something wrong, but I haven't. Even if that thing was real, I wouldn't have done anything wrong. It's a picture of someone's naked body. Why the hell should that make me feel like I've done something wrong?” I frown at him. “I'm thinking I should take a real picture of myself and put it out there. Fuck everyone. I'm not embarrassed of what I look like and it doesn't say anything about me that I'm ashamed of.”
“Don't do that,” Trevor says.
“Why shouldn't I?” I say. “I'm serious. Why shouldn't I? How does it change who I am? I'm sick of people treating girls like shit because they show up in pictures like this. It's bullshit.” I look down the hallway. “Maybe I should just take my clothes off now and go to class naked.”
“Don't,” Trevor says.
“Why not?”
“Because I don't want everyone seeing how hot my girlfriend is,” he says. “Then I really would have to start kicking asses because they'll all start hitting on you.”
I can't help it.
I laugh again.
But I mean what I say.
It's all bullshit and I shouldn't be hiding in my locker.
I sling my bag over my shoulder. “I'm going to class.”
“We're walking with you,” Trevor says.
Jake nods.
“You don't have to,” I tell him. “I'm fine.”
“Has nothing to do with you being fine,” he says. “I know you are.” He takes my hand. “We're just gonna make sure you get there fu
lly clothed.”
THIRTY SEVEN
“You look exhausted,” I say.
It's the next morning. I make it through the school day just fine. Shanna won't look at me in art and that's just fine. I have a paper due in English, so that keeps me at home, and I end up going to bed early.
But it looks like my dad stayed up all night or something. There are dark circles around his eyes, his hair is a mess, and he's moving slowly.
“Mmmm,” he says, sitting down at the table across from me. He holds the coffee cup to his lips, sips from it, then sets it down. “Was a late one.”
“It's been a lot of late ones,” I say, finishing my eggs. “I think you need a night off.”
He frowns. “No such thing, I'm afraid.”
“Is this all Trevor's dad?”
He takes another sip of the coffee and leans back in his chair. “Mostly, yeah. He's got some new things in play and I'm just trying...to get everything in order.”
I think about the conversation I had with Maddie. “Is it the app thing?”
He raises an eyebrow. “And how would you know about any app thing?”
“Just...conversations.”
“From Trevor?”
I shake my head. “No.”
He squints at me, like he's trying to read my mind.
I hold my hands up. “Forget I asked.”
“It's not that you asked,” he says. “It's that you know. There's a lot of...secrecy around some deals because they require it for a number of different reasons. I'm wondering how something like that might leak out.”
“I'm not trying to get anyone in trouble,” I say. “I was just asking a question.”
He frowns. “Hmm. Alright.”
“But this is what's keep you up at night?” I ask. “And away from home all the time?”
“He's got a lot of irons in the fire,” he says. “And I'm sort of in charge of the fire. Which is a good thing because the fire is making us a lot of money. But it's also a lot of work.” He pauses. “And I'm sorry I haven't been home. I feel bad.”
“It's okay,” I tell him. “I know you had to do what you have to do.”
“Still. Hopefully, one of these nights, I can actually be at home and we can have a normal dinner,” he says. “And watch a movie. Or fall asleep early.”
“It's okay, Dad,” I say again.
“And go car shopping,” he adds. “I know we've put that off. But we'll get to it. I promise.”
“It's fine,” I tell him. I pick up my empty plate and take it to the sink. “Do you want me to make you something to eat?”
He shakes his head. “No, I'll grab something on my way in. How are you, Pres? Really. How are you?”
I rinse the plate and put it in the dishwasher. “I'm okay.”
“Just okay?” he asks. “I feel like I know nothing about what's going on in your life right now.”
“It's just school stuff,” I tell him. “Nothing exciting.”
“We need to start looking at schools for you,” he says. “For next year.”
“I know.
“Any ideas?”
I shake my head. “Not really.”
“Well, start getting some,” he says. “Make a list. We'll go visit.”
I want to ask when, but I don't want to make him feel guilty. I know he means well, but it's hard to envision him getting free from work long enough to be able to drive or fly somewhere to check out a college.
“Okay,” I tell him. “I will.”
He finishes his coffee and stands up. “Okay, good. I need to get a move on. You want me to drop you?”
“Maddie's coming,” I say. “I'm covered.”
“Where's Bridget been?”
With a psychopath.
“Just...busy,” I tell him. “But I'm covered. Go.”
He walks over and gives me a hug. He kisses the top of my head. “I miss talking with you.”
“I'll be here,” I tell him. “When you get a break.”
He lets go and grabs his car keys from the table. “Let's hope that's soon. Real soon.”
THIRTY EIGHT
“I think we should kidnap her,” Gina says.
“Yeah,” Maddie says. “Hold her hostage.”
It's Friday night and we're at The Hump. We each are holding a red cup, but I'm not drinking because I'm driving Maddie's car. I feel guilty that they've been hauling me around and I never have to worry about staying sober. So I've volunteered to just drink Sprite all night.
“We can't kidnap her,” I tell them. “What would that do anyway?”
“We could deprogram her,” Gina says. “Just tie her to a chair and get her to spit it all out.”
“I think you've been watching too many really bad movies,” I tell her.
“It's just gonna have to play out,” Maddie says. “We can't force her to do anything.”
I nod because I think she's right.
Gina makes a face. “I don't like that answer.” She looks around. “I might have to kiss a boy to make myself feel better.”
“I mean, there aren't many boys left that you haven't kissed,” Maddie says.
“You say that's like a bad thing,” Gina says. “It's like I'm collecting data on all of them.”
We all laugh.
“Where's Trevor tonight?” Maddie asks.
“They were gonna surf,” I tell her.
Gina shakes her head. “I cannot tell you how weird it is that you guys aren't attached at the hip.”
“Why is it weird?”
“Because that's what people do in high school,” she answers. “They act married before they actually are.”
I shake my head. “We aren't like that. We talked about it. Neither of us wants that. We want friends. And we don't want drama.”
“Whoever would've thought that Trevor Robinson was...a grownup,” Maddie says. “Never would've guessed.”
Gina lifts her cup in the air. “So you're telling me that if you went over to that group of junior boys over there by the fire and struck up a conversation, he'd be fine with it?”
I look at the boys. “No. Probably not.”
“And you'd be fine with him striking up a conversation with that snooty looking sophomore over there?” Maddie says, pointing.
I follow her finger.
“Oh, hell no,” I say.
They both laugh.
“But that's different than letting us each spend time with our friends,” I tell them. “I like hanging out with you guys. And he has Brett and Jake.”
Maddie leans in close. “What do you think those three talk about?”
“Same shit we do,” Gina says. “Girls. Food. Fucking.”
We all laugh.
Gina stands up. “Alright. I'm gonna go find some virgin lips.”
“Wait,” Maddie says, standing with her. “I'll come, too.”
“Ohhhhh,” Gina says. “Threesome. Now there's an idea.”
“I meant I would come with you to look for boys,” Maddie says. “I'm not putting my tongue in your mouth.”
“Yet,” Gina says. She looks at me. “Wanna come? You can supervise or something.”
I shake my head. “No. You two go have your fun. I'll find you later.”
Gina grabs Maddie's ass and Maddie jumps.
“Let's go, hottie,” Gina says. “If I can't find a boy, I'll kiss you.”
“Not in your wildest dreams,” Maddie says.
I laugh and watch them make their way down the sand. I finish the Sprite in my cup and stand up, brushing the sand from my legs. The wind is cold off the water, the warm nights having morphed into much colder ones. I pull the hood on my hoodie over my head and walk past the first, then up the sand.
The beach is filled with kids, some making out, some drinking, some chatting. I wave at a few people, but mostly keep to myself. When I reach the point, I see Bridget coming at me. Her head is down and she's walking quickly.
“Hey,” I say when she reaches me.
She looks up startled. It takes her a moment to realize it's me. “What?”
I sigh. “Nothing. I just saw you coming and thought I'd say hi. My mistake.”
She looks at me like she doesn't understand the words I'm saying. “Why aren't you with your boyfriend?” Boyfriend comes out like it's a bad thing.
I start to answer, but I realize I don't want to fight with her. I shake my head and keep walking. Saying nothing is the best option I have.
She doesn't say anything and she doesn't follow me.
I'm almost out to the point when I see people walking toward me. I tuck my chin down against the wind and shove my hands into the pocket of the sweatshirt.
“Lookie here,” a familiar voice says. “She came looking for me.”
I don't have to look up to know the voice belongs to Kane Tressle.
THIRTY NINE
I can't keep walking because he and his two goon-like friends are blocking my path. I turn around to head back where I've come from, but he scrambles around me and blocks my path in that direction.
“Why you in such a hurry, sweetheart?” he says, smiling. “You just found me.”
“Wasn't looking for you,” I say. “Get out of my way.”
He chuckles. “Come on. It's nice and quiet down here. Let's have a little fun.”
The hair on the back of my neck stands up and I palm my phone inside the pocket. “Get out of my way.”
“Where's your boyfriend?” he asks. “Isn't he normally trailing behind you?”
“He's back up the beach,” I lie.
He studies me for a moment, then shakes his head. “Nah. If that asshole was here, he'd be with you.” He smiles. “It's our time, sweetheart.”
The two guys behind me laugh.
I changed tactics.
“Where's Bridget going?” I ask.
“Don't worry about her,” he says. “It's just me and you now, honey.”
“You done with her?” I ask. “Used her and now you're done with her? Just like we all told her you'd do?”
He laughs. “Oh, you wish, honey. Bridget is just fine. Maybe a little upset tonight, but she'll be back.” He grins at me. “Trust me. She'll be back.”
“Good to know,” I say, then take a step around him.
