by Dana Burkey
“Max, what’s going on?” This time, her words were different. Her voice was filled with so much caring and concern that I was shocked for a second. I had seen Nicole as a coach, but never a friend, like I did Tonya after our moment during TNT Force Camp right after I joined the gym. Tonya was there for me in such a big way when I felt like I would never fit in with other cheerleaders. Nicole, on the other hand, always seemed to have a wall in place. Her voice told me that wall was coming down, and she was really worried about me.
“I just have a lot on my mind.” It felt like the safe thing to say.
“Can I ask,” Nicole began slowly, as if doubting her words even as she said them. “Is this about your mom?”
Bringing up my mom in that moment was not what I expected. I stared at Nicole, feeling my heart constricting in my chest suddenly. Sure, I wasn’t upset at that moment because my mom was dead, but hearing Nicole bring it up was like a punch to the gut. It had been a little while since I felt it so strongly, even though there were constant memories every day. After the ache in my chest subsided, I realized I needed to clear things up. I had bad days where missing her was all I could think about, but to lie and say that it was the cause of why I was in a less than happy mood didn’t feel right.
“It’s softball,” I finally admitted. “There’s a coach for a really good team that wants to see me catch for his daughter at the next pitching clinic. It’s the last one before tryouts, so it’s my chance to really show him what I’ve got.”
“That’s nothing to worry about,” she said with a smile. “Based on what your dad was telling me you're even better at softball than you are at cheer. And that’s saying a lot.”
“I’m not worried about doing well,” I went on before I could chicken out. “I’m kind of worried because the last clinic is on Tuesday. If I want to go to the clinic, then I need to go late to Summit. I wouldn’t be able to get there until later in the day on Wednesday.”
After I spoke it was silent between Nicole and myself. She pursed her lips, and in that moment I could tell she was deep in thought. But, what I didn’t know was what she was thinking. Was she about to tell me she was disappointed in me? Was she about to tell me to skip Summit? Was she even going to talk? It felt like an hour passed before she spoke to me finally.
“I understand your worries, Max,” she began at last. “You’re still new here to the gym, and I know you used to play a lot of other sports. I think that’s what keeps you going and pushing. You have a competitive drive that I haven’t seen in a lot of other athletes so soon after them joining the gym. But I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that you still want to participate in other sports.” She paused, thinking and choosing her words once again. “I can’t make you be there for those first few days at Summit. I honestly think you will be fine to get on the stage and perform without attending the practices on Wednesday. You’re a great athlete, and I have all the confidence in you. But what I’m worried about is all of them.”
I turned with Nicole and looked at the girls on the mat. The girls in purple practice uniforms were stretching, chatting, and getting ready for the two hours of workouts to follow. There were only a few girls on the team I would call friends since I was used to spending all of my time with Blast or the athletes in my stunt class. But, looking at them, I knew what Nicole meant. They were counting on me. And not just them. All my friends on Blast were counting on me as well.
“We have some athletes at this gym that have been dreaming of going to Summit for years,” Nicole continued. “Girls that had been so close so many years, and are only just now finally getting to go. Not to mention the girls that leave after this year. We have 4 girls on Fuze that won’t be cheering with us after this season. For them, Summit will be their last performance with the TNT. So when I think about you missing even a second of the time leading up to Summit I wonder what they will say.”
“Do they have to know?” I asked, the words slipping out before I realized I wasn’t just saying them in my head.
“I think so,” she said slowly with a nod. “I guess that’s it really. If you can take the time tonight and let Fuze know, and then find a time to let Blast know, then the choice will be up to you. The girls might be mad, or upset, or maybe they won’t mind. But if you can stand there and tell them everything, then the choice will be yours to decide. I can’t force you to be in Florida on Monday night as planned. I also can’t be upset at you for wanting to do softball. You are important to us here at the gym, but you are more than just a person on a team. We care about how you feel, and whether or not you are happy as well. And if you miss a little of Summit, we can only be thankful that we have you here as a part of the gym family for the stuff that’s important.”
Nicole’s words weighed heavy on me as I began practice with Fuze. Juleah, Petin, and Erin kept me in the air for every stunt, I landed in the right spot for every tumbling pass and managed to get every dance move right all evening. Somehow, I even managed to keep a smile on my face while performing to make it all look how it would on the stage at Summit. But, behind my smile, I was freaking out. Could I really tell these girls that I was going to miss out on a part of Summit for a chance to play on a team? That I was going to miss important practice time in hopes of impressing a coach that I only met once? How would they react to me putting cheerleading second to softball, during the biggest competition of the year for their team? How was I going to tell them, and then still have the guts to tell my teammates on Blast as well?
As the practice finally ended, we circled up and sat on the mat while drinking from our water bottles. Looking around I saw that every girl looked the same in so many ways. We all had on our black tank tops with the glittery purple TNT logo, purple shorts, and of course our purple ombre cheer bow in our hair. Everyone wore the same cheer shoes, drank from the same water bottle, and had the same cheer bag waiting in their cubbies. It was odd to think how different we looked and acted than any other team I had been on. At soccer, basketball, or baseball we would dress alike for games. But those practices were always just no big deal. At those practices, I would work hard, try to work well with my team, and then go home. Even after three years living in Texas, I didn’t have a lot of people I felt close to on other team sports. But at cheer, I walked in and was welcomed. After a few weeks of struggling to fit in, I realized that people cared about me. I had gained so many friends on Blast, and even though I was new, the girls on Fuze were genuinely excited to see me and practice with me every week. The idea of having to stand up and tell them that softball was more important than getting ready for a massive competition like Summit was the last thing in the world I wanted to do in that moment.
Nicole was telling us about leaving for Florida, what to expect when we got there, and also going over some important reminders before travel. It was not our first out of state competition of the season, but it was the farthest away trip yet, so she wanted to make sure we were all really ready. Although e-mails had been sent out days prior, she went over everything one more time. I knew part of this was likely because some of the older girls on the squad wouldn’t have their parents there for the competition.
“Does anyone want to add anything?” Nicole finally asked after she was done with the important information. Georgina and Liz, the two team captains, gave a quick word about getting rest, then there was silence on the mat.
Nicole's eyes landed on me, but I kept my face a mask. I knew right then that I wasn’t going to speak up. From that moment on I just needed to focus on cheer while I could, and worry about softball later. Too many people were counting on me at the TNT Force gym. Some of the girls around me eventually shared how happy they were for the competition, or gave tips about travel or about things for once we got to Florida. I took it all in, trying to focus on the girls around me and getting excited about the trip. Softball was off the table, so it was time I focused all in on cheer.
“Does this mean you're still planning to arrive on time for Summit?” Nicole asked me
as I was finally walking out of the gym a few minutes later.
“Yeah,” I nodded. “Are you going to tell anyone that I was thinking about missing for softball?”
“No,” Nicole assured me. “Not unless you want people to know.”
“Maybe one day,” I said with a shrug. “But for now, I’m just trying to focus on getting to Summit and doing a good job with my teams.”
Nicole smiled and let me know that my secret was safe with her. And, as I walked away from her, I finally felt good about Summit. Really and truly good. Before then it was like Summit was something I didn’t think my teams were ready for, or it felt like something I didn’t want to go to if it meant I wasn’t going to get to be on a good softball team. But, as I walked with my dad out of the gym I realized that I was going to be competing against the best teams in the world. Not just on one team, but two. Finally accepting everything was making me think less and less about softball. Instead, I could just focus on trying to see the positive in leaving for Summit on Monday with my best friends. I may miss out on a team for softball, but having finally made a decision was a bigger relief than I thought it would be.
Although my dad had told me that the decision as to when we left for Summit was my choice, when I gave him the news after practice on Friday, he was excited, to say the least. I think part of it was because he and the other parents had been planning a treat for all the athletes, and handing out gifts or things to the athletes was always his favorite. For example, on my birthday back in January, my dad got everyone in the gym Happy Birthday Max bows to wear to practice. There was of course also cake for everyone as well, but his real pride and joy was ordering all the matching bows for the girls at the gym. Oh, and he got all the guys birthday trucker hats so they didn’t feel too left out. I thought it was a bit much, but it was all anyone could talk about for a solid week.
“I want you packed and ready to go tomorrow night before you go to bed,” my dad told me Saturday morning as we sat folding laundry. It was raining outside, so for once I didn’t mind helping with the housework.
“Okay,” I nodded, knowing I would likely get it done well before then.
Picking up a sock from the basket of clothing, I was met with resistance. Looking down I realized that while I was absentmindedly folding socks and watching TV, Storm had climbed into the basket and was having a fun time jumping around and chewing on items. He held the other end of the sock in his mouth and was batting at it with his paws. Lightning was across the room sleeping on his cat bed, so thankfully I only had one kitten to battle for the sock.
“What are we going to do with these guys while we’re gone?” I asked, rubbing the kitten's belly as a distraction so I could take the sock from him easily.
“Peter and Kyle said they’re going to come over a few times and check their food and water,” Dad explained between folding beach towels.
“You mean they’ll come over and make sure the cats are okay then spend a few hours playing video games on the big screen TV?”
“Janet said she will come over with them,” Dad said with a laugh, knowing I was right.
The best part about having me for a neighbor, aside from our pool, was that we had a massive TV and every video game imaginable in the basement rec room. I didn’t use the games all the time, but Peter and Kyle more than made up for it when they came over. Hopefully, with their mom joining them to check on the cats they would stay focused and not spend too much time playing around.
The sound of my phone alarm going off got me flying up from the couch immediately. My dad, knowing it was a ‘Worlds alarm,’ just took over sorting socks for me as I raced down the hall to my room. Leaping across my bed, I picked up my laptop and began powering it up. While it booted up I texted Lexi and Halley to make sure they were also watching. Then, once I finally got the screen loaded and entered my password I was greeted with the live feed from the stage at the World Cheerleading Competition. There was a team on the screen performing, and after checking the schedule I had still pulled up on my browsers, I saw that Nitro would be taking the stage in just a few minutes.
“Max?” I heard a voice call out as steps in the hallway neared my room. Recognizing Peter’s voice, I rolled my eyes and let out a sigh. I was instantly annoyed that he was just going to sit and stare at me again, making it so I couldn’t even enjoy watching Connor and the other athletes perform.
“In my room,” I said, although he was clearly heading that way already.
“Wanna go to the movies?” Peter asked me, plopping onto the bed next to me, not even caring that the move made my laptop jostle around. I was laying down flat on my stomach and thankfully was able to hold it in place before it bounced off my bed completely.
“No,” I said, letting out a sigh as I released my grip on the computer to text Lexi who was sending me lots of smiling emoji’s.
“What are you doing?” he asked as if finally paying attention to me and my laptop.
“Watching cheer,” I said shortly without taking my eyes off my phone.
“So watch it later,” he replied.
“I’m watching Words,” I tried again. When he didn’t respond to that I went on. “A few of the teams from my gym are performing this weekend in Florida and I want to watch them on the live feed. Connor’s team is about to go any minute now. He said he was going to message me when he’s off the stage, but I want to actually see everything in real time.”
“Oh goody.”
Peter’s tone was less than happy as he turned to flop down onto my bed so he was resting his head on my pillows. He turned to me, his face partly blocked by my computer. I ignored him, instead focusing on the screen that was showing the last team performing before Nitro. As they finished I hopped up to sit on my knees, no longer able to contain my building excitement.
Watching Nitro as they came out onto the stage, I spotted Connor right away. He was front and center as they got in place for the jump sequence that started the routine. I took a photo of my computer and sent it to his snapchat so he could see it when he checked his phone. Since Matthew was also on stage I sent him the photo as well, knowing it would be fun for him to see. Then, as the team began performing I found myself cheering as if I was in front of the stage with the other athletes from the gym. I screamed and hopped up and down on my bed when stunts landed, I yelled “hit” for their jumps, and even clapped along to the dance section that ended the routine. Finally, once they held their final poses I jumped up off my bed and hopped in place while cheering! Aside from one small stunt bobble they performed a perfect routine, all but ensuring that they would make it to the next day of competition.
“Are you done yet?” Peter asked, startling me. For a minute I forgot he was even in my room.
Turning away from him I took a photo of myself with a massive smile on my face and sent it to Halley, Lexi, and Connor on snapchat. I did my best to not show all of my hair, mostly to avoid the wrath of my friends. I also took a selfie so my computer could be seen in the background, but when I saw the grumpy look on Peter’s face I deleted it before I could send it out.
“So, are you done?” he asked again.
Shooting him a glare I sat back at my computer and checked to see what team was on stage. They weren’t in Nitro’s division, so I wasn’t too interested. I knew it would be a few more hours until Gwen and the other athletes on Bomb Squad would be performing, so I closed the laptop and finally looked at Peter.
“You’re annoying,” I said to him, not sure how else to express myself other than stating the truth. “Worlds is going on, so I need to stay here to watch updates.”
“Seriously?” he asked. “You’re really going to not do anything all day just to find out how people do? Can’t you like just check after it’s over?”
“Yes,” I nodded. “But I’m not going to. I have to pack for Summit today and finish a paper for English that’s due while I’m gone. Even if I didn’t have all that, I would want to stay home to watch Worlds. It’s bad enough I’
ll probably be in the air during the finals and won’t find out if Nitro wins until I land Monday night.”
“What about the other teams at your gym? You don’t care if they win?”
“I care,” I assured him. “I’m watching their routines too. Connor is one of my best friends though, so I especially need to show support for him.”
Peter rolled his eyes then stood up from my bed. When he made it the door he turned around and leaned on the door frame. I waited, but when he didn’t do or say anything I sat down on my blue comforter and looked at my phone. Lexi was sending me snapchat responses, and Halley was sending me every emoji she could to express her excitement. Hearing Peter clear his throat, I looked up from my phone just as a new text came in from Skyler who had also just watched Nitro perform.
“What?” I asked with a sigh. “Can’t I just watch cheer and stay home if I want to?”
“I guess,” Peter said slowly. “I just wanted to hang out with you before you leave for Florida.”
The lack of attitude in his tone had me confused. It sounded like he was being sincere. I set my phone down and looked at him, waiting for him to say more. When he didn’t I finally spoke.
“Why didn’t you come over all this week if you wanted to hang out with me?”
“I had stuff I was doing,” he shrugged. “But I’m free today and I thought we could go see a movie or something.”
“Well, I have stuff going on here,” I said, waving my arm through the air as if pointing out my clean room made it obvious. “You can hang out, but I’m going to be watching cheer a lot. And I’m going to be texting people about Worlds too. It’s kind of take it or leave it.”
I waited, expecting him to walk out or make a comment about how stupid watching everything live was. But instead, he simply pulled out his phone. He sent a text, that I could only assume was to let either Kyle or his parents know he was staying at my house, then stood up from his leaning position and rubbed his hands together.
